Femme Energy
 

Relax~ It really is later than you think
 

Tonight I light this candle in remembrance of my ex who five years ago yesterday had a heart attack and lay in the hospital on life support fighting for her life....little did we know her life was already over. Life support was pulled after a week of being in a medical induced coma and then she lived a little over a week longer. Her actual passing was on June 20th. This is always a difficult couple of weeks for me. May she RIP and know that she will always remain in my memory and my heart.
I truly do miss you, Dooba.
Paul Paul

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Good God, life is so hard sometimes,
please show us the way, clear the path, provide space for healing, let us feel your love, guidance, and support as we struggle in our human lives...

Blessed Be, Amen, and Ashay



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This candle is for anyone who needs it, including but not limited to:

Tommi
Wolfy
Peter
Deanna
Spirit
MBE
Alix

Also lit for one of my good friends Dustin who lost his mom this last week :(

For all who are weary...sending angels to help you through...
 

For my Beloved...i miss you so much...next Friday will be here before we know it...i just loves you!

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Smoking and Alzheimer's
 

This is so sweet and I want to reignite the flame. Thanks for knowing the true pain and suffering of others in need.

At times , I have found being a caretaker is harder than building a house. Peggie quit smoking twenty years ago, but a lifetime of smoking caught up with her, she has COPD and emphysema, lack of oxygen when I found her at home in Sept. and now has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

Peggie turned away the once a week caregiver I hired and was coming on Wednesdays. Said she didn't nees somone to come in and make her lunch and vacuum...I reminded her that I wanted to know she was okay, and that Alma could do the chores, trash, laundry, vacuuming, bring in the mail, check on her meds. Do things she cannot do because of her COPD, and that 50 foot long O2 hose. ...She told me off...I realize that it is not her, but the disease process that is progressing. ..Since I live an hour away and go up on the weekends, can't be out her way in the middle of the week, and travel out of town we agreed to a caregiver mid week.

Before that I asked her how the new medicine was working. Some days all she would say was fine. Then admitted. She threw the Aricept away the doctor gave her two weeks ago for confusion. After taking them twice at bedtime, she refused saying it left her feeling groggy. It has been a rough couple weeks. She called last night and apologized for not talking to me and what she has done. I know she can't help it. She has early Alzheimer's and will be going to live with family soon as the new pulmonologist in Idaho gets her records and sets up the 24/7 oxygen requrements at her Grandaughter's where she will live out her days with family near by.

I am going to fly with her and Freedom Kitty to Boise, ID and get her settled.

Getting estimates from movers to take her bedroom furniture, the recliners, couch and her paintings, and family heirlooms, and anything she wants. We have furniture from two houses there, our home in Idyllwild and stuff I never took when I moved out so many years ago. I want to sell her car, but will have it auto transported to Vale, even though I know she will never drive again. Will be putting the house and all the rest of the contents up for sale by the end of this month.

I don't know what else to do, and Kristal Rose wants to take care of Gramma. I can't put my estranged wife of 20 years in assisted living.

So, the candle light and knowing that we all have burdens and cares that we can share helps. Writing it out even helped. I think I should talk her into selling the car. People with Alzheimer's can't drive. Saying this breaks my hear. Peggie ...is going away.

I light a candle for my cousin Jean that is feeling her loss even more today on what would of been her mother's birthday.

From my heart of hearts: <3 <3 <3
 

I just want Spirit Dancer :rrose: to know how much it means to me - the way she cares for all of us in this community, the loving kindness she has given to me over the years: what a beautiful servant-leader she is.

Tommi? Your post reduced me to tears (in a good way). Your servant leadership in taking care of every detail imaginable for Peggy... is... priceless.

I'm a terribly private woman; moreso, even online (if you can imagine that at all). My own family has experienced waves of death: death of loved ones, death of relationships, death of careers, death in every way you could possibly imagine or experience. Even in my own life, it would seem that death is knocking at my own door - but I refuse to answer.

I guess that may very well be a large part of my own personality: I have never been the kind of woman to bow down in the face of death. I've never been the kind of woman to lay down in the face of extremely challenging times. I may fall dead into bed because I'm flat worn out (exhausted), but there are times where I sit in my own kind of quietness and with a knowing heart, I know that I am doing all that I can do - even if I cannot see where I am going or I am too tired to think anymore or I am tempted to throw a dart on the map and hoping it will land anywhere other than here. But none of the above is possible, it would seem. All I can do is be present, ride this train for all it's worth and hope that I come crashing through to the other side (of who knows where) and arrive with a sweet smile on my face, even though I might have a bit of a tousseled appearance.

I just want all of you to know how much I appreciate you and that not a one of you escape my attention because I want all of you to know how much you've given to my life and how much it means to me, the friendships I have cultivated in this community over the years.

My heart felt love to all of you
and may each day you live, be as
sweet as possible; even if the impossible
dominates your lives for a second or two.

:stillheart:

~D

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Some days are just for being quiet and letting the tears fall...