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As the sermon began this morning and the sanctuary got quiet. There was a person...seemingly a man,(from the sound of the it) snoring. I looked in the direction of the sound and noticed others around me looking that direction too. I think with all the activity here, getting up and down to sing and pray how could anyone fall asleep. Well he did a big ole snore again.
Now my friend that invited me and I use to date several years ago. We always have a large time together. She could make Mona Lisa laugh. I knew if she turned and looked at me when he snored again we would both have to leave church from busting out laughing. Cuz I'm telling you it was loud. So when church was over I thanked her for not turning and looking at me while that man was snoring, cuz I knew we'd crack up. She said what man snoring. I said you didn't hear that man on the other side of you snoring so loud. Thank God we were outside by this time cuz she said, that wasn't a man that was Leonard :sunglass: I said Leonard? She said yeah Leonard our music directors dog. Didn't you see him nudge Leonard to wake him up? See I told you it was an all welcoming church. |
Yep, that is a sausage, someone's grandma and a vibrating bed...
My youngest daughter turns me onto the funniest things and I just laughed out loud at this (the whole website is a crack-up, AkwardFamilyPhotos):
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/wp-co...1630716941.jpg |
this happened last nite. when were laying in bed talking when we started talking about when we first started dating and some of the conversations we had and this is what was said
me: I remember u telling me not to be upset if xyz doesnt happen cuz it never has cinn: I hope I didnt sound all butchy and all me: trying to sound all girly i tried to repeat what i said a minute before we both just started to roll and are still laughing about it this morning |
What cracked me up...
Sitting in staff meeting.... (next to the director no less)
director: So we have a lot to talk about with this new program change. First we should take this time to congratulate... (pause) *looks at me* What's your name again...? me: Oh come on, you know... the blind one with "people!" director: Touche! you got me damnit! Ahahahaaaaaaaa :cracked: This man is going to put me in an early grave from death by laughter!! ____________________ Then talking about a problem kid taking a college entrance exam and doing rather well on it... director: I didn't know he was considering school psychologist: Interesting. What does he think he wants to study? director: He's psychotic, do you really think he's even got an idea? me: *stood up to walk out of the meeting with a dead-pan look on my face* I heard he planned to study psychology! director: Oh, you're on a roll today aren't you!? Hee hee hee... :rofl: |
this did
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an encounter with a friend's roommate that asked us to help someone go hang curtain rods and blinds...
me: where's the drill bits? them :I don't know. me: you brought the drill but no drill bits? them: I don't know what drill bits look like. you mean those things that make holes? me: *blank stare * them: I don't know nothing about drill bits." me: *sifting thru the tool box, looking like Beaker and Fozzy Bear* quietly reminding self that not everyone is mechanically inclined. |
I remember every one of these sayings!
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A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (who is about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it! :cracked: |
PEEPS...they come in CHRISTMAS PEEPS...I've never seen them at Christmas time....they come in all of the Christmas/winter designs..snowmen, Christmas trees, stars and I don't know what all else.
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A picture text of Tractor Supply "meet me here" She knows it's my favorite store.
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A friend of mine sending me this video cracked me up!!!
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the story that cracked me up starts at 10:50 on this clip
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LOL...watching Stella the Bloodhound go skidding across an ice puddle on our after work walk...I can't wait till we have a Big snow :)
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I dare you not to crack a smile!
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When I arrived at work and realized I am wearing two different shoes. Both are black but the left one has a higher sole. I look like I need a V-8. :-)
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During safety training today...about 6 of us with smart phones got the blizzard warning alert at the exact same time...lol
Weather bug...works...even in the middle of nowhere Nebraska |
Last night as we were riding threw McAdenville looking at Christmas lights, I said when we get to the other end I'll make the round about and we'll go back threw and get out at the lake.....I passed the round about because I knew there was a Burger King at the light and we could rest there and go back threw.
OMG.......at the light, I turned left and as far as you could see was bumper to bumper traffic. About 3 miles of 2 lane traffic waiting to get into McAdenville, I said you still want to go back? She said no lets not....LOL it would have been fun to go back threw and get out at the lake, but on the news we saw that people had waited in line for hours to go threw and they cut them off at 11 and a lot of cars were turned away. Not good for them, but it cracked me up because my analness to always be early paid off this time, although we were in traffic even getting there early, at least we did get to go threw. |
Teddy told me about this...
They really DO think of everything these days :|
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfu...-link-4422.php |
My little princess...Oh Lordy she is a mess. She doesn't say much on her own but she can say anything you ask her to say. She has learned a cute little phrase that obviously her Mom tells her Daddy when she is upset with him. When the little princess wants you to leave her alone, she in her tiny little two year old voice says....."GO TO WORK"! ROFL She was really showing out tonight and finally her Moma, popped her leg. She didn't cry or squeal or pout. She jerked her head and glared at me, like are you really going to let her get by with that. She knows exactly how to push my buttons.
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The Pussy Snorkel... |
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I thought you were joking. No, apparently some guys out there just can't finesse it. |
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I can remember a few times when I was nearly suffocated by too strong to control legs :| |
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legs or buns of steel could kill a person |
:praying:I was being attacked by a girlfriend who was trying to be a sea turtle and sounding like a muppet at the same time... I was frightened but also very amused byher antics.
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Another staff from another program asking several times in the morning for me to do diiferent things for her, like posting specific program notes or asking me to make a folder for a new form that will be used with the kids or the best of all... plopping down in the seat next to me while I'm typing logs at the desk and saying in a leaned-in whisper, "It's like this, and I see you haven't noticed but when I talk I need attention. It's all about me damn it! Pay attention. Focus."
Yeh lol... never letting up on my typing, never taking my eyes off of the screen... I just bust out laughing, lose my straight face and tell her to get over it. :superfunny: I had to walk away I was laughing so hard... |
I asked my GF her how she did in HS sports.
Turns out she was voted most athletic and the president of the GAA in HS. :outfield::golf::basketball: I said that I was last picked for all team sports and she said, "No, honey, you were voted most likely to sit on the president of the GAA's lap". Cracked me up. |
My client was watching a show called Mongrels...very adult humor...but very amusing!
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driving home on a rainy ugly day, on a busy road, a large white goose and gander stopped traffic while they slowly waddled across the road... barely off the edge on the other side, they turned around, stuck their heads up and proudly -in a pissed off tone- squawked, hissed and honked their disapproval at the van in front of me...as if they had road rage!! ..they didn't care the van outweighed them by 3 housand times...they had a story to tell and didn't care if they stopped traffic!
lmao! |
Mullets- need I say more?
It was a little disturbing that I've seen so many mullets lately. That's one part of lesbian hair history I don't want to come back. |
Some people call it a mullet. I prefer to call it nasty.
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ps. The Space Cadet and the Strawbale are a pair of those very dykes of a certain wotsit. |
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Not *gone* but I certainly haven't seen anything to indicate it was still popular in the last oh 15 years or so. |
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It's definitely not 'popular' but some do seem to grimly cling on to their hey-day hair-do. :| |
And attire!
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What creacked me up today.... so far?
Sending Spritz a text about being on my game again now that I am feeling better but auto-correct choosing to input "hand" instead of game!! Ahahahaaaaaaa :superfunny: I hate you auto-correct!! :rofl: |
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Highly recommended. |
.......sleepy talk...... :D
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It was last night but...
I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for bed...I decided to let the dogs out one last time...they just go out in the yard and come right back....
So....me still in my towel, I opened the door and looked out the storm door (we HAVE had coyotes in the area before, so I check first) and saw a long dark shadow against the car right by the stairs...I screamed, reached for the light (NOT the door to slam it shut as I should have...) turned on the light and then promptly dropped my towel. :| The shadow was MY shadow.. and that got me into hysterics about being scared of my own shadow...not to mention the show I MAY have given our (Thankfully only) neighbor.... |
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