Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

willing to join a cult that is located in a tropical paradise with no actual agenda

Lazy rule: can`t reach it... don`t need it.

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

without "me" it's just "aweso"

It has been brought to my attention that the stick figure decals on the back windows of vehicles are NOT pedestrian "kill" scores, but, actually are meant to represent members of your family. I'll be removing mine asap to avoid any further confusion. . .

Anyone else find it a bit disturbing that Mrs. Potato head stores her extra parts and her accessories in her ass?

same place . . . .:|

KISSASSECTOMY-The procedure one has to remove their lips from someone's ass.

You know you have had a bad day when your mood ring explodes...

wonders how different the world would be if everyone followed their own advice.

I swear some people have the IQ of a rock and the personality of a pop tart!

Example:


Don't play stupid with me,


I'm better at it...


:|

When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts em down pretty quick.

I love this one
 

Just a few....
 

"No, I don't mind that my ex is seeing someone else. Mother always told me to donate my used toys to the less fortunate.'

"You can't fix stupid; however, you can numb it with a two-by-four"

To continue....
 

"if you only spoke of things you have the capacity to understand, you'd have to become a mime."

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

(on a tee shirt of mine, with a Harley-Davidson)
"My vibrator weighs 1,000 pounds, runs on high octane fuel & you can hear it coming from a mile away."

"Un-f*ck you!"