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If a tree falls in the forest and it isn't posted on Facebook, did it really happen?
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So wrong but so right.......
Shit straight girls say to lesbians..... |
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"Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you."- (My General) Granny
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No, I don't think all other drivers are idiots......but, some are determined to change my mind!
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Well, if I'd known who you were, I would've let you go first.
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What? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the little voice in my head screaming 'BULLSHIT'
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I hate when you want to sleep and your body's like , no way man, I wanna agonize about everything that happened in the last ten years...
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My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry!
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Ever feel like you need the secret decoder ring to have a conversation with some people?
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"One day she'll start sending you mixed signals, and you'll get mad because she finally learned how to play your game".;)
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They should make a medal for any person who uses an entire tube of chap stick without losing it...
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Now that I am older an "All Nighter" means not having to get up to pee!!
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The secret of enjoying a good wine is to open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
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My second favorite household chore is laundry. My first favorite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.
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There are two food groups in the world: The one you put cheese on, and the one you put chocolate on"
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I walked into the gas station today and asked for $5 worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
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Sometimes...... I wrap myself up in bows and call myself gifted
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I hate it when people say,"Hello?" in horror films.. I mean do they expect the killer to say, "Yeah, I'm in the bathroom, you're out of toilet paper!"
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