I missed your response to me before. I never looked at her as anything other than a friend because the entire time I knew her, she was partnered (happily, I thought, though I was mistaken). I do not and will not cross that line.

The very first time I thought of her as potentially anything other than friend was when a mutual friend passed along the news that she had just broken up with her partner. Then the thought was instant and appealing, so obviously there had been an element of attraction there that I hadn't been conscious of before, and I'm sure physical appearance was part of that. She is both cute and sexy.

Usually, though, the ones that draw my eyes from across the room are big, strong, strapping butches with a swagger. My honey is shorter than I am, smaller than I'm used to, and doesn't particularly swagger, but the chemistry is definitely there and very real.

For me and I hope Im able to really put my thoughts out. I have to be attracted to someone physically first. Then I wanna get to know them as a person If they arent as beautiful inside its a deal breaker for me.

When physical attraction has come first I have lost my head and stopped listening to my gut reactions. That wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. BUT I apparently can do the same thing with mental/emotional attractions where I haven't met the person. I don't like either situation because the result can be the same. I struggle between putting on the brakes and just going with it constantly.

I get told I'm pretty all the time. I am most feminine in appearance. I have a gift for attracting exactly the opposite of what I want. My taste in people has always been for those who look mean. The meaner the better. There is just something about them. **sigh**

Last night I met a girl who looked mean. One of my friends had picked her out special for me due to the mean look- and kind of pushed us together. Then she opened her mouth. OMG. She ruined it. I like the mean look. I don't like crass or stupid. Someone really needs to be able to hold an intelligent conversation. She spent most of the night trying to convince me she was a gang member or in some real time mafia. Yeah. Fascinating. Everytime I got up I would go into the bathroom with my friends and try to formulate an escape route. (Yes, this is one of the reasons that girls go to the bathroom in a group.)

I like smart, mean, funny and sexy. The smarter, meaner and funnier they are the sexier they become to me. They also need to know how to act, at least in public, and preferably be able to carry a conversation about something other then sex, violence or sports. It's amazing how many people don't have that ability. If they aren't talking about themselves - then they really have nothing to talk about. That gets old fast. So does the feeling that I have to do all the work to keep things going. Seriously, if it's that hard to talk to me or pay attention to me - forget it. Keep it moving.

you know I always say this and then forget my own rules. its important for me, essential in my life and my next relationship needs to have this. I think its really important to have things in common. I couldnt see myself with someone that hated the outdoors, gardening and animals. These are spiritual for me. I also need someone thats really really good to me...puts it out there because they feel it from a deep place.

I was with my sister today and we're maybe 4 years apart in age. We both agreed that settling was not an option. It's gotta be all or nothing.

I have found as I get older, my taste in women has evolved. The first thing that always strikes me about a girl these days is comportment or the way she carries herself and presents herself. I am very attracted to girls who clearly enjoy and revel in being a girl.

Initially, though, that is what I am drawn to...how does she carry herself, present herself, behave in public, is she an engaged listener, is she looking about the room and not listening to the person talking to her. I observe all these things. I tend to shy away from loud, obnoxious people in general, and women in particular.

As I get to know a girl, I look for these qualities -- can she make fun of herself, will she playfully make fun of me, sense of humor (a must). An awareness of the world, be it political or social. Does she have a good relationship with her family? That's important to me. Does she enjoy her work and is she good at it? I like girls who are smart, who aren't afraid to try new things or go to places far away. I am also attracted to girls who won't be embarassed by my old-fashioned manners that I have worked hard to refine.

As I get older, I look more, I think, for the elements of companionship -- I feel they are more sustaining to me. To me, there's nothing sexier than a girl who is as smart as she is pretty, and who can tell me her stories without fear, and who will listen to mine.

Jake

If you don’t know someone, if you’re meeting for the first time, there has to be something that makes you want to connect. Putting online aside for a moment, there’s going to be something about the way they look that catches your attention, something that causes that immediate visceral attraction. I’d venture to guess that even online there’s going to be something about the way you assume they look (that picture you build in your head) that catches your attention.

I’ve never really understood why it’s shallow to be attracted to certain physical qualities or why it’s shallow to pursue those attractions.

It seems to be considered a “bad thing about us” if we are only attracted to certain things. If we don’t pursue partnerships outside what we “typically” desire. If we say out loud that we desire xyz and only desire that. Why is that bad? Why is that shallow?

It seems to me that we are assigning a value judgment to our or others desire. Which leads me to ask…if you don’t desire something does that mean you are judging that thing to be bad? If someone does not want to be with you does that mean you are bad/awful/unworthy? Because, often when I’ve heard this type of statement it is said in the context of “you are a shallow (bad thing) if you can’t look beyond your desires”. Because a person doesn’t want to be with you romantically/sexually (whatever) does not mean that they find less value in you as a person? Because you don't want to be romantically/sexually with a person does that make you bad?

Perhaps people can explain what they mean by shallow. As I hear that word it a negative judgment of an act that seems damn typically human to me. We desire what we desire.

i like it when someone is focused on being the best partner that *they* can be and they have the confidence to let me be me--perhaps they don't even understand the things that i do, but they trust me enough to let me do them, let me want what i want, enjoy what i enjoy and be who i am.

i simply won't tolerate someone defining me, putting restrictions on me, labeling what is/isn't femme--that's the fastest way someone can get dumped curb-side. i am naturally feminine--work out your butch/femme stuff on your own time; my opinions, my ready/able/audible voice, my capability doesn't make me less-than--it makes *you* less than for wanting to not be *challenged* by my brilliance...

general you, of course.

lastly, old and well-cared for dogs + understated confidence and a kind heart + pompadour = true love.

there always has to be that spiritual connection..but it needs to be grounded in earthly things too. I cant be always living in the heavens. I am an earth girl as well. I need the balance between them. I like my partner to have a deep appreciation for himself...so that he doesnt need bolstered by me to feel good about himself. Thats not my job. I can be supportive...but I wont be the crutch.

I have alot of physical types I am attracted to. Best to define what I am not attracted to..and that is femininity.I do like masculinized energy in a partner. And while there was a time when I felt I would only be attracted to male IDd butches and transmen, I am really learning alot via the the threads here and it has opened my eyes in how I regard butches in general. So thank you to all the great posters over on those threads...

mentally I need someone who can have a good conversation with, but I dont need to feel like I am on the witness stand nor am I wanting to feel like I am a student of the "all knowing" or being silenced by overriding opinions. I want someone to listen and discuss...have sensitivity to my words, disagree when necessary and have a pleasant conversation even when we dont agree or see eye to eye. It can be done.

I also need humour in someone I date. I need to see them smile. I dont want someone who finds glee in pestering others, abusing their intelligence by making others feel less than and then reveling in it, and certainly no one who makes off color jokes..none of that will ever fly with me. I just want to read some good political comics together and enjoy a good laugh...or crack up over the noises a baby makes...

emotionally they need to be available and not shut down. Or divorced from their feelings. I am not chasing the stone cold Clint Eastwood cowboy anymore. I like-um with a warm heart and hands that reach out and heart that would hold mine next to it. I need a grown up love, one not so dependent on another that it cant function without a relationship. I am SO ok being single. I have been SO alone IN a relationship. I would rather be alone than lonely.

What makes my head turn to look twice at someone? Caring words spoken. Wisdom. Compassion. Intelligence. Self confidence. Pride without vanity. Open. As in, not closed off. Sensible. Adventurous. A smile with a wink.

the biggest turn on for me? Is someone who is Present to her/himself long before they think to be Present with me.

oh...and ears. I absolutely need to find their ears appealing. No, I am not kidding...

you're drunk. :unicorn:

does this do it for ya?
 

SassyLeo, I completely understand where you're coming from. Physical appearance does matter, especially when you know absolutely nothing about the person except for what's on the outside. When you see a person for the first time, that's all you really have to go on. Unless you're studying them, which of course would be totally stalker like, you don't see their compassion, spiritual depth, love for animals, etc....

However, if you've had the opportunity to bond on some level via the phone or internet, then maybe the physical won't matter so much. As for me, I'm attracted to masculine women. I stopped asking why a long time ago. I just know I owe it to myself to go with what works for me...:cheer:

Duchess

oh my pantalooms! NO!!!!! One: She is FEMME Two: Elf ears? NO! Three: they arent real...I need REAL ears...

omg...you made me laugh..I will be laughing in my sleep!

I m a sucker for blonde hair blue-eyed, masculine stone butches. He needs to be a really good kisser. I judge going further with hime based on his kiss. I love the old fashion traditional manners. I love to discuss everything- from the day, world affairs, and the unknown. I need to have conversation not just nods of agreement or frowns of diagreement. I love to engage on opposing views as long as it remains friendly. I am very Spiritual and practice my belief system in my daily life. Sharing and respecting are manditory with me. My guy has to be 100% into me. I want him to do little things without prodding as I do for him. He needs to be patient, kind, and love me.

Is that too much to ask for?

Character .... yes, character....

Hummmm... I don't know if I have a specific type, other than femme.... I have felt attraction to many styles, body types, hair color, etc., really. Gets back to that carriage and selfhood phenomenon with the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects...

:toast: Let's just toast Femmes!!

Yanno... this makes sense to me! I happen to like feet a lot.... Ummm, toe cleavage, to be exact...

:frog: Got legs?

lol- I thought I was the only one that said toe cleavage. I have a serious foot fetish but it only really counts when someone is into it. Touching my feet sends me places... swoon

I relate very much to a lot of what you've said here and share your views.

It's not too much, I think. :)

I put a lot of emphasis on my partner's ability to please me with his kissing as well. To me, how a person kisses tells a LOT about how they make love/fuck/have sex/do the nasty/whatever you want to do.

I also relate to most of what you've said here. I prefer butches or transguys with darker hair though. *impish grin*

I agree. If someone cannot stimulate me intellectually then it is pointless for me.

Looks are important and I have aspects I am attracted to like butch/FtM, smells good, wears great shoes...but it's "everything else" about the person tends to make them more attractive to me. It can also make someone less attractive. If you don't have similar values like kindness, politeness, respect, honesty and the all-important traits like a witty, somewhat dry sense of humour, knows how government works (odd I know), cares about what is going on in their neighborhood and all over the world, and treats others how they would expect to be treated then it won't work.

I have met some really gorgeous people on the outside that aren't so pleasant on the inside and it ruins everything.

When I meet someone either in person or on the phone the way they cary on the conversation and tone of voice along with eye contact(if in person) is the first thing that I see.Dose she really seem intrested in me or is she talking around me..u would be surprised how many talk at me and not to me.Beleave me im definatly checking them out to see how genuine they are.There are players out in the world and some how I attract them when I dont want to..even when the game is just that, fun and games,for me I have long since tired of them.
I probly will fall out if I met a person who was really into life,wants to really engage in an adult relationship,stimulate my mind,body and soul.Really know how to date without the uhaul reveing up in the back parking lot.Someone mentioned earler about kissing...a definate A+ for me,being pasionate about life and still know how to play,laugh and have fun.As for baggage ..well we all have some we deal with so I figure if we are really into each other we will work them out some how.

Another Marianne Williamson gem
 

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

:tongue:

So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

:toypony:

[QUOTE=puregrrl;70895.

I have met some really gorgeous people on the outside that aren't so pleasant on the inside and it ruins everything.[/QUOTE]

I have dated some incredibly handsome people. Some were just as beautiful inside as they were outside. Some werent. Some were just hurting and it darkened their insides. I also dated plain folks too who were so luminisce inwardly...they lit up when they smiled, which was often. Looks last, with me, a millisecond. I want to stand energy to energy and see if we can feel the connection...

[QUOTE=key;70926]
Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

Girl u hit the nail right on the head...couldnt have said it better.

smiling warmly. Thank you, Rocky...

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

To me it all comes down to whether they can sing Sesame Street tunes in the middle of the night : )

hmmm, I did not interpret it that way
 

[quote=softness;70931]I did not interpret it that way. For instance, my dream lover is very self assured (sassy, confident, capable). This woman would most likely want to be with someone equally capable and confident, out there moving and shaking it up in the world. So, I guess in a way it would be fulfilling her needs for me to get more out there, beefing up my self confidence. But really, that is who I want be anyway. Like attracts like right?


I interpreted it to be more of a round about way to motive people to "be all they can be" rather than seeking others to bring these qualities out in them.

I definitely prefer :gimmehug: to cliches.

If you are willing, can you write more about dating, just dating and enjoying that process.

I am so ambitious, just in life in general, but it spills into my romantic life. I have difficulty not putting a purpose (a label, a goal) to the process. Would like to learn more....if you would care to share.

:rainsing:

The pleaure is all mine...