Last night, my ferret Smokey started walking funny. I took him to the vet this morning and they are telling me he had a stroke :( he also has a new heart murmur or leaky valve so he is going too the vet again tomorrow for x-rays. Ugh. Today sucked. He is on my mind :(

her
truffles
ball caps
jeans
coats
haircuts
thanksgiving
work
movies

No one on the outside can really understand what its like in my house. Yes, its usually cluttered. Yes, we yell sometimes. Yes, there are things that we just let go... because its not worth the fight. BUT... every day we manage an 8 year old boy who doesn't understand social expectation, limitations, or reasoning. He doesn't adjust to change, he can't grasp the concepts that most children in his class have had mastered for years. This same child, is smarter then most of those children will ever be. He looks normal, he sounds normal and to all outside eyes... I'm sure it looks like his problems are in how things happen in our house. In reality... the way things happen in our house, is the only reason he functions in society at all. EVERY, and when I say every I mean more then 5, professional we have talked to agrees that we (my mother and I) are doing all that we possibly can to advocate and support this amazing and challenging child. This includes allowing my 10 year old daughter move out of my home and in with her father.

SO today whats on my mind is how frustrating it is that his fathers fiance still thinks that somehow I am not doing what is needed in my home. I have sacrificed my entire life to raise this child. Lost every friend and had to start from scratch. Given custody of my other child to THEM... do you really think I would be giving away my child if I had any other choice? THIS, is what I do for a living. I work with children with severe disabilities. My specialty is behavioral disabilities, and I am very good at my job. I have put all of my professional knowledge, as well as that of the other education professionals i know to work in trying to find a program that will work for my son.

I am sorry if you don't understand what it means to be on guard 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes, I have to give in. No child should be in trouble all the time... and every parent needs a break.

On my mind
 

My awesome g-f ! And the fact that this woman knows how to love me! This bad boi might have to put a ring on that finger someday.

Man...I am happy for StrongButch and Ocean. That is awesome.

Oh, i was thinking about what a small world we live in.
and more coffee.

Thank you so much DMW .. nice to meet u .. :)

I would like to stay up all day and night....

I would like to go rake the yard, or go thrifting, or go to the library...

I would like to do something beside work, go to the grocery store, play on the internet, clean house and watch tv...

11 hr workdays with half hour drive on either side make for long days..

Working overnights makes it difficult to stay away during the day to enjoy the day...

I'm thinking that the next job we get will be morning or mids... Just miss too much of life sleeping all day...

Waiting for a text message but so tired ... story of my life these days :(

My crappity holiday work schedule.

*dislike*

mmmmm.... espresso....

I am losing some of my government benefits today. I have been getting free transport to medical appts because I couldnt drive myself to and fro because of my problems. Well, I have been stable long enough that I no longer need this service. I AM SO THRILLED!!!! Some people get upset over losing benefits. To me, this is a huge milestone. Again, I will never be fully able bodied and I will always be disabled but I CAN do for myself yet. And while I CAN do, I WILL do. And I am so grateful that my health has stablized enough that long!

this is a wonderful day for me...

Sarojini Naidu
 

Autumn Song

"Like a joy on the heart of a sorrow,
The sunset hangs on a cloud;
A golden storm of glittering sheaves,
Of fair and frail and fluttering leaves,
The wild wind blows in a cloud.

Hark to a voice that is calling
To my heart in the voice of the wind:
My heart is weary and sad and alone,
For its dreams like the fluttering leaves have gone,
And why should I stay behind? "

Dance Now

It is ok, and good; by me
for love has no boundaries.
If it is always so, it is ok...
for happiness has boundaries.

So, the morrow and the new
should break free the heart, by you
that suffers today, from me
let today be already done and the
suffering of the morrow gone.
let this note be worn and a part
of the past.

Today... let i be that
your heart has won; for you.
the morrow has come.
let it be that your heart is ok;
and good,
by you.

Which
then,
by me

Nevermind, nor, you
trouble; for me

Nevermind,
Never i...
let
bother
you
(f)

Society rejects me for being Deaf
The Deaf community reject me for not being "Deaf enough"
The Lesbian community rejects me for being too Butch
The Butch/Femme Community rejects me for dating other butches
The Deaf-Lesbian community reject me for being into S/M
The S/M community rejects me for being Deaf
Society rejects me for being Puerto Rican
The Hispanic community reject me for being "Pagan" & too "White"
Patriarchal society rejects me for being Androgynous
Matriarch society at-large rejects me for embracing so-called Patriarch Dichotomy,
I am rejected and oppressed
Even by those who cry out readily against
Rejection, oppression and discrimination
When will it end?

:mohawk:

...a conversation with the executor of my mother's estate

...a big work event coming up

...my "to do" list for around the house

...how much I'd like to learn to make really good tamales

...getting involved with a local group and doing more real time socializing

...looking at things through a different lens

...Thanksgiving dinner with friends and strangers

:rrose:

I am absolutely NOT impressed with someone's job, financial status, home, car, or friends. I am though, very impressed with someone's sticktoitnivness, sense of humor, resiliency, strength of heart, morals, education, heart and soul. I get so tired of people trying to 'win you over' with who they know and who they blow, where they live, what they drive, blahblahblah. *yawn* Quite frankly, it bores the f**k out of me and I'm so over it, I would rather stick toothpicks under my fingernails than spend one more moment in someone's company who insists on shoving their over compensating for insecurities down my throat. Go away you types, just go away!

Whew, I feel better now =)

And, I just saw the cutest Lebron James commercial on the telly ever. Love.

We had a pop quiz in class and I won a box of Salt Water Taffy...

so what's on my mind is what to do with this treat......cuz I don't eat it.

I'm thinking I'm gonna regift it lol

LOL yeah you can send it my way :D.

This made me think about how much I would love to go to Little Rock... and... how... on my very meager budget... I know its just not going to happen.

Well that makes Christmas shopping easy for you lol

Thanx, for all the Support & kind words...
:sunglass:

As for visiting Little Rock, I'll try my best, but there's no guarantee right now....which is why I'm still on the "Virgin" List, I can assure, from today till October, a Lot can happen...srsly, in Jaunuary I had no fuckin idea from February till today I'd lose my home, my companion, I'd hop around 3 states looking for 'sanctuary', receive Dialysis in at least 5 different locations, lose all 3 of my ferrets, wind up back in Puerto Rico while sincerely wanting to bash every tooth in my brothers fiancee's mouth.....The Queen of England aint got shit on me within my own annus horribilis & it's only November :readfineprint:...I'm hoping , sincerely, 2013 is my "Mirabilis" year....:glasses:

I wrote this yesterday and I want to reflect on it today.

At first break we always have a group meeting at work and today I found out the Thanksgiving schedules were changed again. I don't have to work Black Friday. The change I wrote about and feel, is starting to happen. On top of that I now have a place to go for Thanksgiving...yay! If I didn't have to be back at work on Saturday, I'd be in my car on a road trip and eating a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with chosen family including this oh so good custard pie. Who needs pumpkin when there's custard pie anyhow. Next year, always next year for that custard pie :)

Are you ready for me world?
I'm already stepping in, so open wide because here I come.

It has been an exceedingly difficult 24 hours.

I sure as hell hope the next 24 are better.

Wow,
Well, my dear Gramma would have said. "Hey, if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't be havin annnnny luck at all. "

Mayb the 13 will be a lucky year and mirabillis wonderous and amazing things may come your way.
Keep an eye out, only have

I am heart broken to hear of people being shunned by their families.
This is something I have never experienced and cannot even imagine it.
I would like to take you all in and have everyone over for Christmas so that you have someplace to go. No one should ever be alone for the holidays.

I will be with my children and grandchildren and my (now ex) partner was invited to join us, it was never a question as that is what family does. It truly hurts my heart to think that anyone would be alone at the holidays.

I know I am way up North, but come join me. My girls will welcome you... I think I must have raised them right. In my family acceptance has always been the way.

Oh, and if anyone wanted to invite me to American Thanksgiving, I would love some turkey. You missed ours or I would invite you.

Sleep is on my mind. Off to bed shortly. I have the electric heater blowing warm air on popsicle ears (my female bully-mix). ... the male bully-mix and I are loving the fan. It is important to be comfortable when sleeping. Don't you agree?

Everyone is happy at my house tonight. :)

'night BFP people ;)
(f)