Just thinking about some of the stupid, impulsive decisions I have made lately and regretting them....... I had a good cry this morning and now nothing left but to figure out how to remedy the situation!:praying::praying:

two songs one of clean bandit and zara larsson symphony and the other of selena gomez it ain't me it makes me emotive

A non-supportive friend.

my daughter is attempting to achieve her longest held dream...go to Africa and teach at one of the Tanzania schools.

She is a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school. She has wanted to go to Africa since she was a toddler, grabbing my resource book on Africa and thumbing to it with her blankie at her side. We watched The Color Purple every year and she has known she wanted to name her first child Violet since she was 8 years old, from watching that movie.

She has made a few attempts, but hasnt been able to pull it all together. After the birth of her second baby (just 2 months ago!) she decided she wanted to get this done, to show her children to reach their dreams...like I had shown her by reaching mine. Yes, thats what my kid said...

this made me cry...

we have been at odds with each other over the years, but since the birth of her babies, we have gotten closer. She sees a part of me that she forgot, loving her babies. She realizes how much I have always loved her.

I will do everything I can to help her get to Africa this time...it WILL happen!

Getting texts from friends in NC about how gas stations are already out of fuel, stores are out of supplies and water and how much trouble they had at work and afterwards, makes me upset I can't be there yet to help. (My return trip has been delayed) I feel like I'm letting them down.

My stepdaughter. She blames me for all her problems in the world...... As if I'm the one putting a gun to her head making her shoot dope in her arms! I'm so done. I'm so fed up.

The extent to which she spoils me...

ESPN college game day...lol yeah really! I may seem like a hard ass but really Im a softy. Especially when it comes to kids animals and old people

Must be something in the air, I dunno really.
But I feel teary today.

And me as well.......

My hormones are all wonky so I cry for absolutely no reason, or for dumb stuff!

I work for a feminist organization. Like, a kick ass feminist organization. So I was completely caught off guard when I walked in to the lobby today and saw them setting up their breast cancer awareness month display. It was a fucking bra-pong game with huge pink bras. Breast cancer awareness is not a frat boy drinking game mashed up with lingerie. It's a disease that attacks and tries to kill one in every eight women. I couldn't believe it. I addressed it quickly with our executive director and our two HR/PR people and they took it right down and felt horrible. But when my ED came in to apologize I just cried. As a breast cancer survivor myself, with a mother who is a survivor, and a grandmother who I lost to breast cancer... I brace myself for stuff like this in the month of October (breast cancer awareness month) but I never thought I'd face it at work.

The news that my cousin lost his battle with Pancreatic cancer at 5:15am this morning. RIP William Whipple, loved and will be missed. He is now with his parents and brother.

When I least expect it, I get humbled...never fails...
 

I was at dinner with friends at a small, buffet style "fish camp"...
There was an elderly man sitting by himself behind me...
On my trip to the buffet, I noticed how thin he seemed, with his shoulders rounded forward, his face always looking down to his plate, very shy if we made eye contact, wearing an old but very clean and pressed blue work shirt, his baseball hat well loved and the bill helped shade his shy, gentle eyes...his leathery skin giving away that he's most likely worked outside all his life...

On my next trip, I noticed how slow he was eating from his very tidy, devided plate. And how his hand was shaking a little as he lifted his spoon.

After I returned to my table, I took cash from my purse, then got up again, drew the attention of our waitress to speak with her out of ear-shot, told her to pay for his meal and keep the rest for herself, and to make sure no one allowed him to pay for his own dinner. She was shocked but quietly nodded.

Later, I heard her ask him a question...he responded that he had already paid his bill. She left, then came back and told him someone had paid for his meal, and she told him he could have his money back....he told her something I couldn't hear.

After he left, she came back to me to share with me what he had told her.... After she refunded his money, he said "the good Lord blessed me today... This morning at church, a nice lady gave me $20 to get lunch today. Then someone gave me $10 so I can eat tomorrow. I am truly blessed.".... And she said he had asked earlier if he could take extra food home from the buffet...she had to tell him that was against policy unless he bought from their menu but if he had leftovers on his plate, he could cover it with his napkin to take it home...she said the entire time he had been there today, with each trip to the buffet, he placed a small amount of food on another plate and covered it with a napkin.

She said he used to come in every Sunday, but now she rarely sees him.

She patted me on the shoulder and told me that I would be blessed for what I did. I didn't do it for blessings or a pat on the back... When she said that, I was still sitting there with chills and nearly in tears thinking about how he said "so I can eat tomorrow"... ...."so I can eat tomorrow"....

My daughters hug.... She always seems to know when I need them most....

damn teeny bopper movie.

...a person experiencing homelessness