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I hope you can get some more sleep soon- I have not recalled my dreams in quite some time |
I hope things go well tomorrow at the cardiologist. Ultrasound and other tests. They are disturbed that I am having this kind of pain and swelling, 2 months out of the initial procedure. Not cool. Wayyyy not cool.
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The roomie is going to cause me end up in a home, on strong medication or possibly in prison (just kidding) if I dont find a way to get her out. Poor girl hasnt even completely unpacked. I feel terrible. However it is like she morphed into annoying little thing. I made a very detailed application and a long list of questions that I asked to everyone. Im looking at both of them right now and I think the girl has a twitty twin that she sent in her place. Its like I am swarmed with 30 teenagers. So far she has left 3 pair of shoes in the middle of the floor in the den ( 3 I say you can only wear one pair at a time), a spoon caked with mayo in the sink( I checked the water isnt frozen), the fridge door standing wide open (it has hinges for a reason) and if I hear a 30 min conversation in text talk again my head may explode ( no, Im not near her or listening Im on the opposite end of the house behind closed doors with my TV on, shes that loud). UGH!! :blink:
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I am thinking about just packing it in and doing what I need to do for me right now.
I have a lot on my mind and today stress has very little to play in it. I cannot help but see glimpses of energies and emotions and I have to really ask myself the difficult questions. I am hoping I get to just sit with a friend and be distracted for awhile. I have tried to work around this for hours and I am getting nowhere. |
bills :|
paying bills and going grocery shopping cleat and helmet shopping all done on friday first night of ball practice was good so glad the time is changing on sunday right? woohoo for being a grown up :mohawk: :vigil: |
Red's mom is on hospice!
Our 15 yr old dog is on his last leg! My nephew is turning 14 this month and that freaks me out! Sometimes you have just have to say fuck it! |
I am thinking about all kinds of things today and there are some things I am trying not to think about.
I am wondering if I should prepare myself for being on the road by taking some time away. |
I cannot believe I actually didn't think that far ahead.
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Thinking this last dream was a true nightmare, full of fear and violence... I woke up sweaty and anxious and called in...
I have a lunch this Sunday with a former EX it'll be the first time we've had any contact in almost 9 years, I am extremely curious as to why she asked to meet up to catch up out of the blue. The speech I have to write for class The test I have tmrw and the chapters I have to read |
In about 45 minutes from now, the vet will be here to put my little girl to sleep. She's had severe heart failure for several months now and just has not been doing well. So many things are going through my mind right now. Part of me wants to cancel the appointment and the other part knows it's right.
We have been together for 12 years now, not long enough. She has been with me through thick and thin... through good and bad times. I am so afraid, afraid to lose her, afraid that it's not the right time, and afraid that I will never emotionally get over this. She has been my "child", my pain in the ass, I could always count on her. How am I going to go through this? I can only hope I have the strength to do this for her. |
My heart goes out to you. I was just tellin my girl yesterday that its not fair that we live longer than our pets.
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This weekend's fellowship convention.
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What comes next?
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Ok, so good news....the ultrasound looked good, as for the artery and veins. I do have a large bundle of scar tissue which causes a type of hematoma and swelling. This in turn presses against the nerve, which causes the pain and numbness I've been feeling in my groin/leg area where the heart cath was inserted. I am not allowed to exercise for at least a week, supposed to take ibuprofen to reduce the inflammation, and just see what happens. They said it may correct itself in time, or......it will be something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Go figure. I guess we'll see. I'm just very glad that it wasn't something more serious, such as a clot or leakage. At least now I know. :)
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Just got a call from someone with a heavy accent asking me if I want any prescriptions? I dont know who to be pissed at the pharmacy of my insurance for releasing information that I take meds to begin with and my cell number?
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I'm the man to hold my ground
I'm the man who sticks around I'm the man to hold you tight I'm the man in love with you I'm the man to make it right I'm the man you kiss goodnight I'm the man that won't let you down --chorus and verse from "I'm the Man" by Elliot Yamin Leave it to me to get that stuck in my head whilst reading a business textbook |
I am going to need something to eat soon and I am thinking about my friends and if I will get a chance to have a needed conversation tonight.
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The exam and the logistics about the routes getting there, what to take, how to prepare, and how to get the results in the quickest fashion afterwards. It seems the school gets the scores before we do! Wth!
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dishes are done... I am officially sleepy... Nap time... Hmmmm someone stole my pillow... Wonder who that might be? Hmmmm... Lol
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Every time I get my bearings my job description changes. Suddenly I'm a video producer? oh dear ...
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Mind
It been a long day!
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Everybody has so much goin on....dang. And goin' on in their minds. Dogs and health. so much.
I am thinking about Kim Novak and how she is on AMC or TMC? right now and I need to go watch some of that beautiful. Yummy Yummy Woman |
The only thing that can get through the fog surrounding my brain is pain and just how many different types there are. The different ways I feel pain and just how sick and tired I am of doing it.
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moving forward, that's all i can do.
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this show weed country
i can't really watch it watch it cause duck dynasty is on. hope to catch it on again later tonight what is with the law putting up cameras on the trees chicken shit way to do it. |
Insensitive people
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Where I'd rather be.
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My floating energy and how to change directions just enough for smooth sailing until I land on my path.
I am also thinking that today would be a good day to do something for me. I should cook a really nice breakfast and hope that I can eat it. Friends are also on my mind. I care a lot. They are really my outter strength and support through all of this. Feeling free. It has already happened but I am hoping soon it can be fully embraced. |
How much I hate losing friends and getting myself mentally prepared for the funeral
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I have a terrible tummy ache... working on day two... but there's still so much on my to-do list.
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upset at myself for not.doing what i was supposed to do worrying Him unnecessarily.
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I really need to make local friends...... which is really hard with my insanely busy schedule.
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Can a small nap and a bit of makeup make THAT much of a difference in my mood and outlook? I am pretty sure it did *Grin*
I am thinking about projects and a friend suggested using free coupons to stock up on some food items to take on the road. I think I may just do that |
Should I be concerned if my girlfriend is excitedly awaiting the premiere of "Wives With Knives?"
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I want an 80's throwback birthday bash next year. Horrible clothes, classic john hughes movies, girly drinks and pat benetar/heart music! LOL
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I am thinking over a lot of things tonight. This is scary.
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Mind
What am I gonna wear to the christian conference tommorrrrroooowww? Wondering will there be any bikers for Jesus if so ive got just the outfit! (lol)
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How much i really don't like myself right now.
Realizing just how selfish i can be and the pain that i caused because of it. How i wish i didn't have to go to work so i could make up for it. |
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