This is a great point. I also think that its important to remember that the relationship just doesn't go sour overnight and that the person ending the relationship may have been grieving the loss of their relationship for awhile, and the other just not caring enough to notice and taking the relationship for granted.

Right now alone seems way less stressful.

Oh, just love this! I went through phases one and two and skipped to parts of phase 5 (cyberdyke.com anyone?).

Thanks, I needed this today:)

It sure is not easy.

I jumped into my relationship so fast, the second date was a uhaul truck date. I have never moved in with someone so fast, lol. The first month was great, the second one better, but by the third month things started changing....now we are the at the sixth month and although living together we are trying to get our affairs in order so we can seperate and move into our own place. Yes it is hard living together, knowing I will never hold her, kiss her or be with her ever again. We are friends and do things together, have dinner together, play Scrabble sometimes, get our hair cut, but my heart aches knowing I will never have the connection we had in the first few months. I have been around a long time, and know that rushing into something is not always the best thing to do. Taking time to know someone is important and although my heart is breaking, I know I will always love this woman and be supportive of her and I do not regret having had her in my life for the short period we were involved. The hardest part is bowing is out gracefully and respecting ourselves, we don't need to fight or play games. Yeah in my mind, I am thinking she will never know how much she was loved, maybe someday she will see, but for now it is time to let her go.
She is still in love with her abusive ex.......Good bye my love.

Morgan....I am so sorry. Sounds just like what I just went through. I hope it gets better for you. HUGS!!

Thanks funkyfemme...I am glad this place is here. I am sorry for your pain, hugs as well to you.

I'm forever grateful for this space too. You have no idea!!! Hugs again!! It WILL get better!!!!!!!!!! It fuckin has to!!!!!

I very much identify with this part of what you say. My BF and I were talking this week and she said to me, "I don't understand why you continue in a relationship even when you know it is not working for you." I do this even if it has not been more than a few months. Once I commit, I'm in. When it's truly over, I'm depressed over the loss and pissed and embarrassed for continuing so long after my mind and my gut was telling me "this is not good or right for me."

Quintease thank you for putting it into words. I'm going through it right now and am in such a spiral that I'm not making sense when I try to talk it out. I read your post and nearly burst into tears because it resonated so strongly with me.

Grieve? Oh hell yeah!!!!!

Obviously, it depends on how much feelings you had for the person. Most times, the one who walks away feels no, or little grief. Naturally, every situation is different. Sometimes the one who walks away is hurting more...

I agree with that quote. The one who walks away without even trying to compromise and work things out really feels nothing or maybe never did.. that person was just a convenience for them. I really can't see them hurting more since they didn't try to work on it. The ones who do try even if it may not work out can stay talking thoughout their lives and I have met many who are close with their ex's. Friendships and relationships change but the ones who work together on them stay connected forever just in a different way and who knows it may even be better.

That.

The three years before my current partner were probably the worst of my life. Hurt, lonely, rejected, betrayed. I sought solace in a new relationship only to be abused.

Then out of nowhere this beautiful love fell out of the sky and we've just cemented it by getting married!!!!!

So it does get better ...eventually :cheer:

I feel bad blubbering all over the forum but I honestly don't where else to go. 8+ years is ending. I was 20 years old when we met. I'm now 29. I moved to Vancouver from San Francisco to be with her. I don't have friends here, my family is in Ohio.

I really thought we were going to be together forever. We were supposed to go to Disneyland, spend my 30th birthday together, and now it's not happening and I still can't believe it. We have to move out, obviously, find separate apartments. I don't even know how to find apartments in Vancouver. And how do you divide up 8 years worth of stuff together?

I love her, and she loves me, but says she can't give me what I need, she's changed, it'll be better for me. I don't know how something that hurts so badly can be better, but OK. I have a headache from crying so much. She still tries to hug and comfort me when I'm crying, but that's going to have to stop, obviously.

This sucks. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.

It does suck and please don't feel bad for looking for help from other people (((hugs)))

When my ex dumped me (5 years, new country, marriage certificate) she said 'You will thank me for this one day'. Of course I was devastated! She was leaving me while making out that she was doing this for me??

Ironically, though I doubted she really knew at the time, she was right. It took over 3 years but now I am in a much better and happier place, in a much better and more satisfying relationship.

You WILL get through this, purely as you have no choice. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, keep doing what you have to do. It will hurt for a very long time, but one day you will wake up and realise you've done it, you've managed to move on.

Until then, try to look after yourself xxx

so sorry this is happening to you..it's like losing a part of you and the immensity of that...no one can truly understand..unless you've been through it..I suggest don't prolong the pain get out as soon as you can..stuff (be damned) every piece will only serve to remind you what you've lost ..so everything you decide to keep, will remind you everytime you see or use it..do you really need that? my advise (in this situation) sell everything you can, give the rest away, and travel light (out of this toxic situation)..there is life after this but it's going to take awhile before you can recognize it and feel safe again.

Thanks you guys. I guess I'm going to have to start looking for a place to live, find movers, etc. Will need to take money out of my savings to pay for it, gah.

After hearing the news, everyone has been telling us Oh, maybe you just need a break for awhile. She's said herself she doesn't know if this is the right decision or not, but I can't really just wait around for someone to figure out if they want to be with me or not, that sucks.

This is legit the shittiest I have ever felt.

Hugzzzzz for U
 

((((((((((((((((((ruby))))))))))))))))))))))
This is a really hard time for you.......but you are absolutely correct..........you shouldn't be hanging out & waiting to see if some one wants to be with you. You need to tell yourself you deserve better, some one who knows exactly how they feel about you.

I have a shoulder if you need one to cry on or lean on.

I have been going through a nasty break up too over the past month or so. It is so hard. I know I love her, but feelings change for a variety of reasons. It's amazing how in an instant, something so amazing is crushed.

What I have learned is to let the universe, a higher power or whatever lead. When I broke up with my first love, I swore I was *never* going to recover. Now, i hardley think of her.

Everything happens for a reason and yea, it's f***ing miserable but time heals pain and there is someone that is better suited to my needs.

Also, I have learned that dogs are a blessing in a time of loneliness **snuggles**

Good luck sister!!
Starry

(((( starry ))))) my animals hold allmy secrets :) I;d like to add .. that there is no right way to break up .. to all who r condisering a break up .. just treat eachother w. empathy and dont disgrace the person who will be left hurting. someone is always left hurting.

Starry,
I'm so sorry this has happened! Big hugs, sister!
SweetJane

I'm so thankful I have the Planet right now and you guys are letting me bitch to you, lol.

I just made an appointment with my bank for tomorrow to get some money out of my RSP. Hope to use that money for a deposit on an apartment, maybe I can get something for February 1 so we don't drag this out any longer. Suuuuuucks.

Ruby , I am so sorry what are you going through right now . I feel the same way just a different situation . It's my way to bitch and complain and I am sure people are tired to read my posts , but this is my only way to let it out and to be private to certain point . I can imagine how hard it's for you , been there too .
Stay strong and keep bitching as much you want to . I will gladly read your post and send you a little messages through via rep . I was always concerned what people say about me and tried to keep everything off of board , but no longer . If there are people with a perfect life , I am happy for them .
My life has been everything , but not perfect . Money or what do you own it's not so imported when your personal life it's in pieces .
I am wishing you the best way to get through this difficult time

Thanks Vlasta. I've been reading about you're going through and can't believe it.

I feel the same way, I'm sure folks are going to get sick of watching me cry all over the place, but it's not like I can do it at work or something. I'm sure I look needy and crazy. I feel a little needy and crazy, but my head is too far up my own butt right now to care. If they can't remember having their first real love end, then forget them.

In real life, I'm perfectly normal and funny, I swear, haha.

Hun , I know people are sick of me as well , but this it's a only place we can went . I definitely don't want to put this on FB where I have 1600 + friends in different countries . They wouldn't even understand and to be honest , I am tired to explain things , because they are thinking this it's impossible and I am not being honest .
I believe you , that you are perfectly normal and funny . However , right now my funny side is not working too well . We will get through this one way or other . Keep posting , to me is cathartic just to type up on the website and I don't even expect replies . What is there to say ? and kind people already told me I am sorry what are you going through .
the same thing it's there for you . As I said keep posting the way how you feel , I don't know you as majority people here , but your post was hearth wrenching to me and I replied . I will support you as much I can from far away .
The answer it's the time and you need to heal and get things out of your system which is perfectly understanding .

sending you cyber hugs and if you would like to PM me , please feel to do so .
much love to you

Ruby, I am so sorry you're going through this, but you've set some good things in motion, and that's what matters. Keep taking positive steps and allow yourself to grieve. Many of us have found ourselves sitting in a parked car unable to turn the key to start the car or otherwise immobilized by the loss of something and someone we loved.

Things will continue to get better. I promise. SNH

I'm not making light of your situation. Reading what SNH wrote, brought a shitty grin to my face, as she is right. I recall a time in my life when I thought there was NO WAY I could go on...and I did sit totally numbed
out, I bet I was gasping for air too.:| We are stronger than we know.
I look back at that now, thankful that I learned alot but even more thankful that I got the hell away from that person. Our lives are in two completely different hemispheres. (not making a geographical reference)
Feel every thing you need to feel so you never have to come backwards.
Have some of the PLANETS' great koolaid too!:koolaid:

oh yeah. It took me a few years. I cried a lot. I still get a tinge of pain when I think about the life we should of had and the time we invested. Grieving sums it up perfectly

I cant help but wonder if we learn from our mistakes.... or r we prone to just repeat them.. Head the warnings signs in yourself .. noone can complete you.. noone can make ur life . we r all soo responsiable for ourselves, u can't share what is broken.
Love and hugs (((((( everyone))))) to anyone whos tears have not , yet dried up ..

I think that sometimes you do not see the warning signs until it is already over. Blinded.. maybe. Don't want to see them.. maybe... Stupid.. perhaps... should have been over long time ago.. who knows..

We are all human and of course we grieve any relationship, just some to different extremes. Like when I had to put my dog to sleep, three years ago now.. I still grieve over that at times. Past gfs.. not as long as that lol. :seeingstars:

I think this community definitely comes together when someone is in need and the support is definitely helpful when getting through those grieving stages.

my opinion is there is no right way to break up .. always hurt .. just be fair to one another .. and heal b4 u take on another relationship ..

OUCH

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

I agree with this; there is no right or really even a good way to break up; but long after the grief has subsided, you will be left with one question: Did I do what was RIGHT during the breakup? Be fair and do what is right, and it doesn't take a lot of soul searching to know what is right, even in the midst of grief and perhaps anger. Eventually, once the hurt/anger is past (sometimes longer periods of time than others) a friendship might be able to be had. But if you are unfair and just downright wrong in your breakup dealings, you can probably count on the other party never wanting to have anything to do with you again.

Glynn

Great and important post.

We do need to do what is right, we can't expect straight people to honor our relationships if we end ours by chopping up sofas and catching them on fire.

Seriously. Be decent. Do the things you agreed you would. Fulfill your obligations, work to avoid related fall out drama.

I agree.There's a lot of tears, I hate that. I can't handle emotional stuff like that. I told my wife give me 5 years (by myself) this means a break up. In 5 years I'll return (if I'm still alive that is) and we can take where we left off. She's free to do whatever she pleases. She has plenty of family to keep her company. I just need to follow this calling.

To our freedom...
:toast:

Breakups
 

I have been thinking about this for a while now. I am very independent and confident and I am walking a deliberate path in my life. My thought has always been if a nice femme wants to join me on my path then I would welcome her company but if she wants to take her own path then I am good with that too. My path does not change with or without a femme.

I am blindsided when a femme breaks up with me and throws me under the bus. The yuckiness occurs when they choose to yell at me and call me names.

I can count on one hand the number of times that I said something ugly to an ex. I try not to go there not for them but for me.

My point, if someone is not happy in a relationship just say that and move on.

I met with a femme recently that went through a nasty breakup. I was so impressed with her respect and honesty about their breakup. She showed real respect for that relationship.