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I think I confuse self-indulgence with self-nurturing as well.
I emotionally overeat. Not particularly nurturing in the big picture, obviously, as it feeds other issues other than indulging myself. But if you take food out of the picture, some of the ways I nurture myself are: *having 'me' time and being able to articulate that I need personal time and to set healthy boundaries concerning that time *listening to music (this can be part of my me time but not necessarily) *enjoying a good (usually naughty) book *watching a good, funny movie *working out *taking a walk in the sunshine *using super fantastic smelling and feeling soaps, gels and lotions *sleeping *being domestic (in small amounts, preferably before I get ticked off at doing so much work) *shopping (even just window shopping or browsing online) *girls' nights/days and true friendship in general *allowing someone to love me and show me that love in their own way, be it friend or lover |
excellant points of distinction between indulgence and nurturing. I indulged. I overcompensated for not being loved as a child and also, not knowing how to, in my attempts, I would go hog wild. My addiction to alcohol started out as an attempt to nurture. It was indulgence and then a crutch and then a need and then an addiction.
I have lived in pendulum swings. None or too much. In my 50s I am learning to moderate and find a balance and to know that too much is too much and too little isnt enough. And, that it all comes from me...not outside myself...first and foremost. Because I wasnt loved as a child, (or I should say, as much as a child should be loved, for I know my parents DID love me, just didnt express it) I grew up eager to find it outside of myself..to fill that void left in me. What a fiasco that has been. No matter where I go, there I am. Void and all. No one can fill it but me. And the way it gets filled is thru nurturance, no indulgence. good one, Arwen... |
Every night, even if just out of the shower, I wash my feet by hand. I dig that.
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Do we have anymore self nurturers out there? :thumbsup:
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I practice breathing, deeply not from the chest but the center..
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Pray
Read the spiritual Masters play my piano or flute Jump in the car Jump in the whirlpool workout plan a better budget think about my goals and dreams etc. talk with folks who will be there for me just in case.. |
I am practicing self nurturing today by going to the Podiatrist to have my foot checked out...something I have been avoiding for a few years now.
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To take care of me I do things I want to do for me,I dont deny myself simple things I enjoy like I did before,If I see something I like I often get it,go to a movie I havent seen.Last year I went whole hog into playing pool so now im on two teams ones a mixed team the other a ladies team.The best thing im finding me while doing this...not shure how I lost me but its working out if that makes any sence.
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Today is the first day of a new month, the first day of a new work week and there is a new moon at the end of this week. Everything appears to be lined up for new beginnings - at least for me.
That being said, I am nurturing myself by taking back my life and taking care of me. For the past many months I have been "sort of" following the food programme from my doctor so it did not come as a surprise when I got on the scale last week and found that I had re-gained some of the weight I fought so hard to lose - not a lot but enough. That's hardly taking care of myself. Re-reading some of the posts in this thread - especially the ones by Arwen, Gemme and Softness about self-indulgence v. self-nurturing has given me strength, encouragement and hope. Thank you ladies. :rrose: |
I am absolutly horrible at nurturing myself..
It's a nasty circle.. I feel guilty for taking/giving myself what I need to be a balance, healthy individual... So I stop.... I get resentful of not having the things I need and I go into a state of inertia. Depression, hopelessness, soon follow... Pull myself up and out of depression by sheer will.. Take what I need for myself and then the cycle starts all over again... I've always been an all or nothing kind of woman, balance is very hard for me... and the ways different parts of me need to be nurtured are so very different... I really do have a two distictly different sides... (No, not split personalities.. Just very much a gemini) On one hand... I need to provide a home for my family... I need to take care of someone... (This is the part of me that I think of as a sterotypical 50's housewife... It really does give me soul satisfaction to have a clean house, fresh bread out of the oven, drink and slipper in hand for the head of my household to come home too..) On the other hand... What I need to be nurtured is Time... Time to walk Time to wander Time to think Time to process I need to be by water... I need to listen to music that moves me to dance... I need to dance like a whirling dervish, I need to work in a garden, I need read good books and think about what I read...I need to play my drum and let it make my mind still.. I need to get my hands dirty in clay, I need to let my imagination take over and lose myself in a box, or a mirror, or what ever needs to be transformed...I need time before the sun comes up to think and process and fill my soul with the quiet...and then if I can be filled enough with these things... I need time to pick up my camera and show how I see the world, time to write what is in my heart, my soul.. Because the base of what I need is quality and quanity time alone.. (Not even a phone call or a txt message)The others build on this first step... If I don't do the first three, then I can't process what is going on inside of me, then I don't know who I am, If I don't know who I am, I can't let go of control enough to dance, or beat the drum.. If I can't let go of control, then I can't create, If I can't create then I can't feel my soul, If I can't feel my soul, then I can't find my quiet place, If I can't find my quiet place then I can't write, and I can't take pictures... If I take what I need, then the guilt sets in.. It's almost impossible to be in a relationship when you need to be alone the majority of the time... When someone loves you, they sort of want to spend time with you... Then there is the entire housewife vs artist thing... lol.. I've tried to combine the two. The flowers came out beautiful, but I burned the roast and blew up the challah... It's hard to focus on the outside world when you are lost in clay... I have to find a way to balance the two.. The hole I just pulled myself out of was so dark and so deep, that I didn't think I was going to make it.. I've thought about SSRI's but taking a pill vs giving myself what I need? I'm resistant... It's like taking lactate so I can eat cheesecake, when my body says.. I don't like that... If I don't figure out a way to balance the two, then I am going to end up choosing myself and leaving the best relationship that I have ever had... I really don't wanna do that... |
It is really helpful to read how others nurture themselves. I can spin off when stressed and not pay attention to what my body and mind tells me I need. Often, I am so ruled by a history of putting other's first and that is not good. Then, I can go too far in trying to stick up for myself. Balance is the key... not so good at this.
There are many good ways to to self-nurture posted and I am going to pay attention to you all! In a very stressful situation right now and I need to get better with self-care! Thanks! |
Hi Random :)
I would offer to you that perhaps here lies the problem... Quote:
I do get the struggle you are in. On the one hand I see that you know what you need in order to be healthy, and on the other there is the guilt. Learning to self nurture will help a lot with removing that guilt though. So I say to you, you are not at fault for taking/giving yourself what you need to be a balanced, healthy individual. You will be a stronger partner if you take care of you. If you enjoy reading you may be interested in reading Radical Acceptance...it has opened my eyes about the ways I have limited myself, through self judgment. Peace Jesse |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
It is very difficult for me to nurture myself, I'm fabulous in doing so for others, but the *g* word interferes with the self nurture, but I am learning. My horses, dogs, cats, gardening and my antiques and other old "things" feed me when I'm low. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Part of others nurturing me, is aksing/reaching out for what I need from others, this too is difficult, and a learning process. I was not nurtured as a child, therefore, I set out in life to be a different kind of mother. Asking for and receiving what I need is "selfishness" ingrained into me deeply since birth, it's really hard, but I am overcoming that! When I ask a partner or family member for what I need to feel nurtured, (just little things) I return that ten-fold, so it's to your advantage, LOL 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? NO, see above. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? Not so much anymore, it's so infrequent these days as I have a special needs adult child who is demanding a lot of time and effort, I also work the graveyard shift which is all consuming, by the days off, so much is needed to be done for the household in the way of everyday chores, bill pay, grocery shopping, general cleaning etc. BUT, I do find time albeit small snipets for myself. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? No, not at all!!! Self nurturing is paramount to being a whole person who is able to handle what life throws, and life does throw!!! My horses are my air, my drug, my therapy. They are seen as indulgences by my family and some friends, but? I'm very good lately about saying that it really doesn't effect them and is really none of their business, may seem harsh, but setting boundaries with family and toxic friends to me, is self nurturing and necessary to live!! I still act out of guilt now and again, but I am a work in progress!! |
I am having a off day today... Random my fellow Gemini sister... Thank you... Your post speaks volumes to me... I walk a very similar path... We very well could be walking side by side... I have ALWAYS nurtured those around me... Is it possible that some people are just born to be nurturers? Because I am a mom, does this make me predisposed to nurture and take care with those around me? Just more questions to ponder... Quote:
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LOL, though.... I learned that I have such thick toe nails, this doc had to trim them with bone cutters!!! Who knew!!! |
leave work early, change into fluffy robe and slippers, eat whatever I am craving and watch tv.
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i have a sketch pad (size large) where i draw events that i find disturbing.
sometimes i make one of these events into a comic strip. --it's all very satisfying, i highly recommend it. |
I never buy cheap toilet paper.
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My favorite one to date is the one where Buster and Chester are about to battle and I am in between them. Buster has Ninja throwing stars and numchucks. Chester looks like an angel. |
Thought this might be appreciated here...
I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.
I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness as it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. - Og Mandino |
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