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Me: "Wow, I have Sunday off. I'm not going to know how to act."
Her: "What's so different.... you don't know how to act anyway!" |
Hollylane: I couldn't get Chessie to respond to "leave it" or "drop it", so I taught him "givey", he understands "givey" really well!
Gaige: You should teach him the words "Drop it Hon" or "Leave it, Hon", he'd understand that. Hollylane: Why? Because he'd be so appalled by the Baltimore pronunciation of "Hon"? Gaige: No, it would be natural for him, because he's a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. |
"Get your hairy ass out of my face!" wth? I'm way over here, and I'm waxed
(muttering'fucking cats') |
"I tried to fit in all the Big Bangs I could!"
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We are almost done....
You did really good....however, Your tongue really fought me today........ You have a really strong tongue (at the dentist office today...) |
me: when my mom tried it, she said it was better than sex!
friend : that's what we'll call it, Better Than Sex! |
Me: what'd you do??!!
Them: it was a big one and I didn't think I needed it! Me: (laughing) where'd you pull it from? Them: from down there Me: Move over... it's full! there's no room for it! (still laughing) Them: take one out Me: then where are you gonna plug that one in?... OH GOD this is a fire hazard! Them: (laughing hard) I was gonna Skype Me: not without the internet ...where do I plug this in now? Them: take one out I don't need Me: :| |
Gaige and I on Skype...
Gaige: I'm going to put you down, and go use the bathroom... Hollylane: You're not allowed to "put me down", but you're welcome to lay me down...;) |
"
Hym: "Oh, God honey it felt so good today! It's been so long since I've been able to ride it like that, I almost forgot how good it can be!" :|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
me: staring, speechless, one eyebrow raised (I've been at work all day...has it REALLY been THAT long??) Hym: I'm so glad I got the Harley out of the shop today! |
"You don't want your balls? I'll eat your balls"
"OMG... Not those balls! I don't eat THOSE balls! " (referring to my crab stuffed shrimp that looked like little balls) |
Me explaining house rules for the dogs to Gaige: For Obi, I have to say "No babies outside!" , and for Chessie, I have to say "No balls in the bedroom!"...
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"Get your face outta my stuff!!!"
No, she wasn't talking to me. |
"If it's wet and not yours.......DON'T TOUCH IT!"
(referring to the slimy stuff on the beach) |
after 'movie night' discussion
me: give me my blanket and pillow
them : what do you mean 'mine ' ? It's got a wolf on it! me: possession is 9 tenths of the law and I've been sleeping with the bitch! :P them : (said in shock and dismay) you've been sleeping with the bitch? well alrighty then! |
G: "I don't like bits of shit in my macaroni salad!"
H: "Nobody does baby, nobody does..." |
me, washcloth in hand, pointing at mess with other hand...cross look on face ...
flabbergasted friend : I can't help it when it splatters!!! |
Gaige (talking about yard work):
"Okay, I'm going back out to play in the dirt baby" Hollylane (not thinking about yard work): "Well, aren't you a dirty butch!" Gaige (about my slowly dwindling pile of clothes in the laundry basket): "Okay baby, go take care of your mound" Hollylane (not talking about laundry): "I think you should be the one taking care of my "mound" handsome..." Equals: :smirking femme: :smiling butch: |
My Alpha Femme Pit Bull Lawyer House-mate: Sooo... Glenn, what do you think of the government shutdown?
Me: Well... My Alpha Femme Pit Bull Lawyer House-mate-What is UP WITH THIS FUCKING SHUTDOWN? Can anyone say injunction? Do I have to go into Federal Court and write the fucking injunctive relief myself? Congress does not have a line item veto, there is no legal vehicle for rewriting a law that has been vetted (I think that's what she said),passed and signed, and anyone who thinks the admin should "bargain" with the tea party is sorely misinformed about how legislation works, and F**k to the Y...I... I am a Republican, and I am disgusted! *she leaves house* Me: :) |
My partner: "You sure do know your balls..... *long pause*......meatballs, matzo balls..."
Me: *laughing so hard I can't breathe* "Indeed I do!" |
At the beach with some of my partner's friends:
Me: *watching some people next to us play with lighted bocce balls* OMG the blue balls are so awesome, I want those. Me: *to the guy who was playing bocce with them* HEY! I want your blue balls!! The whole beach: *SILENCE* |
Friend: do I gotta feed it?
Me: :-) couldn't respond other than to giggle |
Waking up grumpy...
H: You've done that a couple of times...
G: Like the time I said "I'm home baby" really loudly? H: Didn't I ignore you when you did that? G: No, I believe you gave me the finger. :):|:):| :stillheart: :):|:):| |
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[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE"]Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) [Official music video HD] - YouTube[/nomedia]
10:30 a.m. in the morning was too early for this shit, much less three times after AND singing along. Loudly. Gah. |
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All I can think about when I hear this song, is that I think the writer spent too much time with this as a child: https://product.expotv.com/5/7/7/57767_150x150.jpg and not enough time watching PBS or Animal Planet, where most viewers have learned what the fox sounds like. |
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Now it's a freakin' earworm and a weird one at that. |
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and as a side note the goose went on randomly singing it all weekend:blink::blink: |
I will admit, I did pull it up to try and get caught in the catchiness of it so I wasn't so tired at work! There is no one up and I am looking at the English paper I am trying to revise for a higher grade like @_@.
Tried to find a normal song of theirs.. Came across this.. I feel like I am stuck in a dubstep musical! ETA: That girl looks CREEPY.. Especially in dubstep mode! *hides and cries* |
*holds desd*
:blink: |
My roommate and I took a truckload of garbage to the dump today. She crawls up in the back of the truck and hands stuff down to me to throw out. She can't see the step on the back of my truck as she gets down out of the back of the truck.
Sooo as she steps over the tailgate I try to guide her foot to the step, only she wanted the bumper not the step, I didn't know tbat. Her....make sure I get my foot on the step Me....ok, pulling her pants leg over and down toward the step Her....loudly.....damnit you are stretching me to far Me....laughing....huh Her...laughing....stop you are stretching me to far Us.....much laughter Me....thinking out loud....I don't think anybody ever told me that before |
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Him: YEP! ******************************************** Ohhhh I guess this is pay back for me posting about you chasing Nemo?? :fishswim: :dog: OMG!! **song stuck in my head...ankle bone is connected to your leg bone....leg bone is connected to your ass bone...** I told you we need to start a journal about the funny thangs that happen around here!! You stretched my ankle so far, I thought my ass bone was gonna dislocate! When people read that you pulled my pants leg over and down, they're gonna think you were yanking my pants off! KNUCKLEHEAD!! Can you imagine, if you had done that, what the "LUMP on a log" dump employee would have done? Think he would have finally walked out of his tiny little shed? (disclaimer: no discrimination to people who work as sanitation employees.... however, this one guy was truly a lump on a log, non-helpful and gives good workers a bad name) .... Blade: Not only does this little boy remind me of you with your dark hair, his expression is perfect for my stretched ass bone! http://www.toplessrobot.com/stretchdolls.jpg SHIT HEARD ROUND THIS HOUSE.... While posting the above, I was at the desk and Blade walked up behind me...and very calmly, very matter-of-factly said "I like it hard like this." Me: spun around :| ...noticed mug in his hand full of ice cream .... :superfunny: :superfunny: :huhlaugh: Him: (to the dog) Willy why'd you let me do that? :| Me: OH MY GOD!! (laughing too hard to breathe) I'm trying not to pee! |
We were discussing how my cousins younger than me have already had babies, and how my sister and I apparently missed the memo. Wife says this shows fertility in my family, when I texted my sister, she says it is sluttiness in our family.
Her: Well, WE didn't have sex before marriage at all.. *big grin* Me: Oh shut up. Her: You know, if we were a straight couple, your dad would have had his rifle out. Me: In this hypothetical straight couple, who is the guy in the relationship? I mean, I don't want to just ASSUME it's you.. Her: :| Okay.... Well then YOU would have the rifle, to hit me over the head with, and drag me back to your cave. Me: Whatttt? What do you mean cave?! Her: You would drag me back to the cave so you could ravish me.. Me: :| Her: :| Me: Oh.. my.. god *laughing* That is so going in the threads! |
Roomie enters room .... "hey, you left me with no toilet paper "
Me: OMG I'M so sorry! I meant to get a package, got distracted again! Roomie : "No, problem I used your towel " She didn't really .... but we got a good laugh out of it. Thank goddess for Kleenex. :) |
Me to my babe as I open the package of cordial cherries: Can I open your cherries.
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"The balls are wrong"
(The Xmas tree at my college put the big xmas decorations at the top and the smaller ones in the bottom, the tree looked terrible). |
Erin
My niece and I last weekend, she wanted to know why I was late...
Me: "I had some errands to run." Her: "I want to see Erin." Me: "We will see Erin at Christmas." Her: "Where is she?" Me "She is in Iowa." Her: "Is that far away?" Me "Yes, its 15 hours from here."... Her: "No wonder you were late!" Me: "I had to run errands not go see Erin!" |
shit heard on the phone...
What they said: Ouch! Hold on a minute. .......I didn't think I could hurt myself in bed but I just did. Now I have a hole in my fuzzy PJs.
What I said: That's what you get for being distracted. |
happy roomie and content chickens
Roomie: (a whole string of cuss words and very ugly descriptions of what he wanted to do with the truck parts that wouldn't fit where they belonged)
Me: go chase the chickens down to the hutch before the storm hits....let me do this Roomie: (huff...stomps off mad and about to pop a vein) Me: (after much fussing...then waiting for storm to pass...then going back out to finish) Me to roomie: I will trade my high heels for my mechanical skillz any day! A little later I hear a SPLAT hit the kitchen floor and roomie start to cuss again then say "now how the hell am I gonna get THAT up?" Without even asking or getting up to see what he did....I stated "my chickens worked hard to lay those eggs and you go and toss them around the kitchen." |
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