Butch Femme Planet - Medical Power of Attorney and Other Informational Help

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- - Medical Power of Attorney and Other Informational Help (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2956)

So sorry to hear what your partner and you have been through. Godspeed.

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I work for a large hospice as a specialist in end-of life conflict resolution...meaning I work with the pt., family, friends, significant others to come to some sort of problem solving in the event there is some unresolved issue (s) going on prior to the pt.'s death. I could tell you some deathbed confessions that would stop you in your tracks.

However, I urge you to look into The Five Wishes. It is a document that covers a multitude of things that many of us would never, ever think about when coping with serious diseases. IT STANDS UP IN COURT. This document was developed by the Robert Johnson Foundation and is one of the most comprehensive legal documents I have come across. Here are the 5 Wishes:

The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't

The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want

How comfortable I want to be

How I want people to treat me

What I want my loved ones to know.

It must be notarized to be valid. This can also be 'recorded' at the local courthouse in the event you have people that may want to come out of the darkness to make your life hell.

For Everyone:

I cannot encourage everyone ENOUGH to get this kind of thing done. Have the talk. AND, don't let it 'slide' in the event you and your partner split. Do you really want to have an 'ex' making medical decisions for you when you can't?

I have many copies of this document. It must be an ORIGINAL form - meaning no copies made for someone else to fill in. It is easy. But, it makes you think, too.
If you are interested in wanting this please PM me and my hospice will cover the cost to get it to you but it will come from my home address to protect you.

Now, more than ever, time is of the essence. For all of us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomnNC (Post 302102)

Hi Lyric,

Sorry to hear about your partner. You've already been given wonderful advice concerning medical power of attorney and power of attorney. Toxic also needs to fill out a living will as well and have it notorized.

One other thing that will save yer rear end financially, if you have a joint checking or savings account then you need to go to the bank and fill out (crap, can't remember the legal term for it) a paper that stipulates that in the event of death of either of you then the remaining partner is entitled to all funds in said accounts and if something does happen (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone) then you need to get your lil rear end to the bank asap and switch all the accounts over to your name only. If you don't have ALL that done when the bank finds out one is deceased they freeze your account until the estate is settled. It basically states all funds accumulated by the two of you in that joint account becomes yours.

When my wife passed away I went down to the bank within the week and had her name taken off everything and put in just mine so her relatives or some off the wall person claiming she owed them something couldn't come knocking wanting a hand out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomnNC (Post 302121)

Socialjustice just told me the document was called a Benefit on Death, I think that's it!

Also, if you have any autos that are co-owned or is just in Toxic's name and he wants you to have it, you might want to consider switching the title and tags to your name. You can always name Toxic as the primary driver but that's up to ya'll.
When my wife passed away we had 9 payments left on her car. I had to pay it off, get the title, go to estate court and place a lien on the vehicle so I was the highest creditor she had so the car went to me when the estate was settled.

Again, I hope nothing like that happens to Toxic, I hope you find a neurologist that will work with you! Good luck to you both!

I think the document DomnNC is referring to for the bank accounts has to do with Rights of Survivorship or in your state it may have something to do with Joint Tenancy. I don't remember what it is called either. You'll have to ask your bank and explain to them what is going on and what you want to do. Do that ASAP. If the bank also requires a Power of Attorney from Toxic (even if it is a joint account) as them to be specific about whether or not it has to be recorded somewhere before they will honour it. (In NC they have to be recorded at the Register of Deeds before they are honoured and it can take a couple of weeks to get the recorded original back before you can use it anywhere.)

Excellent advice about the car too. When my Mom died she had a leased car and was the only person on the lease. Honda expected my Dad to turn the car in AND pay the balance of the lease (2.5 years) but would not put anything in his name. The Power of Attorney "died" when my Mom died. Dad kept & drove the car until the end of the lease.

If you own your home you will need to address that too. Please talk to an attorney as soon as possible.

Hi Lyric, Sorry to hear about Toxic. DNR would be a good thing to have Do Not Resuscitate If Toxic doesn't want to be on machines etc.

Even though I'm in Canada and it is legal to be married etc we (same sex couples) have always carried a copy the Medical Power of Attorney and Power of Attorney with us in case something should happen (either away from home or not)

Too many horror stories out there to take a chance.

Keeping you both in my thoughts.

Musicman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett (Post 302293)

I think the document DomnNC is referring to for the bank accounts has to do with Rights of Survivorship

Aha!! That's it! I tried searching at Wachovia's website for it last night because that is where we banked. Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyric (Post 301983)

The attorney who prepared our paperwork was great, but she lives out of state. We probably do need to consult with someone in-person, here in Virginia. Thank you for the words of wisdom!

Awwww, big hugs to you, Lyric! We miss you SO much!

One of my good pals here in Richmond is an attorney, specializing in our community. I am certain she would be glad to speak with you.

Call me?

Love you bunches!
Christie (and Jess, of course!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu (Post 302130)

Thank you so much for posting this.

I wanted to leave a sincere thank you to everyone who posted in this thread to leave advice or words of support. There were so many useful pieces of information left here and I have learned about some things I either did not know or had forgotten. Thank you!!

As an aside, we have seen a new neurologist who seems fantastic, and we have gotten a referral to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, so things are looking up! Armed with everything that has been shared here, I feel more confident about having what we need to have in our files to make things a bit easier.

You are all fabulous!! Thanks again! :rrose:

(((((LyricandToxic))))) Hey hon! I am very sorry to hear of Toxic's health issues.

Christie and I have had POA and Medical POA and Living Will for a few years now. There are several versions on line ( and I am sorry I can't recall which ones we downloaded), that are valid in VA once notarized.

VA also recognizes a holographic will ( handwritten and notarized) as being valid as long as it is the most recently documented will. Documents like this can be notarized at just about any bank. I usually get at least two witnesses ( generally a secretary or cashier on hand).

You can go to a lawyer and if you have a great many assets or folks who might create issue, it may be a good idea. There are quite the few things you can do without lawyers, however.

Do let us know if we can help with anything. We love you!

Great words of experience here. Thanks folks!

If memory serves....Obama signed something that had to do with community and hospitals. Something about if the hospital/doctor gets medicaid/medicare monies, they cannot discriminate or they will lose their federal money.....

I'll have to search around or maybe Scarlett knows what I am talking about and whether it is applicable in your situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toughy (Post 305900)

Toughy, I think you might be referring to the President's directive to the Secretary of Health and Human Services with regard to designation of hospital visitors.

http://www.lambdalegal.org/news/pr/u...th-issues.html

Also, whether you have many possessions or not I urge you to consult with an attorney to ensure your documents are drawn according to the statutes of the state in which you reside.

I wanted to come back to this thread and post another very heartfelt thank you to everyone here who offered advice, information, and support, or who left me private messages. Everything has turned out to be amazingly helpful, and I had been feeling kind of helpless and lost, so everything everyone said even added a much needed boost of confidence for me. We were able to arm ourselves with all of the documentation we needed, and I was even able to qualify at work for FMLA so that I can take time off to help her on days that she needs it.

Her surgery takes place at Johns Hopkins next Thursday, and one thing they were able to speculate pretty positively on is that what we are dealing with is not benign, so that takes a huge load off. I love Hopkins and did one of my college internships there, and in addition, my dad had heart surgery there a couple of years ago, so I feel completely confident that they know what they're doing and that she will come out of it just fine. They even made a note to give her a private room so that I could stay in it with her, so I feel really good about that and have a very positive feeling overall. Thanks again for everything, everyone! The fact that so many in this community who step up and offer advice or words of encouragement to someone they have never even met is a true testament to the caliber of individuals here. :stillheart:

I wanted to give my thanks to you all for your heart felt words to lyric and myself during my recent illness. The advice you all gave her was so helpful in assisting in the next direction we needed to take. Everything the last few months has seemed like a whirlwind actually. I am now recovering from the the removal of the tumor. I do have some vision loss but my doctors are hopeful it will come back. On a brighter note....I am pain free...and have been seizure free thus far....-knock on wood-

I can not tell you what it meant to read your words to lyric and myself. You all have truly touched me beyond words. Thank you.

I look at everyday as a new day and really...it is a blessing...The Doctors and everyone at John Hopkins treated both lyric and I with kindness and respect...they kept her informed and on top of everything regarding my heath and recovery.

Again....Thank you all...

Toxic and Lyric,
I am so happy to hear that things are going well for you. I have never met either of you, but you are "family" nonetheless. I wish you continued recovery. Hold each other close. Many blessings to you.
Smooches,
Keri