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Personally, I'd rather you not limit yourself in your responses. I appreciate the honesty and sometimes processing it through writing can be very healing. Thank you for sharing, I am getting quite a bit of insight here.
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I love this description. Thank you, again, for being so patient and thorough with your answers (I will not run away with the innuendo that could so easily be put into that sentence). I am no stranger to the terms we are using, I'm just playing stupid, in a sense, so that I may understand how we are all using them in relation to ourselves.
You're quite right, everyone's interpretation of the words is different, so how can I share what it means to me in the context of conversation? For now I'm just going to keep asking questions so I can be sure of exactly what the poster is intending to convey. :) Also, I'm a fan of the "pleasure balls" analogy. Quote:
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Morning, gang!
Gemme, you are priceless. You are answers are eloquent and beautiful! Andy, I am sure that no one will get frustrated with your questions; they seem honest and sincere. OK, so being a Stone Femme means to me that I do not cross any boundaries that are established in a sexual, and/or emotional way. In other words, we all deserve a safe place to explore and by creating that space, I know that my guy feels good about what hy/he/etc. is doing. It is cycle, ya know. If he feels good, then he will want to make me feel good (emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually), and that further encourages me to want to make him feel good. I know that this seems pretty common sense, but really, in a Stone's world, this can often be neglected. So for me, being Stone Femme is not just about sexual does and don'ts, its about acknowledging the whole person, not just ID. This part of my answer is also in response to Andy's questions. |
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For many/most? Stone Butch is about no vaginal penetration (and perhaps no anal penetration) and breasts are not breasts, but are a chest. I think it's a mixed bag concerning blow jobs and the 'little cock' (the clit), but it is in the mind set that it's a blow job not sucking a clit. I have never known a Stone Butch (or Stone Femme Top) who turned down a blow job on the 'big cock'. Stone Femmes (who are bottoms) generally balk at wearing a cock or vaginally penetrating any Butch with their fingers. Anal is a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag about blow jobs on the little cock, but definitely a go for the big cock. Touching nipples on the chest is also a mixed bag, but I have never met a stone femme who would cup a breast in their hand to suck the nipple. It's a different kind of touch for nipples on a chest. I am completely Stone big cock identified in kink space. In non-kink space, my sexual boundaries are entirely dependent on the femme in my (her) bed and the energy between us. ----------------- 'dash' is a reference to another butch/femme website that many many many of us frequented before this big ass planet was created....there is a dash (-) in the name. |
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Good information above, Toughy. I would only like to add that there are some Stone Butches where no vaginal touching/no chest touching whatsoever occurs. Just as there are Stone Femmes who do not participate in any vaginal/chest touching of Stone Butches. Oh, and there are certainly both butches and femmes who do not like penetration, but do not identify as Stone...it is just something they don't particularly care for (just thought I would throw that out there before a non stone, non penetrating person takes offense!). |
Yes, respect sexual boundaries. Otherwise, one could become to what really amounts to a rapist (butch, femme, or otherwise). We are all different and all have every right to refuse any kind of touch/sexual act that we want to refuse. Without being questioned, manipulated, or judged.
Boundaries and comfort zones are important for all of us to identify personally and not be afraid to make known to lovers. |
I agree, boundaries are important no matter how you ID
I don't ID as Stone, but am enjoying the interaction of words in this thread |
Thank you
I truly appreciate the feedback, dialogue, perspectives & knowledge shared in this thread:) Thanks to all also for being so open with parts of yourselves that are so very personal.
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Ok. I ventured into this thread...
meaning to read every post before I commented - but, being the ol' crotechy bitch that I am, I didn't have the patience nor motivation - I am so jaded, I believe I've heard it all before.
Let me back up a bit...for years, I was a Lesbian - I didn't know any better, so that's what I always called myself. I was involved in sexually 'reciprocal' relationships. And by 'reciprocal' I mean - you do me, I do you. Well, that never sat well with me, and I'll tell you why. I was a lousy 'lesbian' - according to what the 'ideal' sort of 'lesbian' was supposed to be - reciprocal 'everything'. Well, I just couldn't go there. I was accused of being 'straight' because I - too put it bluntly - didn't enjoy/like going down on a woman - nor a man, for that mattter (I was 'straight' for the first 20 years of my life). I just did not like it, could not stomach it, didn't want to, etc. - I think you get the picture. To me, being 'stone' is not touching/feeling up a butch - not that I would want to - I don't. Never mind, 'going down'! That to me - and I am only speaking for myself - is unspeakable! It is nothing I would ever want to do. So, anyone I partner with, would have to be stone in that way. Ok, enough said about my preferences & personal interpretation of 'stone femme'...carry on. |
Thank you all for your input. Toughy, Dapper, very helpful indeed, thanks!!!
I'm all for respecting boundaries and giving pleasure within what is enjoyable to whomever I am partnered with. I think it's important that it was brought up in this thread, and I'm really glad we're all on the same page about that. As for "dash", that's hilarious to me because I originally signed up over there before the "p" stood for planet. Silly me, not putting two and two together to make four! It appears there is much for me to examine about myself in relation to others and the dynamics of touch. Sure I've thought about it, but I've never really stopped to examine in depth the reasons for the emotions and feelings that I have about it. Good thread, all! |
Reciprocal sex is not the only type of sex that lesbians engage in. Lesbians are not the only people who engage in reciprocal sex. Lesbians' sex lives are just as varied as any other group of people- they can be kinky, vanilla, stone, not stone, like/don't like oral sex, penetration, etc. There are stone butch lesbians and stone femme lesbians.
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my Ms is a stone femme, until She's not. Wink wink
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"The true feminist deals out of a lesbian consciousness whether or not she ever sleeps with women."
{Audre Lorde} "There are people that very strongly identify themselves as gay or lesbian, and then I think there are a lot of people who are kind of some percentage or some version of that. " {Michael Stipe} |
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I feel like you are making some generalizations about lesbian sex and stereotyping us. I certainly don't have a predetermined and narrow interpretation of what lesians always do. I haven't stuck to one and only one way of enjoying sex through all my years of lesbianism. Sex is fluid and can evolve. Identifying as a butch woman has not changed this at all for me. Absolutely, sexual boundaries need to be respected. Stereotyping segments of the entire queer spectrum based upon what you individually have experienced and putting it into negative language (that is how this feels to me) is troublesome. As troublesome as when I see someone stereotyping or making negative judgements of a stone person. I am very careful as a non-stone individual to not make statements that could offend those that are stone and not generalize about stone sexuality. |
Yes, it does sound like I'm generalizing, and perhaps I am. I apologize for that, it was not my intention. The intention was not so much for 'generalizing', but to express *my* personal feelings and experiences, and the way *I* perceive them. My personal feelings are mine - I am not trying to speak for others. Perhaps I am coming across too adamantly strong and/or 'narrow' - but, it's the way I feel for *me*. It is neither right nor wrong, it is only right for me. I may be mistaken, but I believe the intention of this thread was to get feedback on our personal opinion of what we thought a 'stonefemme' to be.
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I just wish this stereotyping would stop. Stereotyping stone sexuality and lesbian sexuality does not work well. |
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