As my namesake says: I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.

There are times when I question whether the T really belongs with the rest of the alphabet (so to speak). I suspect that many people put assumptions about people who transition (not all but some). It's ironic that the same conversation was being had by the LGBTQ community a few decades ago (K and I watched an episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche is introduced to her baby brother's new friend -- and soon-to-be-husband; she behaves exactly as the host).

To be honest, I've found that if people stopped worrying about impressions and images life would be a lot easier. In fact, most people (that I've run into, at least) either are oblivious, don't give a shit or too self-centered to really notice. Offense isn't the issue; the issue usually is "Where's the beer?", "Where's the food?" and "Can I have another beer?".

In a positive spin of life, my aunt got married this summer. I wasn't sure how her friends and how our family would take my obvious physical change (I've met many of her friends -- film and music people -- over the years). I was well received and, had I arrived earlier, I would have been the best man for my aunt and new-uncle's wedding. I was floored at this level of acceptance (granted my name is the nickname she choose and she's only 8 years older than me so it's more of a sibling-like relationship).

It sucks, Jet, that you're going through this but I suspect this will lessen over time (at least it has for me). Now either its because people don't care or because I don't give a shit about other's opinions (issues) about me. I hope that these become farther and farther apart for you.

I have enjoyed this thread a great deal. I am a quiet guy. I rarely get pissed off, but I cannot stand it when I get ma'amed. Remember Linus in the smoke shop? I introduced myself as Andrew. I live as a man. And still I get ma'amed. It grated on my nerves like fingernails being drug across a chalk board.:eek:

Oh well. I say live and let live. However, like Linus, I love mankind, but have issues with people (mainly the ones who are disrespectful and intentionally evil). But that is just me, and how I am. I'm a private person as well. Too many times I have tried to be open, and was hurt deeply. So, I won't be that way ever again. I have learned my lesson.

It's hard to get people to understand a trans individuals mind. I certainly can understand why it's difficult. It's just like me not understanding what it's like to be completely comfortable with one's body from day one. While we should always try to understand what it might be like in someone else's shoes it's hard to comprehend sometimes.

And in the times when I used to get "ma'am'd" (I recently --yesterday and keep in my photo, which is how I look -- got called "Baby" by the manager of a local grocery store -- it was more of a term of friendliness than anything, I think) I smile and remember Llama Surya Das' teaching of compassion for those who mean a lot to us and those we hardly know. Those who do those infractions may have had a hard life, especially those who throw hate at us. I've got to figure that those who are so mired into hate must have lived painful lives to get where they are and I cannot do anything other than feel compassion for the pain they must have endured to get where they are.

So, Andrew, if I can offer: when you get "Ma'am'd", smile and politely correctly them and continue. It will make them re-think a bit and probably blush. In your prayers to God, ask Him/Her to direct them and alleviate their pain. (I hope it's ok that I mention this and if it's not, I'll remove it)


In another tangent: I'm curious as to everyone's thoughts on the term "cis" (I've seen it used in the following examples: cis-gendered, cis-man, cis-woman, etc.) This past summer a huge debate started about cis and how it was offensive to a "cis-gendered individual" (I'll use the term in this sense since I don't have the words on how else to describe it and "non-trans individual" doesn't quite seem right either..).

Opinions? Thoughts?

Addressing us as "Miss"

From this site: http://cydathria.com/ms_donna/tg_def.html

I am right with you when I comes to being "ma'amed" And when I am with a female, being called "ladies", etc. My ex-wife continues to use female pronouns when referring to me. Grr! This is why I am so looking forward to going on T (which will probably begin after the first of this year). I feel invisible. It's painful.

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

From my experience the following:

I never really felt part of the "Tribe", so to speak although the B-F dynamic did certainly feel more at peace than elsewhere.

Some in the community will shun you. That's a reality. You'll be viewed as a "traitor", so to speak. But just as many will accept you as you are. There are many femmes who like transguys so I don't think you'll be without and you'll likely be very interesting to them.

As for your queerness, invisible to whom? If to yourself, then no. You're the one who defines that, not others. I don't consider myself straight although to mainstream society that doesn't know me I probably do. That is their assumption (we all know that to assume makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me" so one shouldn't do those thigns but people do). Regardless of their assumption, I still define my own sexual orientation.

Would you be a jerk for not wanting to date blond-haired women? I don't think so. It shows your own preferences in a partner, that special "thing" that attracts you to someone.

Remember that the whole transition is the most important selfish thing you have determined you need to do. Everything else will come or not but it doesn't change your core self.

For my first 3 months on T I still used women's washroom (never got chased out). I then gradually began using unisex washrooms (usually family washrooms at airports or Starbucks when out in public). I then used men's washrooms. Besides the cleaniness factor (men's washrooms are a sty at times), most men don't pay attention. If you go in there with purpose and direction, no one stops you. And I sit every time. No one has ever challenged me on that.

Hrmm.. I don't think I've ever noticed but then again, I have the advantage of a beard and facial hair seems to cement things for most people's view of gender (voice drop didn't hurt either).

When I was out in Kansas City last year, I got read both ways (I was there for work so by myself).

Did the person in question know both of you before Nick began transition?

I do see a therapist, and I have been to the san francisco support group, although I now live 2 hours away and that is not easy for me to make it. But I am talking to people and this forum is one of the resources I am utilizing.

Oh Linus, you can ask me to do or say anything. I appreciate you, and your advice. I feel like you are my brother.

Jet, I use a pissing packer. I still am working on the aim situation. For the life of me, I just cannot figure it out, and end up with pee down my leg, all over my boxers, and pants. I feel like such a :eek: to sum it up.

Drew & Bit, You are right about being shunned by the glbt community. I get alot of slack because I don't fit in. I am never in the "in" crowd for whatever reason. I have a tbi that causes me to have a host of neurological health issues. I am on meds, but no surgery or anything else can "cure" my health problems. When you have a head injury, that is it. You are injured for life.

I can remember coming out as lesbian and being shunned by straights.

I can remember coming out as butch and being shunned by lesbians.

I can remember coming out in leather and being shunned by both.

There will always be people out there who will shun, run, fear and try to bully others because it is their nature to bully. The good news is there are plenty of humans out there who will connect with you on a variety of levels from the intimate to the professional and everything in between and they will come from all corners of human experience. Some will need a little time to get their equalibrium. I always give new aquaintenances a bit of slack because I realize that their world might not be as wide as mine. However, life is short and I don't waste my time on anyone who either cannot get over it or are making me uncomfortable with the effort of acting like they are doing me some sort of favor even interacting with me (or playing the 'Look at me! I am so open minded' self delusion). Nasty bigots can just bugger off IMHO. In the end, it is always my choice. It's me who gets to pick and chose who I want to trust and be close to.

I always pass these days. I have an aquaintenance (straight man) who referred to Jenny and I as 'ladies'. It was rather touching because he always treats me with respect and seemed to want to let me know that he 'gets' me even though Jenny always calls me 'he'...LOL. He has shifted now, but it was for a good year. He never meant to offend me...but people looked at him really funny because some of them genuinely didn't know.

Just my 2p (Oh, and Trans works for me. It covers just about everything:))

Blue

P.S. What? No spell check??????