Living in the south and in areas where the great white men think they rule you see a lot of this. I don't get it so much and when I do I call it right away. I did have an occasion when I went to a lawyer over a property issue. He was your typical Virginian southern old school man who made the very bad mistake of being condensing and telling me to act like a lady. I stood up and ripped him a new asshole before storming out. Nothing lady like about that!

Within the BF or queer community it never happens.

I guess I have been lucky since I don't have this happen often in real life or ever online.

And to be truthful, when it happens in real life (and never with butch, femme, trans, queer etc) it happens mostly because I want it too... sometimes it helps me to get things to happen faster, when I play the game.

Thoughts
 

In real time, it's easier to address and snip it right away so it doesn't take root and grow.

Here on forums when I do continue to claim my space things such as this happen:

Deflection

Accusations of being a bully

Accused of being a Silencer

I am now going to put you on ignore

Othered (verbiage as some, those, others)

or my favorite they go after weatherboi

At that point that kind of head patting and irrational sexist imposition becomes comical to me and I just watch and let the perpetrator hang themselves cause they generally do cause they just can't help it. It's nice that here on BFP that Femme's are not expected to sit quietly and let the butch/man/masculine folk run the forums. Our voices are just as important.

These are some very thought-provoking questions, Medusa.
Yes, I've had this happen before. Suprisingly, it's been older heterosexual women, more than any other group.

Which for me, was always a difficult thing because I was brought up to give respect to my elders, and to listen and to learn from their mistakes, as well as their experiences. So, for a long time, I would just listen to them, even if they were "headpatting" me on and off throughout the conversation.

But I did listen...and when you just listen and observe..you can learn at a very rapid pace. And eventually, I was taking that knowledge and expanding upon it. Therefore, "the student was out-learning the teacher", so-to-speak.

And then when that same individual (older than me, or not) would try to dismiss me again, I wouldn't whine about it. I would simply show him/her/hym/ect...what I did learn about the given subject...beyond even their scope..and then it usually doesn't happen again, w/ that person. I find this very effective,no matter who it is. I don't do that in a disrespectful or offensive manner, I just simply allow them to see me.

To me, every person or child has a valid voice and the right to express it without being shut down. As humans we all have a unequivocal *need* to express what we feel. A NEED.And that is expressed uniquely through the individual.

I don't know if it's coming from a sexist or silencing position, because I can't read another's history, experiences, trauma's, upbringing...ect. And I believe how we treat others, or how we move through the world, is a mixture of all of those things that make up that person's behaviors.

It's hard for me to get angry when this happens, because when someone's doing that, it says more about them, than it does about me. And sometimes, to me, it can even feel stragely nurturing...depending on the person and the circumstances, of course.

Do I do it, or have I done it?
Hmmmm....I'm sure that I have. But, I have not heard that specifically from anyone, yet.
If I had, I would hope that they would be straight with me, and just tell me how I really made them feel and why, now or later, at some point. It would be a learning experience for me, and I do welcome that.

There is a saying that I always try to keep somewhere in the forefront of my mind:

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

>Maya Angelou

I had this happen to me on the dash site and I just chose not to allow the person who started the head patting, to know that they got to me. I have more of this happening in real time. I grew up in a family that my dad was the boss and my mother and I had no voice. It has taking me many years to get over this and now, I won't allow anyone to silence me. The other day at work, my boss did this to me since my job at the school is *temporary* and some of the employees treat you as such. I finally went to my manager and said, "You don't pay me enough to put up with attitude and shit from these people". I graduated from this college and never felt like they would treat an alumni like this. I almost told them to shove the job and quit but I chose to talk it out with someone and now I will be officially taking it to Human Resources...

Zimmeh

This may not fit in this thread but i wanted to share, i just LOVE Hillary Clinton.


MODERATOR 1: Okay. Which designers do you prefer?
SECRETARY CLINTON: What designers of clothes?
MODERATOR 1: Yes.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Would you ever ask a man that question? (Laughter.) (Applause.)
MODERATOR 1: Probably not. Probably not. (Applause.)

I have totally experienced this!!!!!

I have gotten the "What you don't understand"
"I'll take care of this" (Basically suggesting it isn't my place"
The attempt of trying to talk over my head as if I am a child
Making financial decisions without my input
ETC....

I initially felt angry, because of the idea that I was not smart enough (because I was a "girl) or simply because that wasn't my role. After the anger subsided, I made myself quite clear. I met the other person at the level they were talking at and let them know I could meet them toe to toe with intellect. I would be involved in financial decisions and just because I "choose" not to do certain things, in no way means I "can't" do them!!!