Butch Femme Planet - What attracts you to Ftms ......

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- - What attracts you to Ftms ...... (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1235)

I am attracted to human beings.
I am also attracted to the brains of human beings.
If you cannot get my brain to third base you are not going
to get my body to first base.

So I guess I cannot properly answer the original question because it is too limiting. Sorry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TenderKnight (Post 113289)

You know.. I'm so not going to be a smartass here.. but I will say this.. No one does laundry better then a femme that is bare foot and in the kitchen.. and preggers with our love chile..

But really.. I know a transguy that can fluff and fold like nobody's business!

-Tony, who is totally being a smart ass.. Not all femmes can do laundry the way I like it..

oh no not so! I had this sweet little submissive ftm that came to take care of me a few times. HE did the best laundry ever and looked pretty damn good bare foot, in the kitchen cooking and cleaning. I use to call him my fag because he was as nelly as they come. I'd love to find another one but maybe a little older and has his head more together.

Wow did this take off!!! Quite illuminating, actually. And has really made me think and analyze myself, my actions, my behaviors, and my feelings. And here's what I've come up with for myself.

I said before I've been struggling for years over who it is exactly I'm attracted to. And "struggle" is actually putting it mildly. I've always said I fall in love with the person, not what is on the outside. To this day, this remains a true statement. I've been with a lot of women, always butch, yet also always felt something was missing. And they probably knew it, cos I wasn't into their female parts like a "good lesbian" should be. (My words for myself, not directed at anybody else.) I've tried my best to be attracted to bio-males (and yes, I'm going to use that terminology as it helps make my point) and yet have never been able to find one that I have chemistry with. And I know some really nice, loving, sensitive bio-males, but they just aren't for me. My life would be so much easier sometimes if I was, from family relationships to societal interactions.

There is something about a trans-guy that fits me to a T. I've dated a few, and NEVER thought of them as "woman". But can I define why it is that I am attracted to the "trans-guy" and not "bio-male". Nope, sure can't. Wish to God I could. I can, though, say that I do not want to be with a woman again, no matter how butch she is. My own needs don't get met when I am with a woman, no matter how butch she/hy may be. It's just as simple as that. It's a gender that doesn't fit me, although it fits better than the male gender. I still get blisters when I put that shoe on, though.

I am attracted to the gender of a trans-man. I don't expect anything other than he be himself, as I am myself. On the flip side of the expectations, though, I've actually been told that I wouldn't be attractive to anyone of the trans-guy gender because I'm not high femme. I don't agree with this statement, and actually find it insulting not for myself, but for the gender. It's a backwards way of saying that a trans-guy has to be with a high-femme woman (whether she considers herself straight or not) to justify and emphasize his masculinity. And that just isn't so. And I'm not saying that the ones of this gender that are attracted to high femmes are so because of the aforesaid reasoning, I'm saying the person who made that statement needs to rethink their beliefs. People are attracted to people, whatever gender they may be attracted to. I id myself as queer because it's a simple way to make my preferences known. I'm not, though, going to be attracted to someone just becausehe is trans. That is only the first step. There is a whole lot more that needs to be known before I can say I'm attracted. I'm just saying he has a hell of a better chance at getting my attention than someone from another gender does.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable (Post 113403)

I think that these types of threads do kind of set us up because in REALITY what we want has nothing to do with stereotypes and everything to do with what WE WANT. But if you say so - it's easy for people to jump on you and say well - that isn't what ALL x, y & z do so - you are kinda screwed by saying ANYTHING lest you be seen as stereotyping. But it's not stereotyping if that's what you want.

In a community like this where so many people have been put into boxes by society I think it's natural to want to scream sometimes that we are not all so neatly fit into boxes. It would be nice if we could all acknowledge that and move on....and be able to laugh at ourselves the same way that the rest of world does at times. We may not be there yet. The wounds keep being opened by the others, in the real world where we all have to live and fight. From the way that many of these threads go it doesn't seem so....and in some cases in the real world where you can see the way things are said, with the facial expressions that go along with it - not as much as lost in translation. I suspect that makes it harder too.

It is hard to argue with ME statements. It is hard to argue with what I would love to find in an FTM is....Or the things I would love in a Femme. If someone reacts to a ME statement that I've made - I will either ignore them or point to the ME in the sentence.

Imagine if I were to write what I wanted - HA! O-M-G. Exactly ONE person would understand it. I know that for a fact because most people don't even understand pieces of it. But it's my thing. MY thing. Judging other people's kinks, or preferences, or a certain look, or a way of life...is tough to do when it's not your thing. So is explaining why we want what we want. It's like trying to explain why we love apple pie to someone that hates it. We love it because it tastes good. They hate it because it tastes bad. Who is right? Well of course, we are because who the hell doesn't love apple pie? Weirdo's.

I used to get far more upset.

That is...until I realized everyone is full of shit and can honestly only speak for themselves. I kind of thought people knew more then I did somehow because there were all these new words and different types of people and I felt like I had missed these HUGE things going on in the world. he he he. Yeah, no one has EVERYTHING figured out. If we really did, we'd be far to busy to be here talking about it.

I think maybe staying away from generalizations helps keep people from getting so defensive. Not all. But some at least. THEN when the defensiveness starts - not reacting to it. The people who get it will get it and those who don't won't. I will sleep fine either way.

Yeah, ME statements ARE great. I agree. I have absolutely no problem with someone saying, "Oh, well, I like sensitive guys, and I've been fortunate to have dated some guys who were sensitive"

Yep, no problem there.

But saying, "Transmen are just so sensitive", then attributing that sensitivity to their 'woman-side', followed by de-manning them with "It's a two spirit thing" is just beyond offensive. WHY do transguys HAVE to be 'dual gendered' to be sensitive? WHY do they have to be 'put in their place, and reminded of their 'journey' <gag>"?

What is it that's so freakin' difficult to admit that transmen are men, and you (general) happened to have dated a sensitive, nice MAN? Why is it immediately chalked up to his 'woman-side/two spiritedness/dual gender/(assumed) socialization"? I mean, how is that any different than if I were to say, "Mahhh Woman is just so manly when she fixes the car?" Why is it rude to strip Mahhh Woman of her gender/sex when she does something stereotypically 'masculine', but it's perfectly acceptable to not only attribute 'being sensitive' as 'womanly', but also to then strip transmen of their sex/gender? Seriously?! If he cleans up his kitchen before you come over, did he clean it up because of his 'journey'?...his two-spiritedness?...because he 'was a woman once' and got such a good education in cleaning kitchens? Is he stripped of his manhood, once again, because he cleaned the kitchen, or because you (general) have to justify to others in the community that you've dated/are dating a man man man? Do people feel 'less stripped' of their 'queer community card' if they can keep their transman 'part woman'?

We don't date better. If you've been on a date with a guy who held doors for you, FAN-freakin'-tastic...transmen are not better daters or 'more aware'.

Yeah, I agree 100 percent that ME statements are fantastic and would definitely save a lot of this same conversation?

Dylan

outside of fetish, how would someone base their attraction on "being formerly" anything?

dylan--don't start because the title clearly says FTM.

;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 113429)

Could someone tell me from what post onwards to create the new thread from?

Thank you Linus, but I'm not sure. Sorry. I just didn't care for the tone turning from fun and light, to snarky, bitter and judgmental. It made me feel if I chimed in, I'd be - or my words would be - "targeted" and fault found. I'm afraid to pick out a specific post, for fear that person may think I'm referencing just them or their posts. It's the change of tone and discussion that turned me away, not one specific post.

wow ..lol I came home all these posts ! I need read threw but I wanted to say thanks for who have posted :)

I've moved a whack of posts to over here: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...d.php?p=113253 to ensure that this thread continues as started and the other continues in a new thread.

Linus took this post to the other thread. It actually belongs in here, although probably has a place in the new thread.

'Two Spirit' is about Native Americans.........ya know........those pesky folks who lived on this land prior to white people invading..........

I kinda wish all these white folks would stop stealing cultural terms from Native Americans. Two spirit is not for white folks to use anytime they want. Try learning before you appropriate terms from other cultures. Two spirit literally means 'having both a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit'.

I don't personally know any white FtMs/transmen who claim they have a feminine spirit. They only claim a male spirit.

Do some research folks.........

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable (Post 113403)

*snip snip*

Imagine if I were to write what I wanted - HA! O-M-G. Exactly ONE person would understand it. I know that for a fact because most people don't even understand pieces of it. But it's my thing. MY thing. Judging other people's kinks, or preferences, or a certain look, or a way of life...is tough to do when it's not your thing. So is explaining why we want what we want. It's like trying to explain why we love apple pie to someone that hates it. We love it because it tastes good. They hate it because it tastes bad. Who is right? Well of course, we are because who the hell doesn't love apple pie? Weirdo's.
*snip snip*

Yep yep!! That's it!! They taste good!! ;) ;) For those that don't like my kinda apple pie, I'll make them a cherry pie or cheesecake. But..ummmmm...yummy! Pass the whipped topping and ice cream!

I'm not sure why I'm attracted to a particular person... or what attracts me to them. I don't have a list of expectations of physical markers or appearances to check off when I first meet someone. I don't find myself attracted to a "general" population of individuals or a multitude of specific gendered persons... it is about the individual for me. With each individual that has made my heart flutter (which has been VERY few)... it's always something different that attracted me. But reflecting upon the individuals that have certainly caught my attention... some of the common factors have been masculinity; common likes & dislikes; a definite, mutual, strong chemistry; mechanically inclined and they don't put me down for also loving all things mechanical; intelligent (and not afraid to be cocky or a smartass sometimes); strength (inner and physical); a very witty, fun personality; (a few other traits I could bore you with); and for some strange reason, dark hair, dark eyes and sun-kissed warm skin from working outside. I am NOT attracted to the "bad boy" type; but do get flutters when someone I'm attracted to likes motorcycles, large trucks and other heavy machinery (this goes along with my love of all things mechanical - especially things with large, loud engines -"MORE POWER BABY!")

What attracts me to someone who is TG or FtM? Ummmm :deepthoughts: maybe it's the way my heart skipped a beat when he stepped down out of his truck, all HAWT in his sunglasses, new jeans and dark hair just cropped short? YOWZA!! That look of confidence just made my heart flutter!! I took a double take that day! Yeah... and I got a picture of that truck too!! ;) ;)

What attracted me to my first crush/first B/F relationship years ago with someone who IDs as Soft Butch and has very strong masculine energy/traits? How she looked in her biker leathers...on the back of her Harley! or decked out for work in her oxford long sleeve shirt, jeans and work boots. Ummm, and her dark, wavy hair and sexy sunglasses. Damn! come to think of it... I NEVER did get a ride on that Harley!! But the sight of her very masculine "tough" self made me melt. She now has a crush on my sister!! LOL

Maybe I was attracted to a certain individual when they were so thoughtful when they handed me my favorite ice cream during a stressful moment?

I found them each attractive in their own unique, personal, individual, special way. Especially their personalities and their inner strength....their physical strength was an added bonus.

After I broke it off with my old crush... I used to think I couldn't be attracted to someone that wasn't Soft Butch. I've changed, and so have my personal attractions... but I still LOVE apple pie!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 113295)

Thank you very much for this, SuperFemme. Very well stated and I agree completely with the highlighted section. For me, it wasn't as limiting as the stress of possibly upsetting someone with my response. I didn't want to respond with generalizations. I knew that would trigger some folks. I have found myself attracted to FtM, TG, and Soft Butch individuals. I have considered dating Stone Butch individuals. But they MUST get my brain to third base...and must be on common ground with me, before moving my body anywhere near first base.

some of these posts have a tone of female self-subjugation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog (Post 113247)

I personally am not the slightest bit surprised that a queer femme would have a preference for someone associated with her queer community (which wouldn't be the same as the gay male community that a bisexual man would tend to be a part of).

So gay and bisexual men are not queer? Is queerness something that is exclusive to those born female? Cuz I didn't get that memo. Some of the queerest people I know are men.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apretty (Post 113440)

outside of fetish, how would someone base their attraction on "being formerly" anything?

:goodpost:

A FTM yes I'd date ... a MTF no. *but, I'm happily taken so it doesn't even matter for me anymore... My honey is a stone butch, my daddy, my love.. and I couldn't be happier.. :) And hy is the perfect amount of masculine for me!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by cali4nyaprincess23 (Post 113685)

I'm curious about not dating an MtF. Would you date an MtF that was butch identified? If yes, would they need to have had bottom surgery?

I know one or two and they are clearly not men, but are butch women (and proud of it!). Both have had bottom surgery, as well as the best set of tits money can buy.

Hey everyone,

I actually came to look at this thread to see the responses. I'm a FTM, and WAS pretty convince that only girls who are totally unstable would ever consider dating a trans-man. Since coming out trans, I have had 4 girl friends. 3 of which tried to make me stop transitioning by threatening to leave (even though they knew what I was before we began dating), and 1 who was okay with it but was very unstable herself. I had one hook up who basically said she loved my personality, but she was a lesbian and I was a boy- and she didn't want a boyfriend. It sucked majorly. So I've been single for a year now, and I pretty much gave up on the idea of love, marriage, family, etc.

Anyway, I just want to Thank everyone for there responses. You have no idea what it mean to me personally that this thread even exsists, and that there are people out there who actually care about a person rather then what they call themselves or how thier body looks. Maybe there is hope after all. :)

Let me start off by saying I did not read any posts prior to the 1st one.

MY attraction to FtM's is that they know who they are!! I have been in relationships where the butch has issues with sexuality and religion and completely forgets who she is. I love the struggle that FtM's have dealt with and is ready to move on with their lives!!! THEY ROCK!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delish (Post 128424)

Thanks for posting :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy (Post 128446)

Thanks for posting :)

Thanks for being u Billy :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toughy (Post 113746)

I wouldn't. If I wanted a butch woman, then I wouldn't be interested in tg now, would I? The physical attributes of a woman does nothing for me, so having the best set of tits money can buy would just be a waste of money in my eyes. LOL There's always been something missing for me when I was with butches, so don't think that an MTF is gonna be any better. Just one of those IMHO kinda things, ya know?But everybody is different, and thank goodness for that!

What would attract me to FTM

Looks would be a big one for me, how they handle themselves, how they would treat me as a Lesbian.