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I took Mia, my 19 month old granddaughter to Whole Foods. I picked up a tub of watermelon, gave her a piece while we shopped. An older lady walks over, get up in her face and says "awww what you got there little lady?" BAM Mia smashes the chunk of watermelon in her face! splash-smoosh
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Yesterday - Watching the cotton candy at Golden Corral as it quickly collapsed and melted from the heat and humidity in the restaurant...
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tonight out to dinner...
You just HAD to be there!! Words on this screen will NOT do tonight's ROFLMAO, BUST-A-GUT, PEE-YOUR-PANTS-LAUGHING-SO-HARD, HOLDING-YOUR-RIBS, CRACKING-UP, FAMILY-BONDING, FUNNY SHIT any justice! But I'll try to give you a vision of what happened in short story... At a Chinese Buffet Restaurant: Me sitting at one side of table Anonymous Brother (that I haven't seen in a few months) sitting beside me Anonymous Friend (to save them additional embarrassment) sitting on other side of table from Brother... Discussion ensues about Brother's new teeth and how they don't fit... I lean over, put my arm around Brother and say "I'm sorry, when I first saw you after surgery, I thought you looked like Mr. Ed! "... Just as Friend took a drink of their ice water... Brother says "I KNOW, I look like Mr. Ed and that's what I told the Dentist!!!!" Friend BUSTED OUT, spewing water out all over the table and up their nose!! Friend grabs napkins to hide their face just in time for me to see water drops on their nose!! HOLY FREEKIN HANNAH!!! WE LAUGHED SO HARD!!! Then Brother says "I told Dentist I looked like Mr. Ed...*him stomping foot on floor like a horse*..."then I told her I look like something out of Planet of the Apes!! *him swinging his arms like a Gorilla* !!! HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! BUST MY RIBS LAUGHING!! Friend nearly tipped the table laughing so hard!! Everyone in restaurant looking at us like we're NUTTS!! Neither one of us have laughed that hard in a long time!! If my Brother was a stand-up comedian... I'd make him share his fortune!! And it was him mocking a horse and gorilla that really got me!! |
no need for explanation
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Let me add to the post above that no animals or humans were harmed in the making of all that outrageously funny bust-a-gut time last evening .... but I think we did scare the poor, very young waitress who spoke very limited English ... she was scared to step near us at times ...
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What cracked me up...
Coming to the realization that I am a prime suspect of the Pavlov's Dogs experiment of classical conditioning... Every time I hear her ringtone with the little bird chirp sound, I get... ummmm... I smile BIG!! So I tell her this right?? She says we need "a bird clock that goes off every hour." Somehow she turned this around to where I would be performing on command every hour on the hour! It's a win-win situation for the both of us I do believe!! Ahahahahaaaaaaa :superfunny: |
kids still say the darnest things....
From Colin Powell's book...."It worked for me": I have always tried to keep my life in perspective with my ego under control. That effort has been helped enormously by a wife and 3 kids who have never taken me too seriously and who have always held above me an imaginary oxygen mask ready to drop down whenever I needed a whiff of reality. The first time I arrived home looking sharp in the new battle dress camouflage fatigues the Army adopted in the 1980's, my daughter, then about 12, merely looked up from watching tv and announced, "Mom, the GI Joe doll is home." |
I watched but did not listen to this, please bear that in mind
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What cracked me up...??
Getting a text from my daughter telling me of my grandson's latest moment... "Lol I had Julian help me make pigs in a blanket and he kissed them and wrapped them all gently in their blankets before rocking and singing to them. Then I put some on his plate and he refuses to eat the baby piggies." Ahahahaaaaaa I love my little Juji :superfunny: |
....A funny card I got from a special friend!
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Jagg's anti-feline posts!
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I was woken up Saturday morning to our hound dog barking in the back yard. Yes that does piss a person off being woken up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning when you DON’T have to go to work. Then I hear my kid out there yelling at the dog to come to him. He yells and yells and you can almost hear the laugh of the dog at him. I finally got out of bed and was ready not to yell at the dog but the kid for putting the dog out there instead of putting it on the lead to do its morning business. I walk over to him frantic knowing that my look goes beyond “looks could kill!” I told him to move over stood in my nighty not caring what stupid neighbor saw and proceeded to look at the dog. I guess looks could kill because the dog took one look at my face and before I could even get out “Get in the house!” It was running to me tail wagging and went right inside the house. My son is scratching his head looking at the dog and me and says I don’t get it. “This dog has been through two obedience classes with him.” I looked at my son with the dumb look on his face and said “It is not the dog that needs those dang classes is it now?” He looked at me and shook his head and I just started laughing so hard. Maybe it was being still half asleep who knows but only mom can do what the kids can’t!
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I got a message today that read....."I think he focuses mainly on pig futures." Scratched my head trying to figure out what that meant. Hours later, it occurred to me it was related to the news story about "Kermit the frog dropping Chick-fil-A." Kermit, Miss Piggy.....It was brilliant! And, I am giving new meaning to "slow" today. LOL. |
It is the middle of the night and I am on bat-watch..........there is nothing funny about that.....until I realized: I don't know if I want it to start flying around so I can get it out of the house or stay hiding where it is so I don't have to do bat-battle .......okay, it's not that funny
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Jokes about "Adam and Eve...Bass Pro Shop... corsets and hiking boots!"...
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Mom's huge black critter...maybe a small bear...it was moving very slowly and it looked about this big......(_________). After I walk all threw the poison oak and around the building, in the brush I find a black cat....not "Baby" mind you but some random black cat.
Oddly enough she and I were just talking earlier about how well she thought she could still see, considering she has cateracts, which are scheduled to be removed Friday....Ummm yeah how big was that critter again? A small bear, here? Really? Ok I'll go check it out. |
What cracked me up today...
After 40 minutes or so into staff meeting... director: (looks at case manager) write this all down. case mng: you mean the part about the responsibility sheets? lesbian co-worker: (to case mng) what are you doing? case mng: he said to write it all down! lesbian co-worker: he said to write "lesbian" responsibilities? case mng: didn't he? director: i didn't but if it works yes. let's make the lesbians responsible! Me: well okay but only if you heterosexual males... (interupted) director: there you go... you hardly ever talk but when you do you always want to talk sexual! Geez! Me: that's what us lesbians do best! *smirk* director: this meeting is ajourned. it's gone to hell in a hand basket. case mng: am i still writing this? Ahahahaaaaa I love working there :rofl: |
Shopping with Blade ... we were only supposed to go to foodlion and to get Chinese food...
I promised him I wouldn't post the crack me up funny stuff that happened ... but dang! We can have some belly laughs sometimes! |
Okay, it's time for a bats of the night up date.....Tonight, a bat began flying through the house, I stayed calm. I changed into my dress, found the bat was now attacking my shell wreath, I picked it up in a towel.....it got away screaming......the bat, not me, I'm so proud, I closed doors until I got the bat out in the hall then opened the door to the porch and out went the bat. It took me max twenty minutes to preform this maneuver. I'm feeling good, a real bat wrangler........twenty minutes go by......there is a bat flying through the house......it's like deja vu with bats.......this time it took me five minutes, but I left the bat in the hall (was that bad?)
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:rofl:
She and I crack up every day, but there were so many "hold-your-tummy-while-doubled-over-laughing" moments today that her bladder just couldn't take it anymore...LMAO :happyjump: |
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