Obsessing tsk!
 

Just how to schedule the day for fun and productivity. A delicate balance is needed to achieve the individual objectives of The General and I.

I am starting to freak about my sweetie coming to visit. I need to clean, I need to organize the massive amounts of jars of jam/jelly. I need to control the laundry. Laundry does not respond to the crop I've learned. snort.

The General's room is unlikely to resemble anything other than a war zone. There is a very good reason for this. And I don't think Stoney will really care.

I really am anxious about getting the vacuum cleaner to work. keeping fingers crossed the belt slipped and I can figure out how to 1. find it and 2. put it back on. I think if I can find it then putting it back on will be doable.

I made some sort of apple strussel bread this morning. Slippery pot holders have lead to me dropping the pan 2 times. Said strussel topping is mostly inside the oven now.

Wondering how the "phone bone" went!!! not really, just wanted to type out the words again


BWahahahaha. STILL laughing about that.

Well the 9 month anniversary is the anniversary of laughter. OMG we laughed so freaking hard over that. :seeingstars: If we all meet in person some time (like at a reunion) I am bringing depends.

and it went very very well. As any anniversary phone bone should!

I'll bring some too!!


I'm glad it went well. Now go have some:sushi:

There's so much on my mind. So much. Family, a wonderful friend, my life. My love - if I'm even able to keep something so important in my life without fucking it up. I just don't know. I have so many emotions and I want them to come out the right way. *Plays with fingertips* I've never really been one to be open about my thought process but somedays I wish I could just have a nice warm cup of coffee and enjoy an online conversation and feel connected again. I lost or misplaced a big chunk of who I am at my core for months because of new experiences and I'm scared the damage I caused can't be healed. I don;t know if anyone knows what that's like. I have hope. I'll stay and do the best I can at being the person I know the people I care for are missing. I just want somebody to take my hand and tell me they understand and that I'll always have that. Maybe I need too much.
Maybe I should stop thinking.

My mom just called....says my dads red blood cell counts are extremely high...another test tomorrow for him, then possibly a specialist...I'm not ready for this. Please let it be fixable. Please.

been an emotional day today....cumulative things that just led to a mini melt down.... i so hate being that way....i dont typically make a habit of it....thankfully teddy is my rock...my touchstone...and he saw me through it....

:moonstars:

Im so thankful that you allow me to be there for you baby just as you are there for me when I need it. That is what love is

on my mind is
 

I am wondering why there is nothing I want to buy anymore. Im totally uninterested in material things. There is nothing I desire in my life right now. I find that both interesting and lightly disturbing. Disturb is too strong. I wonder if it is like stopping running ? I cannot remember the last time I ran. I cannot remember the last time I really wanted something..... except maybe cake with thick pink frosting....:typewriter:

All that I desire is intangible.

My physical therapy tomorrow I will never understand how putting someone through torture will help said person not be in pain. Then there is how someone I consider to be a friend is hurt because I am happy. I do not like hurting anyone and when I do it it causes me pain. I do not regret or feel guilty about my happiness I am just sorry that it hurt someone I consider to be a friend. I know it will be okay though in time it just happens to be on my mind tonight.

Dependency. That's what's on my mind.

I really dislike being dependent on something for my sense of connectedness, enjoyment, or whatever else. Technology can really piss me off soemtimes. Of course without it I would have never met my girl, so I will just say that I am grateful... and pissed!

I know I would feel a shit-ton better if I had sushi and chocolate... In that order too.
:sushi::eatinghersheybar:

My dad
 

Second blood test....red blood cells are still bad....one day at a time....

I have to find my motivation somewhere - dig it out, drag it out, even if it's kicking and screaming.

I have to find my happiness button. I know it's around here somewhere, just have to find it under all the shit it's been buried under.

And, I have to grab my cojones and make the changes I need to in order to be where I want to be and then, and then, what I want will happen. Damn cojones, why do they have to keep on shrivelling up?

The "Old Fart" and how much he'll fuss at eating hospital food.. I'd be very happy to hear him fuss because he's here and able to...(if that makes sense?)

A dear friend's good news and how happy it makes me...

A different dear friend's offer because of their compassion and respect...Hopefully, I won't have to take them up on their offer, but their compassion means the world...

My car... and how it acted like my wheels were going to fall off today on the highway when I use the breaks... oh please wait another month...

The estimate I got from the accident and the waiting game on the rest of the news...

The court date...mercy please, mercy...

My job...yeah, really...mercy

Having to rob Peter to pay Paul...and pay George, Freddy, Jake, Murray, Doug, Bruce and Uncle Sam...

Ohhh...and I woke up this morning stressing out about "what am I gonna do this winter when snow hits? I've got a long drive to work now...and roads SUCK here in the winter!" (this stress comes from panic attacks since the car accident last Friday)

Then on my mind is how the current landlady was very manic tonight and how she "pounced" to tell me about how ALL of her cats, kittens and two dogs have fleas since her one dog brought them in...how she wants to use Borax on all the carpets and them some kind of poison spray ...and how she bought my dog some kind of oral medication that I've never heard of..and her response when I told her my dog wouldn't be coming back here (but didn't have the energy to tell her it's because of her and her animals)... I have no patience right now.

I enjoyed dinner these past two nights with a friend and their roommates... and how the 9 year old son of one roommate told me tonight he was happy I came back...

How much things have changed and how I have changed for the better. Seems like every week I continue to smile just a little bit more. Still wishing wishing on stars. Hoping the committee of wish granters get to mine soon!

Dark, scary thoughts. I feel impulsive & like I'm going to make another million mistakes and have everything come crashing in on me completely. I want to smile, I want to blush. I don't want to be selfish but I just want a chance to prove how much I've grown. My thoughts aren't important anyway just rambling. I know everything will be okay. I just like the idea of having my company back *nodnods* I haven't felt this lonely in a long time. I'm not looking for anything. I just needed to get it out. I don't even know if I should be doing it here. Maybe I'll regret it. Most people wish for three little words, right now there's 2 that would be the most comfort this gurrl could wish for.

all those that I miss.

Yes, my dad....but now I get a call from one of my docs today.....more tests for me....we already did this....dammit......

I think I learned something new about liability insurance....if it's true, I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I miss my puppies.

I'm tired.

If all goes well, after the middle of next week, I will be in my own new place...keeping fingers crossed... a beautiful one level duplex with a HUGE deck and a HUGE yard and a heat pump instead of propane, gas or oil... it's not my farm house, but it's nice and quiet. A peaceful place to be thankful for after my daily-city-traffic-panic-attack.

She is.
Definately.
Heavy on my mind.

The memory foam calling my name! It is time for bed I think!

Oriented vs Orientated
 

Apparently, neither is incorrect. So why does "orien-TAT-ed" sound to my ears like nails on a chalkboard? Seriously - drives me nuts!

On my mind...
 

Stupid auto body shops.
Moving and all I have to do in the next two days.
Should I visit my dad on the way.
Should I drive North to see my grandbaby before I drive South West to my new home, this would add a day to my trip.
Are my hips and my knee going to make the 12 hour drive.
Will I find a job once I get there.

mind
 

a friend.

Greco

just want things done so I can get on the road

Conversations.
Repairs.
Ideas.
Thoughts.
Numbers.