Butch Femme Planet - "This is my truth"

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- Thinking Harder (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=134)

- - "This is my truth" (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2944)

It is kind of wild that one phrase can have such dramatically different interpretations, isn't it?

Isn't this kind of unusual?

Darn, if I was one who used this term I think I'd stop using it or clarify it (at least in the written word where you have no body language, facial expressions, inflections in speech, etc.), because people would have such different interpretations as to what I was saying!

Great question. I say all.the.time that I am "living my truth", (yes, in RL, and no, I don't own any pearls, lol) and that others should be allowed to live theirs. What I mean specifically by that, is that I feel we each have the right, and the power to decide what is true for us, how we choose to live and be. No one else has the right to tell me how to live my life, nor do I have the right to tell them how to live theirs. It isn't really about what I believe so to speak.. just what *I* decide is right and wrong for me as an individual.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 300325)

I don't see it as "one phrase can have such a dramatically different interpretation". As I stated before, if one looks at the phrase AS IT IS typed "My truth" or "this is true to Me" one will see that it is coming from a personal level.

Why stop using the phrase? I personally do not think that it needs clarification(when it comes to "I believe" or "My truth..".). I take the phrase as it is coming from a personal level. In my opinion, being able to see someone's body language or facial expression does not always matter when I am reading from the "My" truth perspective.

I have also noticed there have been times that the post is not thoroughly read. Do not get me wrong, I have been guilty of it also. That is why I try to thoroughly read and perhaps re-read the post to make sure I did not miss anything. Of course, I have not seen it in this particular thread, but I have in others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnackTime (Post 300373)

Hey, Snacktime.

Please know I am not being critical of the phrase. I am just wading through my thoughts on it.

It seems to me that some people read a defensive posture behind the statement, when a person may mean nothing more than, "I believe".

That's all I am saying.:)

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ETA: I am thinking that some folks do not see "This is my truth" as meaning the exact same thing as "this is true for me". I personally don't. I don't know what people mean. Hence the reason I started the thread.

Wow a simple question has turned into quite the conversation piece...

For me saying "My" Truth" putting the emphasis on the word "my" as i have seen in other responses...It is about who i am as a person, respecting my self as well as others..

My Truth, I have 3 adult children, this may not be true for others

My Truth, i wear many many hats in this world from being a mother to my title at work to how i spend my free time...

The truth of my life isn't necessarily yours however together we can make the world a better place.

There are a ton of ways to use this phrase...

For me its personal, not guarded and in no way saying "back off", its simple actually.(for me anyway)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam (Post 300303)

Four Types of ‘Truth’
Published by Andrew Bernardin

If a truth is the perception that “it is so,” there are different types and perhaps levels of truth.

1. personal truth 
A personal truth is what is true for an individual. For example, one person may believe that chocolate ice-cream is the best. Nothing said could alter his/her perception that “it is so.” He or she may consider your own favorite, strawberry to be inedible.
Personal truths reflect physiological attributes, psychological tendencies and the learning and experiences of an individual.

2. social truth 
A social truth is what a distinct group perceives to “be so.” Social truths reflect group history, customs, and values. For example, to group “A” it may be true that the neighboring group, group “B,” is the enemy and thus a threat. But group “C” might not find this to be so. Or group “A” may believe that Saturday is the holy day, while group “B” claims it is Sunday.

3. human truth 
A human truth reflects and pertains to the universal dispositions and abilities of our species, Homo sapiens. To one human being there is nothing more beautiful than another human being of the opposite sex (at least for heterosexuals). But to say we are the most beautiful of creatures would reflect species-centric thought.
Many things that we consider to be inherently true probably reflect distinctive features of human psychology. For instance, because human beings are primates that readily establish and acknowledge dominance hierarchies, the human individual may be predisposed to feeling that there is or could be some entity “greater than me,” whether or not that happens to be true.

4. universal truth 
A universal truth is one that all sufficiently intelligent and educated observers, from this planet or any other (should they exist), would conclude to “be so.” For instance, the proportion of a circle’s circumference to its diameter is 3.141592 ( . . . ). This is a universal truth. Any capable, unbiased individual could verify that truth. Similarly, that energy is equivalent to rest mass times the speed of light squared, is also a universal truth.
A universal truth is the only type of truth that is not relative to the person or group making the claim. Science, by and large, provides us with universal truths. Or it at least aspires to.

Religion, no doubt, reflects social truths, and perhaps, in some regards, human truths as well. While one religion maintains that person X was the real messiah, another religion, reflecting its own values, customs, and history, says, “it is not so.” All groups, however, may feel that death cannot be the complete end to life. How can something so valued be lost? Humans may be naturally inclined to envision something more, irregardless of evidence.
What believers in a religion frequently fail to do is to place possible human truths and their own social truths into a wider perspective.
—
Andrew Bernardin/2005 (revised 2008)

http://evolvingmind.info/blog/four-types-of-truth/

Thanks, Liam!

Thinking how the phraze- "what rings true for me," or "what has been true for me" might not have the finality feeling. These would feel more open to communication to me.

Sometimes when it comes to words and their meaning, I go back to the source, which in my case is the dictionary.

The verb to believe can either be taken in its transitive form or intransitive form. For example:

He believes in ghosts. (intransitive verb)

Many people seem to believe that theory, but he finds it hard/difficult to believe. (transitive verb)

They have very different meanings according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

I quote:

"intransitive verb 1 a: to have a firm religious faith b: to accept as true, genuine, or real <ideals we ∼ in> <∼s in ghosts>
2: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something <∼ in exercise>
3: to hold an opinion : think <I ∼ so>

transitive verb 1 a: to consider to be true or honest <∼ the reports> <you wouldn't ∼ how long it took> b: to accept the word or evidence of <I ∼ you> <couldn't ∼ my ears>
2: to hold as an opinion : suppose <I ∼ it will rain soon>
— be·liev·er noun
— not believe to be astounded at <I couldn't believe my luck>"
http://www.britannica.com/bps/dictionary?query=believe

"True1 a: steadfast, loyal b: honest, just c: archaic: truthful
2 a (1): being in accordance with the actual state of affairs <∼ description>
(2): conformable to an essential reality
(3): fully realized or fulfilled <dreams come ∼> b: ideal, essential c: being that which is the case rather than what is manifest or assumed <the ∼ dimension of the problem> d: consistent <∼ to character>
3 a: properly so called <∼ love> <the ∼ faith> <the ∼ stomach of ruminant mammals> b (1): possessing the basic characters of and belonging to the same natural group as <a whale is a ∼ but not a typical mammal>
(2): typical <the ∼ cats>
4: legitimate, rightful <our ∼ and lawful king>
5 a: that is fitted or formed or that functions accurately b: conformable to a standard or pattern : accurate
6: determined with reference to the earth's axis rather than the magnetic poles <∼ north>
7: logically necessary
8: narrow, strict <in the truest sense>
9: corrected for error
— true·ness noun"
http://www.britannica.com/bps/dictionary?query=true

Just my .02 cents...

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 300325)

I think it *is* the kind of phrase that can have multiple interpretations.

But I don't think *that* is unusual at all.

We're forever discussing, debating and delineating the most common of phrases and identities here on BFP and in the broader world.

I think some people use the phrase "this is my truth" as way of being emphatic (or dramatic), as a colloquial exclamation point.

And I think other people use it to describe something (a belief or an opinion) that is deeply tied to their identity or experience; a thought that is hardwired in to their identity: physically, emotionally and rationally.

I also think the people who use it this way use the phrase "my truth" to indicate that they recognise it may or may not be a universal truth, but to emphasize that it is very true/real for them personally.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Sparkle

<snip>

And I think other people use it to describe something (a belief or an opinion) that is deeply tied to their identity or experience; a thought that is hardwired in to their identity: physically, emotionally and rationally.

I also think the people who use it this way use the phrase "my truth" to indicate that they recognise it may or may not be a universal truth, but to emphasize that it is very true/real for them personally.

This exactly what I hear when someone says, 'This is my truth'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLastHome (Post 300498)

Thinking how the phraze- "what rings true for me," or "what has been true for me" might not have the finality feeling. These would feel more open to communication to me.

Ugh... I hate it when I don't catch a goof! "s" for "z" .. OCD anyone?

This is an interesting discussion- varied takes. All of our unique "lenses" and "filters."

A friend and I had this discussion tonight sitting outside a coffee shop. She said something that was really quite simple regarding "this is my truth". She used the color of the brick in the building. She said sitting here I can look at that brick and I will say it contains shades of red, black, brown and tan, that is what I can see, that is my truth as I see it. She said you may not see the tan as tan but a color called cream or some other shade because that is what you were taught, that would be your truth as you "see it". She said now Joe over there is color blind and doesn't see shades of red at all, so he would say that brick is probably gray, black, brown, and whatever color he may see other than red and that is his truth as he knows it. No matter how hard you and I try we will never get Joe to see that red color, ever, because medically he cannot see it. So who's truth is wrong in this example? I had to say no one's truth was wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1PlayfulFemme (Post 300110)

*Smiling* Having used this phrase, when I say it, I truly mean that it's a truth in my life, in my personal situation...and something I have learned that applies to me. It's stronger than a belief to me..it's a truth...but, when I say it, I accept that the emphasis for me is on the word "My". I'm not asking anyone to accept it for their own or to break it down so that it makes sense to them.

To me, it's the difference between saying "I want pizza for dinner" (I.E. Open to discussion, suggestions still..."I believe") and "I'm having pizza for dinner (I.E. NOT open for discussion or suggestions...YOU may have whatever you want...but, I'm having pizza! :) "My truth")

I don't know if that helped or hindered, but when I say it, that's what I mean. Also. When I say it, it's usually something that came from a lesson (Or more likely a series of them) that is prevalent only to me.

And when I say it, I do tend to be saying, I'm not judging or asking for judgement (tho I usually understand some may come) but your opinion won't change it for me. If I use the phrase, it's about a personal truth, growth, experience...and not a thing to do with true logistics about the world around us. I would never say "It's my truth" to refer to the moon affecting gravity...that's everyones truth...the difference between a truth and a fact I suppose.

What's true for me may not be (and usually isn't..thus versatility) true for you. By saying "it's my truth" I am saying, I get that your ideas may be very different, but this is my reality.

The last example I can think of (before I bore you to tears) is that part of "my truth" is the fact that I am a lesbian...therefore the politics surrounding gay marriage/civil unions is huge to me. I know straight people who can claim that truth, and I know gay people who don't want to claim that truth. To each their own, but it's part of my truth, my life...my essence. I hope that all made sense..somewhere in my rambling!!!!

Beautifully said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 300260)

I don't know...I still think it is such an awkward phrase. Does anyone else think this? Maybe b/c I never heard it IRL (in real life)? I have never actually heard someone say the phrase, just read it.

In thinking more about it...it feels almost "uncomfortable" (can't think of a better word at this point). Like, it feels off putting. It feels like the person is saying, "step back", or "case closed". Or almost like you insulted the person. Yes...that is what it is...I think that a lot of the times I have seen it used, it has been in response to something that insulted the person and/or it was almost used in a way to shame the person for having "questioned" them.

However, by the same token, I have seen it used in just a random post where there has not been any engagement at all and the person is just using it as an exclamation point, of sorts.

I don't know...the phrase has just always disturbed me.

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ETA: OR maybe it seems like the person is saying "this is my opinion, so you can't argue it", instead of just the "this is what I believe in my soul" definition I used earlier.

I dunno. Others thoughts?

P.S. I have never felt there being a "judgment" attached to it. Meaning, when the person uses the phrase, I do not see them as speaking to the other person's thoughts on the specific topic. I see them as only speaking to their own thinking on the subject. Does this make sense? I am not sure why I am having such a hard time flushing my thoughts out on this.

There is often judgement, I think, but it's usually from the listener. Why on Earth should I have to rephrase something that is not prejudiced...not hateful...not hurtful to anyone because it doesn't 'feel right' or 'sound right' to someone else? That's like telling me not to call myself Queer because Aunt Sally is 'uncomfortable' with the term.

:blink:

I am NOT okay with that. Even though I don't use the phrase often, there's a part of me that wants to say it a LOT now.

I know your inquisitive nature, Dapper, so I know you don't feel judgement coming from yourself, but it sure sounds like it in text. I do want to say that I do understand that you tend to think 'out loud' on the threads and I do know that you're not in a Judgy McJudgerson frame of mind right now, but as we all know, it's hard to 'hear' folks when all we have are colored words on a white background to go by.

As some have mentioned the emphasis is not on the 'truth' but on the 'me' or 'my'. To me....ME...when someone questions something I've said is 'my truth' or is 'true to me', it feels as if they are questioning ME, whether it's because they don't like the phrase or if they don't understand it, etc. When someone speaks up and says...in one way or another...this is about ME...that is a very personal thing for them. It's a part of them. I always try to keep that in mind, especially if my truth or my reality as I see it does not coincide with theirs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJo (Post 300293)

I use this phrase, and I come more from where Playful does...

If I believe something. then I think it works or is that way...can't prove it, just pretty much think that's true. I believe that it's better to be kind than cruel (unless the cruelty is a consensual thing :winky: )

If I say "my truth" then I'm not saying it's the truth for everyone...but it is for me. And it's something that goes way beyond belief or thinking or a feeling...it's my truth.

My truth is that, as a diabetic, I cannot eat and behave like non-diabetics do...or I'll probably go blind. Not true for all diabetics (because scientifically speaking there's a huge range in what diabetics can and can't do)...but it is true for me.

My truth is that I must work and be independent to a certain degree. I'm not saying it's better. I'm not saying it's "right." I'm not saying it applies to everyone. I also know that it's more than an "I belive" or an "I think"....it's a visceral thing. When I am dependent and vulnerable I panic and lash out and generally fall apart. I anticipate the worst and, if it doesn't happen, I live in constant anxiety that it will. That's my truth.

For me, when I say "my truth" the emphasis is on my, not on truth...and it applies only to me.

Yeppers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 300325)

Wild, maybe. Unusual, not a chance. Ask ten people what Stone means to them. Or Queer. Or just about anything. You'll get ten completely different answers. That's the blessing and the curse of this medium. Soooo many people, with different lives, experiences, truths, beliefs, judgements, etc coming together to discuss specific topics.

I'm raising an eyebrow at you because you said, again, that those who use this harmless phrase should stop because it might make things more difficult for other people or be uncomfortable for others. :eyebrow:

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan (Post 300349)

I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomnNC (Post 300852)

Exactly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme (Post 301206)

Absolutely.

How many definitions of femme have we heard on this site? Or butch? And those terms are even applicable enough to the whole assortment of us that they're in the name of the site.

But we all do them differently. And I doubt any of us would say we shouldn't be using those terms.

For me, the phrase isn't hurting anyone...doesn't put anyone else down...doesn't imply "less than" or "better than"...isn't telling anyone else what to do...it's a matter of claiming self, just as we all do with a whole variety of phrases and terms.

Heck...Bete's even got Scoote claiming "fat"...and I thought that would never happen. :blink:

I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees. :)

LOL Gemme - I have those very words, thine included, tattooed across my chest... lookie ;-)

http://pic100.picturetrail.com/VOL90.../395716877.jpg

This is my truth - I am me. Nobody can walk in my shoes. Nor would I ever ask them too. I live as Andrew. I have a dog, Dino, who is sickly as I am. I also have 3 cats. I have squirrels, Hank and Honey. They have 2 kids, Henry and Henrietta. I feed them every day. I feed the birds every day. It is just how I am. It brings me joy to have a woodpecker come to the window and look inside to see if I have my coffee yet because Hank has eaten all the peanuts, and he needs his handfull.

Rejection, harsh criticism, and judgement has been my childhood background. I know now that my father has company with other people who are just mean and nasty. It is the way of the world. That is why I am so very guarded now as an adult. For example, look at road rage. I never thought I would see drivers crossing a double yellow line to pass drivers in front of them for whatever reason. Another example, look at our court system. Pedifiles, drunk drivers, drive by shooters who kill others get out of a jail term or lost in the system for whatever reason. They seem to walk away scott free. And there is little to no remorse. I just don't get that at all. Never will.

My truth lies in my faith and spirituality. I believe in trying to always turn the other cheek. To be a forgiving man. To be open to others. It has taken me years to get to this point, but now that I am here I am free-er than I ever imagined to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme (Post 301206)

Beautifully said.

There is often judgement, I think, but it's usually from the listener. Why on Earth should I have to rephrase something that is not prejudiced...not hateful...not hurtful to anyone because it doesn't 'feel right' or 'sound right' to someone else? That's like telling me not to call myself Queer because Aunt Sally is 'uncomfortable' with the term.

:blink:

I am NOT okay with that. Even though I don't use the phrase often, there's a part of me that wants to say it a LOT now.

I know your inquisitive nature, Dapper, so I know you don't feel judgement coming from yourself, but it sure sounds like it in text. I do want to say that I do understand that you tend to think 'out loud' on the threads and I do know that you're not in a Judgy McJudgerson frame of mind right now, but as we all know, it's hard to 'hear' folks when all we have are colored words on a white background to go by.

As some have mentioned the emphasis is not on the 'truth' but on the 'me' or 'my'. To me....ME...when someone questions something I've said is 'my truth' or is 'true to me', it feels as if they are questioning ME, whether it's because they don't like the phrase or if they don't understand it, etc. When someone speaks up and says...in one way or another...this is about ME...that is a very personal thing for them. It's a part of them. I always try to keep that in mind, especially if my truth or my reality as I see it does not coincide with theirs.

Yeppers.

Wild, maybe. Unusual, not a chance. Ask ten people what Stone means to them. Or Queer. Or just about anything. You'll get ten completely different answers. That's the blessing and the curse of this medium. Soooo many people, with different lives, experiences, truths, beliefs, judgements, etc coming together to discuss specific topics.

I'm raising an eyebrow at you because you said, again, that those who use this harmless phrase should stop because it might make things more difficult for other people or be uncomfortable for others. :eyebrow:

I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees. :)

Exactly.

Hi, Gemme. I wasn't aware as to how this sounded. I am glad that you know that it was just a "talking out loud, wondering", kind of thing.

No, I don't actually mean that I think that people should stop using the term. I have no investment in that, at all.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify and giving me the benefit of the doubt.

I don't tend to use that phrase, but I do think it is important to acknowledge how subjective and personal "truth" can be. I am somewhat skeptical of truth that comes in the category of "universal" or "objective" especially when related to abstract concepts and social constructs. To debatable extents all that we know and feel is our own truth, I think this is part of the human experience.

Although in saying that, I just want to add that I do agree that saying "this is my truth" is sometimes used to shut down a conversation, or rebuff confrontational questions because it is very difficult to argue with someones subjective experience.