Butch Femme Planet - "I see you as a man"

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- - "I see you as a man" (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3743)

I really appreciate everyone's perspective on this topic. Being a Psychiatry student, a very similar discussion occurred in one of my classes recently. Personally, I had an incredibly difficult time accepting the professor's textbook response to the questions and perspectives of myself and my classmates. It is wonderful to have the opportunity to explore first person experiences and hear from the community. Only so much can be learned from theory and books alone. Even professors with good intentions can be short sighted and at times, dead wrong.

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Originally Posted by ScandalAndy (Post 447679)

uh oh, now I feel bad. I've used the statement "I see you as a man" before to partners who were feeling really insecure because people in their lives had insulted them and called them a woman, or a dyke. They identify as male, and that's exactly who they are to me. I certainly didn't intend to offend with that, though. Is there a better way to say "no, in my head I"m not thinking you're just a woman in man's clothing" or "no, i don't think you're a dude dressing up like a girl". Those terribly offensive statements crush people I care about, and I want to find a way to tell them that their identity is valid to me and I respect them.

No! You have NO reason to feel bad :) You have a wonderful, supportive attitude - I should have clarified that in my original post - I don't mind it when it's coming from a place of support.. it annoys me with hetero people who don't go out of their way to be supportive but will say "ok, I see you as a man" as an empathetic pat on the back. You're doing nothing wrong :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmpressM (Post 447976)

Oddly enough had a similar experience with a professor in one of my classes recently. For me personally I find it difficult to sit in a classroom setting and hear someone talk about a community I'm a part of as if they have more authority on it than the community members themselves. That's been my experience anyways. Irritates the hell out of me.

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Originally Posted by EnderD_503 (Post 447861)

The difference here is that he asked you. You didn't just assume that that is what he wanted to hear without him giving you reason to.

I think it's splitting hairs...

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Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks (Post 449392)

I think it's splitting hairs...

Not if one is on the receiving end... I don't think it can be assumed that all transmales are going to be ok with it when they've given no indication...

When I hear "I see you as a... it doesn't matter what the end word is. If they don't see me as a human being the rest they will never see.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnderD_503 (Post 449460)

Not if one is on the receiving end... I don't think it can be assumed that all transmales are going to be ok with it when they've given no indication...

I don't think one should *ever* assume that an entire group will or will not be okay with something, which was sort of the point of my original post -- that while some might be offended by the "I see you as a man" statement, others won't be, regardless if they asked for the feedback or not.

But as to the "it's okay if they ask"... well... it's sort of like saying "I'm upset that you think my ass looks big in this dress. If I had *asked* you first if you thought my ass looked big, then it would have been okay." :|

I can definitely agree with that, Thinker. When I first started transition, I was living in a rural area in the northern part of Michigan. Few people had ever dealt with this subject before, yet I had very few problems with anyone.