Butch Femme Planet - What makes a Butch "Butch"

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- - What makes a Butch "Butch" (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4978)

Quote:

Originally Posted by AscotButch (Post 789668)

What about, rather than putting any sort of pressure on yourself to define/determine what sort of butch you are, you simply strive to get the best sense of self you can? Perhaps in doing that the butch tumblers will fall into place for you. As I said above, my butchness isn't generally something I even think about because it's simply one aspect of my existence. While I understand how labels are useful in the context of some conversations because they help delineate constructs, for the most part I'm inclined to say, "Fuck 'em."

"I'm curious about something else. You've said that part of what defines butch for you is your "admiration/love for butches". By that do you mean women who present in the physical way that reads butch to you (allowing for the fact that we come in every conceivable shape, size, attire, hair style, plumage, etc), or are you also talking about that energy, in all its permutations, that is endemic to the butch nation? I ask because it's always interesting to me to find out what turns people on. And, probably, I'm nosy.

Finding out what type of butch I am has been problematic for me, so I'm definitely trying to retrain my mind to not label myself...however, when I see someone who identifies as butch....it makes me so happy lol, butches who identify as butch must have some pride there, right?
Lol I really don't know what I meant by my admiration of other butches is part of what makes me butch...more like a brotherhood/sense of belonging feeling? But a butch that really turns me on...will come up and shove me, and if I shove back, which I will lol, my type of hot butch is durable if not stronger than I am. When this butch shaves my head, it digs in rough so I can feel it-roughness is huge for me. Confident butches are super hot. Short hair, baggy clothes...the walk haha. Butches that pack are also a huge turn on. If it didn't freak my gf out, I might pack too. (she also does not pack. I'm lucky we are together in the first place, she likes femmes, but she did like "me".)

And some of the butchness ties into bdsm stuff for me...
So thanks to CheryINYC, I now have this term I can throw around for myself..."submissive butch". I mean, I'm not going to be bossed around or anything, I'm a bit of a switch anyway. I'm five foot nothing, so its hard for me to think someone would take me seriously as a dom, especially since I'm not much of an entertainer.

I love dom butches though. But no degradation/shame, and they can't say "obey me" or "submit"...it would have to be more like.. jeez I donno..."you're going to relax. Stop fighting me. Now." You know, all standing over me and shit daring me to challenge it.
That's one of my wrestling fantasies. Just that firm confidence. So I guess I'm saying the dynamic has to be right. My girlfriend is not into bdsm...it would kill me if we broke up over it, but the incompatibility might be a major problem. Now she's a gentle butch, but she's bigger than me, even though I'm stronger....but, she is a manger :D

I think I'm gonna stop there; hope I actually answered your question somewhere in there lolz

What MAKES me butch???

I was born butch I believe, honestly I do. I fit so well in my butchness it's like being "home". I have the walk, swagger, whatever else you wanna say. I'm just me and I'm butch. I also believe my "attitude" is also what makes me butch to an extent. How I carry myself.
But, I would look like whoopie goldberg in a dress and heels....lmao I can't walk in heels and I look out of place in a dress and makeup. Just don't work for me at all. LOL
No offense to anyone else, butch or not, that can wear feminine clothing, and I completely understand that some jobs butches have calls for them to wear more feminine clothing. Wear what you want when you either have to or want to, the clothing doesn't make you butch......YOU MAKE YOU BUTCH!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by psykbutch (Post 783823)

Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.

I've seen some posts in this thread that have suggested you and your girlfriend have some subconscious interest in the "butch-femme" dance. I don't really understand that, it seems to imply that some type of power dynamic equates a butch-femme relationship :: shrug :: In any case, I think you can also drop the assumption that one of you must be "submissive." There *is* such a thing as just being a bottom, or a receiver, all times, sometimes, or once in a blue moon. It doesn't have to "mean" anything except that you like sex the way you like it. You don't need to put a label on it.

Lastly, you've mentioned a couple of times that you and your girlfriend may be incompatible when it comes to BDSM - I hope you find a way to work it out, to both your satisfaction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by psykbutch (Post 792798)

...snip...

And some of the butchness ties into bdsm stuff for me...
So thanks to CheryINYC, I now have this term I can throw around for myself..."submissive butch". I mean, I'm not going to be bossed around or anything, I'm a bit of a switch anyway. I'm five foot nothing, so its hard for me to think someone would take me seriously as a dom, especially since I'm not much of an entertainer.

You might be surprised... I know a number of tops/doms that hover at the 5' mark. Dominance isn't about size, it's about composure and authority.

Personally, I find it thrilling that I can engage with someone who could throw me across the room, but I know they won't.

Hi -
Just putting this out there, and yes I've struggled with this before...

I just had a medical emergency that will take a few months to heal. I won't be able to do my work (construction ) during that time. I am clear that being "butch" is not limited to what's referred to as "able-bodied people," but FOR ME so much of what makes me feel butch overlaps with my body and what my body does.
So now that I am very limited, I feel sad and scared that I'm not as butch as I was before.
I used to play sports, be super active all day long, run and jump and work and dance and have very physical sex. I just found out yesterday how long this recovery might take. I am worried, even though I know it's silly to think like this. *sigh*

hey dyke. i've felt/feel this. and in no way are your feelings silly. i went through a lot before and after heart surgery. i'm still having to learn how to handle the stress of never being the same. certain things. i've really beat myself up. don't do that to yourself.

i feel like i've lost some of my butch swagger. hurts my ego. and not being able to do what i love, what makes me who i am, ... frustrating.

there's always a new that will take the used to be's place.

because i've delayed the healing both physically and mentally. because i thought i didn't deserve. because i had lost. because i have been so angry. i have not been kind to myself.

be kind to yourself. let's both be kind.

thank you for sharing.

mac