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FB Holiday weirdness...My biological father just said "Merry Christmas" to me on FB...He has been on my FB for 5 years, has never responded to any messages I have sent him, and has not said "Merry Christmas", or even "Hello" since I was 16 years old (25 years ago) ...I'm stumped.
Apparently, the Ghost of Christmas Future has visited him recently...:| |
My day, today.
I spent it cleaning and preparing for tomorrow. Then after a long hot bath and some tylenol, I was persuaded to go to my mom's where the big "tamalada" was going on. My aunt's were there, my mom's friend and me. I took my place at the table and started spreading the masa onto the husks and just leapt right in to the conversation like I've done for so many years throughout my life. The only thing missing was my beautiful Guelita. I missed her so much today. They were speaking of her and saying all sorts of things she didn't ever say...lol...it makes me sad that they didn't know her like I knew her. Then I sigh and I thank God that I got to know her in her last, best years. That she was my best friend, my mentor, my counselor (not that I listened much back then) and most of all, my mother. For all the years I complained about my lot in life at being left to my grandmother because my parents were off seeking their own goals...I would give my right arm to have her here one more day...to share in this holiday and the great Christmas present I'm getting...I sit here and realize how blessed I've been. La extrano, Guelita...en paz descanse. Feliz Navidad |
Every second of every day.
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How beautiful and unique my Christmas was this year...
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Her energy is felt
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day 5, im hoping..
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...a little bit of everything I suppose.
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thinking this tree is coming down today.
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His sister and niece will be helping me take down the tree and decorations today.
We have shopping to do and then at some point hit the commissary. We are also making plans to change up the two guest rooms and make the front room my office/craft room. So much to do. |
I made it through Christmas. I made it through all those 4am mornings! Now waiting to see what the next week will bring me. And I have to make it through the few days my roommate's family will be here. Ugh! I hope I don't have to get up at 4 or that will be so hard. Did I mention I am a light sleeper?
Now onto the new year. |
Just that certain things that may hurt or bother us at the time, always serve the purpose for our greater good in the end.
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What this next year will bring for me.
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lots...but it seems like i cant find the words...or maybe the courage to let it out? ....it may require some patience...just feeling like i need to find a way to get my confidence back before i spiral downward....my dysphoria is absolutely crazy right now...im feeling like i can't even do what im usually good at & worried that eventually it will create tension enough to cause disaster within myself & relationships i care about
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was really hoping for change or something.
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Hy is on my mind...watching the clock til he is off work and walks through the door
Also trying to figure out what family activity we will all do tonight and what good movie we will watch after the lil bits go to sleep |
Images and thoughts put in my head
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Lesson Plans...an upcoming trip...The Water Cycle (yes lesson plans)...hys tie....Photosynthesis (more lesson plans)...and kisses. My mind never turns off!!!
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The snow falling right now and how much we will get I won't be home in time to dig out Desd before she has to go to work.. not that she is to delecate to do it her self she is more then able but I like to be able to do this for her. but she has to be to work at 530 and I don't get off shift until 6 :police: and while the snow is right purtty falling it is going to make my drive home umm harder
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My nephew started coughing and had a high fever on Christmas eve, now my sister has the cough and the high fever today. I am starting to feel slightly feverish and my throat is scratchy. We all live together and I am not happy right now. I don't like being sick so hopefully I can fight off this virus.
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Republicans...
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my comfy bed with all its pillows and stuffed animals...
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thinking i got my answer. i guess this was a test for me, i failed.
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----Mike. I hope he wasn't alone.
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That I really want to blow off NYC for Vermont this New Years...they just got major powder up there and I am drooling...
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What is on my mind....
Is how some people can treat others with such disregard...that is what is on my mind....right....now.... |
With the end of this year coming up rather quickly and the passing of one of our own, I've just been thinking about how life is too damn short and how we take a lot of things for granted. I know I do anyway. I'm a little feverish today so please forgive my potentially overly emotional post that is about to be written here.
It sometimes seems like I never take the time to just tell people how I feel about them, whether that be my family, my friends, partners/gfs/dates/etc. I mean you can say I love you and it can become just a force of habit. Right? I find myself asking... If they passed on or simply left your life completely, would they know how you felt just because you assume they do? If I was to go, would I be missed? Would someone feel sad that they didn't tell me how they felt? I know if I lost someone who I loved and yet they never knew or I never told them, I'd have regrets, deep emotions regarding that. I know.. I know.. things happen for a reason.. right? I truly believe that but don't people generally like to know that someone cares about them? Loves them? Why not stop everything right now and tell someone, anyone.. how you feel? Anyway, I just don't know... all I do know is that life, all life, is too short. I can only imagine that what I don't get right in this life, I hope will be worked out in the next. IF you feel the same way, please forward this to 1000 of your closest friends... (just kidding). Chris |
A friends mother died this week and the funeral is tomorrow.
This got me thinking about the year my mother died. January 2 it will be nine years. The first few years were the hardest, as we rushed her to the hospital on Christmas eve and then brought her home late Christmas day so she could open presents with the kids. She died at home, but those next few days were hell. We had the funeral on the 5th as my birthday is on the 6th and the family didn't want to ruin my birthday. I think it was already ruined. It took many years before I celebrated the holidays at all. So anyway... I've been thinking about that. |
^5 SleepyButch
I agree with you totally, SB. I am a HUGE beliver in telling folks just how much I care for them. I always think of "today could be your last day, and if you felt it, but didn't share it, then it meant nothing".
I always believe in calling my close friends often, and saying that to them, so they DO know how much they mean. I am one who gets attached very easily, deeply, and wholly. Time waits for NO ONE...so I am usually always the first to say "I love you" and majority of the time, I am the one who loves the deepest. That is okay, too, for each has their own ways. This morning I saw Medusa's post about Mike, almost 2 minutes after she posted it. His death hit me hard...for I "felt" his sincerity, his gentleness, and his huge heart...and he has been on my mind all day. I tried to nap a bit this afternoon ( I am with the beginnings of a dang cold) but couldn't relax enough to get there. I want my GF to always be able to "know" and to "feel" what I feel for her. I end the day with her, and I usually always text her when I get up to let her know I am thinking of her. In my own huge heart of hearts, I am also easy to "forgive" others...because I want to let that "negativity" of bygones go. Of course, some things I can't "forget" but for most part I do. Most of my posts I will end with "I heart you all"...for I truly do heart most people I know. When that sun sinks, I want to have my heart be whole, clean, and pure...and I want my people to know they ARE loved..beyond all measure...and especially that one special gal...:). So yes, love and showing people is on my mind. The song If Tomorrow Never Comes, is always my last thought at night, so "she" will know..I always did..I always will. I do so now... |
Several random things.
Most pressing is.. do I want crystal light or tea? Or both? And... what's for dinner? And... random music from my playlist. And... random projects being worked on. And... a potential sketch idea. |
What's on my mind??
My frustrations with a prison system that sometimes fails it's people...I received a letter today from an old high school friend who I have not talked to since 2005 when he went to prison for something he did not do. That was 7 years ago..and right after he was sent up, his step-father died and they refused him to go to the funeral. I know things we experience change us...I just hope his change has not been for the worse...and I hope it has not hardened his heart toward others. *Sighs. He was such a nice guy too...just makes me feel badly that his path led there. I guess this calls for a re-read of the book entitled "When bad things happen to good people". :-S |
Today has been such a difficult day.
Between the afternoon phones calls back and forth, unexpected bad news, Mike, not eating between 1:08pm and 9:51pm, a massive headache for most of the day and a few crying jags here and there, I am spent. Really and truly. I haven't been this happy to see a day come to an end in a very long time. |
I am not even sure right now...sitting in a fog or at least it feels that way
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staying in & watching the snow fall ...curled in blankets watching a movie ..& maybe even sharing hot chocolate & exchanging soft smiles with someone special
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A friend.....and what happens next....
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Spending twice as much as I anticipated on a ukulele. :|
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My mind is running through the different shades of polyamory that 3 people can make and how to make them work and function for everyone involved. Also kitties~!
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I am monogamous. It's staying that way no matter who comes along.
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Ukuleles ...still! However, I think it's narrowed down to 3 or 4 models now and two in particular.
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I'm not really sure. I can't really make any sense out of the mess in my head.
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