So this afternoon when I got home, I started searching the kitchen for the two acorn squash that I remember buying over the weekend... all day I was looking forward to baking them with butter and brown sugar for dinner ...such a nice warm treat on a cold day ..

They weren't in the fridge...then checked the veggie baskets under the rolling butcher block island...nope...checked beside microwave where the fresh tomatoes are...nope...
Then started to get a little upset....checked for any grocery bags that possibly didn't get emptied....nope....getting stressed now...checked around laundry machines...dammit, nope...

Sent roomie text requesting to check back seat of truck...

30 minutes later, roomie gets home, asked me some silly question about do I think they are in the truck? By this time I'm getting pissy about how disorganized I felt...then my roomie checks the kitchen in same places I had...

A few minutes later, roomie suddenly remembered that we actually DID NOT buy the damn acorn squash!! I argued with him that we bought TWO... He very patiently had to jog my memory, that we tried to buy them, but the Wally World cashier never could find the produce number for acorn squash and she took so long to figure out how to charge for them, that we told her to put them back, we needed to get outa there because we had a busy day.

So today my mind just KNEW I had gotten those damn things...I flustered myself looking all over, overturning things in my big pantry...then argued with my poor roomie!! ...

:|
We had salad with dinner instead of warm baked yummy squash.

My roomie and I had a really good laugh that I had totally forgot.

We hosted dinner for two neighbors tonight...one 40 something lady and one middle 60's male farmer...

During our after-dinner fellowship, the lady says to the farmer "I want to hook you up with my momma!"... The poor farmer's face turns red, he tips his hat forward...everybody's belly laughing hard, I ask him how many wives or almost wives did he have? He says THREE...
The lady says, I think you and my momma would make a great match!!...the poor farmer, who's normally very laid back and quiet spoken, splurted out " WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CALL ME DADDY AND GET IT OVER WITH!!"

OMG!!! we ROLLED laughing!!!

This happened last night...
 

rolled out of bed with a rocket up my &^%*. sun is out, delightful day ahead, could hardly wait to get this party started.

post socks, slipped my shoes on. and oh-my-gosh, it took me a half an hour to realize i had them on the wrong feet. (well, they were MY feet) wrong foot i should state.

wow, still asleep is the only explanation.

such a dweeb am i

:blink:

People dont normally do this?
 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...5cc6c46378.jpg


Im feeling dweebish, even tho Im not sure what that means. I always called my cat during the day and left messages for her. I even cslled when I was going to be home later than expected.

:seeingstars:

I laughed so hard...

The affectionate and wondrously adoring looks my kitten reserves.....for the space heater...lol

I woke up this morning and looked in the living room...

All my stuff from coming in from work is in a pile in the middle of the living room floor...

It's like I only had enough energy to get THAT FAR...my bag my purse and my keys my shoes...just muddled there lol

there was a decent snowfall here today, so my neighbor dude and i both went awol from our responsibilities to sled in my back yard.

he brought his red flyer and i had a saucer sled. there are trees to navigate around and with a thin layer of ice under the snow, there was a fair amount of velocity.

the numerous times flying down the hill with no mishap came to a screeching halt when a tree decided to stick out a limb and tripped me. yes she did, i flipped and i flopped until i came to a stop. neighbor dude was laughing hysterically while i was rubbing the swelling redness that was my left cheek.

after a few minutes, i joined in and could not stop laughing either. the tree enjoyed all of this as well.

:seeingstars:

Trying to explain all of this over the phone was so much fun :phonegab: She's so damn adorable

Jokes with my roommate after work.
I grew up in a house where we rarely laughed or knew laughter....
Now I'm very happy that my roommate and I frequently enjoy laughing and having stuff to crack up about.

A hilarious "phonetic slip" ...
My buddy telling me a story about their grampa saying "let me tell you about how many hoes I rowed"....instead of how many rows he had hoed in the garden.

Funny thing happened while eating dinner with my parents and 20 year old nephew.

My nephew looks at my mother and tells her that Eminem is coming out with a new CD. My mom got all excited about it and asked him what it was called and I said wait, you like Eminem and she said yes! She said what's the big deal, you know how much I like Guns N roses. Mind you, my mother is 70.

It was funny.

Things cats do that would be creepy if you did them
 

On the back of Cherrywine's post I found these...
 

When my new Ortho Doc and the Nurse were trying to wrap me into my new back brace...the tension as they tried "trouble shooting" and Doc was showing the Nurse "how to use the straps" amused me so much that I had to break the tension by saying "Dang!! This is like wrapping the Chihuahua up in his diaper!!"

Doc made that OMG She did not just say that look..then cracked up!! Then the Nurse said "What's a Chihuahua diaper?" After I explained it was a velcro wrap that goes around his belly but it usually takes two of us to "strap it", we all cracked up and the look on Doc's face was priceless!!

This local internet ad:


For sale; the most useless piece of shit tablet I've ever seen. For $100 you can own this Windows 8.1 based tablet that refuses to open it's own apps, doesn't recognize a finger tap from a punch in the face, eats battery juice just because.

Surely someone out there needs a science project.

Being told I'm weird because I said I put shredded cheese on ramen. Does no one else do this??

This happened a week ago, but I'm still laughing. A piece of a convo with my son who keeps me in check:
Me trying to be funny: I love this rosary. Maybe I should be Catholic.
B: You don't need to be Catholic mom, you're fine the way you are.
Me: Awe! You win extra son points for that response!
B: Well you lost mom points for thinking you could be Catholic.
:blink:

Another local internet ad....


http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/73...df50793639.jpg

Kitten little...

I introduced to her to the joys of paper bags...

and...

as I'm trying to type she is commandeering my left pinky finger...lol

Sooo....

I just figured out talk n text on my phone... I feel so grown :)

I was texting with my mom which gets lengthy. She always has a Brazilian questions for me..

Well....

She asked me what all animals were on the farm I live on...and I told her, goats, chickens, some bulls were here and are gone now and then there's the horse.

The talk n text picked it up as the WHORES...

So I hurry up and write back, "horse NOT whores!!!"

And my mom being my mom LOLs and says..."I was gonna say...he keeps whores??"

I cannot complain about the womb I came from... Who else can say whores to their mom and not get soap in their mouths :) :)

snort!

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8171622144/h32794780/

lefty loosey...righty tighty...
 

Early this morning I asked my roomie to go out to the pump house (a dark, creepy shed with spiders and other icky bugs) to turn off the water to the house so I could fix the toilet...

After he returned, I told him we needed to "bleed the lines", so I opened the kitchen faucet and had him open the tub faucet...

Water kept pouring out at full pressure...I get impatient and ask "are you SURE you turned the water off??".... he responded yes....more time goes by, water still at full pressure ....Uggggg...

Me: Are you REALLY sure you turned the right valve off??
Him: Yes! There's a bunch of water in them pipes between the shed and house!
Me: I hate going out to that shed. (Grumble grumble)

I grab the flashlight and we both tromp through the rain to the creepy shed...
I get to the pump and ask which valve is it? (With a black one and red one sticking out from under the pipe insulation)
THAT ONE!!
I reach for it (after cussing at the spiders) and giggle as I find it turned COMPLETELY WIDE OPEN...I giggle again as I told him he turned it the WRONG WAY...and emphasized "Lefty Loosey Righty Tighty, hon...RIGHTY Tighty"
He walks out embarrassed, and I cuss at more spiders as I giggle at my roommate.

A few minutes later after fixing the toilet, I ask him to turn water back on...as I hear him leave the house, he's chanting "Lefty Loosey...LEFTY LOOSEY..."

Yesterday my sister and I were packing up leftovers and cleaning up LTB`s kitchen. TheElf came walking threw holding a candle lighter.
VB says "What chew got"
Elf says "this"
Me...lil gurl, what chew doin, you betta put that down
Elf...it doesnt have fire on it
Me..yo butts gonna have fire on it if you dont put it down
She must have thought she was surrounded by Madea's

The Elf left the kitchen and went into the bedroom where her mom was. LTB came back to the kitchen trying not to crack up. She said, the elf came to her and said "those girls are tickin on me" LTB they were tickin on you? Elf says yes. LTB what girls? Elf says those 2 in the kitchen.

Cracked me up the me and sis were still feeding off each other so well, but it really got me that we were 2 girls instead of Aint and Nana...but it really got my goat that we were tickin on her...oh out of the mouths of babes

my mother telling me that her pit bull is scared and staying in the kitchen because she's yelling at the TV so much!! (fucking Patriots...)

Me!
When I said my tongues tired of lickin.
Then thought no I did not just say that!

my kitten little...

I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep...on my phone reading the forums...when out of NOWHERE she slides, on her back, into the space between my body and the phone I'm holding up...

It was just so ninja kitty...she had the crazy eyes and hasn't stopped playing yet....

No catnip for you!

Good morning!
 

:simplelaugh:

This had me rolling....
 

I can only hope that I am still having that much fun when I reach his age.

Dreaming that I saved a baby fox and it's momma..then texting my roommate that we better put a crate in the truck.

my younger daughter....

Talking to her last night, she made reference to warning her father not to forget her birthday and said..."he doesn't want me to pull a Molly Ringwald on him!!".

It just tickled me that my daughter used a movie analogy that is from my time...and wayyyy before hers... :)

While checking out at the party store today, the girl checking me out says, I love your hat! I'm a huge Texas fan. I took my hat off and looked at it. I said Tennessee. She said love my Longhorns, I said Volunteers. She looked at me like I was stupid as I left.

My ten year old nephew coming up to me while we working and saying his dad ( my brother) makes him so mad he could punch him in the mouth... I said welcome to my world I'd like to do that 10 times a day .

Christmas Elf's birthday today, she was cranked up to say the least. She of course got in trouble and got her butt popped. She squealed it's MY bursday you can't do that on my bursday!