I thought it was sweet AND sort of creepy...but mostly sweet. I'm all about mushy sentiments like that, though. The male pronouns threw me off for sure.

I guess I have a big problem being put on a pedestal by anyone, my partner included. It's too damned much pressure! And I certainly don't want to feel like I am the center of anyone's universe...a part of it, yes, but let's keep everything in perspective. And please don't ever make the mistake of thinking you are the boss of me. Cause HOLY SHIT will there be trouble! ;) I also don't think there's anything wrong with "needing" someone. That needing doesn't necessarily have to mandate something unhealthy. It can be as simple as needing someone's loving presence in your life...their laughter, their support, whatever it is they bring into your world that makes each day a bit brighter and more enjoyable. That can leave some feeling vulnerable, yes...but not wrong.

Thanks for sharing, OP.

from my *me* space today, subject to change tomorrow
 

really?? I honor those who deserve honor. I respect those who respect me. Femme, butch, straight, purple.... I don't see the difference. Maybe I'm missing something.

I might go start a thread in the Femme section but I do want to comment on Snowy's and June's posts about the unspoken sisterhood between Femmes.

In my world, and in the circle of friends I have, I expect my Femme sisters to know that they have value regardless of who they are screwing and if they don't yet feel that power, they have to be doing the work to get there.

I think when we talk about "The Femme Sisterhood", we are talking about the expectation that we have (or at least that I have with my close friends and that they also have of me) an open, honest, authentic relationship not only to each other but to ourselves. Because if you aren't in touch with your damage, you have the potential to radiate that out onto other people.

My girls are smart people who often screw up but who know when they need to be working on something or at the very least are able to hear it when one of us says, "That thing you're doing concerns me because it looks like you are acting out or out of control."

We're able to hear those words from one another and take with us a sense of LOVE rather than those words sounding to us like "I want you to act different because I'm trying to control you or am jealous of you".
Because being surrounded by Femmes who get you and love you makes you feel really safe and secure and you start to accept the love that they want to give you rather than being suspicious of it. (as we are often taught to do with one another)

I do hope one day you will get what I am trying to say... Without a defensive tone.

This is about being part of something much bigger than any of us. It is about honoring our Femme Sisters. It is about not allowing a butch to separate us, or any other person for that matter. It is about caring for one another and having each others backs. No matter if it gets icky.

Simply... Sisterhood.

It's okay if you don't get it. So, yes - Really!!!

Julie

"We're able to hear those words from one another and take with us a sense of LOVE rather than those words sounding to us like "I want you to act different because I'm trying to control you or am jealous of you".
Because being surrounded by Femmes who get you and love you makes you feel really safe and secure and you start to accept the love that they want to give you rather than being suspicious of it. (as we are often taught to do with one another)"

I really love this a lot! :bunchflowers:

I must admit, I read this thread a few time and found myself perplexed. The thread was originally brought to my attention and I thought...hmm let me check this out.

At first when I saw the title I wondered what do all femmes need to know? I’m not a femme...so, really I wouldn’t have a clue, but I’m always interested in learning. I’ll be honest, I thought at first it was a femme thread written and started by a femme, then, I saw it was indeed started by male ID individual.

When I glanced at the actual post I thought to myself…hmm. I don’t know the original poster, and I have no idea what they were truly thinking when they posted it. So, I can only speak from what I took from it and how I felt when I read it.

To me it felt as though the poster saw something, and related to what it was saying and decided to share…similar to the thread that is about how do you know someone is into you? (I forget the actual title of the thread). It’s as if the original poster was saying to the femme community this is how I express love…this how you know I love you.

We all express love differently and for some it’s hard to put into words because they stumble or they struggle to be romantic. So, they express their love differently…like calling...giving compliments, seeing the depth of her beauty, beyond make-up and all that other stuff.

For several posts it seemed that people interpreted as I did…then it turned into something else. What perplexed me was the twisting and turning of what followed. I’m not sure the original poster was trying to say this is how I validate you…or trying to stand up on some soap box beating their chest saying I am male hear me roar, but merely saying...hey, for those I have loved before who may not have known and for the one love I am hoping to find…please know this is how you’ll know that I love you.

Perspectives
 

Stargazingboi it's unfair to say ANYONE twisted or turned anything, a few Femme's came in to give opinions and VOICE what they feel Femme's should know. I mean if anyone should know what Femme's know is Femmes... I find it empowering that so many (Femmes) chose to use their voice:)

I hope we continue to voice our likes, needs, wants and desires for many many moons.:vigil:

I like asking Femmes questions. Now if I could just get them to answer. Lol
Seriously tho, All you Femmes rock!!!!

Lady_Snow....but the thread did twist and turn. It went in one direction and then another, much like a winding road. Now mind you I didn't say anything about the femmes who decided to voice their thoughts and their empowerment..did I? Empowerment in general is always encouraged for all that exist :)

I merely stated I got perplexed by the course of the thread....

What THIS femme wants (not should) to know about me, and what i want others to know about me;

i am special

i am unique, we are ALL unique!

i don't need anyone to validate who i am

i am strong and submissive

i am loved, cherished and owned

i am not anyone's *better half*, i am whole as i am

i can take care of myself, but i may choose differently :)


i am FEMME!!!

i am going to find that femme thread that i love and bump that sucker! RAWR!

also - I don't call Gillian back if she hung up on me. Chances are if she hung up - it's cause I was being a royal dick.. and if I was being a royal dick - the conversation had gotten to a completely nonproductive point.

And besides, I tried doing that - and it results in a longer time out.


And I *hate* being ignored - so longer time outs are to be avoided.

Oops.
 

Wow. I found it somewhere, and posted. I didn't pick the language/pronouns. It was late, I just posted it. I actually intended it to end up in an entirely different thread, but lookie here... its a thread of it's own. lol If I offended someone.... I apologize?

:o)
 

P. S. .... This is why I dont post. It was not meant to imply that 'femmes NEED a butch' or anything of the sort. But, it's cool. Gives everyone something to analyze and post on. Tear it up!

Jist...

Honestly - I think it's good you posted it. It gave opportunity for discussion and cleared the way for an important conversation.

Please continue posting -- I know sometimes it can be scary, especially when there are so many people jumping in and posting their thoughts, which are not necessarily favorable... But that does not mean it is bad. I know I certainly spoke my peace, and I am glad I had the opportunity to.

What every Femme should know... Certainly will not come from prose written by a man or a butch. It will come from her and will come from the dialogue she shares with other Femmes.

It's all good - Hopefully you learned something too.

Julie

Oh yes... I did. I learned how new people must feel coming in here, and trying to post. Lucky for me, I am not a newbie.... have been a poster many years.
And no... I am not scared to post again. There's not much in this life that does scare me, and a little criticism is not on the list.
I'm just a little disheartened that something so simple, and well intended .... can be taken so literally that people even have a 'discussion' about it.
Not to mention... it was posted in a forum that was supposed to be for writings and ramblings, and not a philosophical discussion board.
All of that aside, it has nothing to do with being afraid or intimidated... or even caring... about someone else's opinion. It has to do with what a waste of my time and energy it is for me to even go read the replies. Why post?
One last note --- It never ceases to amaze me how much people can (or THINK they can) glean from one silly post. I went from being in a sweet and swoony mood over a great girl, to now a chauvinistic pig... ? .....
Not a single one of you (aside from grenade) even know me. So.... quite the judgement leap on your part.
I am actually pretty sweet. I am polite, generous to a fault, and am one of the only ones to stand up for the ladies in chat, or in real life. I am all about a woman standing on her own two feet, and speaking her mind. She doesn't need me, or anyone else to be whole. That's what I love the most about them.
But then.... none of you know that. Do you?

I daresay that this was posted for a particular Femme.. and not as a means to imply that ALL Femme's need or want this. It was meant to bring a smile to a certain woman's face. It was meant to let her know that she was wanted, appreciated and cherished. I think that the purpose and the sentiment behind it is simple and beautiful. It was never intended to be anything other than the sweet words one shares when they find themselves wanting to speak from their heart.

None of us can speak for any one particular group. What one person may want/need will vary. I am a strong Femme Woman. I honor my Femme Sisters. At the same time I still wish for that "love of my life, best friend and soul mate." That doesn't make me any less strong or able to stand on my own. It also doesn't mean that I NEED that in my life but I do think it would be wonderful to find someday. I also respect that there are many people that have no desire for that kind of relationship and that's okay too. Honor that we are all different and appreciate the loving sentiment behind the message. We see enough hate and judgement out there in the world. It's nice to see a bit of love and appreciation.

JistMe, I loved your quote & didn't feel the need to dissect/inspect/analyze/criticize it.
I LOVE catching my Love looking at me when I least expect it.It happened just tonight before I read your post so when I did read your post it made me feel all mushy. Thanks!
I'm also fortunate to receive everything else from the quote from my spouse(except the watching me sleep bit-she sleeps like a bear & I rarely do). While I don't need it to validate me, it sure feels fucking good!
You don't need anyone to validate you or your posts(unless you're violating the TOA) so, let everyone's differing opinions roll off your back. Someone will always find some reason to get their stinger out of joint.

What?
I'm married before anything else. My spouse will always come before any friendship, femme or other. I didn't take vows with any of my friends to put them before all others & I wouldn't expect my friends to put me in higher regard than their SO's either.

** applauds gina ** i loved that poem that "jist me" shared :) as well. I'd like to be the jewl in hys eyes.

What is the question?
Or are you just making a statement?
Confused by your language structure.

Julie

Jist,

You are taking this from a negative standpoint, not a positive one. You are not seeing the value in your posting and how it brought out all of the positive words from Femme's.

If I were a Butch and saw how my original (while misogynistic in my view) posting was turned around and brought out some wonderful words (empowering) from Femme's -- I would be feeling pretty good right about now. I would feel as if I learned a great deal from some of the Femme's in this community. And I don't believe anybody took your head off. We just put our own thoughts in there (which we are entitled to do).

I clearly disagreed with the words of the writer of the prose. Especially coming from a Femme's standpoint (Mine).

Instead of thanking the Femme's who posted... You are feeling somewhat wounded. I am sorry for this.

Julie

i often see posts and threads that describe how femmes should act or be perceived. It leads to some really educational conversations about how greatly diverse and empowering the femme community is! i am always disappointed when it gets met with the same sentiment and defense. It is disheartening to see so many people get defensive about people making a stand for their own style of space. Can we please stop playing victim long enough to have a thoughtful conversation where everybody gets heard?

As a male identified person, i learned there are some things i am guilty of and i am glad people came in and spoke there minds about what is good for them and what isn't.

Kobi,

I would like to answer your questions based on my perspective.

As we know, the title of any subject can hold as great a bearing as the actual content. Be it a post here on the planet, a magazine article or the title of a poem.

When I read, "What every Femme should know." My automatic response is to read what perhaps I am missing as a Femme. Hmmm, perhaps I have not learned something in my 50 years of life and my 33 years of being an identified Femme (though I have had some lapses for personal reasons).

I do know this from a personal standpoint. In my younger years, I thought I needed to be adored and worshiped by my partner to have any value. I had long hair, just so my partner could sweep the hair in front of my eyes and would see me as more feminine. When they spent money on me, I felt loved. I wanted to hear how lucky they were, because honestly... I did not have the value within myself to believe it on my own. I wanted to be told that I was beautiful and sexy, because I did not feel this inside. It gave me validation as a Femme.

When I cut off all my hair... I was challenged. Are you really a Femme? You and I have spoken on the phone Kobi. You have heard my voice Kobi and know that I have an extremely deep voice. Not a voice of a girl. I am often mistaken for a Sir. I have heard, are you really a Femme. Years ago, this would have shamed me. These are my issues... Not the issues of any other person that I am speaking about. When I lost (partial) my breast - I lost a sense of my femininity. I felt like I was not Feminine enough to wear the clothes that made me sexy at one time. What a Femme should know... For me. None of the above matters. If I can say out loud here, what other Femme's might be feeling, similar to what I have felt in the past. Then that is a good thing. I am a Femme. I have the knowledge about being a Femme that a butch just does not have. This is not to say, I have the knowledge what all Femme's should feel. Feelings are personal.

Regardless if the OP identifies as Male Identified, Heterosexual, Female or anything else which might fall in between, matters not to me. I responded based on the Title and then of course on the content.

I believe we are all entitled to our opinions. And in being entitled to our opinions, we are "all," welcome to post them. I do not believe anybody attacked the OP. Strong and beautiful self empowered Femme's came in here, and gave their own rendition.

If a Femme came in here and posted the same content. My response and reaction would be the same. I would have come in and posted it. If a Femme says to me. You know Julie, if you were just a little bit more domestic (a lot actually) and cooked and cleaned for your butch... You might be able to hold on to one long enough. True that! But the fact of the matter... I am not domestic and I certainly am not going to change the character of my being to keep a butch. Some might. And some garner pleasure for the acts of domestication. I do not. Regardless if it makes my Butch feel love and adored. I am not doing it. Anymore than I want my Butch to do something for me that does not garner them pleasure.

What every Butch should know!

What should every Butch know?
Simple - Do not tell me how I am supposed to feel.
Just as I would NEVER tell you how you are supposed to feel.

Honoring my sisters is huge for me. For me. I know they have my back. I know I have their backs. I know I would go to the depths of the world for some of these sisters of mine. I know they would do the same for me. I do hope Butches have similar relationships with their Butch Sisters/Brothers.

Julie

Always turn your headlights on when its raining . Without fail .

Don't drive around on bald or underinflated tires. Its like playing russian roulette with a car.

Those oil air freshner plug ins get really hot if they run out of oil they can catch on fire pretty easily.

Have a chimney co. Clean your fireplace once a year. It costs about 70 dollars, a dirty chimney its one of the leading causes of house fires.

Jagg,

Is this something Every Femme should know? Or Butches too?

Just curious.

Good information, I had no idea about oil air fresheners. Good thing I don't use them. I am horrible about unplugging things.

Julie

It's patronizing, pandering and least of all, heteronormative--Which is all great if I consent and but none of us did.

The title could have read, 'Here's where I degrade and patronize Femme and perpetuate female-feeble mindedness' and that's cool, I wouldn't have reason to read that thread.

I hope that helps your confusion.