My guess would be that the birth gender is used for insurance purpose, so they match and the actually gender you use is for them on how to address you. I sure wish more places made that simple effort. Even in Oregon they had to pit the gender on your birth certificate on all official paper work. Simply bcs of insurance at least that is how my doctor explained it. However my doctor did refer to me with make pronouns through out my chart and on all correspondence that I requested from her, I was lucky that way.

Ender, I can see where they would leave Female on you chart if you are not "legally" male, as Knightsblade says, for insurance purposes. They need to bill with the legal sex. But, does it need to be on the front of the chart? I don't see why that is necessary.

They ask for your preferred pronoun/gender somewhere else in the chart because:
a) they want you to feel comfortable
b) they want to pretend like they give want you to feel comfortable so that they "look good" (for political reasons, such as HRC's health index ratings).

Not so much that its in my file at all, so much as it being on the front of the chart with my name. They take your Health Card when you first go, so they have all the info on the Health Card as well, but to me if they're going to ask at all they can at least have the courtesy to include what you wrote on the initial form. There are some clinics that do that and there are no problems. For example, Hassle Free Clinic here doesn't even require your Ontario Health Card to see a doctor and will allow trans people to put the gender they identify as regardless of legal status. And even though they have sex-segregated (deals primarily with sexual health) hours they'll allow trans guys to go to the men's hours and vice versa for trans women.

I can understand having the sex you were assigned at birth somewhere inside the file with general info about you, but at the very least they could also include male/transgender on the front since they asked for that information specifically and would actually be important for the doctor/nurse who calls you in to see before they say "Mr./Mrs. xyz" (had this experience when I went for an ultra sound just recently. The doctor herself was fine because she'd actually looked inside the file, but the nurse just kind of walked out and called for Mrs. xyz because its on the front of the file.

Oh, I absolutely agree with you that your preferred name/gender be placed on the front of the chart so that the above crap does not happen.

Sorry you had to deal with that.

I do think that you should give the client the option to say how they define themselves, on that form. Why don't you just ask them, then , when going to the menu to set it down, leave it blank, and make a note elsewhere on the form, as to what your clients defines themselves as?

You might have to go to the appropriate authorities to get this change into the system, but I submit that it is worth it. For example, if someone is identifying as 'genderqueer', I really don't think that it is a good way to build trust between you two, by misidentifying them.

Thank you very much, though, for asking this question.

Ok I have a question or two. Bear with me if I word it wrong.
It has been some years now since I have had to deal with the medical profession in a state where sexuality nevermind being FtM is not protected from discrimination. Well that is what I am facing here in Georgia.

So my question is how would you approach a new doctor knowing this and needing to make sure you find one un a timely manner since I only have enough T to last me a couple of months. In Oregon my gp handled my T and all the follow up for being on it. Also will I have to get another therapist letter even though I have been on T for a year with both a letter and signed informed consent.

If I rambled to much and you're not sure what I am asking please just let me know. Thanks for reading my question.

There are a few ways you could go about finding a new doctor. There are some resources you could use online. FTM International might be a good place to start for you if you haven't already found a trans community near you that could help you out.

http://www.ftmi.org/3meetings.htm

In the above section they list groups that meet in Georgia, US so you could always attend a meeting and ask around there. I think FMI also have an online group that you can join and ask around for doctor recommendations in your area.

There are also active forums like http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php
and http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php that have active trans guy/FTM forums where you can ask around. A lot of the membership there are pretty US-based so you could find some good doctor recommendations there if you open up a thread and ask, or at the very least be given some resources for your state.

Ender gave you a lot of good information. You shouldn't need another letter if you are already on T. I would suspect whatever PCP you get will keep writing the scripts. You could contact one of the GA therapists at www.wpath.org and they should be able to refer you to an Endo n ear you that works with trans people. Another idea is to contact an LGBT organization in your area or PFLAG. I really dont think you will have a hard time with your PCP. When you get the list of PCPs for yout insurance, contact each one of them and ask i f that doc will keep your script going. Pick that person to be your new PCP

Try: http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html . Once you find a nearby therapist, on that list, contact them and ask for a recommendation for a doctor that will likely be willing to care for you. Hopefully, this will help.

deb,

I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, it is normal to have loss about losing a daughter. Yes, your child is still the same person, but if indeed your child is FTM, there is loss around what you expected for their life (the social things Gemme mentioned). In my work with adolescents and their parents, I find that this is where parents feel guilt. They feel guilty for feeling loss. Well, guess what? It IS a loss. Don't feel like you aren't accepting your child's gender identity just because you are grieving who you thought them to be. It is normal. Just like it is for the spouse of an adult who is changing their sex.


I think that the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your child is to find a therapist that specializes in gender issues. As you know, often masculinity can get conflated with males (we need to look no further than our female butches and the frustration they face with this). It is important that your child separate out gender expression (masculinity) from gender/sex (male).

As a gender therapist, I always make sure with every client that they put this into perspective (adults as well as adolescents). My thought is that with having a FTM in the home, your child would have even more of a hard time seeing how a masculinity does not = male. Your child's example (in their young brain) is that a female changes gender if they are masculine.

Now, one of the positives of Ethan being in your child's life is that he can talk with your child about gender expression (masculinity) versus gender/sex (male) in a way that other paretns cannot, but I still think there are discussions that can be had with a therapist that one can't have with their parent. Additionally, there could be issues around your child having a desire to connect with Ethan more, to have a "sameness" that masculine individuals desire to have with the masculine parent, so that can be impacting your child's desire/thinking that they are male, also.

Please don't hear the above as me questioning your child's gender identity. Lord knows I would be the last person to do this, but I believe that due diligence is important with all trans individuals, but again, I believe that your child is in a special situation (one, on the whole, I think they are lucky to have - a FTM in their household).

Check out www.wpath.org and click on the provider tab to find a qualified gender therapist (and the list/link that Nadeest provided). I think that most states are represented. Contact that person. Even if they are too far away or don't take your child's insurance, ask them for the name of someone who is closer to you and might. Even if that person doesn't take your child's insurance, THEY might know someone who does. Even if you are told that so and so therapist only sees adults, call them anyway. Your child is 17, so they may make an exception (hell, that is how I started treating a 15 year old).

I would suggest doing this sooner, rather than later. If indeed your child does want to transition (with hormones and legal name change), it would start them off great if they could graduate from high school (I am assuming they are in high school), with the proper name/birth certificate (if your state allows birth certificate changes). It would make their entrance into adulthood as seamless as possible.

I also want to tell you that your child is very lucky to have a mom like you. They are fortunate that you are willing to accept whoever they feel themselves to be.

Hi Gemme,
Thank you so much for all your advice and your friendship.
I have to admit, the person is the same, yes.. however, the mother/daughter things we used to do together, such as dress shopping, trying different make up, etc.. u will not have anymore.
Yes, I am accepting my son and am excited about helping him with his new journey and getting to know him better..

In my son's journey to find himself, he went through many experiences as a girl and young lady, and enjoyed them.. such as going shopping with my daughter in law and i for her Homecoming dress, and getting all dolled up and stuff..
Now... my son does not wish for me to talk about those girlie things anymore around him cause it helps his dysphoria.
So, yes.. i do absolutely love and support our son. .
There is and will be a sense of loss of my daughter.
Will I bring it up and make my son feel guilty? He'll no.
I do truly appreciate you and your kind words and help and friendship.

Dapper,
I thank God for You and for sharing this with me.
Thank You for understanding.
I will be looking for a therapist for our son Monday.

I have mentioned to him many times before about being butch, etc.. and even a gender to him, and every time he has been adamant that neither is the case.
I questioned him about wanting to be more like Dad (our son calls Ethan Dad), and just as adamantly he assured me that is not the case.
For awhile he was wavering back and forth, but he said it was mainly be he was scared of what Ethan and me would say. Our son said," I have never felt comfortable as a girl in a boy/girl relationship, nor a girl/girl relationship, and i am tired of pretending to be."

For years, he would dress and be androgynous. . But still did not feel right.

Ethan has been talking with our son a lot more now that our son has made up his mind and heart on who he is.

So.. i guess the best thing to do is find a therapist for him, and possibly for me to help any way I can.

Oh and, please know, I understand and believe You about
You not questioning my son's gender..
I truly appreciate You and Your help.

deb,

No problem, I am glad it was helpful. I admit that I get very nervous and cautious about young FTMs going on Testosterone. Their voice can drop like a rock after the first couple of shots. You cannot foretell how quickly it will drop or how low it will drop. It doesn't matter if the person starts with a deep voice to begin with or how deep their male relative's voices are. There is no correlation. As you probably know, voice changes are not reversible.

I feel much less anxious about a trans girl going on estrogen and testosterone blockers, she can change her mind and the T will flow back into her body like a demon. People aren't aware of how powerful of a hormone testosterone is and although I support "informed consent" where therapy is NOT a requirement, I admit that with adolescents/very young adults, it makes me nervous. There IS such a thing as transsexual regret. It does happen and it is very hard for the female bodied people who now have a male voice return to a female life. It can be very hard and painful. Hell, top surgery is reversible.

Anyway...the reason I responded to your post (sorry for the ramble) is if you are comfortable, PM me your city and I can ask on the WPATH listserve for a therapist in your area. Sorry I didn't think of that sooner.

Hi deb,
Gemme and Dapper pretty much covered everyhing however I wantedd to add a couple of things from experience. One is because I am living in the same state as you now I know from experience that unless you are living in Atlanta findding a therapist with experience with this issue may be difficult. I know that as an adult I am having a difficult time finding a doctor never mind a therapist in my area and I wish I lived closer to Atlanta. So if Dapper can help in that area I would highly reccomend it. While your son is ahead of the game compared to most just because he has you and Ethan I believe that a therapist is crucial. If only so he can have someone to talk to that is not his parents. Especially in this very very conseravitive state. Hopefully you live close to Atlanta that does have a large LGBTQ community where he will have access to not only a therapist but possible some peer support groups so that he does not feel so alone.

As someone that lost my bio-family due to who I am I can understand your fear about your mom. However you are ahead of the game if she accepted the comming out as gay part that you expressed. Just as you will grieve the things you used to do with him and the things I am sure you dreamt of doing with him in the future your mother must also grieve the loss of her grand duaghter. All you can do is be there for both of them once your mom has been told. As for you having difficulty, if I read the first post right, with usuing the right pronoun and stuff I believe it will become natural with time and usuage. After all you did refer to him as her for 17 years so to switch to him may take time. If my bio-family can call me Alix after 47 years I am more than confident you will make the transtion with little effort.

One last thing I do suggest that you also see a therapist. You will also need to do some self care and maybe need somme help with the grieving process. While it is important that you ar there for your son it is also just as important that you take care of yourself and get any support you can find to help you through this. After all if you don't do self care and address how this affects you you may not be able to be ther for your son when he needs you.

He is lucky to have parents like you and Ethan that are willing to be there for him.

Between them, Gemme, Dappar, and Wolfsblade pretty much covered it, I'd say. I will say, though, that I do understand a bit how your son experiences dysphoria when you talk about certain issues. A couple of years ago, in one of my culinary classes, parts of our class had to be servers, on certain occasions, since that class was preparing meals for others.

We had to wear black pants, white, button-down shirts, and a tie, along with black shoes, when we were working as servers. The first time that I was a server, I hadn't been able to find female clothing, that fit the requirements, so I had to wear the male equivalent. I was very uncomfortable, and could barely function, that day, during class. Basically, I was barely able to take care of one table, where everyone else was taking care of three or four tables full of customers.

That was about the worst incident of dysphoria that I have had, in three or four years, I think.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. It really makes me think.

I don't remember the last time I had to wear clothing that felt to me like it genuinely represented what would feel like "cross dressing" into the wrong gender. I wear non-gender-specific casual clothing a lot but haven't done actually female looking anything in probably 25 years at least.

It sounds completely disorienting.

It was, trust me. I was also, later on that day, coming home from class, treated as a male, by someone in an elevator. It did not feel good, at all.

I found a story and while I am glad that this couple has found a way to get married, I feel that this is a step back for those who truly are trans and who truly are trying to be the person they were meant to be. I don't believe that transgender is a "loophole" in the system and I feel that they have taken the hard fought progress a step backwards.

What really kicked me in the gut is when she says, "Jacki is so authentic." This scenario feels as far away from authentic as you can get.

So, transguys and transgals, what do you think?

Christine and Jacki

In 2006, "Oprah Show" viewers met Christine, a mother of two who made a surprising confession to her husband, Joe, after seven years of marriage: She was gay. But she wasn't the only one in the family with a secret. Joe was gay, too.

During that episode, the divorced couple shared their story, from when they each realized their true sexuality to how the truth came out. Two-and-a-half years later, Christine appeared on "Oprah" again, revealing that, even though she felt most comfortable in relationships with women, she had gone back to dating men. "I really can't label myself," Christine told Oprah back then.

It's now been eight years since audiences first met Christine. She tells "Oprah: Where Are They Now?" that life today has never been better. While she and Joe don't have much of a relationship beyond Facebook, Christine has a new spouse -- and an intense story about what it took to make their marriage happen.

Christine's wife, Jacki, first saw her on "The Oprah Show." "When the camera panned over to her, my initial response was, 'Oh, my God. That woman's beautiful,'" Jacki recalls. "I would have never thought she was a lesbian if I saw her walking the streets."

After running into each other several times, the two began dating. Christine says she fell in love with Jacki's authenticity and proposed to her three years ago. The women were looking forward to being married, but there was a big problem: During the time they were engaged, gay marriage was not legal in their state of California.

"Even though we were fighting a good fight, I wasn't feeling very optimistic about it," Christine admits.

That's when Jacki discovered a loophole.

"I started looking into transgender. In the eyes of the courts, if I were to have my gender changed to male, just like that, she gets my Social Security, she gets my pension," Jacki says.

So, Jacki elected to have a double mastectomy. In April 2013, she officially changed her sex to "male" on her birth certificate. She and Christine soon married and just celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary last month.

"I was so overwhelmed that somebody would do such a thing," Christine says of Jacki's selflessness. "It was the biggest act of love anyone's ever done for me."

I don't know whether Jackie is male or not. I've never met the person, nor had any sort of conversation with them. Therefore, I cannot say whether Jackie is male or not. Nor is it my right to say. Every person figures out what gender that they are, and far be it from me to say that they are not that gender.

However, I do not care for the idea of claiming to be transgender as a loophole, in order to get married. That, to my mind, is utterly wrong. We transfolk go thru so much, in order to even be able to transition, let alone transitioning, that it feels utterly wrong for someone to simply claim that they are transgender in order to take advantage of a law.

To be utterly fair, though; I have to disclose that, being a preop transwoman, and primarily attracted to women (This is the state of what I know about my sexual orientation, at least at the present time, with my lack of data.), IF I happened to fall in love with a woman, and she asked me to marry her, I would do so. I would use my status as a preop transwoman (with my gender marker on my driver's licence as male), to obtain the marriage licence.

I have only been aware of this story for about an hour and I have mixed feelings on it. I don't know these people at all. I did go watch the video link to the interview. I don't like tabloid tv so I stay away from this kind of thing normally, but this hits close to home.

My first impressions (subject to change if I learn more) is that this was for this couple first and foremost a financial decision. They found a loophole and exploited it to personal benefit. What is problematic for me is that "they" have presented this as a quick decision anyone can make that had all the impact of a nose job, and for them it seems true. When I say "they" I don't know what might be left on the editing floor, Oprah is known for sensationalism, etc..

Unfortunately, for the viewing public, this may be what they believe about trans* persons going forward without any more information. It effectively negates the torture most trans people live through in their efforts to find and define themselves as transgendered. I believe it would have been a much better representation of the "facts" to present the story as one about the lengths some gay couples have to gone to just to receive equal treatment on the marriage front, without tagging the term trans* onto it.

In my opinion (for the moment) that is what the actual story was, and the Oprah machine found a way to cash in on the current headline creating term of "Trans".

I will be interested to see what others have to say.

Ya, I don't like the kind of precedent that this sends. The rest of the world would see this as the reason why people transition. It feeds into the "men in women's bathroom" fear as well because they'll view it as a way for rapists to attack women by getting a sex change. They're celebrating 1 year but what happens if they divorce? How will Jacki feel then?

To me, the decision to do a medical transition should be for one's own self-existence and not for the benefit or detriment of others. And why not fight for marriage in California? Or get married out of the state and have protection federally while waiting for the legal system to figure things out? Given that this was likely a recent interview, it couldn't have been that long before California's laws were changed, no?

Shaving products? What products do you feel, is best for your skin type?

I simply use water, as given the fact that my facial hair removal is still not finished, I still need to shave each day. :(

I am sorry and that really sucks! I am using a shave cream from Bath and Body Works lately and a 5 bladed razor, which seems to help get all the stubble from what I do have growing. I have major sensitive skin so I have to be careful.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings on the Jackie and Christina story. I do know the two of them. They are acquaintances of mine and friends of my twin sister. It is my understanding that they did not tell their friends of Jackie's legally male status. It was news to everyone when it was announced in the Oprah interview.

I remember when their wedding invitations were sent out and it was before same-sex marriage became legal in California. It was also before the Federal government decided to recognize same-sex marriage. I do know that Jackie has lived as a Butch for most of her/his life. I do not know if she/he identifies herself/himself as woman or male identified Butch or neither.

Like Theo and Linus I can see how their story can set a negative precedent for FTMs. I felt the same way about Beatty, "The pregnant man." On the other hand, people are entitled to do with their bodies and lives whatever they choose to do. I am pretty sure Jackie and Christina are not the first couple to find this "loophole." They are just the first ones to get media coverage. (Similar to Beatty. He was not the first pregnant FTM.)

In part, my own transition was political. I had lived my life as a Butch that expressed masculinity since a very young child. I never felt I was the same as a cisgender male. I also never felt that I was a woman. I did find it absurd that just because I could "transition" all of a sudden I could receive full legal status. Nothing had changed on the inside the person I was and am.

I have had the privilege of discussing gender stuff in the forums with many of you for a few years now. I have learned so much. We all have our own stories, ideas and beliefs. I may not think, believe the exact same thing you do but I have respect and regard for many of you. Again, thanks for sharing so much of yourselves and knowledge here.

Christie and Jacki Oprah Interview
 

I ran into Christie the other day and asked her if she was aware of some of the controversy their interview has stirred up. She told me yes and their are pieces of the interview that never got televised. Her and Jacki were contacted by Helen Boyd an author and Professor at a university in Wisconsin.

Jacki did send a written response to questions Professor Boyd asked Jacki via email. I went to Boyd's blog site, en|Gender to see if Jacki's response has been posted and it has not yet been posted. However, you can read Boyd's initial blog on July 15, 2014 regarding the interview. Here is the link:

http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/?subsc...subscription-2

Finally, I did tell Christi about this site and thread and asked her if it would be okay if I posted here about our conversation, she replied "Yes."

:
 

Now I know why I get bumps when I shave! I will probably go back to twin blades to see if that works, I am not careful enough to shave myself with the safety razor, like you use.

Thanks for the tips as well, looks like some shopping for me, soon!

Okay health insurance, anyone have any tips for insurance for transfolks? Or some links that I can read over.

Thanks!

What are you looking for when you say "for transfolks"? Are you looking for coverage of transitional procedures? (Let me know if you find that!) Or are you looking for trans-friendly healthcare providers or what?

Health Insurance here in the states has gotten a lot trickier since 2014 and you are required to carry something, the fines are going up for those who skip and the window of opportunity for signing up is a lot shorter this year.

I've learned a lot this last year but I wouldn't consider any of it to be trans specific. :thinking:

Right now trans friendly providers. And then for surgical procedures.

It is all very complicated. If you want to PM me I can send you in the right direction for what you want to know:

1) information on the insurance system/how to navigate your insurance
2) State laws and where to find them regarding your insurance
2) how to find a gender therapist in your area/online
3) how to find a testosterone provider and what you need to do so that they will prescribe T to you.
4) how to find a surgeon and how to find out their criteria for surgery.
5) the barriers to each of the above.

I can talk all day about the above, but I don't want to ramble on forever and give you (or fill up the thread with), needless information. :hamactor:

If you have specific questions and are willing to tell me what state you live in, and what insurance you have, I can save you hours of research. For a small fee. :cigar:

It is impossible to discuss these things in generalities.

Thank you Dapper, I will pm you when I am fully awake and can truly comprehend all of it. I just got back home from being out.

Don't know if anyone that can answer this comes on here but not really the question I want to put on my Facebook page.

I've talked to one person but would like to others experience on this.

Has anyone stopped or lowered their testosterone after chest surgery and having a complete hysterectomy?

I'm going to make an appointment in February to talk with my dr when I'm back in his area. Meanwhile I haven't take one since I think Oct. My hysterectomy was done at the end of November. I really haven't felt it necessary and am thinking of holding off till then just to see what it does to my hormone levels and blood counts. At this point I just not sure what the advantages to continuing it would be.

My energy level has been pretty damn good, frame of mind, etc. I don't really care what happens to my facial hair and I got a pretty low voice.

I actually think part of my feeling well might be because my red blood count is leveling out. That its being high was helping me feel sluggish. In fact surgery probably helped that also since I have donated for a while and they didn't have to give me any I probably lost enough to lower the count also.

any experience?

Removing breasts wouldn't impact T levels.

I have heard around 4 guys talk about this. All 4 said they needed the same amount of T in order to keep the same T levels after removal of their ovaries. I find that interesting because I would think that your body no longer fighting estrogen would mean less testosterone needed for the same amount of T in the body.

I have read that orchidectomy does result in MTFs being able to take much less, or no T blockers.

My understanding is that our bodies need to have one hormone or the other, so it isn't wise to not take any hormones. It negatively impacts things like bone strength. Please consider calling your physician. Maybe you only need to take a small amount to stay healthy.

I do not know the answer to your question, sorry. With that being said, I do know that transwomen who have had an orchi or SRS no longer need the anti-androgens that they had been taking. They also generally cut their estrogen dosage by about 1/2, from what I have learned, over the years.

I can also say that I am definitely looking forwards to when I no longer have to take that danged anti-androgen. I love the blocking testosterone effect, but............ it is also a diuretic, and that part, I do not enjoy at all. :(

I appreciate the responses however I really am looking for peoples personal experience.