Butch Femme Planet - How did/will you treat your children?

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- - How did/will you treat your children? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3000)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jelli (Post 377634)

[COLOR="Sienna"]I am one of the people that learned how to parent by mainly doing the exact opposite of how my parentals contributed to my childhood.
/COLOR]

Yes-exactly what I did!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silverseastar (Post 576051)

Then my youngest child got ill with a disease and our lives were turned into chaos for several years. All the fear and hospital stays created a dramatic stressful environment and the best we could do was cope. It had an impact on the levels of energy for anything else. Once her remission hit it opened doors for "normal" again only she was an angry teenager who felt she lost some of the best years of her life. That was a fun time- not.

If I could change some things- I would have got her into therapy right away. Actually all of us. I would have asked for direct help versus hoping/waiting others would see what was needed and volunteer.

This sounds a lot like what happened with my daughter for 6 years, and I kept questioning myself-'why? But I tried so hard to do everything right and be the best parent I could be!' The years of hospitalization and dealing with the impact of her illness were hell, she continues to struggle and finds her own way, and I accept that these things can just happen no matter how much you try to ensure that they don't.

My parenting is a total departure from what my mom did. I had a pretty decent childhood until she married my stepfather and had my sisters. She became emotionally distant and wasn't really loving or supportive.

I'm encouraging and supportive of anything my Squishy wants to do. If she's curious about something, I explain it in an age-appropriate manner. I want her to be independent, open minded, honest and well rounded.

This summer, partly because of a lack of funds and partly because we both need to reduce our technology dependence, I canceled our cable, internet. So far it's going well. She's reading everything she can get her hands on and using her awesome imagination. We've been going on little adventures in the area and she experienced her first farmers market.

Thought the parents here might enjoy this.

I've been thinking a lot about this one, and here's some thoughts on the differences between how I was raised and how we plan to help our children grow into well adjusted adults.

1. Feelings are normal, and you as an individual are allowed to feel how ever you want/do without being punished.
2. There is no wrong way to ask for help. Whatever either of us are doing will never be more important than helping our children when they want attention.
3. The "because I said so" will never be said. Your a person, and asking "why" should be explained in a manner you (at the appropriate age of understanding) will understand. We value children as people, and not second class citizens.
4. We believe children shouldn't be involved in financial problems or serious situations, as a child my mother would constantly remind me how much money we had and how much we owed to so and so. It made me feel guilty to ask for things, or expect anything beyond basic needs. As an adult I still struggle with getting things for myself beyond basic daily needs. I won't let our children carry that burden until they are ready.

Just a few key thoughts.