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I use to have this laundry list of what I looked for in someone. It started it out with the "givens"..honesty, faithfulness, emotionally available, sober, good conversationalist, responsible, financially secure, developmentally mature, good hygiene, accepting of my daughter, understands my love of horses, and of course, trustworthy.
I have dated people who were not those things...in one or more ways. I thought that I could ignore these characteristics I desired or I thought they had the potential for these things and in time would come around to them. I was just plain stupid in thinking that! But until recently, I was angry at them for not meeting up with my desires. Fairly recently I have pretty much decided that the real answer lies in me. I need to be all of the above and not quiver away from it when the other person doesnt seem to fit. Its ME that doesnt fit them! ME! So, I have worked hard at making sure I am secure in myself and that I have myself, what characteristics I want in someone else. right now I have a LDR with a very nice guy. We are moving very slowly...very very slowly....meaning no geographic changes, and no making decisions in our personal lives based on the other person. We love and care for the other...but we both are working on ourselves. Until we are ready, we simply arent ready for the Big Stuff. So...what I needed in someone, was for them not to grab for the brass ring when the ride just started. What I needed was to have that brass ring and enjoy it and wait awhile befire I am willing to share it with someone else, and not just give them a free ride. What I want, is to live happily ever after...and what I know, is I am doing that..with or without someone. I am the only one who can make me happy. Me. Someone can match me, like a twin, in happiness but I am not relying on anyone again, to do for me what I need to do for myself. I am so much calmer nowadays...lol. |
I have never been the type that can't live happily unless partnered with someone...quite the opposite really. I will admit that I have gotten into a couple of relationships that I knew in my heart wouldn't work out....as my gut is never wrong....but when all of my friends are coupled and I was the only single going to all the events with them, it got old, so I thought I could make something work with someone. WRONGO G!
I have learned that I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. Sachita is the one that mentioned secrets I believe (without going back and looking..correct me if I am wrong), and while I think everyone has skeletons in their closets, myself included, I think that secrets in relationships do not work out in the end. I try to be an open book to everyone I know...within limits of course, but I don't want secrets to come between us. Feelings get hurt, resentment starts, trust is damaged, and those are all things that are hard to overcome and move on from....yet they are all things that you need in any kind of relationship. One of my exes kept some things from me that my friends knew about, and after the break up, they all came to me and told me they knew...which then made me resent them in a way because they didn't come to me sooner. I thought my friends were supposed to be there for me....not just after the fact, but when it went down so that I didn't get hurt to begin with. I had to distance myself from them and when I see them out, they want to act like nothing is wrong and hang out like before. My grandma always said, "secrets don't make friends". Wise woman! So, I don't think secrets have any room in a relationship. |
As others have stated I make myself happy. And I do enjoy my alone tiime, as well. That being said when I seek a partner I seek for starters basic things I need just for a friendship. I dont want someone in my life that isnt honest and who I cant trust. That being said here are the other things on my list per say :
Loyalty. Has staying power through good times and bad. Able to laugh Communication. Can talk to her about anything Someone my age or older Someone who lives in Dallas/Fort Worth Someone who can accept the fact that I do not have family. Someone who like me doesnt have or doesnt want kids Someone who doesnt have cats Very Affectionate Passionate Romantic Nurturing Sensitive Someone who will attend services with me Financially Secure Good Hygeine Kind to animals, kids and older people Someone who is monogamous What I will not tolerate is: Lying Cheating Abuse of any kind emotional or physical |
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1. Should have the ability to cock one eyebrow at me.
2. Must like children, animals, and plants. 3. I’ll share my closet but not my bookshelf. Bring your own. 4. I don't mind weird but I don't do well with inconsistent. 5. Should be non-religious. 6. Unwillingness to let me push the cart in the grocery store is a deal breaker. 7. Never, ever compare my Italian Greyhound to a rat. |
I should add to mine :)
Someone who is a complete girly girl. But who isnt materialistic or stuck up. Down to earth, and funny, kind and sweet. Someone with a huge heart like mine... I love to spoil and pamper my partner. Someone who loves it but doesnt expect it. |
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I want...
A well seasoned Butch... confident, comfy in their own skin, must LOVE sex, monogamous, a sense of humour, adores Femmes, snogging and has not forgotten how to play... in every sense of the word !
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I forgot to add. A girly girl that accepts the fact that I am trans.
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i would make a negotiation on the cooking part...ill be ya cookin daddy if u do the cleanin!!! Now it wouldnt be exactly fair for me to do all the work....and that includes ALL aspects...not just cookin and cleanin!!! Use ur brains for just a moment...ahhh it just dawned on u what i was saying. Thats right,i said it...if i can cook for my woman and occasionally clean,then u can save a horse and ride a cowboy...cuz thats just SEXY AS FUK!!!!! :tease:
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Hmmmm...Hadnt seen this thread...
Wants & Needs ~ A great sense of humor (although I am pretty easy to make laugh) ~ Optimisitc ~ A warm smile ~ Kind to others ~ Telling Eyes ~ A nice bottom lip that I can tug on when we kiss ~ Ambitious ~ Someone who is not afraid to take control... ~but can sit back and watch me when I decide to... ~ Gentleman ~Passionate, Lustful, and Loving (yes rolled up into one) ~ Someone I can drive nuts on a regular basis :) Is this too much to ask for?? lol Oh and if they are my height or taller a plus :) Ok done...just saying..We can dream right? |
List D
Let's see I'm older now so:
Honest Family-centered Sense of humor Likes God Playful "trying new things" Has a job Likes artsy things And my obsessive need to practice tantric things *stayin in bed on rainin days ( I have no tv in bedroom) u get the hint... Communicate To Me |
I have learned so much about myself this year!
I learned I need to be the Dominant in a relationship. I learned I need to be in a female run relationship...meaning regardless of what gender I date, *I* am the one who leads in the dance I learned I need to be the lead in bed too. And I need to be with someone I can reciprocate sex with. While I have enjoyed my time with Stone Butches, I know to be sexually satisfied, I need to be the one giving. And if *I* feel like it, he can give back. I learned I need this to be a 24/7 in and out of bed I learned I am not shy sexually and certainly not submissive. Assertive doesnt even begin to define what I am in this realm and trying to be anything different (a role I was taught to play from childhood) just wasnt working for me I learned that I am still coming into myself and am single for this reason. I dont want to mull it over while engaging with the energy of another person. |
I am at the 3/4 part of my life.
I really don't have expectations anymore. I do want to have the freedom to do what makes me happy. As I would give you the same respect to have happiness. I don't want to have a list anymore, to much paper work to keep up with. I would like the respect part of the relationship to be there. I guess basically what I'm saying is when the right person comes along. It's most fitting to say both will be different, and it's up to the both of you to establish a well balanced relationship. You can't change anyone, nor expect them to change, because it's what you want. As relationships grow, we to change, and sometimes the change is together, other times there changes that are apart. If you grow apart, it's okay, because we all move at our own pace. Only then will you know if you can go on together or it's time to seperate. Which ever it is. The love and respect will always be there. Because no only were you lovers, but you are best friends, and friends are there no matter if your up or down. Once again, no more expectations in my life... Live hard, live fully, open your eyes........... |
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at the risk of sounding needy I would rather say is that I do best with someone who is not afraid and can handle me! Someone who wants the same things in life as I do, someone who is not afraid to lock the chains to me...someone who is not afraid to cage me. Someone who is interested enough to see past the crap and to the next layer. Someone who is not afraid to give me what I really need especially when I need it. Someone who is real and lives and walks their own truth. Someone who is not afraid to tell me what they need and want. Someone who challenges me and puts me in my place when I push the line. Someone who is tender when it's needed and also throw me to my knees when it's time.. Someone who is not afraid to commit and capable of loving themselves enough to take care of themselves.. someone who takes responsibility seriously and acts accordingly. Someone who I can't live without. Someone willing to walk the walk... not just talk the talk.
and oh, must love dogs. |
everything counts some how
a brainy & sensual femme who can think on many levels.
its ok not to agree however people who discount ideas without exploring them bother me |
Not looking, but this comes to mind:
*All the character traits everyone says-honesty, responsible, committed to personal growth, etc. *Great sense of humor. Don't ever go with someone who can't make you laugh. *Likes pets and kids *Lots of interests (and hopefully share some of mine) *Likes to get out of the house on weekends. Bonus for getting out of the country ;). *Likes to read and discuss books *Physically active. Don't have to be ripped, but working on themselves is nice. *Not extreme when it comes to religion or politics *Gets along well with other people-likes friends. Not necessarily outgoing or the "life of the party", but someone who likes people. *Sensual and very sexual. Romantic in that she does little things, not necessarily candy and flowers type stuff. |
i want the real deal, a real life, not a life made up on a computer or layers of saccharin under what is actually a non-existence. i don't want to have to make it up and cover so that people don't know the real deal, i want to enjoy life and although i love the internet, i do not want to maintain a relationship there. i want to know that everyday is solid and secure with someone who doesn't need me to complete them or make them look good, because they look pretty damn good on their own.
My needs are water and air, the rest are wants and desires.. Thank you UNIVERSE! |
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And, while it's nice to have an online space to vent, or share, or provide others with positive written support, for me I've found that too much is missed online (both physical and verbal cues) when trying to sort out any kind of romantic connection. I salute those who can make it *work* but for me geographic proximity is necessary. |
...Someone who knows that relationships are not part-time jobs. Not ready for a full-time position? Apply somewhere else :)
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Exactly what I have right now. She is kind, loving, honest, funny as hell, extremely smart, very beautiful and sexy, she puts a priority on Us, our values and outlook on life are very complimentary. I have everything I could ever want and need for the rest of my life.
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me too, for ME that is the only way to know someone.. |
* Lots of affection
* honesty * a person who is really on my team and supportive of my goals * you cant be abusive JUST SIMPLY CARE |
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...someone who completes me body, mind, and soul
...who loves being affectionate almost always, and understands when I choose not to be ...someone who accepts me for who I am, and gets to know my entire history ...has a good character, and gets my sense of humor ...smart and can call me out on my shit, but isn't above my cheezy flirting ...wants to communicate often, and can focus just on the issue when there is an issue...to solve it and then let it go ...oh & cooking is a plus...cause my skills are limited :) *tip hat* |
Relationship
Patient,caring,kind,supportive,strong not afraid to love and be loved.I am lucky to have this and so much more.
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I need balance. I need balance between me time and time with a partner. I need stability. I need loyalty. I need the comfort of routine, with the occasional excitement of something new and different.
For me, I think the most wonderful example of a healthy relationship is the Triquetra. It is a balance of individuality and unity, looking at how the three arms are connected. You are one arm, your partner is the other arm, and the relationship is the third arm. The relationship exists independently of you and your partner and has it's own energy and presence. You and your partner do not give up your individuality. The two of you do not merge into one person, but are connected to something important. And all three are interconnected. I also see it as a sign that when one arm is struggling, the other two can support it. I know this symbol has so many meanings to so many people, practices and faiths. It just means a lot to me and this is one of the insights for me. http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/...pse1b89823.jpg |
I don't need a perfect partner.. I just need someone who loves me deeply, understands me well, be loyal to me and most of all, accepts me as I am.. Someone who will not take me for a ride and leave me stranded in the middle of the road.. btw I have written a poem..just to share :)
Where Is That Special Someone? There is someone that I would yearn to find, Someone that would be able to read my complicated mind, Someone that would make my heart beats fast, Someone that would make forget me about the painful past, Someone that would make me dare not to speak into her eyes, Someone that would teach me the purest meaning of sacrifice, Someone that would make me feel the time that flies is never enough, Someone that would make me feel so loved with her sacred touch, Someone that would make me calm by just looking at her face, Someone that would make my life full of grace, Someone that would melt my ego just with her simple smile, Someone that would make me so close to her instead of the thousand miles, Someone that would never leave me alone through my thick and thin, Someone that would always be in my sweetest dream, Someone that would make me feel brand new every day, Someone that would always stand by my side no matter come what may, Where Is That Special Someone? |
Understanding, patience, and must LOVE affection. All the rest are givens. Oh forgot must laugh at MOST of my corny jokes. Lol
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don't lie to yourself or me
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Affection, honesty, good conversations, fidelity, support of my life and my choices, sense of humor, intelligence, love, passion, stability, open-mindedness, in no certain order........
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What do I need?
I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?
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I might be sensitive to it, being a lesbian and all... I believe that all relationships go through periods of time when sex may wax and wane. I was married to a bio man in my early 20's that had virtually zero sex drive, so I try not to generalize. My GF and I will be be together 2 years in the beginning of December. Did we have way more sex in the first 8-12 months; yes. Absolutely. After that, it did fall off. I think that between my very demanding job and hers, we let life get in the way. Then she got laid off and I know that affected her libido. I know folks in their 80's and 90's still have sexual relationships but I am sure it is not nightly, either. I know I had a much greater libido until after I had a total hysterectomy. 50% of a woman's testosterone is produced by her ovaries. If ovaries are removed, one will have a marked drop in testosterone. At least with menopause, the drop is more gradual than immediate. The point that I am making is that life stressors, unverbalized anger or irritation with a partner or medical reasons or not putting the effort into ensuring a sexual relationship is maintained; can affect a sexual relationship. About 3 months ago we both decided that it was not acceptable to let our sex life slide. Even with love, I believe that good sex is the glue of a relationship. We make dates at least once per week to have sex. Regardless of what is going on! You know something, we always get in the mood and are always so glad and happy that we did. We made a commitment to each other to not let it slide again. We really try to be open and honest about how we are feeling, even if it is difficult or makes us feel vulnerable or embarrassed. It is really critical to be able to communicate about this. I hope this helps a little. Good luck. |
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In a relationship.....
I need someone who is not constantly on their phone looking at facebook , email, texting, google hotspot or whatever. I used to be that person and have seen it in someone I was with as well. I think that is so annoying! I need someone who loves dogs. I need someone who is affectionate. I crave touch and want to touch. It feeds my soul. I need honesty and open communication. How can you have a relationship without these? I need someone who is not already married in any way, shape, or form, whether you consider yourself queer or not. I'm sure there are a lot of other things but that's it for now. |
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Assuming that your partner is not asexual (and it sounds like the drive just went pfft and used to exist), then, IMO, sex by whatever definition and activity with the one you love is one of life's greatest joys. That to me is part of the point of being in a relationship. Without that sexual relationship you share with none other, you have a living arrangement I'm not saying that life doesn't tank sex here and there, but if you honestly can't remember, that's too long. Assuming, also, that both of you are healthy and have no chronic illnesses or hormonal issues that can underlie a flat desire, then my advice isn't to chalk it up to "oh wells, LBD happens, we're not different from any other couple", but to really look at what's going on. I would be extremely hurt if my partner told me she had no sex drive, as she's supposed to find me irresistible ;). Are you both avoiding the sexual side of your relationship through working? This is going to take some difficult conversations and it might be worth seeing a LBGT counselor. Martina is right, and I can tell you from experience, do not get married before you really resolve this issue. Otherwise, bad or nonexistent sex issues will mushroom like a smoke cloud through the rest of your otherwise very compatible relationship. Good luck. |
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