Cracked my self UP
 

Turned out my date today was an ex-nun. I asked her what she thought the per cent of nuns were lesbian. She said, "80-90%".

I said: "Seriously?" She said: "Well, based on the number I slept with in my order, that is".

Cracked me up!

...and, apparently, CBS deleted the jokes about Mr. Bachman
 

funny but sad in a way

Ellen's Thoughts on 'The Virgin Diaries'
 

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2011/11/...aries_1130.php

:|

I didn't feel like going to town tonight after busting my butt all day, so I asked Blade to pick up something I had forgot when we were in town, cleaning out the storage shed... he called from the store...

"what color are they?"

Me: :blink: :blink: that wasn't a question I expected

The Grover Near Far video...I'm still chuckling over that one.

Aaawww :( Tea, snuggly blanket and movie will help...promise! :tea: Feel better!!!

My 6 year old great niece at her Birthday Party today, telling me all about Justin Bieber....what a crack up, she was telling me about his shoes, lol.

Jimmy Kimmel - I gave my kids a terrible present
 

Flashback to last years Christmas party, when a coworker informed me that the dish she brought to the pot luck, was mac & cheese made with breast milk !!!

Kids sure have a sense of entitlement.

When I was a kid I had to get a job (this was before the child labor laws) and work overtime to make money for xmas. I had to walk to it uphill twenty miles both ways in the dark through snow and freezing rain, and then I had to buy my own presents and buy the wrapping paper and wrap them myself. And it had to be stuff we needed around the house like hamburg and rice and comet cleanser. And I always said thank you when I unwrapped them.

What's wrong with kids today.

Yes, this is old, but I just came across it today and it did crack me up!

"Best man left bleeding after being hit in head by flying dildo"

February 12, 2011

by Richard Farmer
The Northern Territory News once again has staked its claim for Best Headline of the year!

Entertainment for Peter Rolih’s pre-wedding party was inspired by that famous scene of the woman expelling the ping pong balls in the comedy film The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. But this time the projectiles were not little celluloid objects but something rather more solid. And when the scantily clad exotic dancer performed her party trick – shooting dildos at the guests from her private parts, best man Darwin architect Jure Skumavc, 31, found himself in the firing line. As the Rupert Murdoch ownedNorthern Territory News reports this morning, Mr Skumavc was injured by the bullet-shaped, pink, sex toy – measuring about 12cm in length.

Mr Skumavc was still sporting a scar on his forehead at Mr Rolih’s wedding nearly three weeks after being dinged by the artificial dong.

Mr Skumavc said about eight other friends joined Mr Rolih for the party. He said the pink projectile was flying an impressive 7m across the room and looping about 2m high. “It wasn’t a strong shot (when it hit me in the head),” he said. “It probably just landed on an awkward sort of angle.”

“She was shooting it through the room from one corner to the other,” he said. “Other people got it in their chest and knees. I was the only one bleeding. It was my turn and it landed straight on my forehead. “She started apologising straight away but I just said it was fine … then I touched my forehead and there was blood."

Was that before or after you had eaten some, lol!

:)