Im sooo confused. Everyone is interpreting, but I got no confirmation or clarity from the OP.

True true, I am just not getting where skin color is the important part unless it would be easier to be rejected for a really generalized thing like skin tone rather than who she is as a person?

Tell them you like them and see where it all falls out...worst that can happen is they say no?

I am still at a loss

Dragonfly, if you are asking when is the right time in the course of a new friendship/relationship to ask if the person dates someone of a different color, the time is when the question needs an answer. Obviously its now.

Just ask her out. If she says yes, its because she likes you, not because of what color you are.

stop fussing. Dating is suppose to be fun. You are swooning over her. Stop looking for pitfalls and just ask her out...

nice
 

I really love the way you worded this post. Thank you!

ha
 

Hey its too late, and yeah I am crushing even more inspite of myself, but thank you cause you are right. No logical reason not to ask anybody I like to go out with me. Unless the convo is so amazing and deep that I'd be afraid of making it weird or uncomfy...everybody else feels a person out for more than a week before dating right? Do people date the same as back when I used to get asked on a date? The only fuss is how my screen looks better edited than it actually is.

Hi Dragonfly,
I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are.

Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground.

La Perla

Race
 

I love this thread! It's like oB said u date ppl who know that u don't care about race or culture, yes it's nice to acknowlegde it but not hold back because of it. That's like ummm.....well give me a mintue. Okay next post I'll have something

A few pearls of wisdom, that were handed down to me when I needed them:

Every human on this planet is the same...we all have wants, needs, desires.

If you don't ask, you will never know.

If they reject you, bounce back! Don't play games! Enjoy yourself and you will find yourself surrounded by positive people - at least one of whom will think of you romantically!!

Don't make it so much about being in "head space"! Try not to think it out so much!!!

To quote Nike...Just Do It!! :) Be brave! Accept Rejection! Accept Acceptance!! Have fun! Enjoy life! Do the things you love to do and you will meet someone you are compatible with! If they don't date outside their race, move on! You can't help your skin color, as they can't help theirs, if they don't know that, it's their loss!!

Dating/Relationships are about so much more than what you see! Would you want to be with someone who had to think about the fact that you aren't matchy-matchy on the outside???

Just my 2 cents!! Good luck in life, in dating, in relationships, but most of all, with being happy & loving yourself!! :) :) :)

Lucky
 

Maybe I've been lucky! But since it was made legal for differ race to marry. Why is it such a continuing problem? Our jobs, hobbies, lives brings us closer together...they makes us realize we aren't so much different. But yet do you think using terms like "jungle fever" adds to problems?

That's true baby. But I don't care I will proudly hold your hand. Unless other black people are around then I will pretend like I'm giving you directions. :|

hey ya
 

Yes I have been enjoying our time very much. But no I haven't agreed to a date yet like you say my speed is to get to know someone dating is saying you want more than friends. As for the race issue, I considered asking her but before I had a chance I learned the race of some of her past partners and a few things came up while we were hanging out at a club that showed me we are on the same page in spite of our area and some of our peers. If I could go back to the convo we had about what's your "type" I would have just asked then what she experienced in our area. I just felt rude or worried its not the same as gender and sexuality and offend her. Thanks for adding your viewpoint! The more the better regardless of where I am in the relationship others may wonder how they should approach the topic with a stranger.

Ps we like each other A LOT but aren't in a rush to get " romantic" dating too fast and have amazing convo!

:rrose:

So true and in a perfect world we'd all approach others with best intent and never unknowingly hurt them by breaking social norms. In situations concerning dating and racial differences, it is partly about where you live and who you and that person are friends with. It is not cured, and I just had the butterflies so bad I really needed to hear someone else say yes it is a subject that is not rude to bring up and that I shouldn't leave the burden of that question on the other person but to state that I'm not avoiding dating because of race are you and explain why I move slow. No biggie. It could have easily been a question I asked in the ptsd thread but I wanted to be specific to her on the subject. That I do date outside mine. Thanks truly!

hi
 

Hi. Thanks so much for adding to the thread! I have a friend in israel who considers "jewish" his race/heritage and religion. I'm not sure if you mean to compare religiously and racially but I agree that it is ok for anyone to have a "type" life partner that best fits their priorities. At one time my friend discussed here did not date a certain race and had reasons I understand and don't judge. A wider experience and exposure to the world outside your neighborhoods unlinks stereotypes and lies from the truth. Morals and priorities are different in every culture. I'm not a judgy person just care to prevent others getting hurt.

:)
 

NOPE! I'm unskilled and horribly inexperienced with dating in general.... Thanks for asking though.

sharing a laugh
 

So here is my sign that either a) I am a complete dating "dummy" or b) she is a genius! I'm going with b cause its kinder to myself... So anyway I was saying here on this thread how we have been "getting to know each other" and "hanging out" and I got comfortable enough that I could say yes let's start dating, you know have a goal or purpose to be "more than friends" and for me the whole process is stressful and scary enough pre "date" so I have almost dreaded moving forward to the "dating" stage trying not to trigger my panic attacks and paranoia. How amazing to find someone so brilliant that they would be able to move me into "dating" so smoothly that I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE they were "dates"! So... CORRECTION: I have been dating this amazing woman, only she could know its better to just sneak it up on me like that, just wanted to share that laugh with you all. And its going even better than I'd hoped.

Hope you don't mind me dropping bye...


I read the first post you made Dragonfly, and it reminded me very much of this ya'fa girl I had crushed on so bad in my teen years.

I was raised in...(not an out an out) racist family, but growing up I heard more than enough. As I grew older and met this girl I would get so nervous about my background...afraid something would slip or the issue of race would come up and I would be exposed as the bigots who quietly hated as they raised me. Their views and mine were not one in the same but how can one explain away the actions and comments of their family?

It took me forever to ask this young lady out. And much to my surprise and relief race was the last thing either of us thought about.
We ended up in some very comfortable discussions (about race..ect..) that naturally progressed as we went along.

Glad to see things went well for you!! :)

hey
 

Thanks for stopping by! I can relate to your experience in a big way. Racism is a brutal cycle that has brainwashing effects in childhood. Our first group outing with her friends we had something come up. Though it was her friend I winced for her, and as she handled it in her own way so did I for that situation. Had it been my friend I would have acted differently. Instead of confronting her and dragging her inside to right her wrong... I walked away and made it right with my own money. When my "date" and I next spoke we had our first convo about racism, her experience and way to handle things and such matters that I will keep personal. Suffice to say that we may be different but we handle these obstacles similarly, with the same attitude.

Hello,
I just wanted to put my two cents in. I'm a 100% Native American woman (softbutch).I've mostly dated white woman,mostly because the areas I lived and grew up in,has mostly had a majority of white people there.
I've also dated blacks and a mexican..I had no problems dating or having others date me.My family has no problem dating other nationalities what so ever .They just want me to be happy...

I'm very confused about this discussion. What is the thread about? Interracial dating? I definitely would as long as that person didn't expect me to start acting like them. Honestly,a lot about me screams 'total white girl.' I'm not interested in changing myself, the way I dress or the music I listen to. If we had mutual interests then color is no big deal to me.

It was a discussion of sept 2012 where a white girl with social anxiety wanted to ask a poc if she dated white girls but since she has social anxiety couldn't really bring herself to the point of asking if she dated white girls (aka round about way of asking if she would be rejected before she asked).

It all ended well. She found out they had already been dating and she hadn't realized it so she didn't have to go through he agony of of possible rejection if she let her desires be known.

The end.

It seemed like she was asking when they should discuss their racial differences?.... though I didn't read the whole thing.
I personally have dated more non white than white folks and have never sat any of them down and said, let's talk about this. Obviously we're different colors, I'm super white, (as in don't really tan).
I can only think of two times that it even came up.
One was in high school when I was hanging out with this guy, (not out yet,) who had racist parents, which I wasn't used to. I mean I was used to racist parents because mine were VERY racist, but I wasn't used to talking to someone with racist parents. The problem in the situation was, where do we hang out or go to relax because neither could take the other home.
The second time was my very first girlfriend. She wanted to meet my grandparents so bad. I told her I don't think that's a good idea. (I don't speak to most of my family. Including the ones who raised me: the grandparents.) She absolutely insisted. She was so excited, "I'm going to wear a dress,"... and be like this and do that....so I said ok, set it up, and she met them. She had an awesome southern drawl and talked so sweet. I, personally thought she was so cute that day. But, they were just like, whatever. Grandpa was the real racist and didn't say one word to her. Grandma would ask her little questions and smile when she answered, but remained pretty aloof. In the end we were like, fuck 'em and that was it. I told her I thought it was really cool of her to care enough to try.
Other than those two times, there's never been an issue.

Call me a RACIST....
 

But I only date one type of race and that's the HUMAN race!

Obviously I have a preference for the adult female gender of the species, who rock very well the femme identity but that where my discrimination stops.
Yes there are certain likes and dislikes with reference to their character that may or may not be appealing, but to make my decision on whether to date someone solely based on their pigmentation is as shallow as the colour (aka color) on the skin.

Actually call me an International Lover :cheer:

I understand the original purpose of the thread was to ascertain whether two different skin tones would date, so I say if two people are attracted to one another...go for it!

Oh how I wish the ladies over here had your outlook Angelface.

I get overlooked totally because of my skin colour. Or maybe it's just me that's off-putting. Either way, it's actually quite disheartening to say the least :confused:

You don't get overlooked because of your skin colour. You're overlooked because of the way others look at your skin colour.

Some call this semantics. I call it shifting the responsibility where it belongs. :)

Love me some semantics in the morning =p

Awesome spin on how to look at it. I thank you