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Thanks Dapper & Vonni!!! She was in pain this am, but still with her humor....possibility she may go home this afternoon. She appreciates everyone's sentiments much!! Thank all of you...Clay
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Debby Urdate
Debby was discharged home late last night, and is recuperating at a friend's. She sends her warmest thanks to all of you and says she will be back online in a few days...when she is up to it.
Sending much love and healing thoughts your way, my beautiful friend!!:rrose: |
COPD and early signs of ..memory loss and confusion
Caregivers are my hero.
By default have been an off-site caregiver of my Ex (1997) since mid Sept. 2011. 24/7 the worry, the strain, the confusion, the anger. the love, the get-out of my face, please don't leave me, the I want to die, I don't want to die. " I TOOK my pills". Well what are these ? "I don't know, you must have put them there. " Learning about sickness when it is up close and personal. She was victimized by her son the beginning of this April, and is now in a state of sadness, shock and loss and last night told me she is numb. This morning, Leia, the daughter we raised called from the house (she is here for 4 days from Ohio, and needs to get back to her kids) said, Bama wants to go for Fish and Chips to Dana Point Harbor where we used to when I was little. AHhhhhhhh, life can turn on a dime. Soon to celebrate 8 years cancer free, I am realizing what a blessed life I have lead. Love goes around amnd comes back in the stangest of times. We separated in 1997 for Gosh sake. We (Leia, Peg and I) are seeing an attorney this afternoon, about Advanced Directives , property, wills, living trusts, and ....end of life arrangements Please know , if you are a caregiver I LOVE YOU ,and u have my utmost respect.... or become a caregiver, it is one hella feeling when you get that smile that says, I know you are doing what is best for me.. |
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Venting and sharing
A friend and former colleague of mine was just diagnosed in April with stage 4 lung cancer. It had spread to her pancreas. She passed away over the weekend. It happened so quickly. I found out last night. I didn't get to say goodbye ...
She was an amazing lady. Tough as nails professionally but a very giving and compassionate woman. She was a mentor of sorts for me and others as well. She will be very much missed. Yet another life taken away by this horrible and selfish disease. I f**king hate cancer! |
Here...here...on shout out to the caregiver!!!
I posted before, and will gladly do so again...countyfem was my awesome and wonderful caregiver!! I will never forget her time, care, love, and devotion to me...during that journey! Thank you, countyfem!!! {{{{{{{{{{VONNI}}}}}}}}}}}...I am so sorry about the loss of your dear friend....yes this dreaded disease DOES suckin' fluck!!! {{{{{{{{{debby}}}}}}}}}}}}} I spoke with her a good long while yesterday...she is mending amd healing.....was good to chat with her and hear her humor...I LOVE that woman!!! Godspeed woman!!! |
http://www.my-space-layouts.com/goodmorning%20(13).gif
I am in need of the above. Please make it a great day. Each one counts. |
been a while
JO!!!!!
Hugs to you. I am so sorry to hear your mom passed away. I feel like I have neglected my family here. :( I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself. |
update:
I have been keeping busy, taking dogs to the park, spending time with nieces and working. I knew the time would be coming for me to have to take another break from my life. Last Wednesday I had a double mastectomy, with no reconstruction. (I didn't want to go through any further surgeries). I am doing okay, the first week was a bit rough, but I added to my own misery by trying to do a load of laundry. I have learned my lesson and am taking it easy again. I go to the Dr tomorrow and hoping to have the drains removed. Dr said one to two weeks and still getting fluid, so not sure if I am stuck for another week. I also hope to get the pathology report tomorrow. I am home from work until June 4th, so I will be back online. I missed everyone. :)
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So glad to see you back Debby...and no more doing laundry! Take care of yourself and take time to heal. You deserve it! Big hugs... :gimmehug:
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I'll be thinkin' about ya! |
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My niece is coming over tomorrow to do laundry for me. |
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UPDATE
Hey everyone...just dropped by to say I saw my surgical oncologist yesterday, and my CEA (tumor cell count in my blood) is "less than 1" and I will get these done every 3 months, for life now. My scans didn't show any new cancers either.....whoohoooo!!!
I DO have a ventral hernia...soooo I am being referred to a surgical specialist who does nothing but these hernias, laparoscopically. I will see her in about 3 months. As far as the pain I have in my right flank, and under my liver....we will continue to watch, and see if it is "surgical incison healing". The malaise & fatigue are slightly improved...will take time as that surgery, which was done just 5 months ago today...was with a huge toll on my body, having TWO major abd. surgeries consecutively. My prenatal vitamins and extra iron, as well as B12 shots monthly for life, will help this eventually. I am so very thankful!!! for being as healthy as I am.....thank the Universe & goddesses!!! My doctor says every time we get a good CEA result, I am getting to be a "longer term" survivor of colon cancer!!!! THis was very reassuring to me...smiles.. Thank all of you...for always thinking of me, keeping me in prayers, holding me close, and walking this path. I heart you all...love..Clay |
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Long time Ms Vonnie,
Vonnie sorry to hear about your friend. I agree on how you feel about "C" Von my lil sis was diagnosed with stage 4, 3 years ago. Experimental drugs/chemo has blessed us with having her here in our lives.She is slowly becoming more and more fragile. her partner is the most caring wonderfull lady. Yes my lil sis is gay too! her partner moves heaven and earth for my sis. Hugs to you Von! Terry |
Terry,
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and her ongoing battle with this disease. Your family has been through so much. She is clearly a fighter like you, and is surrounded by a wonderful group of supportive and loving caregivers. I pray that the treatment she receives will continue to give her more time. My "numbers" are holding steady right now. I'm due for the dreaded scans again but they don't hold as much power over me as they did a year or even 6 months ago. A good thing I think. I've recently hit little milestones worth celebrating, including my two year mark. Yay! All continuous reminders to cherish each moment of every day and the people that surround and support me. It's really good to hear from you. It seems forever since we last caught up. You should see how big the twins have gotten. Ten years old now and keeping this Mama on her toes! They grow up way too fast. Please keep me posted on how you and your sister are doing. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts. Big hugs! |
Clay,
I'm so glad to hear that your Onco visit went well! Bummer about the hernia but at least it can be dealt with laparoscopically. It's amazing how much surgery can sap a persons energy, especially when they are back to back like that. Sending my own woohoo's for you and my thank you's as well. You do so much to support, encourage and lift us all up. Many hugs! |
Hi Vonni:
THank you for the post! It means so much to me. Yes, having two major abd. surgeries at same time...in 6 hr period wiped me out. I am getting my strength back a little along but some days I am just so fatigued..as are most folks here who haved faced this same diagnosis (C). It just takes time is all. I try hard to focus on the positives and support and encourage others. I am their biggest fan..sometimes all it takes to get someone to fight is someone to believe and that helps another to fight...I know it did for me. Hoping you continue to make those small steps and keep up that awesome attitude my friend. Good to see you here....hugs..Clay |
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Man am I glad to hear this news,congrats,big butch hug to you my friend. |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=ihGCj5mfCk8
I can't figure out the Youtube video thing, but this is an awesome video Katy posted on her FB page this morning that I just love. Enjoy :) |
There are some days (thankfully not many) when I wake up and find myself riding the rails of the pity train. Today was one of those days.
Then something or someone comes along and I get kicked back into reality. Thank you for sharing that video.. It brought tears, smiles and that extra bit of strength I needed to get back up, dust my hindquarters off and chase the blues away ~ |
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I love seeing both the kids and the nurses kick cancer's ass! I don't have a FB account, but am going to ask TF to post it to hers. |
my daughter sent me this, it is wonderful :)
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Celebrating "Those" anniversaries and milestones
Wow, what a beautiful day.
http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/t...sacredgeo2.jpg For me.. Cancer came rushing in, took my breath away, pulled the carpet out from under me , then, breathing deep, I turned the hourglass over and started again. Realizing this morning that yesterday was my anniversary, and it whizzed right by. May 15, 8 years I ago I had a total radical hysterectomy, oopherectomy and 16 plus lymph nodes removed..surgery for endometrial cancer. Those that know me ~understood that I Knew they had made a mistake. Surely they had it wrong.... and it must have been prostate cancer. :) Celebrate...:mohawk:(f) |
Awesome milestone, Tommi! Keep that amazingly positive attitude and that wonderful humor...and you will win always! Hugs and congrats brutha!!
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Tommi!!!! Hugs to you! What a great milestone :)
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8 years!
Tommi ~ I love that you forgot your cancerversary! That in itself is also worthy of a celebration! Congratulations on your milestone!
Celebrate, celebrate and celebrate some more! |
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Kids will get me every time! 12-years cancer-free for me following total Thyroidectomy for multiple Papillary nodules throughout my thyroid. Dealing with non-cancer health issues right now and it helps to be reminded that kids never give up-no matter what. Thanks for posting it and congrats Tommi! :candle::candle::candle::candle::candle: |
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this little puppy brought a smile to my face, so I am sending Woof your way.
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I hope everyone is doing well, smiling lots and enjoying life's simple pleasures.
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Recommitment
I have talked here numerous times about my commitment to and my belief in eating a vegan (plus fish) diet, exercise, supplements, and a couple of other things that I believe will keep a recurrence at bay.
Well, I am here to say that I fell off the wagon. I need to recommit myself to my health, so I am here to say it outloud. The commitment to regular (structured) exercise fell by the wayside first. My commitment to exercise outside of sports/recreation activities have never been that good, so I knew I needed to set myself up for success. I bought an eliptical. The problem is that I couldn't get through 10 minutes without my lower back hurting. I would have to get off the machine, stretch out my back, and then get back on. Only to have it happen again 10 minutes or less later. I tried different remedies and solutions (stretches, the shoes I wore, the way I held my body during the exercise), but nothing helped. I suspect the issue is that my core is not very strong due to the cutting of abdominals muscles twice (I had to get two surgeries two weeks apart due to complications). The solution then, is to build up my core. I am commiting myself to this and know what types of exercises I need to do to get there. My use of supplements took a nosedive in the last 1.5-2 months. Money. Now with summer here I have more things going on that require money. The supplements were costing me about $250-$300/month. Here's the reality, I believe in the supplements, so I have to put that back in my budget. Food. I believe in a vegan+fish non processed diet as a way to stop a recurrence. The last 1.5- 2 months has seen me ebb and flow a bit with eating more processed stuff. For the past month or more, I have not been eating enough vegetables (by a huge margin). For the past 2 weeks I have been eating dairy and white flour, which is really bad. Being more active in the summer lends itself to grabbing food as you go. I need to recommit myself to eating healthy. Alcohol. Alcohol speeds up tumor growth. Outside of red wine, which one should only have infrequently, one who has had cancer should really not consume alcohol. I love beer. And summer is the time for beer. For the past 3-4 weeks I have stumbled in this area. I need to cut that shit out too. So, that's it. I came to say the above to an audience in hopes that it will push me a bit. I will start with ordering what supplements I can online, right now. Thanks for listening. |
My chrissy has a younger sister who has had cancer twice before in her life. She worked for a company where there is a very large percentage of people who developed cancer while and after working for that company. After the first recurrence, she lived in fear that it would return. She felt in her bones it would mean sure death, because she felt she could not handle another bout of it.
A few months ago she was told it was back..and it had spread to another organ. She has had chemo and while she was certain it would not help, she put her faith in prayer, and in the comfort and courage of her family and friends who believed for her that this too, would pass. Yesterday, the doctors told her she had absolutely no cancer in her! chrissy wept. My physically big, emotionally strong and spiritually powerful man wept as he told me his sister was going to live. I am by no means a Christian but they are. I participated in their prayer circles and did my own songs. We live across the nation from one another. She is in california and we are in Ohio. Battling this with her long distance made it even harder on all of us. But thank heavens, the universe and everyone who participated in helping her keep above the darkness, for she is once again, a survivor...:praying: |
Thanks for sharing these things of importance, Dapper! Sending you a hug and a ^5....you CAN do it, my friend!!! Hang in there!!! Good luck!!!
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It's almost 4am and I should be sound asleep. Instead my eyes are as big and as wide as the beautiful full moon is right now. I have a hunch that this insomnia of mine can be partially blamed on the new meds that I am on. Thankfully these new Rx's are for something "other" than cancer but they are definitely wreaking additional havoc on this broken body of mine. It's funny how we are prescribed one medication, then given another and yet another to combat side effects from the first, second and third meds and then suddenly the medicine cabinet isn't large enough to hold all of the little orange bottles. There has to be a better way than this.
I should probably apologize ahead of time for this post. (Not sure who I think I need to apologize to? Myself maybe?) I can tell already that it is probably going to come out sounding like the ramblings of a drunken madwoman. I assure you though that I am, at the moment at least, quite sober. :) I do try very hard not to vent here on the boards, to keep my thoughts mostly private and to be positive 99.9% of the time. However, there are those times when it just gets bottled up to the point where it wants to explode. Probably not a very healthy thing. Positivity is generally very important to me. When I find myself anything but that, I am riddled with nothing but guilt. After all, I have people in my life, including and especially my children, that expect me to always be strong. Then again, maybe they don't expect that and I am just a victim of my own illusions.( See how artfully I let my mind twist and turn things?) I saw the ta-ta doc this past Thursday. She cut the right side breast pocket open again to remove some more scar tissue. This latest procedure was intended to make the right side look more presentable. Ha! Presentable to whom I find myself wondering because as far as I'm concerned, the whole chest canvas thing seems like a lost cause. The left side has already been deemed as being "As good as it's ever going to get". Even without b/foobs, I am lopsided. It's not exactly a lovely sight. Maybe in time I will be able to get over this vanity issue I have with b/foobs (or in this case lack of b/foobs) and self image but for now, I really find myself still struggling and the very fact that it bugs me is really ticking me off. I wear a red cape damnit! This stuff isn't supposed to get to me. I also want to throw in here that I am enthusiastically and eternally blessed and grateful to be alive. This isn't about not being thankful. I am well aware of the precious gift of life and there isn't a day that I don't give thanks for it or think of those who are also touched by this disease and others. This is a self esteem issue.. and one I am not too proud of I've been trying to combat those thoughts by asking myself the obvious questions such as.. "Okay Von, if you were in another persons shoes and you found yourself attracted to someone who had undergone a double mastectomy (or any other body altering surgery) would it take any of that attraction away for you?" Duh! My answer is of course an emphatic "Hell No!". So, why I wonder do I assume that another person won't be able to see my body as attractive and that I am doomed to a life of being lonely and of never experiencing touch again? Am I just being ridiculous or is this something "normal" and part of the self grieving process? Or maybe this is just the lack of sleep and oxygen to my brain talking. Maybe it's all of the above. Whatever it is, I came here to you wonderful people, because I knew that you would listen to my silliness without judging me for it. Oh, and btw, I changed my name from Vonni to this new name, which is actually an old name but better than using my real name... See.. I really DO need sleep :D Oh.. and Dapper. You CAN do it. I have a so much respect for you for coming forward and making yourself accountable like that. Take baby steps where you need to. Every bit adds up and counts. Hoping everyone is well, happy and smiling * hugs* and thanks for listening! Going to seek out my pillow now... |
Wrtings of the night, continued at light :)
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http://www.jhylanddesign.com/Art/artrage.htm Art.Rage.Us., a riveting book of art, fiction, poetry, and prose, and a bold testimony to the courage of women who face the disease. At turns stirring, humorous, heartrending, introspective, stark, and defiant, the pieces in Art.Rage.Us. have the power to comfort, provoke, and transform. Maybe you can check it out at your local library and see some beautiful women and works. Luff N Stuff , Tommi Miss_Tia Yeah for chrissy's sis. We hear of a cat's nine lives, but I don't think we ever realize what close calls we have. chrissy's sis experienced what many with cancer do, a miracle, a healing, a remission, whatever name we give it , or reason, the world becomes a beautiful place again. My Mom, given 3 months to live due to smoker's lung cancer and an aggressive tumor that wrapped around her windpipe went to Vegas to celebrate the 3 months. Well, Mom called me one day , said she was healed. Oaky then!! She had touched the TV during one of those Heal Me shows. We laughed, and she said , well stranger things have happened, 6 weeks after this her tumor began to shrink, 8 weeks later her lungs were clearing up, at that 3 month stage she finished her treatment, and ...went to Las Vegas to celebrate, 6 months later reconciled with our bio-family that had banished us for 20 years because Mom was a dyke. :) She lived over 4 years cancer free, had a sudden heart attack in my hands and passed away 12 hours later. DapperButch, that non-cancer battle with fighting for our health sometimes takes a detour. Falling off the wagon and getting back on program has happened to me so often that I gave the wagon away. At this point, I have avoid drive-thru's, take the stairs at work. Several years ago, I broke my ankle while walking across a street, followed with a stress fracture in my foot during a Chargers' game at Qualcom stadium, and recently got out the brace that kept me from having knee surgery when I tour my ACL, all on my right side...So, I to try to enjoy life one day at a time and stay away from anything that comes in a package, EXCEPT ICE CREAM and Yogurt, and any exercise that would make me sweat. |
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{pynk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }
As Tommi so eloquently said.....YOU are loved, cared for, and a viable part of this community...and this is exactly where you are welcome with open arms to come in and write whatever your heart may be feeling......many of us have at some point in time had those same thoughts, or felt "disconnected" or were concerned....OR just needed a place to go and vent....so...vent away sister....we are here for you!!!! That link Tommi shared is an awesome link..and may you be able to find a renewed sense of self, see the art that is YOU...and also as Tommi said....we don't view one another for the physical sense....at least, for me, I view someone for their heart, their spirit, and their soul...who they are inside is where their beauty resides, for me... For many of us, we do focus on our physical looks, and worry that others may not see us as beautiful, or wanted, or desired, but there are others who do not look at that aspect.....instead, they choose to look inside and see the beauty that resides therein... From my seat, I see you as a truly remarkably beautiful woman, who has such captivating eyes....and those eyes are windows to that amazing soul you have...you have such compassion, such a positive outlook, and you touch others in ways that are meaningful....and you are truly beautifull...believe that, my friend!!! You & I have sahred some messages..and I "sense' that beauty within you...I know you to be a true "heart person". There are days when we wonder, doubt, and are harsh critics of ourselves...and that, too, is all a part of our journeys...you are right where you should be...and know this door is always open for you....and I will always be here for you.....anytime....so, reach around and pat yourself on the back, look in the mirror at that beautiful smile, and feel the beauty of YOU!!!! I heart you, pynk!!!!! |
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