OMG I am mortified and freakin' dyin over here at the same time!!! LOLOL

So sorry for your....well...you know...

*Giving the girls a little squeeze of appreciation*

Beautifully written blog post. You can contact me anytime. Have sponsored more than one agnostic in my day. Even a couple of atheists~

Take care hon.

One day, one hour, one second at a time. Each moment, is a new beginning or can be.

Never give up on yourself. You are a miracle. And even if you do not believe it, I know it and will continue to love you til you can love yourself.

:fastdraq: d'sheriff

It was hilarious, actually...

:)

Hey healthies :)

I haven't posted as much lately...mostly because I've been frustrated and angry and having a little pity party.

So I had my latest doctor's appointment and got my lab results. All is good except that my A1c is up to 7.1 - which is "damage is happening" territory.

Meanwhile I'm exercising faithfully, eating pretty well, dropping weight and frankly looking and feeling better than I have in a long time. The rise in A1c is completely due to going off the Actos....because it may increase the chance of bladder cancer, but it's a darn effective diabetes drug.

So I'm frustrated....because it feels like I'm working hard and doing great and, when it comes to the diabetes, I'm losing anyway.

I'm angry....because it feels like no matter how hard I work it doesn't make enough difference to count....because "other people" can drink soda and eat candy and generally pig out and not have to deal with this disease that would like to blind me and put me in a wheelchair or worse....because I know the judgement is out there in the world that I'm diabetic because I'm lazy or fat or eat garbage, when the reality is that I'm diabetic because of my genetics and all I can do, and only through intense, sustained effort is to moderate the effect of my genetics a tiny bit.

And I'm having a little pity party...because it just isn't fucking fair.

So...my choices, as presented by the doctor:

• go back on the Actos and monitor urine samples faithfully to catch any cancer early if it happens, but recognize it dramatically increases the risk
• double up the glimiperide....which I was hoping to get off of completely because it's the drug that makes me feel sick. It also scares me because it forces the pancreas to produce insulin....which feels a little like I'm whipping a tired horse....something that generally doesn't end well.
• or.....well.....that's it. Those are my choices.

I recognize that in many ways I am fortunate. I have health insurance (with a huge deductible, but still...insurance). I have a good doctor and easy access to medical care. I have the funds to buy healthy food. I have the knowledge of how to cook and eat to maintain my health.

I have it better than many. I know that.

But I also have it worse than many too....who can go eat a candy bar and not have to wonder what it's doing to their eyes, or their feet, or their kidneys, or.....

It is pretty hard to change the view of self. I have pretty bad body dismorphia at times so I have NO idea how big or small I am. I have lost 23 Kilos. that's over 50 pounds.

Unfortunately about 30 pounds of it was not healthy weight loss. It happend when my wife left me and I stopped eating and shook constantly. I didn't eat for almost a month and then anything solid I ate would cause severe pain and come right back up. I had given myself very bad gastritis an on the way to an ulcer.

So I slowly over another three weeks began to be able to eat.

since then I have completely changed my eating habits and I'm in training. I no longer diet. I eat anything I want but I have found I don't really want much. I can't eat nearly close to what I used to and things like doughnuts take hideous. I still love cheese though.

I don't eat shit not because I'm dieting, but because I don't crave them. I have no idea how this happened. I just don't want them.

I went to therapy to address some of my issues in the marriage and found that my biggest issues that were at the core of everything: my depression, stress reactions, binge eating etc all came from a desperate need for space. Because I caretake too much. I then get burnt out and when I got a couple hours to myself I would carbload so drug myself because of my high stress levels.

since I have noticed that my binge eating is purely about exhaustion, I am far more vigilant about ensuring I have down time, by myself, doing wtf I want. I also listen to soothing hypnosis relaxation cds at night when I go to sleep.

I think this is probably why I don't crave anywhere near to what I used to. My driving myself far too hard and caretaking other people till I collapse. Stressing out and trying to control my environment.

I'm now down to a UK size 16 (US 14) and I want to lose one more size.

The only draw back I've noticed is the attention I'm getting. I'm getting sexually harassed more and I'm finding I get a lot of strange reactions from the dyke community. I am pretty girlie but it seemed my weight made the girly bits ok. Now they seem to suspect me of something but I haven't figured out what. No one talks to me when I go to socials. I have to throw myself at someone to get a conversation.

My feelings are getting hurt quite a bit when I go out. People call me intimidating, predatory, that I will eat someone alive... I have no CLUE where it's coming from but the only things that's changed about me is my size and I have a bit more self confidence. And I've lost a wife to divorce, which also puts me in the slightly sad headspace.

I do sometimes wish I was back at a size 20 where I wasn't threatening to people. I won't though because I love the clothes I can get now and it's easier to move around a massage table and work. But I am a bit down about how people are treating me after losing weight and gaining some of my confidence back, that was hard won after being left, let me tell you.

The best thing for losing weight is unrequited lust. IMO.

as I was driving back to Colorado, one of the radio newscaster said something about a recent study of how facebook is upping eating disorders and lowering people's self esteem, yadda yadda ya

welp, it don't have to be that way

we all have ups and downs and beat ourselves up from time to time. You know you doing it to yourself, too. We do take responsibility for our lot in life, at least most of us do here, no?

I have faith in you. If you feel you have stumbled or are not exactly where you want to be at right now... well....

there is a sign at my home group which I simply adore -

If you do not like where you are at...

Do Not Stop.


:)


Keeping coming back and never ever give up, no matter what you may be feeling, experiencing at this moment. Like a soldier I saw at the VA yesterday said to me. Reminding me of this -

Today is a good day to die!
AND a good day to fight.

wooooah!!!

the question is... what are you fighting for, who are you fighting for... or shall ye surrender and give up.

Never!

woooooah!!

One day, one hour, somedays... one second at a time. Each moment can be and truly is a new beginning.
d'who loves her veterans~

wow, honey... this needed to be repeated. In awe of you and the work you put in, not just about your body, but also your headspace

I too have done a lot of 'work' with an excellent therapist after this last break up from hell and the house of lies it was built on. Learned a heck of a whole lot and I am truly grateful for the knowledge. But why o why does learning and growing have to come from such pain?

As for being treated differently, wow... I did not even think that part of why I was being treated differently this last week back in my home state was the weight loss of the last year. From the not eating after my heart break, to the taking active participation in my health, which was part of my healing circle this last year.

I thought it was some new femme pheromone I was exuding.... or something... attracting attention, over and over again, catching someone checking me out and acknowledging that I exist. I am no longer invisible, I think it is that simple. Our wt makes us disappear from most people's radar in this pucked up world we live in. That is reality.

anyhows, I am proud of you HB, and sad that the community you are in is treating you that way. I have to think that they are just terribly human and have compassion for them as well as you. Not one of us is perfect. I take comfort in that. ***there is a philosophical paradox, if you meet the buddha on the road, just shoot him. In other words, none of us are perfect, if they say or think they are, well... they are not, it is utter and complete bullhockey.***

Just sucks green monkey dicks, as Rita Mae Brown once lamented a long long time ago~

Over the last fue months of dealing with on going back troubles and more pain than I care to admit to,tomorrow im going to the top chiropractor in this area.I told my orthopedic about doing that cause I need pain releif thats not based on meds,he wants me in the gym 3x a week but I have to much pain in my tail bone and down my left leg wich is really messing up everything I do.Heck I cant sit for long,stand much,geting out of a chair or going up any amount of stairs is way more than I can handle.I ask about the injections but he says after I give working out and loseing more weight,I really need to reduce or find a way to stop this pain as its causeing me to become a real big pissy grouch wich is so not who I am.To top it off my bad left knee is ding something nasty that hurts bad.I will admit I feel a bit depresed because I really was counting on the ortho to come up with ansers of some kind wich hasnthappened....yes im takeing care of that to and have an app with a counselor.
The good news is I have lost a couple of pounds just doing what I can along with really watching what and how much I eat.

(((((((( Kim )))))))))))

i am so frustrated, same few pounds coming and going and for 6 weeks have done whatever i know how to get it to MOVE off and stay off.

My goal was to be down those 15 pounds by my NOLA trip in June. It isn't happening and i'm completely down about it.

I think you look fabulous! Ride the bike everywhere... I bet you will be dropping the weight by the time you leave now that you can get outside and move.
Be kind to yourself... This is something I keep reminding myself to do...

You got this!

From someone I respect greatly... we were discussing pain and suffering, don't even remember why that was the topic, but this is great way to look at it.

...about change

changing

challenges and everyday stuff

There are 2 ways to grow...


Thru pain because we have to

OR

Thru love because we want to


The decision is ultimately yours


I think this was in reference to my complaining about why o why does pain have to be part of this change process, not even sure which changing process I was talking about. But the truth is resistance is futile. lol...Change is gonna happen. The point I think she was making to me is how we can choose to view that change. Thru the eyes of love and care, or by resisting and arguing, fighting.





...not that pain is always a bad thing, just sayin~

Diabetes runs through my family tree, like watered down sap. It comes from both sides, and so, it was no surprise to me to be diagnosed with it when I was 31 years old. My eldest sister, ten years older than I, had been fighting the disease for about seven years before I was diagnosed. By that time, her diabetes had affected her eyes and had begun to affect her feet and legs. By the time I was 37, she had lost one foot, several toes and her eyesight to the disease. My diabetes was more out of control and took much larger doses of insulin, than she did. She is now 52, and in total renal failure, needing dialysis, three times a week. I was also on medicine for high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

So, knowing, by my sister's example, what was in store for me, I began looking into what options I had. My doctor began pushing me towards gastric bypass. Insulin, while controlling diabetes, also damages your kidneys. He told me that I was too young to be on so much insulin. Anyway, after prayer, alot of back and forth self arguing, I finally decided to go with the bypass, but on my terms. I refused to use the bariatric center he wanted to refer me too, and took it upon myself to find the best doctor and the best medical center. After searching, I settled on the bariatric weightloss center at Hershey Medical center in Hershey, Pa.

I went through a 6 month program, learning about the different procedures that could be done and learning about what would happen after surgery, what and how to eat after surgery. (I lost 91 pounds on my own, 31 of them, during this 6 month period)

I lucked out, was referred to the head bariatric surgeon, and on 12/10/07 I underwent a roux-en-y laproscopic gastric bypass. My pre-surgical weight was 268 and my lowet weight after surgery, was 135. I gained weight back, due to several things, and want to lose about 20 pounds now.

This is not the easiest path to take. The bypass caused me to have my gall bladder removed, to have a bowel obstruction and was, in part, responsible for a massive internal bleed in the spring of 2011.

Now, I am chronically anemic (to the point of needing IV infusions of iron, at times) I am considered chronically mal-nourished and my hemoglobin has a tendency to drop, causing the need for blood transfusions.

I am back to walking 3-5 miles daily but am not allowed to push myself. Anemia=dizziness= a high rish of falls. A high risk of falling + my bloods slowness to clot could = bad bad stuff, so I am limited to 5 miles a day.

In the end, the surgery, though having caused and still causing alot of problems, my daibetes has been completely resolved. All of my A1C's have been normal and I can eat pretty much, a normal diet. I am also off ALL midications, except for vitamin and nutritional supplements. I am cautious about what I eat, and can't tolerate any trans fat, but other than that, I'm doing alright.

This, again, was/is not the easy way to weight loss. It's just a tool that I used/use to reach and maintain a much healthier weight and lifestyle.

My motto, throughout all of this was and is... if I screw up today..I'll start over again in the morning. Like, if I eat a candy bar (it makes me sick to do so.. literally, but damn it... monthly homoromal changes DEMAND chocolate..lol) or I choose to stay in bed instead of walking; instead of allowing that to mess with my head and compound the damage, I simply wipe the slate clean and start over in the morning.

It can be done, no matter what tool you use, all you have to do is resolve to do it.

Also, when I look in the mirror, I still see that 359 pound woman staring back at me. I still look at chairs speculatively, to see if they will hold my weight. I still hold up a new shirt in the store and think, "no way in hell!" but I am slowly beginning to shed that "skin" as well.

Just learn to believe in yourself and it will happen.

Take care and God bless.

Looks like I'm not alone in having a bit of a low point!

I am STUCK at 289. Have been for months. I had gotten down to 284 at one point and have crept...well, no I haven't crept, I leapfrogged back to 289 almost overnight.

I really want to break out of the 280's but have caught myself eating more junk lately and just over all not giving a shit again. I hestitate to say I don't give a shit because I do but it's more about energy. I have had to focus my energies elsewhere lately and didn't realize that it takes a LOT of energy to focus on the self.

Needless to say, nothing to add except a biggo "I hear you" to all of us who are in a lull. I think that fact that I can even come in here and admit it without fear or shame is a huge healthy point for me.

Gotta take what I can get!

I have not been doing anything or actively tracking. Ugh I hate losing my motivation. I am not gaining weight tho, just being stable. I really want to get out and walk/run 4 days a week again. I am going to work on that goal.

A friend of mine suggested Slimquick. It is drink packets you put into water. I am on my 2nd week. I have not had any weight loss with it (surprise, surprise) but! It gives me energy and takes away my bloat. I have nothing but positive things to say about it, and it tastes good. It also helps suppress my appetite. I have noticed a big difference. I am sure if I added some exercise I would see more results!

I have not posted in here for quite a while.

I had not been doing too well myself-just feeling stuck.

Since March 8th as I have posted elsewhere, I have had two major surgeries and at least 3 invasive procedures under general anesthesia. I still have one more to go before hopefully, I will be finished.

I have lost 14 pounds in two months which is a record for me. I would not recommend any of it as a weight loss technique.

I did my BMI this morning and am still overweight for my height. Now at the low end instead of teetering on the upper end but overweight, none-the-less.

It is hard for me to cook for myself now or even to eat. I literally have to force myself sometimes. You would think the weight would be melting off but having virtually zero exercise does not help.

I used to walk 30 minutes in the AM and 30 minutes in the afternoon, plus a series of exercises (including sit-ups) but barely can drag myself from living room to bathroom most of the time. I am trying to get myself to get on the floor to do sit-ups but do fear the pain from my two abdominal surgeries so just keep putting it off. I know I need to just try it and it may be OK.
I used to haves fairly high pain tolerance but it is now pretty low after these last couple of months.

I can't really say I have been eating unhealthfully- well, except for the pint of Ben & Jerry's I ate a week or so ago in lieu of breakfast and lunch for a couple of days. I really hate copping to that publicly but it is the truth.

We all struggle in our own way. All we can do is the best we can and keep on trying.

I will work on following my own advice.

I was told that I was "starving" myself too, from a professional bodybuilder that I had hired as a personal trainer a couple years ago. The idea (he said) was to keep the body burning like a furnace throughout the day, with 6-8 small meals based primarily w/lean protein and low in simple carbs. I did it, but it wasn't easy eating that much (sounds weird, I know)...I mean I was CONSTANTLY eating by the alarm on my watch. One thing I will say, though..is I was rarely hungry eating that way.

For a little motivation
 

This has been a hard week for me. Monday was the ten year anniversary of my dad passing away, so I have been depressed all week. Work is killing me and my soon to be ex roommate is calling me, some not so nice names since I got my braces. As a result, I broke down on Monday and cried for 20 minutes in my boss' office and went to Baskin and Robbins for ice cream. The only person who has supported me this week is Ruff and I'm thankful for hys love and friendship . Once we move this weekend, I will pick my self esteem up and put one foot in front of the other and get back to my happy life!

I found the Carnation instant breakfast shakes are good since I still cannot eat any meat. I have been eating potatoes, soup, Greek yogurt, apple sauce and jell-o for the last nine days.

Hugs to all of you!

Zimmeh

Just posting in here helps a great deal.

Yesterday morning, I rose like Lazarus, off of the couch and did 15 sit-ups plus other exercises.

I am still totally unable to do leg-lifts yet but it is a start and was far less painful than I feared.

Next, is to tackle walking.

Have a good weekend everyone:)

I believe carnation instant breakfast is one of the keys to my success. It help me to never feel deprived...

Instant breakfast... I remember the sugar free version did help, though without milk now, it is not high enough protein for me. But blended with ice it can fool me into thinking it is a shake. And after my surgery, I could literally not tolerate artificial sweetners at all, they hurt my tummy. Which in my opinion was a total G.d thing, as I think that stuff is so bad for us. Today I can tolerate a bit of them, but not much. I usually end up watering them down big time. Or just bypassing anything artificial, in general and on principle. Nice to have principles today, no?

Personally I found a nutritional drink I can simply mix with water and still gives me like 28 grams of protein. Very satiating.

ilikechike.com

http://www.chikenutrition.com/

Those that can still tolerate lactose even get a bigger bang for the buck I suppose. Bottom line I like it, which for me is rare for me, I do not like most of these sweet things. I do not have much of a sweet tooth.

Try the Strawberry. It is my favourite. Sometimes I even add frozen organic strawberries, as I really really love em and they are guilt free indulgences.

Though my mentor, whom I have mentioned several times here, swears by the Orange Creme flavour. I also had a bumper crop of peaches this year, so have frozen peaches, which when I add them to the Very Vanilla makes a killer peach ice cream, I swear. It is amazingly like peach ice cream. Yes, I add a lot of peaches and ice, too. It is good, try it. I hear some folks add greek yogurt, too. And even cook brownies and what not with this stuff. I have not, but I have read those that do. Very cool, imo.

Low glycemic frozen wild blueberries are also great additions. Though I prefer them all by themselves, best thing on earth to me. And totally guilt free, a rare thing these days.


My splurges lately, because of packing up everything and what not... watermelon and clearing out everything in my freezer, which is actually only full of healthy whole foods, mostly organic or free range, grass fed. Expensive but I am worth it :)

I did buy some junk for my road trip, but I am not all that into it. A tiny bit of naughty is not such a big deal, today. The watermelon is a much preferred treat to me these days. I simply know I feel so much better when I eat healthy. It reinforces itself. And it is better to lose slowly but surely, even back slide a bit and get back on track, than to do it super quickly and then see saw back up. I think that sort of thing is very hard on our bodies. We have all done so much damage, totally our own doing. But it does not consign us to doing this or anything the rest of our lives.

I love the fact that we as human beings have Free Agency. We have choices all along the way and it feels good to take responsibility for my choices today, good, bad or indifferent.

Welcome to the new folks here and to the lurkers and thread stalkers. I have had more than one phone call in the past few months that have mentioned they did that, lol. For those that are too shy to post or whatever reasons you may have, that is okay too. As many have said before here... whatever works for you.

Just do it.

and...

Never give up! Each and everyone here is worth it. I love you all, and if no one told you today that they love you. I do, whether you like it or not.

(I hear that everyday at a 12 step group I go to, and the guy that always says it, really means it. And I can honestly say I do as well.)


WWJD?
I really do ask myself this...

the answer is easy.


Love

So I've lost between six and nine pounds (it varies day-to-day but even with the one-step-forward-one-step-back effect, the plateaus are consistently moving in the right direction).

I think six to nine more and I'd be thrilled.

A body is a terrible thing to waste. So is a life. I'm being more careful about what I admit into my realm of existence.

Even though I'm confused most days about the things I'm weighing (no pun intended), I'm certain that it all starts right here, with me.

Syr brought home some organic Chia seeds for me. i said *what the heck do you do with those?* well, apparently a lot!!


I googled several articles including this one, and i started eating them yesterday, so we will see!


What are Chia seeds anyway?
What are the top ten ways you benefit from eating chia seeds?
The top 10 benefits of eating chia seeds seen here are in no particular order. Which one is most important to you? You can expierience all of the following benefits when you order MySeeds Chia.
1. Lose Weight Without Starving
The Chia Seed is a dieter’s dream come true. The tiny, healthy seeds can be made to taste like whatever you want, and their unique gelling action keeps you feeling full for hours. Hunger is a main enemy of real weight loss, and you don’t want to fight it with jittery expensive pills. When a chia seed

is exposed to water, it forms a coating of gel, increasing its size and weight. Since the gel made of water, it has no calories. It’s also difficult to remove from the seed, meaning that it helps your body think it is full, without adding calories!
2. Balance Blood Sugar
Keeping balanced levels of blood sugar is important for both health and energy. Blood sugar may spike after meals, especially if you eat high-starchy foods or sweets. This can lead to ‘slumps’ in your day where you feel tired and out of energy. By balancing your blood sugar, you not only lower your risk for type 2 diabetes, but you also ensure steady, constant energy throughout your day.


But how does the Chia Seed help with this? Both the gelling action of the seed, and it’s unique combination of soluble and insoluble fiber combine to slow down your body’s conversion of starches into sugars. If you eat chia with a meal, it will help you turn your food into constant, steady energy rather than a series of ups and downs that wear you out.

3. Help Prevent Diverticulitis / Diverticulosis
With the abundance of over-processed foods and white flour on the market today, rich sources of fiber are harder to come by. These foods of convenience have contributed to the rise of diverticulitis. Irregularity is a

big factor in this risky condition. To help ensure regularity, you need plenty of soluble and insoluble fiber in your diet. If you don’t want to eat celery, and whole-grain everything…or piles of bran flakes, the Chia Seed is here to help. Each seed is coated with soluble fibers which aid its gelling action. The exterior of the seed is protected by insoluble fiber. The insoluble fiber is unable to be digested (it does not contribute any calories, or break down) so instead, it helps keep food moving smoothly through the digestive process. Soluble fiber, and the gel coating of the seed keeps the colon hydrated and ensures the easy movement of food.

4. Add healthy omega-3 oil to your diet
Omega-3 oil is usually thought of as “that healthy stuff in fish”. But, what if you don’t want to eat fish every day? What if you’re a vegetarian, or simply worried about pollution adding harmful substances to your fish dinner?

Chia is the richest plant-source of this healthy oil. By weight, chia contains more omega 3 than salmon, and it still tastes like whatever you want! Omega 3 oil is important in heart and cholesterol health. It’s also recently been targeted as a weight-loss helper. USA Weekend magazine also reports on a study where overweight dieters who included omega 3s in their eating plan lost 2 more pounds monthly than the control group, who did not.

5. Feel more energized all day long
Don’t want to feel like taking an afternoon nap? Your energy levels have a lot to do with what you eat. Chia is one of nature’s highest plant-based sources of complete protein. Usually protein from items like peanut butter

and some beans are incomplete, meaning you have to combine them with other foods to get the full benefit. Not Chia though, it’s protein is complete to raise your energy levels. The combination of complete protein, vitamins, minerals and blood-sugar balancing gel all work together to make sure you have steady, never jittery energy.

6. Bake with less fat
Do you enjoy making baked goods at home, but hate all the butter and oil that has to go into them? Chia gel can substitute for half the butter in most recipes! The food will bake the same and taste the

same (or better) from the addition of the chia gel. All you need to do is divide the amount of butter or oil in half, and then use the same amount of chia gel to fill in. The anti-oxidants in chia can even help keep the food tasting fresh longer. Everything from cookies to cakes to muffins, pancakes and waffles can be made with chia gel as your butter replacement. Which recipe will become your new favorite?

7. Add age-defying anti-oxidants
Anti-oxidants have been in the news lately due to their super healthy benefits. You know that blueberries and several exotic fruits (that aren’t always in season) have them, but did you know that chia is extremely high in anti-oxidants too? These helpful substances are what makes the Chia Seed stay .

fresh for so long. At room temperature, they’ll stay fresh and ready to eat for over two whole years! And that’s all without a single chemical or preservative. This amazing ability is not found in other seeds like flax or sesame, because those seeds don’t have the same rich anti-oxidant content.
Anti-oxidants help prevent free-radical damage in your body. Free radicals lead to problematic conditions such as premature aging of the skin and inflammation of various tissues. Fight free radical damage by staying fresh and healthy with nature’s anti-oxidant powerhouse


8. Cut cravings for food
Being deficient in minerals or vitamins can create a craving for food. For example, if you’re low on calcium, you may feel compelled to eat lots of cheese and ice cream. This happens because your body knows that cheese is a source of calcium, and it hasn’t been getting enough. But what if dairy and whole

milk are a “Diet don’t”? You can always add calcium to your food by sprinkling on the chia. By weight, chia has more calcium than whole milk. It also has magnesium and boron, essential trace minerals used in the absorption of calcium and other vitamins. By balancing your vitamins and minerals with chia, you can curb cravings that might tempt you.

9. You can pack in more flavorful punch
How can a seed with NO flavor help the foods you already like to taste better? First, because they have no taste of their own, chia seeds will never cover up or add to the flavor of your food. Second, when the seeds hydrate, they magnify the taste of whatever they were added to. Put them in pudding?

Chocolaty! Swirl them into a smoothie? Fruity! The same thing goes with dressings, dips, salsas, sauces and more. These two factors combine to let chia seeds take on the taste of whatever you add them to. They distribute and never dilute, the flavors you love.

10. Save your money
Why should eating less cost you more? You already know diet pills are expensive, and ‘box meal plans’ can run up to $500.00 a month. If you’re buying ‘calorie counting packs’ or other individual portions in the store, you can also end up paying more because more preparation and materials go

into these foods. More than enough chia for 1 month costs less than a dollar a day. You can use as much or as little as you want to achieve your own desired results. There are no preparations required for these simple seeds, not even pesticides need to be used to grow them. They’re always safe and 100% chemical free. A measuring spoon is all you’ll need when you’re ready to take advantage of chia for yourself. It doesn’t get any easier or more inexpensive.

Anya, It sounds like such a hard time, but my sense is that you are moving through it. Would any kind of physical therapy be available or useful to you? I'm glad it's spring and not fall and hope that the slowly improving weather helps your morale a little. I haven't been on the site as much but noticed your post right away. Here's a big hug to you, IslandScout

Jo I don't hear this as a rant, I hear it as a glimpse of the battle you're having with things that hold you back, and I think you're winning.

Also, please don't be sorry; everything you said was completely valid and there are probably others who read it and thought, Yeah, I've felt that way too! And somehow that spreads a little resilience around.

Scout

Mile High Mama's latest share...
 

MileHighMama posted this over on Spark People and I thought it was worth sharing... she has completely blown away her doctor with what she has done with her out of control diabetes and cholesterol numbers. Quite literally she is saving her life, via excellent research and nutritional choices, amoung other things. I am very proud of her and her empowering wise choices along the way on this road less traveled.


"Wednesday, May 23, 2012


"I'd like a side of bacon, please. I'm on a diet"

I said those words today at lunch. They amused the heck out of me because they were so ridiculous sounding... and yet absolutely the truth!! Hah!

Delicious
Ideas
Everywhere
Thankfully

I think I mentioned before that I'm a Realtor. When people ask me what I do for a living, I sometimes tell them I eat. Sometimes it seems like it's true! A busy week with multiple clients can result in multiple coffee dates, 2-3 lunches 'out' and at least one (if not more) dinners on the run! "I eat." That's what I do for a living :)

I thought today how lucky I am to live right now, right here in northern Colorado. I'm not sure about other areas because I haven't traveled since changing my 'diet' for the better, but I have to say that the restaurants (even fast food!) are mighty accomodating to my needs: "Please cook it in butter." - no problem. "I'd like that without a bun and with extra tomato." - no problem. "I'd like to have no english muffin and 2 extra slices of bacon because I'm on a diet." again.. today... "no problem"

Between Wendy's wising up and adding sweet potatoes to their menu, and Carl's Junior's willingness to sell me side orders of a couple of scrambled eggs with bacon and a sprinkle of cheese, and Olive Garden's GF menu and ability to swap in steamed broccoli and grilled veggies for pasta/potatoes/etc... I have it made in the shade!!

At McDonald's just a few days ago, I paused while ordering and then finally said "No, I think the tea will do it for me" and when I pulled around to pay the really nice cashier asked conversationally "Did you have trouble figuring out if you were hungry or not?" I said "No, I'm on a low carb diet and I was trying to figure out if I could make anything work." She replied "Oh, well we can put scrambled eggs and cheese and sausage in a little side dish tray for you, no problem!" I will remember that next time :)

There are really no excuses for living high carb. There are certainly people who 'choose' to live high carb, along with people who choose to smoke and people who choose to bungee jump and drive race cars and ride bulls in the rodeo... and I say more power to them as mature adults. You have the info, you can make your choices any way that it works for you... but the 'excuse' that you eat out a lot or can't cook or don't have time or whatevertheheck you think is preventing you from NOT eating heart-disease producing sugars and grains... well, those excuses don't hold water. At least not here in northern Colorado where the nice folks at all the lovely restaurants and every fast food place I've gone are more than willing to accomodate my requests! "

Living low carb is how I am doing mine as well, with gluten free (for me this was the key) added in...over time I have completely edited out fast food with a few exceptions in an emergency:

• McDonalds scrambled eggs and sausage sides (cool thing its about $2 when you order as sides!)
  
• Carls Junior has a low carb burger on lettuce
  
• Taco Bell two chicken tacos and a side of beans (or two) then scrape the insides of the tacos into the beans and voila! Get a spoon...
  
• Taco Bell tostadas, not the best but the corn doesn't seem to bother me. I would rathe make my own but in a pinch...
  
• Panda Expresss Mandarin Chicken with NO sauce and a side of steamed veggies
  
• I also keep nuts in my car...hehehe...for emergencies. Or will stop at a quickie mart for a bag of almonds or cashews.

I have heard many stories of diabetics who have gotten things under control by going low carb. My boss's husband was one of them. His dr was amazed.

More inspiration and wisdom from Spark People
 

I hear many folks are having some difficulties and want to let you know we have all been there, done that and had our underwears stamped. You are not alone!

I like this blogger, his kindness and introspection I found to be particularly right on for me. Hope it can help another here along this path less traveled.

Remember, never give up. You are worth it. Your health matters.


"The Path To The Holy Grail- Regaining Emotional Balance Part 4 of 5 - Realistic Weightloss Goals
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Friday, May 25, 2012
Thanks for coming along on this rather long blog series. In case you are just tuning in, in short, I have been trying to organize and communicate the reasons I feel why I have been successful. This is not as if I had researched all of this and used my own knowledge to lead myself down this path. There is nothing special or unique about me but rather, like a poor beggar that found a treasure chest, so I now share with you. This treasure is of no value hoarded, it only gains interest when shared liberally. Links to the blog series at bottom.

These ideas are not mine, I just bumbled upon them. If they are not mine, then they cannot be bought or sold but can only be obtained when sought for with the whole heart. This is a price that everyone can afford but not all are willing to pay. I believe they are irrevokable principles that will lead you and I to a better journey. I may fail and totally wash out but these truths will live on. I believe that they are the key to success, the path to our Holy Grail.

What is it that made the difference? None of it involved eating a certain way or following any one particular exercise program or method. Those are all externals... Everything conclusion I have reached has all been internal.

After alot of deep thinking and reflection, it all boiled down to 4 things..

1) Seeking out the things that make for emotional stability (this section has 5 subsets)
2) Food Addiction Recovery ie...drying out
3)Reprogramming My Reward Center and Values
4) Mastering Response-Ability

Part 4 of 5 Seeking Emotional Stability- Being realistic about weight loss goals.

When I first started out, I fell into the trap of setting huge weight loss goals once i got the notion that I actually COULD do it. How true it is that when we start out, we struggle with the very notion that we will do it this time, unlike the other 99 false starts so there are huge mental blocks to be overcome JUST to reach the place where one is ready to step up and give it another tug. Once we experience some success, then the temptation is there to set lofty goals because we have a little faith now.

Does this sound familiar? " Im going to lose 50 pounds in 6 months, just in time for my _____ " (fill in blank) ie.. school reunion, beach vacation, shopping trip etc...

I submit that while it is noble to set such goals as a point of focus, you and I have little control as to the rate at which our bodies will shed fat. While it is true that a certain amount of loss can be forced through starvation, dehydration, or God forbid, laxatives. None of this is healthy and will lead to real problems down the road, all for a temporary number that brings a fleeting sense of accomplishment and approval from those around us when they hear of our "success". I learned quickly that my body works on its own clock.

It took a little while before I came to the realization that the goal of this journey is to lead my body and soul beside the still waters, not beat it into submission. All of the above "sins" I have committed and found that they are of no profit.
Yes, thats right, I have tried to force a number before. My self esteem was all tied up in getting just one more pound closer to happiness because I hated myself and what I looked like. This was further aggravated by weigh ins at the gym where I wanted to please my trainer so badly. It really became a problem when I started marathon training and my weight loss came to a dead stop. I was never pressured by the trainer but rather I wanted her to be proud of me. That I was her "star" client, that I was really a champion and was totally on top of it. We are typically desparate to attain some sort of affirmation that we are succeeding, that we have worth, and that we are just a good as anyone else. Maybe to prove that you are even better than others if you are coming from the angle of low self esteem. You want to prove yourself and earn respect so badly that you will go to extremes to get it...like me.

Yes, this is confession time. I wanted the approval so badly that I abused myself in some instances. Truth is good for the soul. It heals and cleanses.

Finally, I got some real insight that I wanted to share with you.

What would you think about someone who comes into a hospital badly injured, leg broken in 3 places and states that they will heal by such and such a date so they can make it to some long anticipated event. We would tell that person to put those plans on ice. They need to heal and tell them that it may not happen according to their preferred timeline. We would basically say within ourselves that that person seriously needs a reality check. That individual is NOT in control of the process. All the doctors can do is stabilize the patient and create the environment for healing to take place. Outside of that, all they can do is let nature take its course.

If this is so obvious in the physical then why do we try to beat our bodies into submission to meet some ''im gonna lose XXX pounds by XXX date'' goal then beat ourselves up because we couldnt make ourselves do it.

I had to let it all go and realize that the only thing I can do is create the environment through nutrition and exercise, work to sustain that environment, then step back and let it unfold. Let the body heal itself on its own time clock.

Remember, you are leading your body beside the still waters, not trying to beat it into unnatural submission with brute force methods.

If your body does not lose it on its schedule, there will most likely be a backlash of some sort. We create those crazy expectations because we believe that rigid adherence will beget success. We do that because deep down we cannot tolerate yet another failure to meet that expectation. We struggle enough as it is. I cannot think of one time I have ever looked in the mirror at 385 pounds and said to myself "wow dude, you are really a stud!" My viewed image was always met with a sick feeling or no feeling at all because we get to be really good at burying negative feelings. Our hearts and minds can only tolerate so much before some type of defensive mechanism kicks in for the sake of keeping us intact...sort of.

I had to love myself where I was at. Happiness and self love does not come at some magic moment when the number you are seeking for pops up on the screen. When I broke 100 pounds lost, there were no angel choirs singing, no pats on the back, no TV camera interviews wanting to know the secrets of my success. It was all a big non-event. In fact, no one in my world really cared.

Weight loss does not bring happiness. It is the BYPRODUCT of happiness. It is the result of a daily commitment to creating the environment for healing and sustaining it, then stepping back and allowing the magic to happen on its own timeline.

The only thing that you and I can control is the environment that we create. Outside of that, it is out of our hands.

Let it go and love yourself.

Just like the rose cannot be forced to bloom, you cant force your body. Water it with nutrition and exercise, seek to relieve the sources of anxiety that drive the bad habits.

Then, like the rose...Just let it unfold."


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