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I'll try to summarize my 7 yr past relationship & my folks almost 35 yrs I currently use as my guide.
-Be friends, do stuff together, enjoy eachother, and always have "us" time -Be ok with doing stuff apart, hobbies & "me time" -Communicate, be honest & fight fair, don't assume any big decision -Trust, not only eachother...but also don't be so afraid of loosing them that u end up pushing them away -Compromise...always -Keep the sparks & romance alive...don't ever take eachother for granted -Don't be afraid to be affectionate or silly together... any time any where |
3 LTRs
i've had 3 long-term relationships. the first was my with my first real love, in undergrad and grad school. it ended badly, through no fault of our own. her father, a powerful judge, found out about us, put her into a mental heal institution against her will, and, when she got out, virtually imprisoned her. she eventually committed suicide. i grieved for a long time before being able to love again.
my 2nd was with an abusive alcoholic. we were together 10 years, the last part of which was b/c i was too scared to leave. we tried therapy several times, but hy wasn't willing to change in any way. hy insisted that our problems were all w/me, and if i'd just do everything the way hy wanted me to, we'd be just fine. eventually hys control turned into outright physical abuse and threats to kill me if i tried to leave. when i DID leave and went two states away, hy found and stalked me. that's one reason i didn't return to VA-i am concerned that hy still might be there and now am no longer under the protection of my last ex. my last ex and i were also together for 10 years. that relationship went extremely well. unfortunately, it eventually fell apart under the weight of our combined illnesses. in the end, i felt more like hys caretaker than hys partner. i was exhausted and almost at the point of dying so had to leave in the end, with hys blessing and good will. we still talk regularly and write. we are best friends and still part of each other's "family". i'd say that in my experience, the best glue for a relationship is a firm foundation of friendship, which includes communication, communication, and communication. this level of communication involves both self-knowledge and trust and other-knowledge and other-trust. i agree that some basic shared ground is also important. for example, i doubt an avowed environmentalist devoted to the simple life would be happy with a materialist devoted to the acquisition of more and more. there has to be shared common ground. another example, if one had camping and living an active life as priorities to do with a loved one, then getting involved with one who could not or was not interested in this would not make a good match. yes, i know that sometimes opposites DO attract. but unless they develop a very strong friendship and find some shared values, then i don't give the relationship much chance of long-term survival. for me, in a relationship, romantic love waxes and wanes, wanes and waxes, but if a strong friendship is there to keep things going during the waning times, and communication to say, "i'm still here", and trust in each other to stay during the waning times and wait or make a waxing time, the relation will likely last. my 2 cents. namaste, DamselFly :moonstars: |
LaDivina and I have been in our relationship for 9 years. I can't believe it's already been 9 years. Seems like yesterday that we got together.
Let me begin by saying this: My parents had a very, very rocky marriage from the time I was 4 years old. I grew up in a home of constant arguing and remember the silence days on end. I was 16 years old when they finally divorced. I always vowed that whomever I ended up with, I would never, ever want this to happen in my relationship. I've always been conscious of not taking someone for granted. For those of you who know us, we are VERY opposite. And, as the saying goes, "opposites attract" so very true. I'm the savage beast with a temper and who is outspoken and bounce of the walls with hyperactivity and I swear like a truck driver. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm just an overall crazy bastid. My honey knows how to handle me. When I'm a bear she makes me see the beauty in things and calms this savage beast. She also keeps me grounded and just a loving soul who I adore, very gentle, very kind. I've been blessed! I mean c'mon people if I were with anyone like myself, lord have mercy, run for the hills! Anyway.....Of course we have disagreements, very heated debates and argue. I admit it, I can be a real fucker and you know what, she accepts me for me and knows once I vent, it's over and done with. I tell ya the woman is a saint. Bottom line, we know how to say i'm sorry and move on and accept each other for who we are. We truly have a wonderful relationship and we love life with one another. First and foremost, we're best friends, love hanging out with each other, and give each other our independence. We're very supportive of one another when it comes to ideas, situations and communication. It's never a one way street and we respect each other. And I'm not going to discuss our bedroom stuff. All I'm saying is that we 'ahem' are both Scorpios. :sunglass: Lastly, I/we know what we have in our relationship and I will continue to say: When you have something good DON'T FUCK IT UP! P.S. One small detail: WE'RE GETTING MARRIED MAY 14TH! |
damn Scorp................9 years already????????? I remember when you two got together..........
congratulations and best wishes |
Yep Tough. Hard to believe it's been 9 years already. Seems like so long ago.
Thanks for the congrats and well wishes. :hangloose: Quote:
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My stupid phone wouldn't let me add it on my post above lol But many congrats Scorp :)
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Heh..Yeah but i'm sure you have some great qualities too. Trust me, there's someone out there for you. Like I keep saying, it happens when you're not looking and when you least expect it. Corny saying, but true.
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congrats!
congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, Scorp! after all the hard work you two have already done to make your relationship work, i know it will be a good one!
namaste, DamselFly |
This is what Long Term Love looks like for Us: :rose: :rrose: :daywalker: |
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30+years.
Were friends first. Comittment-Pledged non-legal loyalty in a private ceremony Freedom and Respect for each other's lifepaths. Attraction-Good to look at, fun in bed. Truthfulness Trust Financial Security-we contributed what we could/had. And that's all it takes (if she/he doesn't drive you totally f****** crazy)! |
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congrads.. Scorp :)and tooo the Daywalkers you 2 are an awsome couple.:). :wine: |
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---love FR(confirmed butchlor) |
this thread has been dead for a bit but here I am anyway lol
There has been a lot of good thoughts and tips given thus far and I don't really have too much to add - just maybe in a different phrasing. Find someone who compliments your neuroses / issues. LOL for example, Gillian is an absolute control freak - so look at me, I don't want much control at all. We go well. I am (not as much now due to meds, yay!) very stubborn and aggressive minded when it comes to pushing my point of view. She is very calm cool and collected, and speaks to me in my language so I can get it. I have issues sometimes with my moods (BiPolar) and she can let me know in a way that doesn't strike me as patronizing or threatening - that maybe I need to talk to the shrink about my meds - or maybe what I'm feeling as a "hard cold truth" is more in the chemicals in my brain. I trust her unconditionally. Even if we argue there is no doubt that she would never do me intentional harm. She has some issues with low level hoarding - I keep that in check by asking her politely if she really needs said item. She also has a box that she puts her "I'm going to scrapbook this" items into - only one box. Also - if I get her ok, I will "get rid of" stuff she has a problem with getting rid of - when she goes to work. You just have to find that right person who keeps your insanity in check - and doesn't make you feel less of a person when they acknowledge you're a bit insane... also... Gillian read an article once that suggested that the thing you were attracted to the most in your partner - would eventually become the thing that annoyed you the most in later years. It's a fun point to ponder and holds some truth (though not entirely) in ours. |
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My wife and I have been together now for eleven years; we were legally married on our 7th anniversary, so we didn't bother starting the count over. Our thought was that if we could have been married sooner, we would have been. But people who are just meeting us are stunned that we've been together for more than ten years. Superficially, we are nothing alike at all. The little woman is butch to the point of routinely being "sir-ed" pretty much everywhere. I take it for granted at this point that she'll need me to run interference in any public ladies room. She is a union carpenter with a high school education who doesn't read books and gets offended if the waiter places the napkin on her lap for her. I am a power-suit Femme working in a Five-Star hotel with a Masters Degree and a weak spot for luxury and intuitive service. So what gives. If I had to try to identify what has kept us together for so long, I'd have to say that we just really really like each other. We laugh - a lot. Mostly at one another, but neither of us take ourselves too seriously. We share a sense of humor, a similar value system, and a complementary world view. We both see the good before the bad; our glasses are always half-full. We both love animals, action movies, and sushi. And yes, she's learning to appreciate life's little luxuries - and I'm always up for a snog in the truck. |
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