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So last night I told my 11 year old that she could stay up a little later but that mama didn't feel good and needed to go to sleep. "Be good," I said. "I will mama," she said. So I wake up this morning and go into the bathroom to find a toothpaste explosion. Blue toothpaste everywhere! At least I know she brushed her teeth before bed. Lol :rolleyes:
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A local kid interviewed about his fair experience...
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Watching my cat jump from the table to the back of the couch at the top and jump over the couch and land on the floor , his face was all like WTF just happened? I laughed and laughed.
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Went to the auction this evening. Normally the auction does not crack me up. A lady I've known for years sat behind my roomie and I. There was 2 tables of dog and cat toys, clothes treats etc. Also on the table was 2 duffle bags, I of course am thinking full of animal stuffs. I had the winning bid, my roomie went over looking threw the stuff and came back and sat down.
A while later I went over to the table and opened one of the duffle bags. I saw a thin elastic strap..then some frilly, lacey something. My mind goes dude clothes the bag, and DON'T pull anything out of it. Clearly not dog stuff. I turn to look at my 2 friends and they are cracked up at the puzzled yet surprised look on my face, close to being embarrassed I zip the bag shut and return to my seat. Then at home, my roomie puts on rubber gloves, and starts taking stuff out of the duffle bags. Tiny sized stuff not very pretty stuff, IMO...roomie says this looks like a honeymoon bag. I didn't say anything but was thinking, my wife will only need an empty bag on our honeymoon. Anyway what cracked me up was finding, "sexy" stuff mixed in with my dog and cat table deal. |
Me. Myself. And I. I crack myself up all the time. I'm sorry and quite grateful not every one can share in my antics. Whew...looking around...giggling
Great advice...when getting into your car after retrieving your mail, hold on to it. One singular piece, and of course, not the most important piece can fall from your grip. It lands on the ground, right under the open car door. You reach for it,holding onto the steering wheel to brace yourself. I must remind you, the steering wheel will move and you just might find yourself really close to said mail! Heh, it's really not that important after all...lol |
i have said at least half of these!
this made me laugh! |
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Might be triggering...
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Was on phone with the wife and telling her about this story I read where some guy was suing Steak n Shake for "causing grave harm and disablement" when he attempted to drink one of their milkshakes.
Which in turn caused her to break out in song..... "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"! God I Love Her, Brute. |
Panda Palace and the mall!
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My daughter telling me a quote she saw on Instagram:
Women have to have periods, give birth, & go through menopause. The least a guy could do is text first. :giggle: Good luck with that girlie. |
MrSunshine's old comment about white sage. Made my day.
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haha
My sisters neighbor cracked me up......he was headed down to surf fish and had all his gear" coffee etc and looked like he was going for a month....he lasted less than 30 minutes....
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A farmer and cows
Click here and keep your eyes on the horizon.
Page description: One of the most wonderfully bizarre things we've seen! Cows come running to hear farmer play Lorde’s ‘Royals’ on trombone. This made my day. |
This sentence cracked Me up...
"Can you repeat that without your accent?" :| |
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My co worker and I acting like Eddy and Patsy - AB FAB - off and on today while painting the deck at work.
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Kids!
Anyone who knows me, knows that my purses are always a bottomless pit. I had searched every pocket and cranny for my debit card. I asked my 10 yr old grandson to check it, and he pulls out the card right away and says, "do you mean this one?" I thought he was going to pee a little.
grandma, sigh(w) lol |
In my defence....
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A girl needs to know precisely to what she's agreeing. At least I 'reckon so'. ;) |
So my tween daughter smarted off to grandma again and part of her punishment was she had to listen to MY music in the car. She kept cringing because I was getting excited that they were playing ALL of my favorite songs on the radio. And when the Eagles "Life in the Fast Lane" came on, I sang along to the whole song in its entirety, even poking her in the ribs when it says, "are you with me so far." "Stop it!" she yelled. Lol She just kept looking out the window with a hateful smirk on her face.:giggle:
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conversation between my Mom and the Elf
Elf...Mamaw are you listening to the creature tonight Mamaw....looking at me and LTB strangely because the Elf has talked about my grandparents, who died even before LTB was born. But the Elf says she sees and talks to them. Mamaw....huh? what creature honey? Elf...the creature at church, looking at Mom like DUH LTB....the preacher Mom, she calls him the creature OMG we all had a belly laugh out of that one, Gosh I could just pinch her |
Ruff and I getting lost in Clearwater, FL looking for a CVS Pharmacy. Instead, we found a local gas station where the clerks were thrilled about a K-9 dog biting a car thief. ⛽️✈️☕️ We sat in my car eating ice cream while watching this.
Zimmeh |
Cherry Slush Club!
THIS:
I laughed so hard I cried. Saw this on Buzzfeed with the caption "Being A Good Mother Means Sometimes Buying Your Kid A Vagina Cake When They Lie" so naturally, >>click<<... :lol2: :piratelaugh: |
The hipster dude at the checkout saying to me, "cool ass name," while running my credit card. I guess I must look like a "cool ass person" for him to speak to me that way. Lol Awww, to be young and not give a damn!
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So this must be my week for wise cracking clerks. So several of my new colleagues have been trying to convey to me where exactly I am using various stories such as the gang bangers jumping the fence last year & pulling out a gun on some 4th graders, etc. Well, I just want to know where I can get something good to eat around here at lunch. "Don't get out of the car," a coworker tells me, "it won't be there when you come out. Just go through the drive thru at McDonald's and then punch it." "I don't want McDonald's," I say,"I'm eating at that soul food restaurant, it's supposed to be good." "Okkkk," he says. Well, I decided to go to a barbecue place instead and as I drove there with my GPS I started to realize what my colleagues had been trying to tell me. I told myself that at least I wouldn't die hungry. They must have seen me coming through the window of Smokey's Barbecue because one of the workers was already cracking up when he saw me. When I told him I wanted it to go, he said, "Are you sure about that?" I was like, "yeah, why?" And he's like, "because we'd really like you to dine here." I looked around nervously. "No, I think I'd like it to go." "Ok," he said laughing. What a dork! Lol I have half a mind to call and tell him his chopped barbecue sandwich sucked!
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My crazy poodle....
I threw him (gently) into the stream to let him cool off on our hike.. As soon as I sat on the shore, he came over and SHOOK alllll over me...then proceeded to roll his wet self in the dirt...and curl up RIGHTTTT next to me... Poodle's revenge! |
Just a few minutes ago I took my friend's white lap dog out to piddle...she cracks me up because they recently shaved her to the skin, so she's wearing this bright pink Tshirt that's too long and tickles her tail, making her walk sideways...
While sitting on steps waiting, I hear what sounds like my friend's big, very hairy, black Chow mix barking way off in the distance... I immediately thought OH GAWD, Sammy has run off!! So I rush inside the front door with Half Pint, only to rush thru this huge house to the side door, down the steps yelling "Sam!!...Sammy!!?...You better not be at the neighbors!! (Knowing I'm way far out in the wilderness and there aren't any close neighbors...again I hear that big dog bark I swear sounds like Sam...) I yell "Sammy, you're momma is gonna kick my butt if you've run off!!" Standing near the car port in just my pjs...suddenly aware of how remote we are and how the dogs have barked at big wild critters recently... I hear, after yelling his name one more time, this very low, short, deep huffy "Woof" behind me...I spin around to find Sammy, black as night and about the size of a half grown bear, standing between me and the house....just that one low "woof" was like he was asking "What? You crazy woman"...he had been on the car port the entire time, but blends in so well with the night, thank gawd his eyes didn't glow a funny color reflecting the porch light, or I would have piddled my pjs just like Half Pint did her little pink tshirt!! Sammy gets some cheese treat for staying at home and being my guard dog!! When I returned inside...I found 2 Chihuahuas and one Half Pint naked dog had stolen my pillow and spot on couch after "fluffing" my bed sheets to fit their needs.... I can't help but laugh at these lovable pups...even the big very hairy bear that nearly made me pee my pjs |
Coke and mentos rocket. It takes a special breed...
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What cracked you up today?
My co-worker. I mentioned to her that I smelled cucumber and asked her if she had used cucumber lotion. She responded, “Well I was messing around with some cucumbers today”. It could have ended there without me giving it another thought but she turned beet red and excitedly started trying to explain that she meant that she had made cucumber salad that day.
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Someone just said "you can't pray the moron away". Lmao!
Lawd how I try. |
my daughter....
she got a tattoo gun...she's an excellent artist and has always wanted to do tattoos... so... she gets this gun and she calls me allll excited about it. She tells me how she gave her friend a tattoo and it came out awesome...and of course she gave herself a tattoo...sigh.. but... she REALLYY wants her sister to let her give her a tattoo to match a heart one she gave herself...and sounds all petulant as she tells me she's just waiting for her to wake up... I was really surprised that she actually waited...lol |
Ms.Nicolondinium forgetting one of the table legs [of meetings, sponsor, step work, service] in two separate meetings cracked me and Ms.Kellondinium up.
It's the small things! :cheesy: |
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This joke made me laugh, it's from a friend on fb.
Chester says to Earl "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting". So he sends the dog out to the pond.
The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there". Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?". Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog?" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him". So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!" The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, dogs can't talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at." |
My buddy...where did you get those BBQ sandwiches you ate for lunch
Me...Home My buddy....and you didn't bring me one Me...yep, I sure did, but I forgot to fix my minner cheese sandwich for 1st break, so I ate the bbq sandwich I brought for you. My buddy...cracking up...I hear ya Hoss, so do I get a sandwich tomorrow? Me...yup if you order one at lunch you do. Cuz I ate the last of mine from home. |
A certain very masculine friend of mine in Joann's Fabric store helping me pick out very colorful "quilting squares" for my shadow box projects....they said they "aren't very creative" but they sure were very opinionated and picky about which colors to buy. We must have spent over an hour deciding on 10 pieces. ....LMAO @ our teamwork and squabbles in the middle of Joann's
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the tale of 2 crazy friends, a waitress on wheels and NERDS....
just about to melt in sweltering heat...Friend 1 says "I WANT A SLUSHY!"...
Friend 2 says "Ok...but this time you have to AR-TIC-U-LATE so she doesn't get our order wrong."... Friend 1 starts cracking up about articulating...when friend 2 suddendly says NOT HERE NOT HERE!!! (As friend 1 almost turned into the wrong parking lot from a 4 lane highway)... Friend 1 fusses OH SHIT, why didn't you tell me before I started to turn? ...Friend 2 "because we were here recently and I thought you knew the way." ... After surviving the wrong turn and pulling into Sonic to order...Friend 1 pushes the little button, a young girl answers, Friend 1 says (in a slow, very articulated, loud voice) I want a medium sour blue raspberry slushy WITH NO NERDS....and a cotton candy slushy WITH NO NERDS! and an order of fries"... Friend 2 is craking up ...the girl answers very fast and sounded like a chipmunk on RedBull... Friend 1 fusses "Who could understand her? and you asked ME to articulate?" Friend 2 still cracking up says "Who at Sonic thought it was a good idea to put NERDS in a slushy? That's like sucking up all those lemon seeds they left in their strawberry lemonade!"... Few minutes pass... A waitress on wheels rolls up and says "two slushies NO NERDS?" Friend 1 started to hand cash out the door but drops it on floorboard...says something that was NOT articulated very sweetly, then hands waitress more cash... Waitress very happy with her tip... On way out of parking lot, Friend 1 makes a really strange noise and grips steering wheel in pain...Friend 2 yells "Are you ok?.....Ohhhhh...You got a brain freeze ALREADY? ...friend 1 knods head....Friend 2 says " that always happens to you and never me....at least you didn't snort NERDS! ... Friend 1 while holding forehead with one hand and steering wheel with other..."I love that slushy." |
Curly hair problems...
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