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A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 survivors; Jim, Tom and Susie.
They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself. It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Jim and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So, they buried Susie. |
First, let me say that I adore history. I read as much as I can about all of it. I just love it!!! :awww:
I was reading an article online today about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. The article was written by Julian Fellowes, the author of the screenplay for the movie, "The Young Victoria", which first came out about three years ago. One of the historical facts that this movie aimed at bringing out was the fact that Queen Victoria had a wonderful sense and appreciation for humor, particularly during the earlier years of her life and during the happy years of her marriage to Prince Albert. We don't commonly associate our image of Queen Victoria as much other than the depressed, dour, straightlaced monarch who is pictured later in her life wearing black and living in near seclusion after the death of her husband, Prince Albert. When Victoria was young, she loved to laugh and had a wonderful sense of humor. The article contains this brief passage about something that happened during a dinner attended by Queen Victoria: "An occasion at Windsor Castle reveals her immense sense of humour. It came during a formal dinner when she was seated next to a frightfully deaf naval admiral who was talking about his ship. During a lull in the conversation, she asked, 'And how is your sister?' The admiral, who had misheard the question and was unaware of the change of topic, replied, 'Well ma'am, I'm thinking of taking her out of the water this summer, turning her over and giving her bottom a good scrape.' Victoria laughed so much that there were tears streaming down her face, which reduced the rest of the table to fits of laughter as well. Eventually, she had to punch herself in the leg to control herself." This kind of stuff tickles me. :superfunny: Gotta love history. :winky: The entire article is here: linkyloo ~Theo~ :bouquet: |
The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!' An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.' |
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'"
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Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable.
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Whenever i feel like exercise i lie down until the feeling passes
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Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard |
A REAL man is a woman's best friend, he will never let her down.
He will comfort her after a bad day at work. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotion's. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, invincible, err....no wait, Sorry, i am thinking of WINE..it's wine that does all that stuff. Sorry Never mind..... |
ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she Probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a Sportsman's Double. 'What's that?' I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. I said, 'No,' - excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. I went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?' .......... |
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright |
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some lukewarm water over it." Wife texts back: "computer completely stuffed now." |
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) |
A wife treats hubby to a lap dance club for his birthday. At the club the doorman says "Hi Jim. How you doing?" The wife asks how he knows him. "Oh honey, we play softball together."
Bartender says "The usual, Jim?". Hubby says "Now before you say anything, he's on my dart league." A lap dancer says "You crave the special again Jim?" The wife storms out dragging Jim behind her and jumps into a taxi. Driver says "Hey Jimmy boy, you picked up an ugly one this time." Jim's funeral is Sunday. |
An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband "Just think honey, we've been married 50 years." "Yes", he replies, "50 years ago we were sitting at this table having breakfast and we were probably naked as jaybirds." "Well", she snickers, "should we get naked for old time's sake?" So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know", the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago." "I'm not surprised", replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal."
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In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and£200 for a female brain..." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used." |
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. 'What's that?' I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. I said, 'No,' - excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. I went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?' .......... |
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Ohhh Yuck!! |
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