It never occurred to me that it was possible for a human being to complain that much ... But evidently if you put your mind to it, anything is, indeed, freaking possible. *grumpgrumpgrump*

I don't want to walk the dog out in the cold. But she has to go and I love her. Heck, if I can work out in it then I sure as hell can walk her. I'm just being lazy.

Thinking about doors. Thinking about those who have held open doors for me quietly, held them open with a flourish and bow, those that surrounded doors and cheered me through them. Those that walked through doors without me. Those that will walk with me through doors yet to come to.

About a hundred different thoughts lol :) too much to deal with today :|

Moving. which means going thru 13 years of things, separating mine from hers, As I'm moving to my new home (hopefully next week!) she is moving back into this house I now consider it just a house, it has not been a home for a long long time. I'm not sad about it, it feels good to finally be done with it all. We plan on putting it on the market in March I hope it sells quickly, this house is the last link between us. We parted as friends and there have been no hard feelings on either side but I have still felt in limbo for the past year.

My moving day is February 1- my movers will be here at 8am, Ikea will be delivering my new furniture the same day between 1-5pm, and the cable/internet company will be coming between 4-6pm. So much to do still...

I just found out that a close friend is very ill. I'm numb at the moment. I know I will come out of the numbness and be there for her throughout. But, tonight I just need to be numb so I get the courage up to face this outside of myself to be as good of friend as she has always been to me.

mmm...wondering how your day is....what you're thinking of....how our kids did in school today....if the monster will want food soon.....

Bruised, battered and tired. Damn!!! My job is killing me. Lol

It takes a lot, but i'm pissed. My best friend,attempting to provide advice on how to dress for a job interview, suggests that I try to look "pretty" and wear a "blouse." First off, i've never blown a job interview. Second, i've never given him the slightest impression that i'm even remotely female. I'm pissed and yet, can't really say much right now until this job is in the proverbial bag, I have insurance and can begin transitioning. I don't throw f-bombs around, but this evening, I am.

Death and Birthdays. I didn't realize until a few days ago, the 3 deaths in my life in 2011, were people that had birthdays 3 days in a row in 2012. Today, tomorrow and Thursday. Yes, it happened every year, b-days in a row. They're still in a row, none of them are here to have the celebration. Just feels really weird.

I'm still too pissed off at 2 of them to wish them happy anything.


I love you, mom. Happy Birthday.

Massive
 

I feel for ya,im up at 2:15am cause my back and hip is keeping me up with throbing pain.Im dealing with the medicaid system hear thats really bad about throwing more pain pills at the problem insted of doing something about it,the pain and spazzims have been going down my sciatica from mid back to my tail bone right on down my leg,it burns something awfull and I cant take another pain pill for hours,I try real hard not to take any more meds than I have to..everytime I take a step its like a bear is chewing off my leg and hip the more I walk the worst it is.I hope you find some relief from your problems,we all deserve better from the folks who are suposed to keep us in good health.

What to do about my lost W2's. :(

Ok all set with my W2's. Thanks everyone. On another note, I need help. I never ask for help but I'm doing it now. This is how desperate I am. I need something to ward off all this negativity and help get my chakra in line. I'd look myself but I really want to do this right. I know I can order stuff online but I want to deal with a real person who lives their lives with this kind of stuff. Just something on a rope to wear so I can stop having all these problems. Of course it would help if my mom would move but that won't happen until she finds housing. My year started off not good. I'm tired of being stressed and falling down stairs or losing stuff. Please help. I'd rather it be something made from a Wiccan or someone who knows that stuff So if anyone could help then thanks.

Sagittarius: You could feel a bit uneasy as the changeable Gemini Moon visits your 7th House of Partnerships. You're not trying to offend anyone, but your need to be honest outweighs any other desires today. If you're not walking your talk now, you'll end up diminishing your spirit. As long as you remember to act compassionately to others, your journey of self-discovery will continue to be a source of inspiration.

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Ouch. Just, ouch. OK, thank you, Universe. I needed that knock on the noggin' ... *sigh*

Sending lots of love and light your way, PinkieLee. I know how stressful the wait can be. :bunchflowers:

Warm white light of energy coming your way, Pinkie...and to D's mom...BIG hugs all of you...Clay

life is full of unexpected surprises.. some good and some not.. but its worth the ride!

I like thinking that I bought a new home, so I wouldn't be bothered with many of those pesky home repairs. It's just shy of twenty years now, and it's no longer new. The pesky repairs are popping up and I'm not nearly as patient as I used to be.:sunglass: Over the weekend, I decieded to investigate why, periodically, the toilet would run. The rubber flapper was all distorted and needed replaced. While at Home Depot, I bought a two tier flush system to install.

The first step to the installation was to turn of the water supply. No problem. Except, I snapped the valve stem right off! Now that needs replaced. I was so ticked off and calling it nice french names, I some how
snapped the bottom of the toilet seat half off. My attempt to remove the rather nice toilet seat (now broken) encountered faux brass bolts that had rusted and the plastic nut is on so tight, the faux brass bolt has to be sawed off with a hack saw blade with barely any room to work....and I really should saw from underneath to avoid scratching the porcelain bowl.

Why didn't I just buy the $4.58 rubber flapper and leave everything alone??? I'm afraid to touch anything right now for fear of what it will lead to next. My ego will not permit me hiring a professional for these pesky repairs..

That bathroom is closed until further notice.

well, this is a really sensitive topic. I have been having a D/s relationship with a male. His name is Christopher. Christopher has his own apartment. Well, he did until recently. He moved in with me to tend to me while I recovered from my shoulder surgery. While I loved him dearly, I would not commit to being in love with him because I had been hurt one too many times. I wanted a tender D/s relationship and that was all. We negotiated the terms and found what suited us both and agreed upon it.

but while he was tending to me this time, something softened inside me. He had helped me during my stumach surgery as well, but he wasnt living with me. I think because he was here around the clock and because we had developed such an intense D/s relationship, which you know is founded in trust, I felt myself release....

part of me is very puzzled because he is a genetic male. But he is also a budding MtF. He charms me like no one ever has, in a feminine way. Which then compounds the puzzlement. And in the mist of this puzzlement, I have admitted to myself, I am falling in love. Well no, I Am in love. Not what I ever expected but hey....

I still consider myself a lesbian. Many will not consider me as such. And many will not approve of me falling for a man. But, I dated FtMs. I as a lesbian when I dated them. I was a lesbian before I ever had a relationship with a female. In my core, I am a lesbian. I just happened to have fallen in love with a man. A man who is a budding MtF...a damn femme MtF too. Everything about me has turned upside down and inside out. Funny thing tho, if you do that to a pair of pants, they are still a pair of pants. They dont become a shirt. So i am still a lesbian no matter how I turn me.

so...this is what is on my mind. I softened. I am in love. I probably will marry him. We are both poorer than church mice but its better to be poor together than to be on your own and feel vulnerable and anxious on your own...

this too is what I meant when i said my life changed for the better when I turned 55, in a different thread. I have always cared deeply for him but its official now and I can share it with you...I am in love and i am going to get married....but, not in any hurry to do that. Probably not for a few years. Maybe 5. I tend to have cold feet....thats no surprise now is it?

not a whole lot...but little things.... like how her day was....or what shes thinking.....wonderin if my monster will be out of the bath before dinner gets cold lol....how much i love my family.....how bad i want to visit....knowing im going in the right direction.....your hand in mine....forever...and still being in awe of ow things came together....the intense ...but calm....and completely comfortable nature of our relationship

my poor puppy Delilah... she has been missing for 2 nights now and it snowed and is still snowing.. is she cold I wish she would come home.. my daughter is crying so hard and I cant stop worrying that the pup is cold and hungry.. what if someone finds her that fights dogs.. she is a pit bull and very big for her lil 6 months of age. everything is going thru my mind im so upset over the pup

Sagittarius: You know where you stand in the world today now that the Moon is in your 10th House of Public Responsibility. You have more confidence about what you're doing at work, but this doesn't mean you should hide any feelings of uncertainty. In fact, sharing your vulnerability now might open a doorway to a beautiful experience with someone very special. Don't let an opportunity get away from you; tell a friend or loved one how important he or she is to you when you have the chance.

Just tired from the day. Going to relax and watch tv. Hang with my pets.