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Something i have been struggling with for a couple of weeks now.. Hearing my stepmother talking with her friend, at work under her breath.. & laughing at me as i was undressing in the girl's locker room. i have lost a considerable amount of weight, however i need to tone my arms, because i have loose skin happening... But how my stepmother ever thought that i would be okay overhearing her chuckling at me, saying how could i ever be comfortable showing that & then shivering like it was the most disgusting thing in the world. While i know i've still a ways to go with my weight, it saddens me that she picks on me like this and not even to my face but rather, behind my back.. (or well, attempted to)... While i have distanced both her & my father for about 3-4 weeks now (& this was a VERY good decision for my own well-being).. It's difficult to truly distance her when i work in the same building as her.. i don't like my body, however i am learning to LOVE it - and as my confidence grows, i'm learning to shake things like this off .. i still love them, wish them nothing harsh, but do wish them some peace of mind and some love in their hearts to not have to be so miserable and not be so judgemental.. life's too short.. But now i know, distancing them was indeed the right choice for me. |
Whitney..............
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When someone my age passes away, for no apparent reason. That makes me both sad and angry.
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Me too, the passing of Whitney Houston. Too young, too talented and her daughter still growing up.
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Someone very dear to me suffers with alcoholism.
It makes me very, very sad. |
Hearing about Whitney Houston's death.
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Comments made by people online about the attendees of the Grammy's.
The words *chipmunk cheeked, too fat, or anorexic, not soft enough, looks like a man* when speaking about the women. THe comments about the men were about their clothes. :| PISSES me off. |
While this journey of mine is a good thing, it's hard to accept some truths.. - how my compulsive overeating & eating disorder has affected the people around me.. - the food issues my own children have, because i haven't taught them differently.. & they learned from example.. - having to make amends with people (family & friends), ways i have hurt them, pushed them out of my life and lived in my own selfishness within my disease. - finding forgiveness, realizations about some people in my life, and of course, the ultimate - self forgiveness.. - lastly, admitting my wrongdoings in the past & making necessary changes to my life.. While overall these are good things, it's hard not to be sad about the person i was.. It's embarrassing and i carry a lot of guilt..my Dietician offered me some good advice today, however.. You cant feel guilt for things you had no power over, didn't know or just didn't know any better at that time.. You can only feel guilt for things you know were bad, but still did them anyway.. Learning that has really helped me swallow some of these things and open myself up for working on them & the forgiveness.. i think i might actually be ready - big step. So, the end result will bring something much more than the sadness.. It will bring inner peace, a happy heart & a guilt free me.. |
That my 'dream home' I just bought has suddenly turned into my 'money pit' *sigh,,,it is trying,,, but not defeating by any means.
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Talking with an ex today, and feeling like my emotions have been played with far too long with her ............ I ended it today, but it still hurts :(
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My Great Dane, Molly, died suddenly today. She was a rescue, and had a horrible life before she came to me. Despite her hard beginning, she was the sweetest, most affectionate, most loving dog I've ever had. She was approximately 8 years old, and although I know that is quite old for a Dane, it still wasn't enough time with her. I miss her terribly and I can't believe my big, gangly, funny, sweet, beautiful horse-dog is gone.
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Feeling betrayed :(
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Always2Late losing her beloved dog today :(
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That we almost had a donor.. :worried:
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Knowing that some people have only ill intent. :(
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Text say " I am sorry you are a wonderful person, I know she is out there waiting for you and not trying to change you"..:-(..REALLY..grrrrr
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Cancer.......and the way it sucks the life out of you.
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Knowing my little mom is having a really rough time right now, after surgery meds have made her even more confused.
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The person at the store this morning who ask me for money. He had this sad story about taking his mother to the hospital last night and her dying this morning. Blah blah blah as he went on rambling. When he finished I said Phillip, your mother has been dead 12 or 15 yrs. Yes this was someone I knew. In the shape he was in, he didn't recognize me and I didn't recognize him.
Very sad how drugs can ruin the life of a good person. |
Comments made by some people online here about the Bible who are in no way experts. "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are to be Spiritually discerned."-1Cor.2:14
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I miss my friend :worried:
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As some of you know...we adopted the newest member of our fur family this past Tuesday. We brought her immediately to the vet because she was sick when we took her from the shelter. She was diagnosed with kennel cough and a URI and put on antibiotics. Over the past day or so, she became very lethargic and wouldn't eat, so first thing this morning we took her back to the vet. They admitted her and put her on IV fluids. We just got the call from the vet...she has pneumonia. This poor little baby has been through SO much, and it infuriates me that her illness came from the shelter....it is so unnecessary!! If they had only provided MINIMAL preventative care..none of this would be happening. I hated leaving her at the vet's office because we just took her out of the shelter! I wish I could explain to her that we aren't abandoning her like her former owner did and that we WILL be coming back for her!
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awww darn it.....doc....I am bawling my eyes out...this just makes me furious at the Shelters as well..all they had to do was give her a kennel cough vax.....simple....anyway my heart IS joyous over the fact you have adopted her..and will give her such a wonderful home....hugs to you.,..I know how hard it is to leave one at a vet's and when they are so sick..and scared to boot....Heidi (my dachshund & I send her big big hugs and cookies and toys and love....get well baby doggy!!! Keep me posted pls? Clay
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Mr Grubby the sickly lab having to be put down, that really sucked.Just glad he isn't feeling sick anymore...
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My lil sisters gf telling me my sis isnt eating much...shes so fragile
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Your sister is going through so much... My heart feels...
Extremely sad hearing your sister isn't eating and so fragile. I'm so sad hearing about her...
Your sister is going through so much... My heart feels... Quote:
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- my grandmother is getting weaker, and the cancer is so aggressive.. At her age, she amazes me with her strength.. But accepting i am losing her is increasingly difficult... Her lungs are in need of being drained again, and it's so painful for her.. i wish i could take that pain for her, just so she wouldn't have to feel it at all. - A gal i work with (but recently retired) is a diabetic and has been through hell & back the last couple of years.. Starting with having a toe removed, almost needing her foot removed, and constant blockages.. She went in MOnday for yet another surgery, and we found out she had a stroke. - the loss of a good man, Ricky & saying goodbye to him this week.. The loss of some very dear residents at the Nursing Home i work at.. |
Having my emotions played with by someone I know in real life - tired of being made to feel like I just dont matter :(
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reflection on how my life has changed over the last few years....
While sorting through a few things today, I found bed covers that made me sad when I said "might as well toss them out, I'll never get to use them again." ... how my life has changed and been impacted by certain hard-to-cope with things as well as how my body has changed with disability has made me have no desire at all to ever need those bed covers again.
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not being able to have a good quiet time with DamonK before bed. We still don't have a bed and going to bed alone makes me sad.
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Waking up alone...can't wait to get back home...:hk29:
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We were outside grilling dinner earlier this evening, and I heard a commotion by the back fence. The dogs were racing around one of the bushes and two jays were dive-bombing them. I saw something flutter from the bush to the grass below, and realized that the dogs were after something. I ran across the yard and chased the dogs away...and found three little fledgling jays in the grass. They must have fallen from the pine tree overhanging the yard. I picked up two of them, calling for GHD to help me, and cradled them against my chest. They were so little and I could feel their tiny hearts beating so fast! We managed to save two of them, but the third did not make it. He was alive when GHD picked him up, but then he just closed his eyes and was gone, the stress must have been too much. I feel so awful. I held the little jay in my hands, his tiny, soft body still warm, and cried. I'm thankful that we were able to save the two..but brokenhearted about the third.
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Sad weekend ...
This was going to be our Anniversary weekend ... Sad, because it's now just the Anniversary of when we met, Not of how long we have been together ... My :heartbeat: is sad because she doesn't even remember ... It was never a date to stick in her head. I'm sad because I miss her. :praying: |
sad too.
My best friend moved four hours away. Yesterday was her last day at work. It was so emotional. My eyes are still swollen from crying. This has been as tough as any breakup... I laid crying last night listening to 'our' songs. Just knowing she isnt near leaves me nauseous. :(
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My Most Beloved and Devoted Fur-Daughter Martha, who is 20+, is getting ready to do "The Death Walk":(
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The change of relationships.
Thinking about my best friend Lisa of 23 years who happened to be an ex of a 12 year relationship. How she ended our friendship on July 3, 2012, all because her girlfriend is insecure and jealous. I miss her sending me a text or calling me just because and our sharing secrets with each other like only bf can. The decision me and my girl came to or is still coming to. That life just is not fair sometimes and though no one fault our status has changed. Not really sure what that all means right now except that the change makes me sad. That I am finally starting to accept that my bio-family only wants me around on their terms. Will only be there if I do things their way on their time. I miss my younger sister calling and telling me to "fix it" whatever it is...and she is in her 40's and still used to come to me with this until recently. Just a little sad today but hey the sun will rise again tomorrow. |
My cat of almost 15 years passed away today... R.I.P. Clovis my buddy
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Hearing from my father and realizing that he is back in the alcohol again. This really, really saddens me, and i worry about him and his health. i am dealing with it much differently this time though, shows the growth within me, that which is much healthier for me mentally & emotionally. It's his addiction. i can love him, and worry about him. But i can't change him. i hope, hope, hope that he finds his path to recovery..And if he needs my help, he'll have it 110%. Until then, i cannot take this on.. It triggers me, and it's not healthy for me...i recognize this and acknowledge it.. |
a friend of mine, her son died suddenly. He was an adult. She is a decade older than me. But it matters not. She is shattered as a mother for losing her child. I am going to the remembrance circle Friday. This woman has lost so much in her life. But this, this is too much to bear.
I do not want to see her eyes. I know what they will look like. |
My little 6 month old grand-daughter ((((Aimee)))) being sick. She in the hospital right now ... Has a fever that is spiking up to 103. She can't keep food down and they have an IV in her tiny little hand. This makes me very sad. Nana loves you sweet baby girl ... I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll be better soon. :praying: :praying: :praying: :praying: :praying: :praying: |
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