Mopsie - knowing that makes this even better. :) Thanks for sharing.

one a resident told me last night...
 

Fun
 

I love this thread! It is so funny.

I am warming up some jokes to join in soon so wait right here I will be back.
:)

Chad

What do you call a fish with no eye's, .... a fsh.

Corny joke
 

Hi,

here goes...........

two atoms are sitting in the bar watching sports and drinking bear having a great time. When they leave the bar one atom says to the other "hey I think I left an electron in the bar" The other atom says "are you sure?" and the first atom says "I am positive"!

Get it? Science joke!

Chad :)

This guy's wife sends him to the store and tells him to get a gallon of milk, and if they have any alvacados get 6. So he comes home from the store and his wife said, why in the world did you get 6 gallons of milk? He said, they had alvacados .

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 dollars that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

How do you make an egg roll?
You push it!!

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

Joke
 

I borrowed this from some science friends......

What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
Nice belt!

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.

What do you call an fake noodle?

An impasta!!

Not sure if this is corny enough ...
 

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk." says the husband. "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to do." So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing." ...

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it begins with P something T something R..

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!

I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was

Daughter: did you get a hair cut
Me: no I got them all cut :)

(hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)

Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
A: To get a long little doggie.

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

Q: What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
A: You look a little pail.

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!

I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.
Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

Being the kind hearted man that I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her."

So we walked past it again.