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I know how hard holidays are for people who are grieving. I wanted to open up to talk about what every has planned for the holidays. Are you doing something different? Are you volunteering somewhere? Are you celebrating with another couple or family?
Namaste, Andrew |
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Will,
I did that as well. For many a years I worked thru Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. It just was bad memories from my bio-father that kept me from celebrating. He had a way of destroying the holiday. And I think he did that intentionally. Now the holiday is different for me. Everyone has a different take on holidays. |
Hi Everyone,
I went to the cemetary for both my beloved Grandparents and Godfather. It was good. I kiss my hand, and place my hand on their gravestone. It is comforting for me to do this. I think when we die, we are really just being reborn into another life. Like being reincarnated. However, when loved ones go to the cemetary, those who we loved come back there to the cemetary to "see" us. They can "see" us anytime, but the cemetary is more vocal because of their remains being there. It is just full of energy. I also distribute flowers out to other gravestones that nobody seems to visit. I think it is a matter of respect. To honor those who are not given attention. I hope everyone is doing ok, and life is being kind to you all. Andrew |
overload
the 16 year old daughter of friends passed in her sleep yesterday, after a very long battle with cancer. she left us quietly.
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Wil,
I hate it when young ones die, esp. from cancer. It takes my breath away. At least she didn't suffer in the end. Maybe something good can come from this. I don't know what if anything at all. I am saying my prayers for you, and your friends. God bless. Love, Andrew |
Merry Christmas!
I hope everyone is doing ok today.
I will share here that my late sister's son, the youngest one, is struggling. He is failing in school (remember he is in special ed.). I am not sure of what is going to happen. His therapist told her husband that he is not able to communicate his loss in words, and is locked in his grief inward. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, and was able to come to a place of comfort and peace. Andrew |
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I always kiss my fingers and then touch my son`s name when I visit his grave. I have more to write on this but now is not the time. ~~~petal~~~ |
Petal,
No rush. And by the way, I always kiss my fingers and place it on my beloved Grandparents' and Godfather's grave. It is something that I have always done. Peace, Andrew |
Hi
~I do not think I have ever experience such intense grief till my mom passed away in September of 2008...everything seems different...I feel stuck...My soul feels shaken.~Anyone interested in a grief support chat here on the site?~Grae |
I've been there and I'm sorry for you.
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Grieving comes in many forms, not just at the death of a loved one. I'm comfortable with death and normally deal with it and grieve and go on.
For me death is easy it is final. Certainly there are days that are harder than others and you miss the person so much, but still death is final. The only person I've ever grieved over and couldn't get over was my neighbor and dear friend. It was unexpected and really you couldn't even call it an accident either. To a point I blamed myself, but with the help of a dear precious lady, who is a medium, I put my blame to rest and accepted it as it is. I do miss and long to speak with some of my loved ones that have past. But I know a time will come when they will come get me also. Granted I still have my parents so I haven't experienced that as yet. I'm sure that will work on me, but I have had people very close to me die, people I depended on in one way or another, and people who depended on me. I grieve over my own lifes issues more so than people I love passing. I don't know to me it's just a mind set I think . The only thing we all have in common is we start dying the minute we are born and death is evident. Don't get me wrong I do grieve in death, but it seems God helps me move on past it. Certainly I have a weak moment occasionally. |
Dear Grae,
I understand the pain you are in. There is a grief support group that I think you would find helpful called Grief Share. They are a national group, possibly international by now, and is Christain based. I feel by now it really depends on where the group is meeting because they also have other faith based support groups that meet under the same name, but not at Church setting. I would be willing to chat with you if you like. I have buried a younger brother to suicide when I was a teen, my sister & Godfather to cancer. I also buried my adopted parents. Mother died from Alzh. Disease, and father died from a stroke. Last 2 years have been hell. Namaste, Andrew |
BUMP de BUMP BUMP
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I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well this winter. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Andrew |
I lost my Mom 3 years ago next month to pancreatic cancer. She died at home with Dad by her side - I arrived about 10 minutes after she passed.
She'd been sick for almost a year and it took her doctors nearly that long to figure out what exactly was wrong - though they suspected the cancer. Her markers didn't come through until 6 weeks before she died. She did not have any pain. She was completely lucid until about an hour before she died. Even though we knew she was dying, her death was sudden and unexpected. The day she died I spoke to her on the phone that morning but about mid-afternoon (as the doctor explained it to us) the stress on her body from the cancer caused her heart to get all wierd. It started racing and despite the meds the Hospice nurse gave her, it would not slow down and finally just gave out. I had already been on autopilot - making sure Dad had everything he needed to take care of Mom and making sure Mom had everything she needed. After she died I stayed on autopilot - had a funeral to plan & execute, a father to prop up and a family to hold together. Time to grieve? You've got to be kidding! My employer at the time was a colleague of Mom's so you'd think she'd be a little flexible and understanding. Yeah, right! The woman called me during the visitation to ask me if I had paid a bill! As if that couldn't wait until I returned to work - or she could have just looked in the checkbook...grrrrr! This is the same employer who complained to me that I called my Mom too many times during the day and she said this to me after she knew Mom was dying. Apart from my indentured servitude, I also had Pride and the other boards/committees I was serving on. Pride consumed everything to the point Shelia called herself a "Pride Widow." Last February I resigned from everything except the Gay Men's Chorus Board and at the end of June I changed jobs. Dad remarried in August 2008. I was stunned to see what I had become and how exhausted I was. It took months after changing jobs to start feeling like myself again. Now that all the things that consumed my life have gone away I am left with time to grieve. It's been coming in drips and drops but as March 12 draws near it gets heavier. I'm at the stage of "this time in 2007 Mom___." It's going to be a difficult month or two but I need to grieve. |
Thank you for sharing your story with us here, Miss Scarlett. For me, I am still in the grieving process. It is a struggle. And for those who tell me to "just get over it", I can't. JoAnn was my sister. I cannot just let her go. The same holds true for my younger brother who committed suicide. It will be 30 years the first week of April. 30 years ago, and it is like yesterday. So, yes, I do get it.
Love, Andrew |
recovering
In December 07, My soul mate Dot became sick every week there was something broken or another sickness. January 08, the first week she could not see, hear, or walk. Took her to her doctor, he sent her to the hospital where they told us she had leuk. and she was in organ failure. I look at those three week that i had her in the hospital as special. We got to spend time together even thru she was not really there. I had to decide if we wanted her to live the last day or so hooked to machines or just tell her i loved her and have her taken off. I told the doctor to unhook her and stayed with her until she passed on. I still remember that with full visual. I dont think i will ever forget that moment.
I called my mom who we had not talked with off and on for five years to be with me at the funeral. She did and spent a few days with me. She headed back home to missouri to find my dad in the field dead from a front end loader accident. I regret so bad that i did not tell my dad that i love him and that i am so sorry that we could not get past the gay thing. I would give anything for a hour just to have my daddy. In my grief i have became cold , unlaughing person. Even thro i have tammy and she a wonderful wife. She has to put up so much shit from me i dont really see why she put up with it. Even thru i know i do it i cant seem to stop my self. I have so much anger and hurt and yes i am so mad at god for taking what i held so close. I prayed so hard to keep them here with me . I am sorry if that to deep or whatever . but it did make me cry which i have not done since 08 Dot january 25 Dad january 30 |
Thank you Casey35 for sharing your story. I hope this thread gives you some peace.
Some people just never get over the gay thing. It really is sad. Life is so short. I am still dealing with that at my age with my elderly parents. Even with what we have been thru. I wish you peace. Namaste, Andrew :candle: :gimmehug: |
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I have been grieving the loss of a very dear friendship. I have felt it coming for a long time so I have had time to accept the fact that it no longer exists but the loss is still painful. I do however take comfort in the fact that this person is still alive and well, just not in my life. I have been very lucky in my life not to have lost very many loved ones to death other than grandparents who were all in their 90's. My only other loss to a death was 1 friend who died in a car accident almost 20 years ago and an ex's mother who treated me and my daughter better than my own. I know for some, the loss of a friendship may not seem that bad but for me today, it really sucks! For all of you dealing with grief, no matter what the cause, I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you peace within your heart! |
Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave. Then there are waves that a small, and you can walk thru them enjoying the coolness of the water. Then there are waves that take your breath away, drag you under the water, and you end up with sand in your crotch.
No matter who or what the situation is, you have to come to terms with the loss. You have to find a way to live, and enjoy your life again. Let me give an example here. My sister's youngest son is 15 yo, and is developmentally delayed. He has no interest in driving a car. None. He cannot hold down a job. He will be living with his father for the remainder of his life. He has not grieved the loss of his mother yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist 3x a week. He just has not been able to express his loss. In fact, he has no clue as to what happened to her. Trying to explain to him that cancer killed his mother just has not been easy. In fact, we all have tried. We are leaving it up to the psychiatrist to do it now. It proves that some are able to handle death, and some just are not. No matter what the issue is at hand, death is a strange topic to grasp. Death is final. It doesn't scare me or the afterlife. In fact, I look forward to it. I think we are all just passing thru here. I pray for those who have died, and those who are passing over. I think it is a welcome relief. The hard part is for those who remain behind imho. |
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Yes, you are so right about that. My younger brother committed and completed suicide when he was just 15 yo. I can't believe this year will be his 30th year anniversary. He is finally at peace. :pipe:
Life is wayy to short. I always make sure to tell everyone that I love them all the time. It is just how I am now. Some people take offense to this, but they are the ones who skip thru life without any bumps or buises. Then there are those of us who have to literally pick ourselves up from our bootstraps and put one foot in front of the other. Peace, Andrew |
I was suddenly surprised, and somewhat shocked by my niece who is getting married. She wants to put a picture of her late Aunt on the alter during the service. I thought it was a good idea. Well, her cousins will be at the wedding, and are ok with that. However, her uncle is not. He wants to bring a date to the wedding, and wants to move on to some normal-cy with life and living. He told everyone not to put anything in the program to recogn. his late wife, and does not want her picture on the alter. He got very upset when this subject was even talked about. I mean he was pissed. That took everyone by surprise. What should I do? I was asked to be a mediator. I am not sure of what to do or say really. I recognize both sides. Thanks. |
All are welcome in this thread
Bumping the thread incase someone needs it. I hope everyone is doing well, and life is being kind to each of you. Andrew :angel: |
I just wrote a lengthy post concerning the death of each of my parents in March of 1983 and March of 2005.
The post flew away somehow and I'm leaving it up to fate that perhaps the post was just for me to write. I appreciate this thread a tremendous amount. I'll never stop hating the month of March. |
Butterbean, Someone told me the same exact thing yesterday. March seems to be hard on a lot of folks for some reason. I just don't have the words to say today. Know that I am here, and I am listening. Peace, Andrew |
One of my nieces got married over the weekend. On the alter was a picture of my late sister, her aunt, Jo. The two of them were very close. This was just a way of acknowledging Jo. And in the program was a short paragraph about my late sister. It was tasteful, and on one hand very sad. On another hand very sentimental, and happy. It was an acknowledgement of Jo's life. Jo's two sons were very touched by this. And her husband (who brought a date, but we won't go there in this thread), cried when they all saw the alter, and read about Jo in the program. Jo has not even been gone for over a little over a year now. It feels like forever and a day. And we all survived. Life does go on. It is just very strange. Strange in that we have a life without Jo, and it's ok. |
Hi all
:rose:I lost my Mother in 94 some woman ran a stop sign hit her head on It was a complete shock I never got to know her as a adult As soon as I graduated high school I left home went off to school Life is so diffrent with out her I cant wait to see her again:violin:
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[QUOTE=Andrew, Jr.;57121][SIZE="2"]Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave.
or from the loss of a friend, and news arrives belatedly, sixteen days after the crash. |
At my nieces wedding there was a picture of my sister on the alter. It was surrounded by red roses. It was really done tastefully. When her boys came in and saw it, they smiled ear to ear. They told me that it was like their Mom wasn't forgotten. Their father did not bring a date - thank God. It would have been a bit too much imho. We all want him to go back and date, but with what had transpired over the picture and the wedding, no. It was a bit too much for the kids to handle. When you loose someone, it is a different reality. The relationship changes, obviously. You do go on living. However, you don't forget that person, and you don't loose sight of what they meant to you. Peace, Andrew |
Loss
Thank you for starting this thread...
I lost a friend at 36 2 months ago. She was an important part of my life and I miss her so badly. I have lost several important people in my life and sometimes I wonder why but I know that it is through the painful experiences that the joyful moments are made more meaningful. I also know that the experience I gain in this painful place can make me stronger and wiser so that I can help someone else. Today may all those that are hurting, know that they are not alone. Wishing you a day filled with peace and love. |
I have a prayer I say...God please give ____ eternal rest. Let them feel Your perpetual light shine upon them like the stars in the night's sky. May they rest in peace. Amen. |
I hope everyone is doing well this Easter & Passover Holiday. Namaste, Andrew |
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The dormant trees are giving birth to new branches and fresh tiny buds and leaves unfold before my eyes. Like me, a time to grow, and to replenish my soul and give thanks to being cancer free for almost 6 years. "Don't screen to-days sunshine with yesterdays clouds" Scottish line |
I always thought I had this awesome handle on grief and death. Having grown up with a terminally ill parent and having her die when I was 11 gave me a unique perspective, I had always thought. That is...until my ex killed my dog. There's a part of me that won't forgive myself for ever trusting her (my ex). As all the woulda, coulda, shouldas toss themselves around in my head...I'm left in a limbo I never expected. For the longest time I got drunk to numb the pain. As that isn't the healthiest way to deal with loss...it did what it needed to until I was ready to look at it like I am now. As my life has moved on and I have had several months to numb over and ponder and remember and recover...I still am not ok with it. Xena was my best friend. I had moved all over the place with her and fought for her life in a city that banned her for looking like a pitbull. I had been through several gfs with her and still can't believe that she didn't survive this last one. For the longest time, it was Xena who kept me going when I would lose my hope. I still can't believe she's gone and so callously. I still cry when I think about it...as I am right now while writing this post. Xena, I miss you friend. I have no way to avenge your death...so please forgive me. I didn't mean for any harm to come to you. I know I promised to protect you and always be there and I just happened to go to work that day and well...I came home and you were gone. Life hasn't been the same without you. I moved into a house where I could have had you. All I can do is think about you being gone and shake my head. It wasn't fair. You died a senseless death and I can't help but feel responsible. Maybe one day I can forgive myself but it isn't today.
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JediMaster, There are evil people in this world of ours. All I can say is that I will pray that you find inner peace. No matter where it is, or how you find it, but that you find it. Namaste, Andrew |
Today my father took his last walk along the red road, he's now at peace; In a better place so they say, but grief consumes those left behind, even when we expect it, there's never a preparation for good bye. Pain sears and tears blind, grief... there is no time limit for when it ends. RIP Dad:police: |
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I've never been to this thread, but saw your post my friend. I've come to support you. When you need someone to lean on, I'm as close as a call. I feel your pain because I understand it. I'm just sorry that I'm not closer to you in your time of need. Today this one is especially for you |
Away
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:farmtree: Sending shade and lemonade under a big tree. Hoping the sunshine kisses your cheek, the winds of time carry away the pain, and loved ones hold you close |
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