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I am not smarter or wiser or better than anyone else WAKE UP people sometimes a body just has to shut up close their mouths keep their thoughts to themselves we can not read others minds we don't know their intent AND if you think you do know, question your own god complex humans are complex sometimes we don't even know WHY we do the things we do how do we honor each other? my gosh be nice accept others just like you want to be accepted assume the best about each other not the worst |
I don't know if it is a protective thing, cause lemme tell you there are a few times I wanted to go in and drag Grant out of a thread cause of how I felt.
My dynamics with him say I can, I don't because his voice is strong and important and should be heard Just like anyone elses... I don't need to go in and mother and cater and fawn over anyone, can I be an ally FUCK yes.. Can I do it in a way that is productive and not so oogey? Yes |
I have a lot I want to say, but my fever is around 102 right now and I am having a hard time forming cognitive thoughts.
My favorite thoughts swirling around in my head right now have to do with hula hoops and assuming the best about people, not the worst. I think as Femmes we have a better ability to lift each other up when the chips are down. I want to be clear that everyones voice matters in this conversation. We are all part of this community sans the fences, and are all inter-connected in one way or another. So our voices matter. I'm going to lay down now, but I'll be back with thoughts on hula hoops and assuming the best tomorrow. :blueheels: |
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Thinking about my femme perspective... |
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I wonder if our beloved butches/transmen would begin a thread about how they could build bridges to improve relationships among our diverse femme contingencies? Or, to put it another way, is this as/more important than healing our own femme community? |
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Ally is one of THOSE words for me. I've been flat out told I can't call myself a trans-ally by someone. You will see that I ran with that. NOT. What is an ally? Interesting. I just went to look up the definition which is "to unite or form a connection between." Which I sort of knew but I did not know that the word stems from a word that means to bind. So is an ally someone you bind yourself with in order to prove a connection? |
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Because...if we are helping to build fences, then in some way, we have to be standing on one side or the other of that fence from one another. Don't we? |
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I think they will talk about it in the other thread, about how we are influental. I think it is all tied together, we all are, and how we behave about one another. |
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Truly, I'm laughing super hard right now. |
I've been rabidly protective before when I have seen a person cry over their frustration over a thread. I have a really strong protective streak. I have figured out (am figuring out still) that it's not appropriate in most cases for me to run with it when I'm feeling protective of other adults who are perfectly capable of having their own voices and using them.
I'm trying harder these days, if nothing else, to listen to, understand and support other femmes (and myself) at least to an equal degree as other IDs. |
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Regarding this thread: a femme's influence on the friendships between butches and transmen" and hit a roadblock almost immediately. Snow, why did Sam get "chastised" for using the word "balls" with respect to getting the conversation going? I really need to understand that before I can get into the spirit/participate in this thead. Thanks |
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I don't believe in taking responsibility for others woes.. I also don't take on responsibility for those that do.. |
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Did I use the word balls???? Lemme go check all my posts ok before I answer this and honestly I need to make sure I don't piss a moderator off before answering this honeslty Gimme a few to re read myself and stuff Thanks |
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Here is where I used the wording balls, and lemme tell you I had to go find my proverbial huevos for me to even start this thread, cause I am fully aware when I started the thread I knew that I may have my ass handed to me. I am also fully aware my loud mouth and my loud opinions and well that makes me unpopular and to be honest A LOT of assumptions are made about me. To be honest I don't even know what to say to you than be honest, I can't believe I am having to defend myself but I will. Quote:
We ain't tight.... I don't like undertones, I don't like how someone uses my kid to make convo with me, I don't like manipulation, Sam and I aren't friendly like that. Quote:
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I thought I was clear about how I felt with his over familiarity. Quote:
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Thought I do think it is a perfect example of how we as femme's influence things in the long run. If you need any further explanation for participation can you please pm me, and hand me my ass so that we can continue this. |
Hi everyone :rrose:
I don't have a whole lot to contribute to this convo because I'm so new to this community...I simply haven't seen alot of the behavior that you're discussing. However, I'm all about building bridges instead of fences...pretty much everywhere. The one thing that's jumping out for me is when we talk about being allies...because, for me, an ally has essentially picked a side and chosen to support one over the other. To me, that's divisive. Much of my professional work is as a liaison...I bring diverse people together to work on common projects. I don't see myself as an ally of any group. I am the bridge...myself...and the most important thing I do is foster communication between them, rather than talking myself. Just a thought... |
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I HAVE seen our counterparts care when it comes to things like oh say...Stone Femme. Even then the shit hits the fan and a consensus cannot be reached on a definition. My question to everyone is this: Do we need healing within the Femme community to the same degree or are we intertwined with the butch and trans communities? Quote:
With that being said, I also think that it's a fine line between ally and appropriation. Quote:
Let's say that Cal starts testosterone and I run around making rhoid rage jokes in all the threads. I am erecting fences, am I not? If instead I thoughtfully answer any questions that people might ask me? I am building bridges, right? Or if Cal goes into a thread and speaks about his experience and T and then somebody disputes it? If I wait for Cal to come back in and answer I am building bridges. If I go in and say this is what Cal meant, and you all don't understand Cal blahblahblah.....I am erecting fences. Ack. Am I even making sense? I hope so. I am still not feeling well and I don't know if these are good examples. Quote:
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I think that this is an example of how we as Femmes can take ownership of things that belong to butchs/trans people and in the process inadvertently build fences rather than bridges. I'm not picking on you, I swear. I really just want you to understand it in the spirit of what the thread is about. :rrose: Quote:
I am glad you are aware. |
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Maybe others discussing gender stuff are impervious to the pressure of those of the desired gender, but part of my own gender struggles has been the scary question of "can I be entirely authentic and still be desirable and loved?" because that was my own experience, I often wonder if the femme voice in threads regarding pronouns, inter-butch, butch-trans communications ends up raising the stakes and further polarizing those conversations. |
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