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yeah I've been hit by that truck too. isn't life grand?
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Now, not everyone can do this because for someone unknown reason, lying, playing games and smoke and mirrors sounds better than all the above... Why? I dunno guess we should look deep in the mirror and ask ourselves why... |
Maybe I can rephrase or add to my comment and say, it requires a *specific* type of negotiation and openness. For all involved parties to be agreeable, it's negotiation x (however many) and some say, "the more the merrier" and other say, "sheesh I can't even keep up with one." It goes without saying for me, that without openness and communication, it's gonna fail. But when I fail, it's because I look the other way when I know goddamned well what's going on. That's my biggest failure. It's not consensual, it's not discussed, and it ends up festering. And what's my part in that? It's a weakness because I just let it beat me down until I give up. Instead of it being a love that lifts me up, it's a drain that saps my energy. Then I become less willing to lift the other in love, because I'm feeling cheated. It's a vicious circle.
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Then there are other people who habitually cheat, hate themselves for it and act really badly and then lie to their partners and try to make them think they are crazy....but somehow to them this is better than just admitting that they should not be monogamous. It seems so simple, but most people do not see it that way. |
Women cheat just like men do. It isn't just one sided, and that is the impression I am getting reading this thread. Nobody knows what happens in a relationship between a couple. That is between them. Alot of debate can go on about how their passion has fizzled, both are working long hours, one bought a new car while so and so needs one, then the kids, and on and on. All this is - is an educated guess. That is all it is. The truth lies with the couple. Maybe they have decided to part ways. Who's business is it? Not mine. Not yours. That is gossip. And it's wrong imho. I think of the saying, and forgive me I am not sure of how it actually reads, but it is something along the lines like "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" aka it is payback time. That is not what life is about. |
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I know every single person I mentioned in my posts is a woman. Not one single man. But we don't have to agree. :) |
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It's funny you ladies both spoke up. From a guys pov, I really thought this was about a guy cheating. I think in society you see more of men cheating than women. And if women stray...it goes un-noticed or isn't focused upon. |
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Good to know. If soemthing ever happens with Cynthia, I will keep transpecies dating in mind. :balloon: |
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I do, however, believe once someone has traveled a road once, then that path is much easier to follow in the future. This applies to all aspects of our sordid human nature, not just infidelity. Quote:
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Poly, however, doesn't give one a carte blanche to cheat or be unfaithful. There still is a requirement to communicate and share to a certain degree, depending on how the relationship is set up. Infidelity is about lying to the partner(s) about one's intention and deliberately not talking to them about issues. |
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But every person I mentioned...women! People are just people. |
It is all about talking or communication. That is key in all relationships. :dance2: |
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Yes, if you want to love more than one person be Poly, if you want to sleep with whomever, be single! Better? |
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Princess Di? (they certainly focused on her more than Camilla Parker) Recently Leanne Rhymes.... |
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*grin* |
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Tonya, You are so right! I forgot about those gals. :ballerina: :farmer: |
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HONESTY I mean really should we not be expecting that each time we start any relationship regardless of what it is?? I do.... |
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http://uashome.alaska.edu/%7Edfgriff...e/penguins.gif |
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I call bullshit Andrew.. If a woman cheats, she is cast as WHORE HOME WRECKER SLUT LILITH Quote:
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Fuck this excuse for cheating, this whole new I am addicted to sex, it's just an excuse for a new reality show with Dr Drew.. |
I'm not disagreeing with you, maybe I'm not communicating it well. Because for me openness and communication are equivalent to honesty. What I tried to say is that in a poly situation, it is multiplied. that is the specificity (sp?) that I am referring to. Some people struggle with the keeping up with life, keeping up with people, just keeping up in general... not saying that a relationship should be allowed some slack, like "oh this is just my relationship, i can coast here". if you coast, that is when it slips away from you... ALL relationships can. sorry i'm not doing very well. when i write a post like the first one i did in here, it took an hour because i have to re-read the shit out of it so if it makes sense... writing this way without editing, it's like extemporaneous speaking for some. i will be smarter if i quit while i'm ahead!
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It's in the heart....song, that is.....
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[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbuXk7hAwQw&feature=related"]YouTube- Happy Feet Gloria (long)[/nomedia] |
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How is it mulitplied?? I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply... I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say.. Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above.. So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory? See what I am sayin? |
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yes the same rules apply. but if a casual acquaintance of mine or even a close friend isn't truthful with me, the impact isn't as high as if it was someone who is in a sexual relationship with me. if a person i'm having a sexual relationship isn't honest with me (or all of us, if there's a poly situation) it impacts everyone and can have negative consequences that would not apply if it was someone i wasn't fucking. so it's not that the expectation of honesty is higher, but the consequences can be greater when honesty doesn't exist.
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whether it is monogomy, poly, vanilla or leather, they all fall under the umbrella of relationships and all relationships need huge amounts of communication for them to properly work and not become dysfunctional.
When i am in gear to consider a relationship with someone, I teasingly bring up and joke about my "contract"...as we talk, if something pops up in our conversation that is distinct enough for me to know it matters and will matter even more if we keep going, I lay claim to putting it in the "contract".Now, there has not been an actual drafted contract, but you can ask anyone i have dated if I didnt do this. It gives them at least a visual that we arent sliding on past some important things. communication...I agree with Lady Snow...is important in any kind of relationship....they are all as simple and as complex as you need make them.. |
the same? Didnt you notice his flipper was wider than the other guy's?
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For me it is worse to be betrayed and lied to by a very close friend. |
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there's no kind of betrayal that ever seems acceptable. and consequences vary so greatly that i'm just going to leave this topic alone myself, because i don't function well in piecemeal discussions. this is a whole smorgasbord of stuff in what started as one little topic, now it's a debate about polyamory and that's a great biggo meal by itself. i had some thoughts about the original topic, though it may be unworthy of discussion now, lol. nah, i'll just stuff that cuz i need a nap.
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I think it all boils down to be honest and respectful in all our dealings!
Honest and Respect Simple! Have a great nap! :) |
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