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-   -   Open Letter: Dear Femme (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=413)

Bit 12-07-2009 05:10 PM
{{{{{{{{{{{Dusa}}}}}}}}}}}

Big love to you, my sister Femme, for your courage and your grace, for your generosity, and for your willingness to recognize limits and endings.

Big love to you for being willing to say you are afraid, have been afraid, want to stop being afraid, have acted in spite of being afraid.

Big love to you, oh Medusa of the scary name and vulnerable heart, for being you. What you are doing might hurt like all hell but you are doing what is right for you and that is okay. You're supposed to.

Yes, you will mourn. Who doesn't mourn the end of a dream, especially the kind of dream that sustains us through the long lonelinesses and promises to build brighter tomorrows? Who doesn't mourn the loss of a community, however large or small, that fits us, that we wish would fit us forever? Who doesn't mourn the loss of friends?

I suppose there are probably those among us who are able to be fully honest and authentic and also never have to deal with fear of confrontations... but I am not one of them; my authentic self still shies away from conflict, and so I hold you close, Dusa, close in my heart, because I recognize how hard it is to do the thing which you are doing and my heart aches for you even as it makes space for you.

Be strong, sweet one, and keep faith with yourself. Remember that the strong can cry, can ask for help, can ask for support, can ask for love. It is your resolve that makes you strong, and your willingness to do what is painful but necessary. Your tears cannot make you anything less than a strong proud authentic honest Femme, doing what she knows is right.

Bright Blessings, Sister.

My heart to you and my tears for you,
Cath

Apocalipstic 12-07-2009 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 17813)
You made me cry. Right here at my desk. In front of everyone. And I dont care who thinks its messy.

Or maybe the situation made me cry. Lemme see what I can muster. (I always want to write "mustard" here because it's funnier but the Virgo in me cringes when I fuck up euphamisms)

Today I am sitting here at my desk at work where I really should be working but I am instead swirling in some heavy emotions and doing a lot of internal processing. I am listening to Angie Aparao on my ipod and he's doing a great cover of "Champagne Supernova" and maybe the pitch of his voice was just right or maybe it's the melody or the words but as I was reading your post, Adele, he sang the line "Where were you while we were getting high?" and he took the last note way, WAY out. The kind of sound where your heart is stretched thin like a piece of pink bubblegum and it feels the emotion of want and need and sound congealed behind notes and pulse.
So I cried. Because I am overwhelmed. Because I am sad. Because I am resolute. Because I am afraid. Because I am no longer afraid.

I have spent most of last night and today writing my resignation letter from a group that I have belonged to for 4 years. A group that has done important work that is specific to my way of being that I have always felt incredibly strongly about supporting. I came to a place at some point in the last several months where I realized that I had to step away. I came to a place over the last couple of weeks where I knew that stepping away would be scary. Over the last couple of days, I realized it would be painful. Over the last several hours I have felt a range of emotions from anger to resolve to sadness to something that feels like mourning.

I have been all at once afraid of the reactions of my fellow committee members and resolute to not care. I have struggled with being authentic and direct without being unecessarily hurtful. I have thought hard about my involvement with the organization and what it will mean to the friendships that exist inside of and outside of that space when I leave. My leaving centers around some ugly stuff. Mostly stuff that is outside of my control. Mostly stuff that is hurtful to the scope of the organization.
I am weary y'all. Weary to the core of my being.
I have for so long operated by trying to be authentic and honest but also on some level ,with a fear of confronting. Its hard. The "good girl" in me who says to "sit down, keep silent, smooth your dress, dont make waves, dont tell what you know" is very much at odds with the spiritual being in me that says "speak your truth, speak it clearly, demand transparency, demand honesty, stand up for truth".
This conflict has created a weird dichotomy in me in the last 2 days. One where I want to just vomit up a bunch of stuff in my resignation letter to show that I am leaving because things got too fucked up for me to be part of. Part of me wants to "go quietly into that good night". Part of me feels that either of these options would not be good. Part of me knows that there will be huge backlash for calling uncomfortable things out and shining a light on ugly truths.

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.

Hugs to you!

I have found that speaking my truth, but only the truth is the way to go for me. Be kind, unemotional and only write the truth.

You are an incredibly strong brave woman and you can do this!

Look at all you have accomplished in the past year. You can do anything you set your mind to!

Isadora 12-07-2009 06:59 PM
Truth with tact and timing is what I always think about when trying to work through something... I also ask myself several questions...especially when dealing with hurt or anger...

1. Who is the truth for?

2. Will they even hear it?

3. Is the purpose of telling the "truth" (because even truth is subjective, colored by our own perceptions of what the truth may be) to harm or heal?

4. Will telling the truth change anything for the better other than make me feel justified?

I have quit several groups in my life (and people) for many reasons. I seldom give a reason because I don't have to, or because I felt the ethics was not even there for them to even hear the issues. I have to admit that there are times when I have had to say, "ENOUGH" and moved on with as much self dignity as possible.

I think that we perceive that we have to justify our actions or needs...and we don't...just resign and leave with your head held high and your ethics clean and clear.

You go girl, and remember that you are powerful inside and that is what matters and stopping involvement is not a failure but an opportunity for growth and change. You can't keep pouring water in a full cup, it just gets messy, you have to empty it before you can refill it with another flavor. One that may be much more tasty!

SuperFemme 12-07-2009 07:05 PM
I've walked away from people with no explanation.

The thing is, speaking ones truth is important. Not "the ONLY truth" but ones truth.
I will no longer let anybody write my history for me. When I speak my truth I lift the veils of silence that bad people and bad situations thrive on much the way one thrives on oxygen. By NOT speaking my truth I become party to things I don't want to be party to. I become complacent and IMHO that has a ripple effect on the Universe.

Silence = Death (on the installment plan).

apretty 12-07-2009 07:10 PM
Medusa, you are fierce as fuck and anyone who's met you for a minute knows it. I only wish that you could deliver your letter in person, with a hip-sway and a hair-flip (cuz you got it like that).

(Authentic-Me says: Letting go is work, sometimes daily, sometimes on the hour and not everyone is in the same *place* -spiritually/emotionally- at the same time (therefore unable to hear uncomfortable stuffs), and in the end your only obligation is that you must be able to answer to *your fine-ass self*.)

evolveme 12-07-2009 07:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bit (Post 17782)



{{{{{{{{{{{{{e}}}}}}}}}}} You know I love you, darlin, and I admire your mind intensely. I recognize what you want from the thread, and I heard you saying you didn't want this to be personal between you and Kosmo.

I dunno how Kosmo took it, but reading your post, it felt personal to me. Please let me explain why?

You said in the beginning of your post that Kosmo's choice to post confused you. Two things stand out for me. The first is, early in the thread we as a group said Butch/Trans input was welcome, and we engaged in conversations with the Butches and Transmen who posted. The second is, Blush asked Kosmo a direct question; she specifically asked for that post. Wouldn't have ignoring her been a subtle form of silencing her? It would certainly have been utterly rude!

What bothers me now is that to me, personally, it seems like Kosmo has been silenced--and not just Kosmo, but by extension all the Butches/Transmen in this thread. I read all those posts saying "why are we always the ones who are "supportive"? Why can't our partners be supportive?" here is a masculine person being supportive, answering a question asked by someone in the community.... but the response we give is "please don't."

I fully admit this is simply how I read it. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it that way, and if so, well, I apologize for derailing the thread.

I just know that I do not live in a vacuum and I cannot be authentically me without deeply examining all the parts of my life.... and half the examining comes from without, from testing my own thoughts, perceptions, and opinions up against those of other people. The people I value the most for that examining are always the people in my own community, whatever their identities might happen to be... I am looking always for the thoughts which shed light on my soul, and I find them as often from Butches and Transmen as from Femmes. I don't wish for any of us to be silenced.

Please know that I understand your goal for the thread is to have a deep conversation among Femmes; I appreciate your willingness to shepherd this convo... but if Butch/Trans voices are not welcome as part of that conversation, then I think we should be really clear and say so outright to everyone, and we should as a group stop inviting their participation.
Bit, first, let me say that Blush asked:

"I'd be interested to hear from y'all what YOU(and by You I mean all y'all, not YOU personally, Kosmo) can do to change how we are perceived."

To me, it appears that she is asking femmes to answer her question, and politely asking Kosmo not to speak to a question s/he could not speak to. I would not go into the Female-id'd Butch Thread and offer my opinion on how they change the way they are perceived, nor a Transfolk thread, etc. and do the same.

Kosmo and I have talked, and I feel that we're good with each other about this. Kosmo's extremely respectful, and only intended to be with her/his post (which I knew). I needed to say what I did, though, not to/at Kosmo necessarily, but at the idea that anyone can answer for us. I see this happening all the time. To allow it without speaking to it just isn't in my makeup.

To this:

"What bothers me now is that to me, personally, it seems like Kosmo has been silenced--and not just Kosmo, but by extension all the Butches/Transmen in this thread. I read all those posts saying "why are we always the ones who are "supportive"? Why can't our partners be supportive?" here is a masculine person being supportive, answering a question asked by someone in the community.... but the response we give is "please don't."

I felt that because a butch person had been the first to answer a question that only we could answer for ourselves, it may have felt silencing to feminine people. I don't buy into a Kumbaya theory of togetherness in which we all have to stand up for one another 100% of the time so that no one's toes get stepped on. I don't wish to step on anyone, don't misread me. But if I'm always protecting someone else's toes, it's likely mine are not going to be well looked after, nor yours. And here, in this thread, I'm lookin' after mine and yours. I named a general atmosphere when I wrote the OP. It's masculine-centric all up in here. I can walk into a thread about the most inane subject and whamo! There it is.

What I need now, is for butches and transmen to listen. And when they do speak, because it is welcome, is for their words to, yes, be supportive. And if I see that a problematic structure exists within those words, one maybe everyone else ain't lookin' at, I'm going to name it. It may not "feel" like my old way of supporting, but it is still a kind of love.

And, Bit, I believe it is a more authentic kind of love.

It is one that says, this is really what I need to hear. I want for my sisters and me to be truly seen. And I promise to return you the favor. Only then, I believe, can we know each other for the people we are, less the roles, minus the expectations. Only then, can we decide whether the support we summarily give is worth something.

:stillheart:

evolveme 12-07-2009 07:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 17813)
I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.
Dear A,

First of all, being that we are Southern, we manufacture The Best Euphemisms, so you have no business letting yourself go all Virgo. Second of all, if'n it is femme love you need, you clearly came to right space.

And honey, grief and heartache aside, it sounds like you have made the right decision for you. Besides, you're busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor. You don't have time for anything that sucks your soul.

I love you out-right. :heartbeat:

Julie

evolveme 12-07-2009 08:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by christie0918 (Post 17632)
A man who inherited the business from his father employs me. Both are very staunch, conservative republicans with stay home wives and are both the walking, breathing epitome of male privilege. They had never had a woman in power at their company, in its entire 56 year history until I joined them 1.5 years ago. I could tell at the beginning that I would have to stand toe to toe with the elder so as to not be pigeonholed into what I felt his ideas of my role would be. The son, who is my age, has said that I have changed his father’s perceptions of women. Just last week, I was promoted and will be taking over the helm of the business in January. I am not so naïve as to think that I won’t have a struggle ahead of me just because I wasn’t born with a penis.

I am a strong, independent, intelligent, feminine, imperfectly perfect, simply complex, female entity. My relationship does not define me. My partnering with a beautifully exquisite masculine female does not define me. Demanding that my voice be heard does not make me less feminine. It does not make me more masculine. Running the world and being Queen of all I see doesn’t make me less feminine or more masculine. It just makes me intelligently strong. It’s just me.

For me, it’s not about letting the world chose my role within it… It’s about me choosing how I am viewed in the world.

Christie
I didn't want to let this one get me by. I have a feeling you're writing from the South, and maybe you're not, and I guess it doesn't matter, because anywhere really, this kind of achievement is still to be considered. Big business or small.

I'm glad you've been able to show them what you have to offer and that what you have to offer has moved the veil of 'But she's a woman' out of the way enough to allow you that promotion. Hot damn and good for you.

I also really liked your self-description. Sounds like they and Jess are all pretty lucky.

evolveme 12-07-2009 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by June (Post 17897)
This is braggable, quotable and embroiderable. All of which may be made up words.
Dear June,

We've been saying this in the South for generations. Don't quote me. Quote my mama's mama's mama's mama's mama.

I'm sure her name was Ida Mae. Or maybe Lena Mae. Or possibly Beulah Bernice.

(We also say, "Well knock me down and steal my teeth!" but that just doesn't have the same ring.)

Love,

e

P.S. I was equally enthralled by Isadora's words.

christie 12-07-2009 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evolveme (Post 17895)
I didn't want to let this one get me by. I have a feeling you're writing from the South, and maybe you're not, and I guess it doesn't matter, because anywhere really, this kind of achievement is still to be considered. Big business or small.

I'm glad you've been able to show them what you have to offer and that what you have to offer has moved the veil of 'But she's a woman' out of the way enough to allow you that promotion. Hot damn and good for you.

I also really liked your self-description. Sounds like they and Jess are all pretty lucky.
You were right on the money - Southern, conservative Richmond small business. And thank you for acknowledging the significance. I like to think I am changing minds... one at a time.

I would agree with you that Jess and "the boys" (as I refer to son/dad) are quite lucky to have me... but then that might sound conceited rather than convinced... and I left "convinced" outta the self-descriptor! :giggle:

christie 12-07-2009 08:51 PM
Medusa -

While change is difficult, I have no doubt of your ability to navigate it flawlessly. Tomorrow, I will willingly wear something pink as my lil way of supporting you.

While some might find it a rather trite idea, for those who know that I abhor pink about as much as I do patchouli and Birkenstocks (ya'll can love 'em, I don't have to) and I ONLY wear pink in deference to the Sadistic Bastard's wishes, it is the biggest support I know to offer.

I wish I had such wonderfully wise advice like Isadora. I could only add:

Be kind to yourself.

Blessings,
Christie

Gemme 12-07-2009 09:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 17813)
You made me cry. Right here at my desk. In front of everyone. And I dont care who thinks its messy.

Or maybe the situation made me cry. Lemme see what I can muster. (I always want to write "mustard" here because it's funnier but the Virgo in me cringes when I fuck up euphamisms)

Today I am sitting here at my desk at work where I really should be working but I am instead swirling in some heavy emotions and doing a lot of internal processing. I am listening to Angie Aparao on my ipod and he's doing a great cover of "Champagne Supernova" and maybe the pitch of his voice was just right or maybe it's the melody or the words but as I was reading your post, Adele, he sang the line "Where were you while we were getting high?" and he took the last note way, WAY out. The kind of sound where your heart is stretched thin like a piece of pink bubblegum and it feels the emotion of want and need and sound congealed behind notes and pulse.
So I cried. Because I am overwhelmed. Because I am sad. Because I am resolute. Because I am afraid. Because I am no longer afraid.

I have spent most of last night and today writing my resignation letter from a group that I have belonged to for 4 years. A group that has done important work that is specific to my way of being that I have always felt incredibly strongly about supporting. I came to a place at some point in the last several months where I realized that I had to step away. I came to a place over the last couple of weeks where I knew that stepping away would be scary. Over the last couple of days, I realized it would be painful. Over the last several hours I have felt a range of emotions from anger to resolve to sadness to something that feels like mourning.

I have been all at once afraid of the reactions of my fellow committee members and resolute to not care. I have struggled with being authentic and direct without being unecessarily hurtful. I have thought hard about my involvement with the organization and what it will mean to the friendships that exist inside of and outside of that space when I leave. My leaving centers around some ugly stuff. Mostly stuff that is outside of my control. Mostly stuff that is hurtful to the scope of the organization.
I am weary y'all. Weary to the core of my being.
I have for so long operated by trying to be authentic and honest but also on some level ,with a fear of confronting. Its hard. The "good girl" in me who says to "sit down, keep silent, smooth your dress, dont make waves, dont tell what you know" is very much at odds with the spiritual being in me that says "speak your truth, speak it clearly, demand transparency, demand honesty, stand up for truth".
This conflict has created a weird dichotomy in me in the last 2 days. One where I want to just vomit up a bunch of stuff in my resignation letter to show that I am leaving because things got too fucked up for me to be part of. Part of me wants to "go quietly into that good night". Part of me feels that either of these options would not be good. Part of me knows that there will be huge backlash for calling uncomfortable things out and shining a light on ugly truths.

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.
Would a full length semi trailer (53 feet) be enough courage and support? Cuz I have one of those sitting outside in the neighboring store's parking lot and I happen to know (sorta) how to get around in one of those suckers. It's only "borrowing" if I bring it back, right? :eyebrow:

Though I haven't had the privilege of sharing breathing space with you, over the years I've formed an impression of you that seems to constantly be validated and reaffirmed by those who have met you and who do know you in the flesh and blood. You ARE authentic. You ARE strong. You ARE a good girl, except when you're not.

Your role in the existence of this very place provides visible evidence of your strength, fortitude, honor, courage and the vast expanse of your very soul, which reaches out to each and every one of us on a daily basis.

Kids say the darndest things and my gran credited me with saying something that I have no memory of saying but I remember her and gramps making references to it from time to time. She told me we were sitting on her back porch and she and my grandfather were upset about something and he was being gruff and started to well up. He turned to go inside before "us girls" could see him cry, muttering something about not being weak. I grabbed his hand and tugged at it until he hunkered down to my level. She said I placed my hands on his cheeks, looked him right in the eye and told him that a dam that allows some water to pass through without crumbling has to be stronger than one that cannot. It just HAD to be.

Okay, so it's a little kooky, but I think it's important to allow things, feelings, people to flow through and out of us. Every experience we have makes us stronger, better versions of ourselves. So this too, shall pass, and in the end, you will be stronger and better for it.

Much luck and love to you, Medusa.

SassyLeo 12-07-2009 09:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 17813)
*snip*

I guess I came to this thread because I have often felt such peace in the arms of other Femmes. Such understanding. Such graceful beauty and love. And I need those things today to help the girl in me who is scared to speak to find her voice. And I needed to remember that I am not a horrible person for seeking the truth. Thank you, Adele.

I will be creating a new journey for myself by leaving this organization and speaking out. There will be broken friendships and pain and I dont want to be silent out of fear anymore. I am asking for some love here. Its often been hard for me to ask for help when I need it. So, this is me, asking you, my Femme sisters, to send me some courage.

This might be out of place here. I apologize for taking up space if it is.

Much love.
It is a testament to this group, these humans, these femmes, that you felt comfortable enough to come to this space to speak your thoughts, cry, unload, let go... I think that is the best gift anyone could receive, a safe space to be held in whatever way one needs. I think folks here are more than happy to do that :bouquet:

To Angie, from the other Angie :balloon: :stillheart: (who does some more of that heart stretching):

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46SUhb7wyK8"]YouTube- Angie Aparo - "I'll Be There" - Live at Room 5 Lounge[/ame]

Arwen 12-07-2009 10:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by apretty (Post 17849)
(Authentic-Me says: Letting go is work, sometimes daily, sometimes on the hour and not everyone is in the same *place* -spiritually/emotionally- at the same time (therefore unable to hear uncomfortable stuffs), and in the end your only obligation is that you must be able to answer to *your fine-ass self*.)

I just needed you to know that this spoke to me on a very very personal level. You meant it for that fine Arkansas woman, but I'm taking it for myself as well. It may end up as the leaping off point of a blog entry--it gave me that much to think about.

Especially the bit bout others not being in the same *place*.

Valuable words. Gold, even. Thank you.

Bit 12-08-2009 11:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evolveme (Post 17855)
Bit, first, let me say that Blush asked:

"I'd be interested to hear from y'all what YOU(and by You I mean all y'all, not YOU personally, Kosmo) can do to change how we are perceived."

To me, it appears that she is asking femmes to answer her question, and politely asking Kosmo not to speak to a question s/he could not speak to.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{e}}}}}}}}}}}

And there ya have it. Neither of us could see who Blush was looking at when she expanded on that request; you assumed she was "looking around the room" at all the Femmes and asking Kosmo to be quiet; I assumed she was "looking around the room" and inviting participation not just from Kosmo, but from all the Butches and Transmen in the room--expanding her request, not limiting it.

Only Blush can say what she really meant. Again, if I am the only one who read her post that way, I apologize for derailing.

I hope that you can see that I was telling you, not what Kosmo feels--I don't have that right--but how the wording of your post made ME feel, and how it came across to me, a person who has been repeatedly silenced in discussions very much like this one.

I also hope that you will keep it in the forefront that I appreciate what you are doing in the creation and shepherding of this conversation, and I stand beside you in your goals for it. I just want it to be very clear who is and isn't welcome to post and to answer direct questions.

I fully admit that is my own issue. I. Hate. Conflict. This is NOT a "Good Girl" issue, nor any kind of socialization issue. It is because I am Empathic, which is a psychic skill; I cannot bear to watch people inflict pain on one another because *I* feel it every time. This is my issue; I own it. All I ask from you to help me stay in the conversation is clarity--which you have now given, thank you--about who is welcome to give opinions in the thread.

KayCee 12-08-2009 12:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by christie0918 (Post 17632)
I am a strong, independent, intelligent, feminine, imperfectly perfect, simply complex, female entity. My relationship does not define me. My partnering with a beautifully exquisite masculine female does not define me. Demanding that my voice be heard does not make me less feminine. It does not make me more masculine. Running the world and being Queen of all I see doesn’t make me less feminine or more masculine. It just makes me intelligently strong. It’s just me.

For me, it’s not about letting the world chose my role within it… It’s about me choosing how I am viewed in the world.

Christie
EXACTLY!..

christie 12-08-2009 12:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by christie0918 (Post 17922)
Medusa -

While change is difficult, I have no doubt of your ability to navigate it flawlessly. Tomorrow, I will willingly wear something pink as my lil way of supporting you.

While some might find it a rather trite idea, for those who know that I abhor pink about as much as I do patchouli and Birkenstocks (ya'll can love 'em, I don't have to) and I ONLY wear pink in deference to the Sadistic Bastard's wishes, it is the biggest support I know to offer.

I wish I had such wonderfully wise advice like Isadora. I could only add:

Be kind to yourself.

Blessings,
Christie
Pink socks with lil cherries on them.... check...

Pink scarf.... check...

:danceparty:

SuperFemme 12-08-2009 01:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bit (Post 18236)
{{{{{{{{{{{{{e}}}}}}}}}}}

And there ya have it. Neither of us could see who Blush was looking at when she expanded on that request; you assumed she was "looking around the room" at all the Femmes and asking Kosmo to be quiet; I assumed she was "looking around the room" and inviting participation not just from Kosmo, but from all the Butches and Transmen in the room--expanding her request, not limiting it.

Only Blush can say what she really meant. Again, if I am the only one who read her post that way, I apologize for derailing.

I hope that you can see that I was telling you, not what Kosmo feels--I don't have that right--but how the wording of your post made ME feel, and how it came across to me, a person who has been repeatedly silenced in discussions very much like this one.

I also hope that you will keep it in the forefront that I appreciate what you are doing in the creation and shepherding of this conversation, and I stand beside you in your goals for it. I just want it to be very clear who is and isn't welcome to post and to answer direct questions.

I fully admit that is my own issue. I. Hate. Conflict. This is NOT a "Good Girl" issue, nor any kind of socialization issue. It is because I am Empathic, which is a psychic skill; I cannot bear to watch people inflict pain on one another because *I* feel it every time. This is my issue; I own it. All I ask from you to help me stay in the conversation is clarity--which you have now given, thank you--about who is welcome to give opinions in the thread.
(((Bit))) I am not silencing you with the following post. I really LIKE you and want to gently tell you that there wasn't any conflict here. Boundaries? Check. Purpose of the OP being followed? Check. Silencing? No.

It's hard for *Me* to watch what is happening in this thread. We ARE as Femme's allowed to carve out a safe space to talk about ourselves and things unique to being Femme. About being seen as more than a supporter of all things Butch. It iis not unimaginable to ask butches or trans people to not opine on how a femme should be. Opinions are welcome but within the boundaries set forth.

What IS important here is that you speak for yourself. About yourself.
We are all here with open arms for that. Because often we don't get to do that.

I understand the empath thing. I am extremely empathic and have to work to shield myself. To not take on others feelings. That is hard work but well worth it.

e told you that she and Kosmo had much conversation behind the scene and nobody had hurt feelings. I don't feel like you heard that, and I hope you'll consider it. IF Kosmo had been hurt and/or there was conflict it is up to Kosmo to speak up, work through it and maybe learn in the process.

I had much trepidation about posting to you because you have said numerous times in this thread that you've been silenced a lot. I am speaking to you from both a gentle and loving place. I hope that shines through in what I am trying to say here.


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