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Inhaling. Exhaling. Learning to breathe and find the positives in things. i miss my daughter terribly, right now. i am holding her close, regardless in hopes she will make some good decisions and turn her life around. i continue to worry about her, daily - that will never change. However, i know eventually she will learn through life's lessons, and i am focusing on being grateful for her being safe, healthy and that she still calls me every night to tell me she loves me very much before going to bed. She's 16 - beautiful, intelligent and very much loved with support all around her when she's ready for it. And i will continue to *try* and understand in the meantime, but sure do miss having her around. So i'm planning a girl's night, sleepover, with food, movies and girl stuff & can't wait! |
fiscal cliff
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My privacy was violated. I'm not sure how to feel about it.
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Working late tonight, but would really like to be sleeping.
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...what to do, what to do, what to do
I'm off for the entire weekend with nothing to do. Quite a conundrum... |
lately it seems my mind never shuts off .... i realized something tonite , after a friend and I talked . I need new surroundings ... what to do ... I feel like I should be somewhere else. Mostly back in NY:seeingstars:
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Looking at ours and wondering when this one is coming down! Ready for the new year! |
All the things I need to busy myself with today, especially outside while it is nice out. I have plenty to do inside as well but it can wait until the weather isn't suitable to be outside or dark.
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Paddywhacks :|
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Thirteen young people in Missouri.
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How drastically things can change in the blink of an eye
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I dreamt I had tea & smoked a hand rolled cigarette with the Dalai Lama.
What could that possibly mean? |
Just when I think I can't love that man of mine any more......
This morning, I was leaving for my super busy day and had a list of things to do so I could get back for the cable guy...So..first I couldnt find my keys...then luckily the dogs knocked over my work bag and there they were...I never put them there..I never would've looked there...thanks pups :) SO..then I have my keys I'm ready to go cash my check..I can't get out of the driveway. It iced overnight and the landlord has NOT touched it....nor will she since she doesn't have a car...so I had pulled in and I thought if I turned it around I could pull out going forward instead of backing out. BAD IDEA. I got stucker. I tried everything even put a board under the tire...and dirt that I dug up spinning my wheels... sighh...the yard is a MESS.... Anyhow...as I was trying to rock out of the ice hell, I umm...kinda rammed into the snow plow (ironic, I know) that the landlady's bf uses as a lawn decoration apparently. The handle went RIGHT through the grill and cracked the bejesus out of it...I had to break it a little more to disentangle it.,,oh...and if that weren't bad enough, the power steering pump that I suspected was going, DID. So trying to fenagle out of that tiny place got even FUNNER. :) Long story short, my ex was around and helped me get it out AFTER I got it mostly done...but still thanks to Chris :) But...when I called Teddy...and told him what happened to the car, he said to me... "as long as you're ok that's all that matters to me...are you ok?" Sigh....Ive never known a love so good in all my days... <3 |
Tonights gathering of women at my sponsor's house for her imminent clean time birthday. :hangloose: :tea:
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whats left of the unpacking
the need to get the hose to the hot tub to fill it and get it heated the trip to costco to fill the house with food and such what the future holds |
The struggles of a 15 year old...
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a lot of heavy stuff...
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Music.
Fiscal cliff. Looming headache. Projects. Did I remember music? School. More music. Visiting puppy. Bed. Conversations. Possible food. And finally... Music. |
lots ....kinda rippling around in the pool....im not really sure if im ok right now but maybe a drink will help
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......a lot of stuff....too much
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how sometimes your first impression o' somone is horribly, terribly wrong...
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What is on my mind:
the jerks that fly down my road.and how lucky they are that no deer have jumped out in front of them..yet that nothing will get me up quicker then the sound of the cat coughing up a fur ball. i love listening to my youngest singing along to Adel baby talking my pup how im diggin life..it's really pretty fantastic |
Now that I've downloaded lots of more music....
My playlist is now up to 259 songs.... And now it may be bedtime... I think. |
wondering what little munchkin stole the box of kleenex that was in this room?
Anyone want a beagle? |
I really can't believe I am up right now... However... I can't seem to go back to sleep.
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I really can't believe what I just read. Wow Seriously ????? |
Not a damn thing. And that's just the way I like my sundays.
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deep cleansing breaths ....remembering to hold onto the good & letting go of what i cant control .....wishing for something i cant have.....though i may very well have a version of it the next few days ....determined to find peace in the rest of my day.....smiling thinking of good times & hoping that while im taking steps towards my own happiness...i can make others smile & happy as well ....that i can offer comfort & friendly affection .....
.....then i wonder about smaller details ....what she smells like....if i'll get my thai food tonight *laughs* ......what my dear ones are thinking....if im in a good enough place to be what she needs right now to help calm her anxiety about changes....if i'll randomly get a txt saying im being thought of.... im on my path....i have growing to do ....and im seeing things more clearly im going to be the guy i want to be....and embrace who ive become in the last 2 yrs...im a better person because of those i have close in my life & their support gives me strength |
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Euthanize ...I wouldn't. So...no worries. I can understand why you asked. It's a harsh post of mine. |
Mom texting me says..."your Dad has been gone a while" I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to have to go find him. Geez guess I should put a tracker on his van, so it's easier to hunt him down. Course it would be much easier if he would keep his phone turned on and answer it. He only turns it on to make calls.....yeah it's true he doesn't take calls only makes them.
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...energy...
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Having to get back out on the road and not having a mom here to give my kitties love while I'm gone. The neighbor tries lol but they just aren't ready to give their love to her yet.
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The song currently playing. A couple of simple verses make me ache.
...I should've kissed you. I should've pushed you up against the wall. I should've kissed you like I wasn't scared at all... ...You should've kissed me. You should've pushed me up against the wall. I was right on the edge and ready to fall... |
New Years is on my mind. Today is an important day. Its time to clean, everything, whether it needs it or not. Some traditions believe that by cleaning a home on the eve of the new year (or other holidays) you prepare the home and its residence to experience positive change and blessings.
So today I am how much cleaning and cooking I can cram into a single day! I am also thinking about my resolutions for this year, and my bucket list... Where will my path lead in the coming year? What can I accomplish? And how do I stay focused on my long term goals? |
What is on my mind? Boggle in the brain I tell you. I wonder much time I'll have to explore here. I keep changing the outfit I'm putting together for this evening but I've been told my plans aren't set in stone.
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Just getting through tonight...:seeingstars:
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--Why do people call me and say "well, I was bored, and I can't reach anyone, so I thought Id call and talk to you." WTF! Here is what you can do with your plan C--- :thefinger:
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The weather changed again. My ears are telling me quite painfully and sharply.
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Hy is |
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