|
I am thinking what a strange place to be in. all the in betweens and unknowns. the strange struggles of what I think I've figured out not being figured. Yet I am finding more love, more faith and more contentment. I just have no idea what to make of the current life dichotomies.
|
Why cant I see my friends online? I must of pressed something. Sheesh!
|
Forgiveness -
Not something that comes easy, especially forgiving myself. Looking back, i am not proud of many things .. Looking back and dwelling is certainly "not" on my list of things to do anymore - however, moving forward for me right now involves revisiting many parts of my past & finding forgiveness for myself & releasing it to the Universe.. i also have amends to make with people i pushed out of my life for unfair reasons.. i was a selfish being and stuck within my disease of being a compulsive overeater/food addict - and isolated myself from reality and i know i have hurt people in the process.. i feel a tremendous guilt for that and know that the roadblock i have hit is because i need to take it to the next level.. So, i'm overwhelmed with emotions, and i know i am in the right mindset about this because i am dealing with the hard honesty with myself and struggling for ways to do this.. to reach out, apologize, explain and even if i get a royal F.U in return, i know that i have done what i needed to release it because i need the peace of mind to move forward again.. This is the maybe the most difficult part of my journey.. And of everyone i know, i am the hardest on myself - earning my own forgiveness will be one difficult task, and when i receive it i'll know i earned it and earned it well.. i want my life back.. ♥ doing that one step at a time. |
Work- seeing a position that I really want and have basically been doing for the past year on the 2012 new hire/promotion report.
Life- coming home to my new apartment, and the fact that I will never again be in the one I lived in with my partner for 7 years, still feels surreal. I keep expecting to wake up. |
Fishing !.............
|
Sagittarius: You may feel as if you're climbing the walls today, especially if your creativity is being restrained in any way. You are so eager for action that you could overlook your responsibilities in order to pursue your original ideas. Unfortunately, you are still expected to perform according to the rules; if you don't measure up, your brilliant efforts won't have a chance to shine. Don't quit; your persistence enables you to meet your obligations while also expressing your unique perspective.
|
Trying to get over feeling ill today :blink:
|
charging starvation indicator :phonegab:
|
Having a hard time containing my excitement :clap:
|
Trying to decide if I want to retire in 8 years.
|
my ma....
my apartment inspection that took place this morn sans yours truly... the work i'm not doing at the moment.... :p |
How cool it was to walk around town with my well behaved pup in tow both of us enjoying the sun.
Syr relaxing in the car while i got a walk in for my pup and me. |
That i like my gentle spirit.. i don't compliment myself often, but as i walk this journey, i'm finding out i'm not all that bad..*smiles* i like the way i walk this path, my genuine heart & that i don't lash out when i feel bullied.. i rise above, and wish people peace within, regardless.. & turn my cheek .. Because life is frigging wonderful & dwelling in negativity would be time i can't get back.. It feels great, to be living life again & loving things about me. To feel worthy, and have some confidence.. And to be passing that on to my daughter - she's loving the confident mom, and learning lots from it too.. Look at her grow!! Loving it. That makes my heart smile , BIG. |
ahhh.. I think I can take a deep breath now. My eyes have been opened even more and wow. I am glad for someone who can just tell ya like it is . Makes me really look and its so appreciated
|
Sagittarius: Even if you're very upbeat today, you don't seem able to get a handle on what's directly ahead. It's especially challenging if your friends appear to resist your progress instead of encouraging you along. Keep in mind that their real motivation may be to help you get your life together. Listening to the advice you receive now can be just what you need to get your plans back on track.
|
a certain someone and all that has aspired...
|
An Amtrak trip down to San Francisco. Hmmm...
|
It's so cold I can't feel my feet, and I can't work out what on earth my cat is doing to be making so many odd noises :|
|
I really really really don't want want to go to work tomorrow. Sucks!
|
A phone conversation with a gal pal of mine tonight -
She really is one of my most wonderful friends...i work with her & went to school with her back in Elementary School days.. She called to tell me, that if i lose another 20 lbs, shes taking me out shopping and i'm losing the baggy clothes.. i told her of my green pants burning ceremony that Mtn is having when i bring them to Oregon with me, they're His fave pants of mine.... :| i'm still so self conscious about my body - but she is one determined girl and ahh her positive spirit and encouragement was lovely, really. It was nice to catch up with her OTHER than work related things.. Her crush, our children, my upcoming trip to Oregon & she loves my happiness these days.. All of my friends love my happiness, and they sooo can't wait to meet Him.. girl gabbing is SUCH fun, :awww: |
Sagittarius: Yesterday's uncertainty gives way to a new wave of confidence today that is bolstered by your friends. Instead of struggling to justify your choices now, all you need to do is show up and others seem to approve. The positive feedback may seem puzzling at first, but don't waste energy wondering what's going on. Instead, be grateful for your support network and focus on your plans for the future.
|
Looking forward to a wonderful evening with a friend and a special person who has made this week more pleasant :candle:
|
how fun dis would be...
|
Awww man, I just heard Whitney Houston died. They didn't say why yet and broke over Charlie Brown to say she has died at 48 years old. How truly sad. She had such a beautiful voice and she could act too. I was so rooting for her comeback, she was so talented. Sadness, but I pray she is in a better happier place, perhaps singing with the angels and at peace. Long sigh.....
~~~shark~~~~~~~ |
This is on my mind….
Last week I got a message on a dating site I have a profile on; I was intent to send the standard reply of: “Thank you for your interest. I’ve just started dating someone and seeing how it goes. I wish you every success, etc, etc.” ….Only, the message is from a woman I went to school with; she was always hetero, or so everyone believed. She asked if we could chat, as she’s lost some friends since the break up of her relationship a year ago and finds Cornwall a little isolating. Whilst I understand how she feels and I'm happy chatting and reminiscing on old times, etc,….intuitively something isn’t right; I can’t say what. I know in time I’ll find out, so, I’m keeping all contact with her strictly to the dating site. I have explained that I’m dating and it’s still early days. The messages sor far have been about school....who married who.... where they live....what they've done and a little about her life sincing leaving school. I’ve asked for advice on how to handle this from my English cousin, K and some close friends, as it’s not one I’ve encountered before. The general opinions are to continue chatting with her on the site, that way should she turn negative, the site Customer Services can deal with it and read any messages. |
Just thinking about what needs to be done today, thinking about the things I need to get because instead of a Hamster.. my daughter has convinced me to get her two guinea pigs.. am i insane? :praying:
|
late night/early am calls
|
My mind is quite a scary place to navigate lately... with roadblocks, detours, deadly cliffs and winding roads... broken bridges and dangerous hazards... the effects of some disastrous storm waging inside my head.
It has been my chore these last few weeks to try and make my way through it a bit... find the core of the storm... and stop any further destruction... I have sought the help of others, made lists, and implemented changes in my life... things are getting better again, but the challenge seems vast some days... I know that others say that I am doing well, but I suppose I just expect more then that from myself. |
My Mama is currently on my mind. I found out yesterday that she's in the hospital and will be for 5-7 days. We are somewhat estranged at the moment but have always been very close so this is especially hard. We swapped a few texts yesterday about whether I need to go home and take care of her. We will make that decision after her week in the hospital. I just feel so alone and very scared for her.
|
The face of KODAK has changed
I'm not positive where I got my *brownie* at. Even back then, it was called a point and shoot. With it's faux, but tasteful, leather wrappings. In between I played with some off brands, like the polaroid and the 110 spy camera, that produced grainy pictures. I did love the instamatic with the four flash *cube*. Hearing Kodak was closing the doors on the Camera productions made me take a look at my collection over the years. Flash devices and 35 mm win by far. I even have a few of the familiar yellow and red film boxes. Unopened. Not sure what I was waiting on. ASA's from 100 to 400, pretty standard. Also a stash of empty film containers. Laughing, a few are tin. There is a time line here. It gives me a new meaning to the words KODAK MOMENT.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vtpfpPf-Bg...nie-camera.jpg |
Quote:
|
Classic vest pocket cameras!
http://i934.photobucket.com/albums/a...vestpocket.jpg |
What I should have woke up too... *chuckles*
|
Sagittarius: Social activities are fun, but you may grow bored with shallow communication today. Fortunately, this is a great day for spiritual renewal and your beliefs can guide you through a complex situation. You could even remember something from your past that deepens your convictions. However, you aren't required to share your inner experience with anyone now; there's no need to explain where your inspiration comes from. Simply aim the arrow of your intentions high without settling for less.
|
what I got today and whats coming ... yup happy boi
|
its hard to tell since im not feeling well.....but general thoughts of life....and love.....and happiness all seem to b in there.....hoping i can take a trip soon....n hopin im still doin a good job at keepin things balanced...my beautiful dear ones and our kids are the ...best thing to ever happen....and im going to do everything i can to give em what they need...i know we all have our own battles....but together we're unstoppable...
|
that i jus' spend $2500 on air fare in october/november, but would spend twice dat again to wake up next to her...
|
Unicorns :blink:
|
I'm in a mood to hide with a good book today and not have to deal with the cold weather or the gray office walls.... If I could pull a book from my shelves today it would have to be something by Carey. I'm hungry for her lyrical writing style and vivid descriptions of beauty and grace.
“I would that I could have stopped time and preserved that day forever. It was a perfect day. There was the shadow of sorrow, yes. It would always be there. But that was the nature of life. The bright mirror and the dark, reflecting one another. And today there was so much brightness.” ― Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel's Mercy |
Valentines Day :cheer:
|
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:54 AM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018