Interesting topic. My responses:

Arguments - Do you apologize when you know you're not wrong?

Whether or not I apologize for something is situational:

I will not apologize for who I am, even though I might agree that my trait which is being criticized is a 'fault'.

I will apologize for my actions if those actions (regardless of whether I think they were right or wrong) hurt my partner.

If the argument deals with a difference in non-critical preferences or choices, I am likely to apologize. I have found that the satisfaction of 'being right' in minor disputes is rarely worth the wounds inflicted on a relationship.

In general, I will apologize for arguing at all - keeping the relationship intact is more important that 'saving face'.

Attraction - Do you deny that someone else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?

To me, it is disrespectful to my partner to let someone else "catch my eye". To prevent this from happening, I flip a switch in my brain so that I do not really 'see' other women who I encounter in person.

This 'switch' isn't operative when viewing women in the media, since my partner couldn't/shouldn't be threatened. In this case, I would not volunteer that I found someone attractive. I would admit it if asked, but I would certainly downplay the attraction.

Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?

I try to be honest, yet at the same time, sensitive to my partner's ego. If I make any comments at all, I try to provide positive guidance (e.g., "You know, something I really like is ...")

Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?

I will say something if the odor really bothers me, but I would be try to be sensitive (i.e., criticize the odor, not my partner).

Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?

If the friend tends to spend a lot of time with us, I would tell my partner. I would try to be as non-critical as possible and simply say something like "I just don't click with ...", or "I feel uncomfortable with...". That would allow my partner to still associate with her friend, and hopefully allow me to opt out of spending time with her friend.

Great reply. Love the "Sex is Like Cooking" piece.

Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
I'm one of those folks that apologizes all the time for anything and everything, whether I'm wrong or right, or whether or not it's even something that *I* should be apologizing for...i.e. "Awww you're grouchy today? I'm sorry." However...in an actual argument? I don't like arguing and my response method is to automatically go on the defensive. I will apologize genuinely but if it is ignored or the same thing brought up repeatedly I will not apologize again. Depending on how far blown the argument is, I won't apologize, come hell or high water, no matter if I'm right or wrong. I'm hella stubborn that way.

Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
Pffffffft. What's the point in that? I'm easily distracted. *Ooh shiny!* If I see an attractive person, butch or femme, I will even point them out and ask if the person accompanying me also finds them attractive.

Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
I have been known to fake things in the past, just to keep from hurting someone's feelings. Nowadays, I will not fake but instead will *gently* guide them. If they don't take a hint I will talk with them about it afterwards, in open discussion. If they still don't get it (or make no effort)...then they will not have another chance at it.

Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
Yes I will say something, even if it's subtly offering them a mint or something. I would hope someone would do the same for me, as well as pointing out if my skirt is tucked into my tights!! lol

Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?
I have zero problem telling people what I think of them, their friends, or anyone else for that matter. Does that mean I would act rudely? No. I am polite to a fault, unless someone is rude to me. THEN politeness will not come so easily for me. If that is the case, I will not put myself in a situation to be around that person again.



I honestly don't think *sensitive* has anything to do with how a person is affected by honesty or the lack thereof. I am not a sensitive person by any means, yet there are times when I am affected in a sensitive manner by either lies or brutal honesty. It is all situational.

I also agree that negatives and positives must be balanced. I tend to be overly positive in my dealings with others yet overly negative in my views of myself. I need to find a way to balance that out. For myself relationship-wise, I am the type of person that too much negative actions/behaviors by the other person will put me off...completely. Also if they are negative in their dealings with me. I'm a Leo. I need a certain amount of positive attention and ego stroking myself, or things will not go so well lol. I prefer honesty in how people deal with me though, yet at times I almost prefer not knowing anything at all. Sometimes I would like to live in blissful ignorance. Once again, all situational. *shrug*

If I was totally honest all the time, then, irrespective of how sensitive I deliver the message, I'd very quickly get into trouble.


I wouldn't lie about big things or issues that are important to me (or to the other person) but, depending on the context etc, I will sometimes tell a white lie.


For example, if someone tells me that they've just got a new hairstyle, I'll likely tell them that it looks really nice - whether I think it does or not. It's just polite, inane conversation to me (I cannot do polite, inane conversation well as I don't like conversation for conversation's sake - I find it arduous) but, if i like or at least don't dislike the person, I'd likely tell them a white lie to avoid causing any offence.


Important or serious issues? I'll tell the truth - and, depending on the context, will be as blunt and upfront as is required to ensure that nothing gets lost in translation. When it's necessary, I deliver hard messages. I won't deliver it in a way that is deliberately framed to cause offence (unless I dislike the person) but, the potential of causing offence, isn't enough for me to stay silent or tell the person something that they want to hear if it's not the truth.

About the time it became a synonym for weak or hysterical. Rarely is the word sensitive used in a neutral way. Context is everything, and I'm sure we can cough up examples of it being a compliment. It is usually (especially on the context of this conversation), leveled at people to excuse bad behavior. As in: "you're too sensitive, all I said was you look like elephant riding a bike! C'mon! That's funny!"

It places the responsibility of being "too sensitive" on the offended. The responsibility is on the offender for being "too much of a tool."

Honesty is hard, sometimes awkward and many times embarrassing
but I give it and want it.

I have learned to say things like , I liked your hair better before :|

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about
passive aggressive behaviour and how to not get sucked into it myself ,
with a few co workers.
What I have read is it is also a form of dishonesty.
If people cant be honest with themselves about how they are
feeling and why , they sure as hell ain't gonna be honest with you.
The only healthy option is to disengage and not get caught up in the crazy making.

I told myself , I was stinky today. Stress sweat is way stinkier :|
The people who tell me I've got grease on my face or my zipper
is down are all keepers. The people who let me walk around like
that all fucking day , not so much.
Boogers are a part of life too and I want to know about them if one should come a creepin ( sure as shit , you know they will , somehow , someway , someday)
I have one friend at work who asks me if any bats are coming out of his cave.
I don't like looking but he knows I wont lie and I like that.

I am sensitive. I think the good parts of me would not be there, if I was not.
I've had people keep the truth from me , deciding for me whether
I could handle it or not. If you want to insult me to the core , do this.
That is a form of codependency (control) and not welcomed in my world.
If you deserve the truth , so do I.

I could not be with someone who did not appreciate attractive people.
You have to have trust to do that comfortably.
Trust comes from honesty on every level , at least for me.
Never is there too much honesty but kindness in the delivery are huge to the outcome.

*laughs* You make a good point. I can only speak for myself but I use the word "sensitive" in this particular context, I mean someone who has a past history of being abused (in childhood particularly) and is therefore hard-wired to take what might be perceived as gentle criticisms or generic observations of behavior as an onslaught or attack.

I am in no way criticising anyone who falls into this category as I fall into it myself. I used to be an incredibly defensive person who reacted to a slight practically before it even occurred. It took me time to realize that not everybody on the planet was out to hurt me but it was I who had to do the hard work and make changes. Nobody else could have done that for me.

I just find, for me, I am not emotionally compatible with people who are that much like me in that respect. After seriously dating two people who were both sensitive and reactionary in this way, I discovered I need a different dynamic. Someone who is more calm and easy-going to balance out my anxious, fiery nature. Two anxious and easily-triggered people can have a difficult time staying together because even minor arguments or disagreements can quickly escalate into flashbacks to the past.

When in a relationship of this kind, it can get to the point where one or both parties are simply holding their breath and walking on eggshells all the time. Forget honesty, you don't even know if you can exhale. This is incredibly unhealthy.

Can anyone else relate?

Just to be clear, I wasn't calling out other posters who mentioned "sensitivity" in their posts. It's a tricky word, and we all come to it with different schema.

I can be passive aggressive, but not THAT passive aggressive. :praying:

Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?

No. But I've learned to say things I mean, like "I'm sorry that you feel hurt."



Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?

No. If someone asks, I respect their apparent judgement that they can handle the answer. And if they can't handle the answer, I would rather know, so I can better assess whether that is someone I want to be with in the long run.



Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?

I would never, ever fake being satisfied. If there's a disconnect, how can it get better, without admitting it's there?



Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?

I would gently say something like, "I really want to kiss you, but do you think you could brush your teeth?" I've learned though that when a person's kid smells really bad or has wretched breath, it's best to keep it to yourself.



Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?

I don't do "grin and bear it" very well. If I don't like my partner's friend; I mean, he or she seems a decent sort, just not my cup of tea, I just don't hang out with them. I have my own friends and don't expect a partner's friends to be my friends or the other way around. Of course I am also flexible. If there is a special occasion, like if that friend has an important gathering my partner wants me to attend with her, of course I would do that.

Well, I'm usually considered "too honest" and I often seem to get into trouble for that... In the end, I start keeping too much to myself and that seems to be disliked too...

I'm having a very hard time with what ppl call "white lies", to me I don't see any reason why someone would lie about small things like someones hair-cut for example. If I look bad, I would like to know!

Of course, one doesn't have to be rude either and also just because sth is true doesn't mean you must say it out loud...

Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
Sometimes I might, since being right or wrong depends on one's point of view...

Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
I normally don't deny it, but it depends on the situation...


Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
I'm always honest about that.

Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
Since I have a very strong sense of smell I feel I would have to tell someone very close to me or else I couldn't live with the person... In other cases I try to endure until I can get away...

Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?
I'm pretty sure I would, if I was expected to spend a lot of time with the friend. I can't see why that would be rude in any way. To me, it's like stating that I don't like my partners favorite ice cream, would that be rude? Even when together, we are two different persons and can't always like the same things, food or ppl...

BUT I have no problem to lie to protect myself and the ones I love. That's where my limit goes...

I wanted to add, I didn't learn how to tell a social lie till I was in my forties.

Now I do things like, if I don't have plans for Christmas, and someone at work I don't know well asks me what I'm doing, I say I'll be at a friend's house. Or if someone asks if I had a great weekend and I didn't, I'll say it was productive or restful or some bullshit like that.

I save the vulnerable side of myself for people I trust and love. And it took me a long time to learn that's okay, maybe because I was so terrified of my parents when I was growing up, and didn't develop judgment about when it's okay to lie.

So I guess I erred on the side of full disclosure at all times. And yes, telling the truth has also gotten me into trouble with people, trouble that was unnecessary in the long run.

Everyone lies. It's why people lie that's of more interest to me.

Don't like my feelings being protected. It's not to my benefit. But I understand why people do it. Always have to ask myself, do I make it hard to talk to me; do I create an environment that isn't conducive to communicating; how did it go last time someone had to tell me something hard? It's on me to be open to honesty or I might not be getting it. Why would someone beat their head against a wall if I'm not going to hear them?

I tell people if they have B.O. or whatever. I want to know so I'm backing up what I want with what I'm willing to do.

Attraction happens to everyone. Big deal. I talk about it only if it becomes a problem.

Sex is hard to comment on, for me. Had 1 serious gf before dating the woman who became my wife. She's been dead for 4 years and I'm not at that stage with the girl I'm dating right now. So, at 52 years old, I've only ever had sex with 2 women. When I was married we had a pretty honest approach to it and a couple of decades to get it right. Guess we figured that if we wanted it to be good we were going to have to figure out talk about it! Took us a few years to get to a place where our egos didn't need to show up for the conversation. Being determined to work things out doesn't mean you're going to be successful at the conversation. Being willing to keep at it might be the key. Sex is always hard to discuss for some people. You don't know what you're getting into until you have an experience with someone. It can't possibly be the same conversation or even the same KIND of conversation with any 2 people. You don't know what's going on for them or what history they have until you're in that space with them. You work out the obstacles or you don't. Guess it depends on how much you want someone to be part of your life. I like the "sex is like cooking" thought. Great way to describe it.

Arguing is the same personal ego conversation sex is, IMO. My wife and I used to hold hands while we argued. Definitely gives the argument a different energy when you have to sit close enough to touch one another. Had a disagreement with my girl yesterday and I reached out to hold her hand and she was shocked. She said "I always wished I could do this when I was in an argument with someone I love!" Everything I was annoyed about wasn't important after that because it was the first time she said she loved me. Important things fall into place and unimportant things fall by the wayside when you're holding on to one another. Arguing is usually about misunderstanding or ego. If it's not either of those things, and you differ from one another so much that you can't let go of your own POV long enough to see a way through or around or over an obstacle then maybe the issue isn't really what you're arguing about at the moment. Maybe it's bigger than that.

Great topic.

I think I would count that as protecting oneself... I don't see anything wrong with that... (not that my approval is necessary -just saying-)

This topic is one of my favorites. I hear from others, "I don't lie, cheat or steal. " and I say, "of course you do ". Admitting it is the first step towards open communication.

I am truthful about myself to the best of my ability. Yes I have blind spots. That doesn't make me a liar. We all have occasions when we lie.

Roomie : do we have any chips left?

Me: no they're all gone.

Roomie : you ate them all!

Me: no I didn't.

Roomie : you liar,you ate them all!

Me: look. I'm trying to avoid making you throw up. I opened the bag, and roaches were in the chips. Happy now? I tossed them.

She couldn't eat the rest of the evening.

Don't badger me to spill my guts if you can't deal. Keep your egocentric attitude under your hat. What choices I make regarding my life pertain only to me. Personally I couldn't care less what you would or wouldn't do if you were me. You aren't me. I'm not you either. Unless you walk ten miles in my place your commentary is moot.

Being blunt is rarely my MO. Few folks can handle it.

Just be honest with me, is the battle cry, followed by them attacking me for my"honest answers. "

There is no way to predict what version of "truth " someone is expecting from you. My experience has been that the "truth " is not what they are after.

They want assurance.

I think you're right and sometimes I choose to tell the truth whether someone wants to hear it or not—it feels validating to me, sometimes, to be seen clearly, and it's worth alienating someone, even someone I care deeply about.

I've also learned that it's okay to lie if it makes a situation less awkward with someone I'll never see again. Someone asked me out not long ago and I didn't want to go out with her. I didn't say, You're not my type, I just said, I'm not dating now, I'm taking a break. Why make someone feel bad? I assume others have done the same to me.