I learned to always be respectful............karma.

Ok these are my lessons for me; I have screwed up a hell of a lot, and hurt a few folks on the way to learning this shit, and been hurt by a few.
these are some of the lessons i have learned.

Lessons learned over the past 12 years...
1. do not date unless you are really ready to do so.
2. Dont think its love just cause it feels good.
3. dont think you are ready to commit, if you havent had some kind of closure on prior stuff.
4. Even if you think u are sooooo over....take another 6 months before u believe it.
5. Not everyone is honest, tho most all of us try to be.
6. A persons perception of themselves is usually quite different than your perception of them..and visa versa.
7. If you are not ready dont do it.
8. It is better to say, I am not ready yet, then to end up in something and end up hurting other people as well as yourself.
9. All people have baggage, it just depends on whether you carry it around all the time or set it in a safe place and come visit it from time to time.
10. If you cant figure out a way to be involved with your children and keep the "EX" involvement to an absolute minimum, then dont be an ass, dont get involved with anyone else till you have that issue resolved.
11. sometimes its not love its pride or fear, or anger that makes a person do anything they can to keep you, even tho u both know its over.
12. sometimes you just gotta say WTF...pull up your big boi/grl pants and get over it!

Observe if he/she has the basics (ie pays bills on time, thoughtful involvement with parent/s, tips appropriately, dependable, mentally sound) it's amazing what we dismiss/excuse/miss...

to say what you mean and mean what you say.

If your friend and an ex, who is also still your friend, become "involved", but they argue alot, don't get Yourself involved too much. You may wind up getting your a** kicked by them both!

I take something from every relationship. It's all about learning. No regrets. My last relationship (marriage) taught me to be more sensitive to Her needs. To not take advantage of love. All relationships require maintenance on a daily basis. And I'm all good with that. Now..

Never lose your autonomy....

Two of the most important things I ever learned from past relationships:

1. My feelings actually matter.

2. My feelings are not the only feelings that matter.

My past relationships were necessary for me to have the wonderful one I have with Damon, today.

I learned
 

You have to stick with it...good times and bad. It isn't all about sex either. You have to give to get, being there to help one another. To truly and honestly love each other. I have been humbled by the 2 women that have shown me the way.

Vida
 

...that love never dies...and that it energizes my new life, and for this
I am grateful.

Greco

....THIS!!!

One important thing I've learned from my last relationship (or rather, the dissolution thereof) is that you don't have to be friends with an ex.

Really, you don't.

It may seem obvious to some (or, well, most), but this was a hard thing for me to accept and come to terms with. I'd always been pretty successful in being able to be friends (or at least friend-ly) with all other exes except for one from a long time ago, so I always thought of myself as one of "those people" who is able to fall into an easy, if gradual, friendship post-relationship. It seemed natural (and inevitable) to me.

Then after my most recent relationship and after many failed attempts at sustaining a friendship with them, I accepted the fact that it doesn't reflect badly on me as a person to not be able to sustain a relationship with someone I cared about after the romantic relationship has ended. It's okay and it's not a failure. You don't have to be friends with an ex at a personal cost to yourself. It's not a moral test to see just how mature and kind and loving and whatthefuck-ever you can be to them. It's not... and you don't "owe" anyone anything.

I somehow thought it was a sign of being a Very Mature Person doing Very Mature Things to be the "bigger person" and keep a past love(r) in my life, even when it wasn't good for me. Even when it hurt. Even when I didn't particularly like them much anymore as it ended because of the things which had transpired during (and facilitated the end of) the relationship. I felt it was normal and justified it to myself with grandiose ideas of "karma" and "the better good" and I thought it was the enlightened thing to do (barring abuse) if you still cared about each other.

And then I (slowly) realized that all that was bullshit. Each relationship stands on its own and is not (or does not have to be) part of some grand narrative of your life. And if you poured yourself unsuccessfully into trying to be a good partner to them, you do not then have to continue this and pour yourself into trying to be a good friend to them, especially when it does not come naturally. Sometimes the kinder, gentler, hell, even friendlier thing is to let go completely.

Forgiveness, if warranted (and sometimes it's not), is something you do for yourself and does not necessarily have to have an obvious, observable effect in the other person's life who is the object of your forgiveness. A relationship with them is not a sign or signal of how far you've come or that you've truly forgiven them and/or moved on (though I recognize it can be for some situations) and it is not something needed or even necessarily wanted by either or both parties, particularly if everyone's being honest.

Give up the ghost.

So, in time I've learned to be kinder to myself and have kinder expectations for my own abilities and what I'm able to do/handle emotionally. It's about allowing yourself to be human and fallible and have negative emotions and experiences and not giving in to an internal nagging of what things "should" look like vs what they actually are. I think it's a good thing and a necessary thing and a positive thing (for me) to have learned.

And to her, for that... I'm truly grateful. :praying:

Most recently, I have learned that:

1. Mutual attraction/sexual chemistry is a necessary but far from sufficient component of a good relationship.
2. It doesn't matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee; both positions suck and hurt in their own way.

Trust your gut instincts.
Actions speak louder than words.
Set clear boundaries - if those aren't respected, leave.
Don't rush into an being engaged.

I've learned I'm allowed to disagree. In most of my past relationships, disagreeing with someone meant I had to change my mind or be quiet. Now that I can speak freely, many times I've been able to explain my point and he ends up agreeing with me over things.

I've also learned people who don't seem concerned, aren't. We dismiss these things when meeting someone because of butterflies. Looking back, I overlooked a lot with people in the past.