He said he was confused and wanted clarity. Silly me. I forgot who I was talking to. I gave him some very direct clarity. Turned out, all he wanted was to drag me into the drama so he could point and scream," See! See! They're all meanie heads!" Geesh. He basically got mad because I told him to call someone and apologize like an adult instead of perpetuating the texting/facebook drama. ... yeah, that's me. Always thinking I can actually say what is on my mind. :seeingstars:

Not a great day. This evening, I started having Ménière’s episodes of vertigo, nausea, ringing and imbalance. Some pops in the ole' ear affected, too. I haven't had this happen in quite a long time (in remission for about 6 years) and not such severe vertigo and nausea. But, my niece also has Ménière’s in both ears and has had a very rough time with it throughout the years and lost quite a bit of hearing. I have only lost a little. So, I am grateful that mine has not been as chronic or severe.

So, I can't drive, obviously, but I live close to a BART (our public transportation system) and ought to be able to navigate a walk there in a pinch. But, maybe this episode will be brief. If not in a couple of days, I will have to go to the docs for some medication for the vertigo- but decongestants might help without having to do so. Just have to see.

In the past, these episodes have coincided with stress and anxiety. Great.... but could be. Changes in barometric pressure and sinus infection could be going on, except, I don't feel like my sinuses are infected. And I do know that feeling. But I do have an ear ache.

That despite cliches, they are often true...like, love finds you when you aren't looking and it is often the one you least except. *thoughtful far-off stare* yeah, love is...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Just when I thought my elbow was healing.... I aggravated it tonight working out. Sitting here with an ice pack on it. Damn it! Doesn't it know I have to fight in 2 months!

I hope her arm feels better too much work makes a cranky femme and I dislike that.

Thank god NFL is back on this season.

Laundry day.

Oh so much! My head is spinning and my stomach is churning! Worry does awful things to me!

crisp
 

Autumn and my city's lack thereof.

what's on my mind....
 

How much I miss her. How she lied to me for months and months. How I bought it all. How I'm supposed to overcome this and trust again. How lost and alone I feel.

I am out
 

I left the house on the 16th. I was so terrified because he said he was coming home early so I had to grab what I could and say good bye to the rest. It's okay though they are things and I can live without them. I have what is most important myself and my dog. I left Ridgid and that was the hardest part. Saying good bye to him kissing that big jug head of his and knowing I will probably never see him again. I didn't let him see me cry he wouldn't have understood the tears and I don't want him to remember me crying. What I wouldn't give for one more minute with him though.

The evil ex can still send a text message to my phone through his yahoo account I have blocked the phone numbers but I can't block him from sending them through the computer. He is being over nice I know he simply wants to know where I am. I am not saying a word and will not message him back so he can't track my cell phone.

I will be where I am going sometime today. I am only 4 hours away from there so it should go by quickly.

I feel in a sense empty and yet so alive.

i don't know what to write really so i will end it here.. but just wanted to let my friends know i am okay

(((((((((TKA)))))))))))) I've been really worried about you and am glad to hear that things are okay ........... get to your destination, settle in and please remember to let us know how your doing when you can :rrose:

I wish you the best of luck in the future buddy, you know I always got your back :thumbsup:

The West Memphis 3 might be released today.

I'm not a praying person but I wish with everything I have that Jason, Jessie, and Damien will receive their freedom.

Please Universe, if there is a God, a Buddha, a Baby New Year, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, or one sane judge in podunk Arkansas, PLEASE let the sword of justice work it's swift magic today.

So many things are on my head that my head feels like it's going to explode!

~ Sparx's job is awesome, she's happy, we have our life back - I'm so grateful for this that I just can't stop grinning about it. We came home at the same time last night and made dinner together... ran errands... it was wonderful.

~ Someone beloved is moving away - but (other than the goodbye hug which was definitely one of the best hugs EVER), I'm not sad like I thought I would be because I'm just so damn happy for him. I have this great feeling way down to my toes about it all and it feels like exactly the right thing at exactly the right time which is more than just reassuring, it's peaceful.. it's good. And, now I have an excuse to plan stuff.. always something I'm a big fan of! Mostly I'm just super happy to discover that I'm not at all depressed about it. I thought for sure I'd spend at least a few days sulking - but.. nope. :) Now THAT is a good sign!

~ I won a promo at work which has gotten me a $100 gift card to the place of my choosing... so I asked for Lululemon so I can get my "rolls royce of yoga mats", the Manduka Pro mat. I'm super excited. Hopefully getting the gift card today so I can meet Sparx after work at the mall to pick it up (and made sure our budget will allow me to get a mat-bag and/or carry strap since the Manduka is heavy/bulky and I hope to use it A LOT).

~ I recently scored TWO other yoga mats, one el cheapo at Walmart in the US for only $9 and one gifted by my Unka so now I have a total of three spare yoga mats and one "exercise mat" which can do in a pinch that I can bring with me when I start teaching for drop-in students or to lend people for 'extra cushion' if they need.

~ I'm taking Sparx to go see an Air Supply concert next Friday. I am more excited about this than I could possibly express. Air Supply is <3

One word: Iceland.

Frozen fruit bars DO NOT make good ice packs for elbows.... just sayin

hungry
 

Tomorrow is a dinner party at a friend's home. The theme is 7 deadly sins. I'm taking a fluffy fruit salad to represent sloth. It's pink. It's easy. And most of the ingredients were in my pantry already. But mainly, it's my Ex-spouse's mother's recipe -- one she served at family holidays and Sunday dinners because she knew it was my favorite. My Ex will be at the dinner party. The fluffy fruit salad is a statement. ... One that will go unnoticed. Just as I went unnoticed for years in that relationship. ... *arrrgghhh!* ... ... OK, I guess I'm still mad about a few things ... F#ck. ... Now, where did I put that Thich Nhat Hanh book ...

weekend plans with family, phone and text conversations with her, the fact she makes me laugh like no other.

Feeling like I'm either missing something, or going crazy.

I'm wondering if the fact that my grocery store stopped carrying my favorite ice cubes is worthy of writing them a letter.

One would think that ice tastes the same no matter what size and shape it is.

Today would have been my mom's birthday.. as I miss her dearly. She was my best friend. She accepted me for who I am and loved me unconditionally as well as my girlfriend. I was so blessed to have her in my life. She taught me so much. She will always be in my thoughts and heart.

My daughter, my other best friend, is also on my mind. I hope she is well and safe and happy. I hope she knows I miss her terribly and love her so much. I hope to see her within the next few months.

People near and dear to me and hoping they know how much they mean to me and that I'm blessed to have them in my life.

Friends and BFP members who are going through some concerns and troubles, keep breathing. Step back, relax, and breathe. It does get better.

Went to dinner with my ex tonight. After dinner she was kind enough to help me with my friggin elbow. She did 6 trigger point injections in it for me. They hurt like hell.....but wow, my elbow feels so much better. Should be able to hit the gym tomorrow!

I moved to AR in March to be back closer to my kids. Now my son is moving to CO on Monday. He's moving for work opportunity, but I am sad to see him go. Just feeling kinda down tonite.

(((((((((Pisces)))))))))) I can only imagine how hard it is for you to see him go, if you need a friend I'm here :rrose:

Thank you, Matthew, that really means a lot to me. {{{{Matthew}}}}}