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mmmmm in black I think... I may have a small weakness for power tools... |
A little lonely tonight ... in that way ...
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Wondering why my boss is keeping a list of the colors of tops I have worn this week. Yesterday afternoon I was collecting papers from her office to file and noticed the list on her desk. I didn't think anything of it at the time but when I was doing the same thing this afternoon I noticed that the list had grown to include yesterday and today. It now reads: Mon - red, Tues - blue, Wed - blue, Thurs - green.
Go figure... |
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Orrrr... Maybe she's a freak. :| |
Vacation #1 this month. Starts tomorrow. This is just a "mini" one to spend some time with one of my favorite 4 year-olds. Vacation #2 is later this month, and much more of an adventure. And I'm in serious need of R&R given my job lately.
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my daughter is being a selfish bad little girl who is refusing to allow her mother to have a life. She is doing a full fledged 3 year old temper tantrum and is threatening to cut me out of her life again if I dont do what she tells me to do.
That worked BR. (Before Relapse) I am working a good program now and I have nothing to feel guilty about and I am not letting anyone take control nor abuse me, especially my daughter. If she walks, its her choice. Tough love. Things I can control, things I cant. Shorter version? Fuck it.... |
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I'm thinking it's #2. :| |
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Can't sleep tonight. Going to the pain doc tomorrow with my daughter driving me. We have some serious things to discuss and I am nervous. Her son recently posted on FB that he is suicidal; he came out to me in Feb. Lots of mommy love and support for her tomorrow. Luckily he is now in counseling and on anti-depressants. He is 16. |
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I'd expect something like this from my previous employer, aka "She Who Knows No Boundaries." I wish my Mom was alive so I could talk to her about this. My Dad is useless for this stuff and I just don't want to discuss it with my stepmother. (((((katsarecool))))) Hope your pain has eased this morning and that you got some sleep. Sending you healing and peace - for your daughter and her son as well. |
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my pager just went off, and honestly? I'd really love to see how many pieces it would break into if I threw it against something hard :blink:
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the interview went very well....I will know by Weds next week.
I have two more interviews with two other agencies next week. I would have had a job by now if my health wouldnt have roller coastered with various problems, from eye surgery to back problems to hiatal hernia to lung issues..lol. let is all stop now so I can just WORK! |
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Thinking about yesterday...
It was the annual "Candy Crawl" in downtown Concord. (From 3-5 the merchants hand out candy to trick or treaters.) It was a blast! We dressed the dog as a clown - with hat and ruffled collar...he looked soooooo adorable and, once again, was the most photographed dog of the day. I was sportin' my purple Carol Channing wig, rhinestone cat glasses and tiger print top. (Why am I always dressed like this when introduced to Judges?) Since my boss was wearing an "I Voted" sticker we declared her costume to be "Early Voter"...seriously scary! :giggle: This year we handed out 10 huge bags of candy - you know the ginormous ones they sell at Sam's. The kids in their costumes were fabulous. There were some incredible homemade costumes and entire families in costume too. There were also pets in costume...mostly dogs. My personal favourite was Ollie the Ferret who was dressed in a little red devil cape. We're one of the popular stops along the crawl for 3 reasons: awesome candy, the dog and my boss - she adores kids of all ages as well as the event and it shows. I hurt from head to toe this morning. Standing for 2 hours makes my back howl but it was so worth it. |
last holidays
today during our walk, my old girl fell. Her back legs gave out on her. She sat there, suprised, confused...then anxiety hit. I knelt down beside her. Smiled into those cloudy eyes that search for me every time her head raises up. I calmly told her it was alright, she just needed a rest. My hands never stopped soothing her. She was then satisfied, always reassured by my voice, my touch. When we tried again, she was able to lift. And up she came, pensive at first. I am glad she cannot clearly see my face. I have done this before. We are so close to the end. My last girl like her made it to Thanksgiving. I hold out with her, not wanting to let her go until she is ready. I actually have been waiting for this...for her frail body to catch up to her frail mind. When she signals me that Now she is ready, we will go together and say good bye. But for this day, she indicated she wanted a bit more walk, slower. So we slowed it way down. I will never forget this fall day, the rustling of the leaves across the road. The grey of the clouds and the spattering of halloween on yards as I and my black and white took one of the few walks we have left.
Tomorrow she will hand out candy with me. She loves loves loves children and I am so grateful she has this holiday left for her. When she is snoring in our house, next to me, she will remember how they smelled, their laughter, how their tiny hands touched her. no better life could we have had, than the one we shared together... |
It has been one of those days...didn't start out great, but someone sent me a HUGE smile in the mail and it made the rest of the day go better.
I am reading a great book, and I am sure hoping that by the time I get done with it, I can somehow make some good changes and start doing what is best for me....not anyone else. I am sitting at home tonight because I made plans with someone that I knew would end up standing me up. Why do I do such things? I could have been at a halloween party with some really fun people but chose to wait...yet again....to spend time with someone that only makes me their option. I will learn one of these days. I will.:blink: |
Life is too short and beautiful to focus on the petty, the hatred, the quarrelsome and irksome.
I am, I love and I will embrace that joy, compassion and wisdom which is. |
spending a saturday night alone with 2 puppies, why is it so hard to find somene decent
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wondering if management will get the humor in my collecting my paycheck next thursday and giving them a pink page with my resignation typed on it. i like the idea of letting them go as my employer. heh
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Imaginary players.
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That relationships may happen over night, but good ones take a hella lot of work, time and effort...
To get the rewards of a strong, fufilling and meaningful relationship, it takes blood sweat and tears. Relationships are like coffee... You can have instant... It's Hot Easy and Fast.... It's also weak, nasty and just doesn't satisfy.. or You can have a Breve made with fresh roasted/fresh ground beans.. A lot of work, but oh so satisfying... |
Language. Some people get it and others don't. It's a precision instrument to me. I prefer to act as if language is a luxury and a privilege. My only annoyance when people play fast and loose with words is when they do not honor the roots of language.
Without those who taught us how to do it right, we would never have found the freedom to do it wrong. Think of what e.e. cummings might have done with words if he didn't have the freedom of knowing where the boundaries were so that he could cross them. |
Wonder...fear...friend...hope...future...time
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Two months ago today it was 100F out. Today it's snowing. That seems awfully quick, doesn't it? :|
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Trying to wrap my brain around the fact that my grandmother died 26 years ago today...hard to believe...
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Today...I am mindless |
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i am grateful to be moving south before winter here. |
Good times with a good friend.
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I am trying to wrap my brain around how one can go from being in an intimate relationship to "let's be besties". Can people REALLY do that? What about the hurt feelings? What about all the hateful accusations made along the way? How do you just shift gears like that? Seriously. Man, what is wrong with me that I keep getting involved with chicks like this! :blink:
I need to have my head examined...big time!!:seeingstars: |
G, it's not easy. OrganicButch and I managed to maintain a friendship. Admittedly, we actually discussed what would happen if/when we stopped dating. We may not be besties but I trust him and would go to him with issues. I know he would have my best interest at heart.
Also, some women don't have good boundaries (hello, I've been one of those) so you may need to set up new ground rules like "no contact for three months" or something so you can process and move on. Love you. Mean it. Want some cake? |
Portia DeGeneres is on Oprah right now if you wanted to catch it.
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She wants the friendship right NOW, and I just can't act like there were never any feelings involved. Boundaries have been set...trust ME! Thanks for your input!! |
I'm watching right now!!
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Ewwwwwwwwwwww on the PA stuff. No no and or NO. Run run run. That's not, as you already know, okay. Love you. You are right! :) |
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