How the same phrase can mean two different things.

Never understood that til now.

I am wondering what I can watch tonight. I still have a pile of movies to get through and netflixland to browse.

i'm home sweet home for 3 days, then off to the midwest area for 4 days. then i'm home and off for 10. i need some R&R

Wayyy too much on my mind. My heart is hurting over work tonight... I'm so muddled in my head right now. I was exhausted to begin with. I want to get some decent sleep tonight and look at everything in the clear light of day...

Indeed
 

Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.

― Lemony Snicket

I got my haircut!
 

I'm meeting Her family this weekend for the first time.
And the dog too.
Mostly worried about the dog.
A little nervous about the parents.
But mostly the dog.

Sometimes I wonder about you....
And sometimes I burst out laughing....
Then I wonder about you some more....

*shakes head, muttering, "she obviously ain't ever met my grandma. My grandma would talk someone's head off before she ever got eaten.... She would probably piss em off too...."

What's on my mind?

Having feelings for someone who will not/cannot return those feelings SUCKS! I've never really been in this situation. It hurts. :/


Ugh.....snuggles? lol

I SHOULD have been doing homework.
I did NOT do homework.
Instead... I went off into a fantasy world for awhile...

It's late so hopefully I can make sense....my soon-to-be ex is trying any way he can to turn my kids away from me so he can pay less child support.... some father he is. He tells everyone how much he loves his kids then he tells them how horrible I am with his crazy lies. He manipulates my poor, innocent little boys who have been though so much. He pushes the idea that "mommy is bad".....and it's all because I'm gay. If I were dating a male he'd be jealous but keep a distance. He thinks he has the right to mock my relationships and that I should feel shame about being gay. Whatever! All this hurts my kids so much that it makes me want to claw his eyes out at the very least.

He had me thinking I would fail at my job because he expected me to fail. But, guess what? 4 strong months later and I'm doing better all time.

I know for a fact that he tries to hook up with old female friends who have kids and get them to meet my kids!!! HE was the one who specifically said we should not allow significant others to meet our children until the relationship has lasted at least a year. I guess he thinks the rule doesn't apply to him only to me because I'm gay.


Anyway, this is probably a lot rambling because I did take a (prescribed) sleeping pill and need to sleep. I need to talk to Lambda Legal for advice. I'm exhausted at this point. As much as I love Boise, I'd like Todd to run away with his GF and her 3 kids while I live in a hut somewhere near the beach in Costa Rica with my kids. That would be heaven!

-School beings in a few days, as expected I've already begun reading for one class- Cultural Anthropology too awesome last semester of General ED :)
-Headed to my folks today to visit before school gets going Me and My DOG
-MK
-piercing retainers for work
-trail mix
-And if I am not around as often -its busy I am busy with school Not to worry

Practice safe lunch, use a condiment.

It bugs me to no end when a person gets spooked out on the streets and the first thing they want to do is purchase mace. Seriously, if you have never used the stuff or have no clue what you are doing with it, it can become your worst nightmare.

I just had a friend post on FB that she was getting some, etc, etc, etc...
As i told her, if the winds are slightly off or the other person turns your aim back on yourself, you are then rendered even more helpless than had you never pulled it out to begin with. Not only does mace affect the eyes, once inhaled it attacks the lungs. I saw the results from a cop friend that had his can reversed on him. He was in the hopsital for a lengthy amount of time because of damage to his lungs... not to mention the attack he recieved from the person he was attempting to spray.

If you use the stuff... like any other weapon... know what you're doing before attempting to use it as a means of defense. Please and thank you.

My public service announcement for the day... :blink:

I can't seem to stop wanting to cry....and yet I can't let myself..

Bankruptcy.... (current chapter in law)
Conversation from last night
New awakening from new realization
Her

Eventually......

A co worker on FB posting how she is just tired of single parenting on the weekends.

Ya... try it full time for a while.

And then I realize for her this is hard. Perspective.

:tea:

on my mind
 

curried lentils in a mason jar and company to go with it...:bunchflowers:

I am still thinking about my great evening and I have yet to get out of my dress and into pajamas.

I am thinking about work and all of the details to make my project sustainable for longer than a few months.

I am thinking about my friends and their weekend.

I am thinking that sometimes I think too much and I should just sit and look out the window to enjoy the view with a cup of tea.

My mind is starting to float and wander around thoughts almost as if I am walking a path through a garden, admiring the flowers, trees and fountains.

I see glimpses of ideas, dreams and plans but I only stop long enough to smell a flower here and there.

It's beautiful in my mind tonight, peaceful.

On my mind....
 

Expectations, wants & needs....

12 days and counting.

Egads! 12 days!

lol.

It must be time to go back to bed.
I feel like hell again.

I want .... Several things.

finishing my taxes ~ to Etta James ~ it's that kind of morning ~ :)

confusion....utter confusion *blank stare*

This particular song that's playing makes me ache.

Mind
 

Its time for me to find a woman who makes me feel loved and who is supportive of me. Ill do the cooking. (lol)

A random bp check at the doctor's while waiting on cholesterol meds to be filled at the pharmacy had the nurse schedule ANOTHER apt to see the doc next month.

More than likely I'm gonna be put on bp meds for sure. This is the 4th reading that has them raising an eyebrow :eyebrow:

Blah!! :(

Sorry. I moved this post to the Random Memories thread. I guess I got lost.

My web of thoughts keeps multiplying today. I am sitting here, perplexed at the amount of things I need to do.

I got my taxes filed, at least.

Step two is sorting out what I can pack, what to sell and what to leave unpacked for now.

Step 2 1/2 is getting everything set up and ready to go, including lists for what I think I will need by the time I am ready to finish up this job.

Step three will be taking care of the business project details as much as possible

I already got a bubble bath today so I can check that off and I made enough food to have a good meal today.

I still have day dreams floating and thoughts about decisions, feelings about timing, etc.

I still can't shake my nerves. Maybe my friends can help me work through that one, after I do everything I can to feel better.

I think I am actually getting sick again. This isn't allowed.

11 days left. :seeingstars:

So much still left to do! It will all get done. Luggage arrives tomorrow so packing is finished, except for a few necessities, then.