Its is zoo/zuc out there-
 

What kind of vegetable is sold at the zoo?
Zoo-chini.

What kind of socks do you need to plant Zucchini?
Garden hose

Where did the Zucchini go to have a few drinks?
The Salad Bar

Ks-

Which gas is the funniest?

Helium HeHeHeHe!

Which element is the best singer?

Lanthanum LaLaLaLaLaLaLa!

Which is the craziest element?

Gallium - it's completely GaGa!

What's the best sadism joke?

I'm not going to tell you!

Golden corn cob nominees
 

What do you call an enchantress who lives on the beach?
A sand witch

What do you call a gathering unattached witches?
Craft singles

Friday Funny's...
 

Q: Why did the traffic light turn red? A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q: What stays in the corner but can travel all over the world? A: A stamp.

Q: What is the tallest building in the world? A: The library! It has the most stories!

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

TGIF!

Ks- :)

Funny Friday!
 

What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless!

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me tonight.

Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!

TGIF!

ks-

Two people walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs!

Nurse to doctor: "Doctor, there's an invisible patient in the waiting room!"

Doctor to nurse: "Tell them I can't see them right now."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Why do kids put sugar under their pillow at night?

So they can have sweet dreams.

:moonstars:

What did the ocean say to the shore??


NOTHING... it just waved.

Jokes
 

What did the owl say when he forgot his music lessons?
I don't give a hoot.

Where do chickens go for a beach vacation?
Sandy Eggo

What does a ghost eat for breakfast?
Scream of Wheat

Why were the baby blueberries crying?
Their mother was in a jam.

Beware ...
 

As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign...
Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.
Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of? he asks the owner.
That’s him, comes the reply.
He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?
Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.

Q: What do you call a person who draws amusing pictures of motor vehicles?

A: A Car-toonist.

Q: What do you call a song sung in the car?

A: A Car-tune.

Jokes
 

Why did the football coach go to his piggy bank?
To get his quarter back.

How would you cut an ocean in two?
With a sea saw

What is potato's favorite show?
Mash.

Why did the muddy duck cross the road twice?
It was a dirty double crosser.

I don't like German sausage jokes.

They're the wurst.

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had left a written note:

“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Q: How do bees get to school?
A: By school buzz.


Q: What flies around a kindergarten room at night?
A: The alpha-bat.


Q: What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
A: Look at the board and I'll go through it again.

Q: What did the math book say to the other math book?
A: I've got problems.


Q: What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A: You can count on me.

Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says "Spit your gum out;" the trains says "Choo-Choo."

*What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O' Furniture


*What do you call a bad Irish dance?

A jig mistake


*What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patrick's Day?

You're very clover!

HaHa! Those are terribly cute jokes. :cheesy:

Here's a few I came across the other day:

A) To whoever stole my Microsoft Office: I will find you! You have my word.


Q: How do you make milk shake? A: Give it a good scare.

Q: What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive? A: a Toy-yoda.

:jester:

Leap Day 2/29/20...
 

What do athletes wear on Leap Day?
Jumpsuits.

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?
Hip Hop.

What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?
Hop In.

ks-

Where do most people eat on Leap Day?


IHOP.

Why did the monkey like the banana?

Because the banana has a peel (appeal)!

corny jokes
 

What happened when the hags broom broke down?
She witch-hiked.

Do flying mammals play ping -pong?
No, they prefer bat-minton.

Why do birds of a nest always agree?
To keep from falling out.

How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away his charge card.

* Pretentious? Moi?


* How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A fish.


* What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?

He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

Sham.

Sham Who?

Shampoo.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Why did the little kid throw the clock out the window?

They wanted to see if Time could fly.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


What did the ball say to the mitt as it was running away?

Catch ya later!

Little Bo Peep (corny joke woo-woo)
 

Corny Jokes
 

What mysterious thing did the astronaut see in the pan?
An unidentified frying object.

Why was night baseball invented?
Cause bats fly at night.

Where do ghosts get their mail?
At the ghost office.

What would you get if you crossed a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?"


OK maybe not so corny, but definitely cute...:p

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here." :seeingstars:

~~~
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"