..
 

I miss my lil sis everyday even though it's been a year.

I still am gratefull for her love......and know I have a great love awaiting me


She is my true guardian angel....

I miss having my own space.
I miss my girls night parties I used to host every few months

i miss

cuddly, holding in bed

kisses

talk and laughter

watching the movie together

Being completely loved and accepted, in all ways. Having someone I can tell anything to at any time. To face the days with, good and bad. Being someone's rock and vice versa. Reciprocity is what I miss the most. Sharing dreams, values, goals...life. Never being sick of each other. Or having to explain every little thing, because we know each other so well.

Not a whole lot, to be honest. I've been single now for almost a year, but the previous relationship wasn't very committed we were just very close friends.

It's been over two years since my marriage broke. It was very hard to be alone and to do without sleeping with someone, having someone to do things with on that level of intimacy. It was incredibly hard.

I still had sex and casual interactions and hanging out. Which I suppose was like a slow weaning off of being so involved with someone. I did a stint on celibacy and no dates for 8 months to just focus on me completely and school.

Now? I don't really miss generic things about relationships. I still miss the level of friendship I had with my exwife and my sexual friendship with T. I don't specifically miss them, I am actually very ok with not being with them lol
But I do miss the level of depth of understanding and linking.

I get very similar with my platonic friends and the casual sex I very occasionally hook up with. But not to quite the same depth. The trade off is, I have a high level of freedom and independence I could never have if I was involved. I never have to explain myself or excuse myself to anyone. And I do start getting irritated/resentful if I have to explain my absence/silence to someone. I feel that's answering to someone and I don't like it.

But I do miss the weekend morning layabouts and sex and having a day adventure, holding hands.

I can have adventures with my mates, I can tell my friends anything at all, be utterly open with them. And they know me incredibly well and thus totally accept me. I can cuddle a bit with them and with my sex friends. I'm far from lonely and I'm pretty content with my life as is. And I don't think I'd be willing to give up my independence for that. But I do miss it a little, now and again.

Interesting timing, I haven't missed much since the separation but since knowing that I have to have some surgery, I miss knowing that there is that someone who knows me so well and intimately to be there when I need to be transported to or fro. To be there when I first get home, to not have to arrange for these things prior etc. These were the times when she appeared to be a partner.

I DO miss the stereotypical things... because PTSD and FSD have taken so much of them from me... been feeling dead and numb for so long... would like to just feel again and feel easy... butterflies in the stomach... the thrill of anticipation... the little giddiness... melting when she puts her arm around you... the warmth of a hand wrapped around yours... the solid comfort of a shoulder to rest against... feeling intoxicated on another person... I'll never get back the idealism and hope of my youth... but gosh experiencing the sweetness of some of these feelings... last night i was feeling them again... they are lovely. They generally lead to pain, of course, but... at least they prove I'm still human, still alive.

I miss hys hugs and kisses ....
I miss waking up next to hym ...
I miss hym being here and showing
me all the Love I can possible feel deep
down my soul ♥

Zzzzz..
 

Sleep......

The days when everything wasn't an argument.

I miss me

I miss living without fear

I miss feeling loved unconditionally

I miss:
- a soft place to fall at the end of a hard day at work
- someone to hold our seats at the cinema
- someone to get rid of scary bugs in the house
- someone to help with household projects

I just miss..

I miss it all.. The kisses, the cuddling, the secure feeling.. I just miss it all..

I miss......

the smell of her hair when I hold her close
the way she feels when I hold her
sitting beside her as we watch movies or eat a meal
seeing her eyes light up when she smiles or laughs

I get to see all of that on skype but its so much more in person that is what i miss